Question about OLD etiquette

I'm a male, 39, who has been participating in the world of OLD for the first time in my life for the past couple of months. I got my heart broken early last summer and decided recently that I wanted to start moving on.

I've met several really cool girls--a few in person. I've been drawn to one in particular--34--and things have really progressed well with her. She wants an excluding relationship and I'm on the same page. However, I've still been communicating quite a lot with three others, one of whom I've actually been out with. Mostly, I just wanted to make sure that I was over my ex and that things were going as well as I thought with the 34 year old before I burned any bridges.

So, my question may seem silly but I honestly don't know: would it be better just to take down my account without responding to these women, or would it be better to send them brief message saying basically "It was nice getting to know you but I've decided to pursue something exclusive with someone else." One 43 year old woman in particular seems really interested in seeing me again. I'm just not sure if it's easier to hear a short explanation and goodbye or if it be received like I'm arrogant enough to think they need to hear from me when nothing had been close to official.

This is an easy one

Ever been chatting to a girl and you thought you were getting on well for her then to suddenly ghost you and stop replying? - It doesn't matter how many times you've been through it, how tough your hide is, you always wonder what you did wrong or what is actually going on.

Be the nice guy here and let them know. Just a quick email stating what you've just said above and they'll appreciate it. Not many people would give you that consideration but if you've made a connection with these women, it's the least you can do as a nice guy.

It depends. If you're not interested in anything further with the 43 y.o. just tell her the truth.

If you want to keep the tab open if things dont workout with the 34 just said you're busy at the moment and get back to her in a few weeks.

Honestly I wouldn't burn any bridge until you go on a few dates with someone and a relationship is likely, before meeting in person it's all talk.

I agree with kktang. If you have any doubts, date a bit, work out which one you like and then do the nice thing of letting the others know.

OLD is such that sometimes this amazing person can surprise you at the drop of a hat and this one you were about to ignore can turn out to be wonderful... so maybe give it a bit more time.

It depends. If you're not interested in anything further with the 43 y.o. just tell her the truth.

 

If you want to keep the tab open if things dont workout with the 34 just said you're busy at the moment and get back to her in a few weeks.

 

Honestly I wouldn't burn any bridge until you go on a few dates with someone and a relationship is likely, before meeting in person it's all talk.

I do like the 43 year old but I've met the other woman in person quite a few times and things have progressed pretty far; i.e sex and her calling me her boyfriend, which is fine by me.

I do like the 43 year old but I've met the other woman in person quite a few times and things have progressed pretty far; i.e sex and her calling me her boyfriend, which is fine by me.

Re the 43 year old -- if, after only one meet, you realized you wish to exclusively date someone else (the 34 year old), I think it is perfectly okay to stop *initiating* with the 43 year old. If she never contacts you again either, then no harm no foul.

However, if the 43 yr old continues to text you, and expresses interest in meeting up again, THAT is when you politely thank her for the invite, but you have decided to be exclusive with someone else. Wish her well.

I agree with you, it is possible she has no interest in meeting up again either, so a message from you like that she may interpret as presumptuous. I

If things don't work out with the 34 year old, you can always contact the 43 year old again.

I think she would be a heck of a lot more receptive to this, given that you gave her an explanation previously, rather than just ghost her after she exprssed interest.

But again, if she doesn't contact you again either, then let it go. No explanation needed.

I do like the 43 year old but I've met the other woman in person quite a few times and things have progressed pretty far; i.e sex and her calling me her boyfriend, which is fine by me.

If someone is calling you her boyfriend, then I would hide my profile. I would not keep flirting with other women if you are really into her and you had sex. If you have met in person but didn't pursue them, didn't follow up with a second date and they didn't communicate with you either desiring a second, no additional communication is necessary.

Well first of all can I just ask, are you sure you're not rushing things with the 34-year-old? How long have you been seeing her and how many times have you actually seen her? I understand you've been intimate already but I don't think having sex means a relationship straight away. In our modern day society people usually don't wait too long to have sex and may have sex way before they decide to be in a serious exclusive relationship. I mean if you want to be exclusive with the 34-year-old then don't let me meddle lol But I think don't rush and delete your account and stop talking to those other women because if you haven't been seeing this particular woman that long, you really don't have guarantee yet that everything is going to work out (but I hope it does though). I think maybe it's good to keep the door open with the other women too by being really nice about it and say that you've enjoyed talking to them, but you've started seeing someone. But say that you'd love to contact them again future if you find yourself single again. I've had a few people give me that response on online dating sites and I appreciated the honesty and was even open to reconnecting in future, should the circumstances change for them. I think if you were to just delete your account and "ghost" those women, it's not necessarily horrible because you don't really owe them anything, but I think it's just polite to explain yourself and not leave them hanging and wondering if they'd done something wrong.

You could start with hiding your profile and focusing on the couple of women you are communicating with.

As much as you may be interested in one or another you are clearly not ready to commit.

Taking your profile down limits distractions, gives those your seeing a message that you are limiting your attention to them.

Above all, be honest, true to your self and a quality woman will be appeciative and will take her time getting to know you too.

Since when does choosing to focus on exploring things with one woman (with whom you have been sexual) mean *committed relationship*?

It doesn't, it means exploring the possibility of a relationship with one woman, because you really like her and therefore wish to explore exclusivity with her to see where it will lead, if anywhere.

It could last a day , a week, a month a year, forever, who knows, too early to tell.

That is how I personally date when I meet a man with whom I really click, feels chemistry and have been sexual with.

It is called dating "one at a time" as opposed to multi-dating.

If, after becoming sexual, I discovered he was still on line, pursuing other chicks, I would interpret that as meaning he is not all that into me, and I would stop seeing him.

I agree with multi-dating *until" you find the person you totally click with, vibe with, after which you focus on them, again, to see where it will lead.

Does NOT mean *commitment*. Not by a long shot.

That take MONTHS of dating and getting to know each other.

OP, your head is in the right place. You really dig the 34 year old? Been sexual?

Then focus solely on her, give it a chance.

Don't confuse things, and risk losing her, by continuing to leave options open and multi-dating.

If it doesn't work out, then go back to that, but heck, if your goal is a relationship, give it a chance first!

I do like the 43 year old but I've met the other woman in person quite a few times and things have progressed pretty far; i.e sex and her calling me her boyfriend, which is fine by me.

Generally, I don't think it's cool to date multiple people when you are having sex with one.

Generally, I don't think it's cool to date multiple people when you are having sex with one.

I agree and that's really not me, which is why I've decided to date the 34 year old exclusively for now. I'm not calling it a "committed relationship" yet but I've stopped looking for others while I see how this one goes. I really like her.

My definition of exclusivity is taking down a profile that solicits contact from others.

My definition of exclusivity is taking down a profile that solicits contact from others.

It's down now.