There should be a name for total-blackout-exes

There should be a special name for exes who break up with you and literally never get in touch again.

Its been a month officially for me, full NC, no FB contact, him dumping me...

And not a word. Not a sound. Not a text, not a call, not an email not anything.

I feel completely thrown away. I feel as though he just wanted to get away from me all along, and I just didn't see it.

This feels bad.

There should be a special name for exes who break up with you and literally never get in touch again.

i'm sorry you feel abandoned, but cutting contact is kind of the point of breaking up.

This is a much better way to heal than receiving that creepy post-breakup email he sent you. The relationship was good until it was not good. Now you are free, not 'thrown away'.

Its been a month officially for me, full NC, no FB contact, him dumping me..

I am sorry you are hurting. I'm there with you but what I've learned is that no contact will help you heal. You never know what the future will bring but right now, believe it or not, it's very good that you haven't heard from him and that he hasn't heard from you. Soon the pain will turn into something else. You will be able to see more clearly once you heal.

I can relate to that feeling of being thrown away but it's funny how time changes our perspective. I ended up being very good friends with my first ex-boyfriend after 2 years of full no contact. He's a good friend to me, even visited me in Sydney for 2 weeks earlier last year and there was a time I thought I'd never hear from him again. He tells me I'm one of his best friends and how much going no contact allowed him to look within himself and become a better person. So even though no contact sucked at the time, it ended up being better for us in the very long run.

The ex after him cheated on me and was a very toxic relationship. Yes, I felt thrown away but after 2 years of no contact, I actually feel he did me a favor by not contacting me. It allowed me space to move on, and know I deserve much better. I also know he didn't throw me away. He has lots of psychological issues that go beyond me.

I know it hurts, but trust me, everything will fall into place one day.

I have to agree with everyone else. He's an ex, there's really no reason for him to be contacting you.

What are you hoping to hear from him?

There is a name. It's called an "ex".

Why would an ex be contacting you after breaking up? I mean that's kind of the point of breaking up. You are no longer a part of each other's lives. Whatever you shared or did, it matters, but it's in the past. Time to move forward for both and keeping in touch is counter productive to healing and moving on for both people, dumper and dumpee.

Well at least I finally have a name. Once it's really over its over. Dumped or the dumpee. There's no reason to talk to an ex. Unless there's a child involved. What would there be to discuss ? Would you want an ex contacting your new partner? (I never bothered with this but ) Maybe after a long period of time there could be some form of communication. That would be once there is no feelings of getting back together though.

Just keep repeating to yourself that his actions do not define you.

It's an awful feeling to feel just tossed away. How is it they can just walk away and not look back.

But the alternative is worse. They toy with you and use you slowly to ease the transition.

Him leaving is not a measure of your worth. Just keep reminding yourself this over and over until it sinks in.

It's hard to go cold turkey and no contact. . But in the long run it's better.

You may thank him for it someday.

I am exactly in your position and I can understand why you needed to vent. Especially when you're the dumpee, you want them to somehow acknowledge your value and/or how much they have hurt you. When you don't hear from them again after NC, you feel like you gave them a free pass for the pain they caused you, even if you don't necessarily want them back. Chin up. You're not alone. Stay NC. Your dignity deserves it.

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that the OP recognizes the grand-scale 'breaking up means [probably] not being in each other's lives'. Whether it's good or bad for the dumpee (or dumper), it still hurts for most of us... and not everyone goes about breakups in the same way. There are degrees of suddenness in breaking it off... ways of doing it with more or less kindness, more or less explanation... and so on. Not every one of them will be the same degree of painful, whether or not NC occurs eventually.

I certainly find it hurtful too, and more or less am going through it.

It may not help, but it's unlikely he hasn't thought about you or envisions himself throwing you away. For whatever reason -- consciously or not, 'correctly' or not -- he has felt this to be the preferable path at the moment. I try to tell myself this, too, and believe me, I was shocked by my ex's handling of the whole thing (which involved her never really genuinely inquiring about my well-being or safety after we split off in a foreign country, as I did to her) -- her anger and otherwise almost complete lack of emotion.

Others are pointing out some good aspects to the NC, even though it's painful... while it's possible you'll never hear from him again, it's also possible that you will actually heal more quickly this way (I do think these things are complex, so I maintain 'possible'). I hope so!

But venting is good, too -- part of what this is here for. The pain is hard to take.

This is such a common thing that Gotye's song about it was a run away smash hit

He's doing No Contact (NC). Dumpers and dumpees should both do it. He's doing it properly as it should be.

I think this is way better than staying in contact and then having them say something that you might interpret as them keeping the door held open. You will heal much faster this way. It hurts, but it's like ripping off a bandaid.

Why would you want contact? You're broken up. You can't move on if you're in touch.

"When my live-in partner of over two years dumped me, because I was nagging too much for intimacy, we were fighting, he was constantly withdrawing, I was a mess. Shell-shocked, like everyone here.

I had learned enough for previous breakups to know that what I was meant to do then was move away immediately. We slept in separate rooms, he seemed completely un-bothered."

Is this what you want to reconnect with? Why bother.

I've had that... they fade away. Some talk less into nothing. Other's just stop totally.

But that means something... they're done. We can just work on accepting that.

I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that the OP recognizes the grand-scale 'breaking up means [probably] not being in each other's lives'. Whether it's good or bad for the dumpee (or dumper), it still hurts for most of us... and not everyone goes about breakups in the same way. There are degrees of suddenness in breaking it off... ways of doing it with more or less kindness, more or less explanation... and so on. Not every one of them will be the same degree of painful, whether or not NC occurs eventually.

 

I certainly find it hurtful too, and more or less am going through it.

 

It may not help, but it's unlikely he hasn't thought about you or envisions himself throwing you away. For whatever reason -- consciously or not, 'correctly' or not -- he has felt this to be the preferable path at the moment. I try to tell myself this, too, and believe me, I was shocked by my ex's handling of the whole thing (which involved her never really genuinely inquiring about my well-being or safety after we split off in a foreign country, as I did to her) -- her anger and otherwise almost complete lack of emotion.

 

Others are pointing out some good aspects to the NC, even though it's painful... while it's possible you'll never hear from him again, it's also possible that you will actually heal more quickly this way (I do think these things are complex, so I maintain 'possible'). I hope so!

 

But venting is good, too -- part of what this is here for. The pain is hard to take.

Thank you Empath