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beternal

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About beternal

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  1. Mid 30s and she has never been the best at expressing emotions, and it's at times like this that you end up wondering whether it's just her... or whether it's just not for me
  2. I wish I knew... it's easy for people to look at a relationship from the outside and say that's crazy, I wouldn't put up with that, end it etc... but would any relationship last if those impulses were always acted upon. I want her to come up here and acknowledge what she did... to apologise... all would be forgiven then, we all make mistakes, but it's been a day. I'm not sure she even knows why I'm upset, but as I said, is that worse?! I guess the sensible thing as most have been saying is to bite the bullet and talk to her. Isn't that always the answer... but knowing me I won't have the
  3. This is a Ross and Rachel situation. I've been here too. You hardest thing in this situation is working out WHY... most people look at this and try to work out WHAT their feelings are... is it love, is it lust, is it friendship. Whatever it is is only a small part of the deal. You have to sit down and work out WHY you feel this way. Is it the challenge? Is it the fact you guys have never really had the chance to work it out? Have a good long think about who he is and what captivates you about him. Would you still be interested if he didn't have the looks for example... money, charm, dan
  4. This is a question for another post... but how do you deal with those people that never make the first move in resolving arguments? Obviously everyone thinks they're right in an argument, otherwise it's more of an educational instruction than a disagreement... but take this as an example: I have been in the study working since 9 am... she knows I'm upset, she clearly remembers the moment I got upset because it was the last thing we spoke about. She has come up several times asking what we are doing about lunch (I said I'm not hungry), dinner (also not hungry) ((it's amazing how being upset
  5. I liked the rest of what you wrote, very eloquently put... but to answer this question, yeah I do. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy. She has thyroid issues so can have some pretty bad mood swings, but on her medication she's lovely. It is difficult for me because I've never lost my temper, ever... never even raised my voice. I don't drink, and I am quite introverted... so around 99% of people when they lose their temper, or get drunk, it is difficult for me because I have to pass these things off as normal things that I don't understand, and have to try to empathise with etc. We're different,
  6. There's a fine line between holding firm and making threats... or that -for-tat mentality. Simply telling her that it hurts and I should be consulted clearly didn't work since her friend came over otherwise this wouldn't have happened. I'm open for ideas as to how I can demonstrate it to her
  7. This time was purely them going away. I actually got semi clued-in as the gay partner said that he and I should do something while they're cycling! - I dismissed it as 'oh this is another them having a 5k run, us looking after the kid for a few hours' thing... It only twigged when I mentioned it to her... so kind of worse, the guys had actually discussed it between themselves... my partner hadn't. It's not completely 'new', but you dismiss the smaller things like arranging milk deliveries without consulting each other, the odd pair of expensive shoes... ...I am a bit more considered in w
  8. All the threats were situational... If you invite a friend over without discussing it with me (i'll invariably say yes, even if I don't like them, I'll just spend more of that time out with my friends than normal), I will simply refuse them into the house. As for babysitting the kid, well again, we agreed that if THEY book something and drop it on me, I'd simply say I was busy and make them find alternate arrangements... I just never thought she'd do something like this - five days! I know it's the same (but different) had the friend been straight.... whole different story, I do complete
  9. Immoral is the wrong word... her friend is the sort that will sleep with lots of guys on the first date and then moan for days after that the guy moved on... probably just desperate as she'll assume they're practically getting married after a first date. And yeah, I am more of a planner... we've always said that I ground her into making more sensible decisions and she picks me up into being more daring. She's the sort that will buy an expensive bike on impulse, then leave it in the rain for it to rust, then scrap it/ buy another because she hadn't thought through all the implications (but
  10. My wife and I have been married for over a year after dating for two years. We met online and found out we practically lived across the street from each other. We are both mid 30s and don't really have any arguments What are your thoughts here... am I at fault or is this 'normal' and I'm just making a big deal over nothing? So we were just chatting on the couch and she mentioned doing a cycling thing with a (gay) friend of hers. I said it was a little inconsiderate of her to just plan something with him because it has often happened in the past where they go and do their thing and I
  11. I'm one of those people that likes to give people a chance and I'm wondering if I'm going about this the right way... I'm not the sort that sees a wonky nose, annoying laugh, uneducated, or even disability and thinks *deal-breaker* - I believe that everyone has qualities that aren't always seen on a first date and therefore unless the girl does something *unforgivable* like insisting we go to a super-expensive restaurant and then crosses her arms when the bill comes, sends me a video of her and her ex having sex to show me what I have to look forward to, or is on her phone the entire first
  12. She found a job, was doing very well and I didn't want to ask her to leave to lose this really good opportunity for her. When she moves to England, that year in an amazing company, with that training would have been an amazing thing to have on her CV. I knew how hard it was for me (PhD) to find a job, and I'm English, with no experience (even though she has a PHD too). I wanted her to have a good foundation before she came. I tend to see things more practically, I didn't want her to suffer and go through ththe depression I had of being unemployed and feeling worthless. She sees things more
  13. She didn't tell me about the dress until later... naturally she didn't want me to see it, and I haven't, I just know it's there. And it all happened at a bad time of my life. Sure, she came over, sure she took the leap of faith... but I was living at home, had no job and my dad had died not long before. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to consider much else at the time, I had no money, I wasn't the perkiest of people because I'd been job hunting for many months with no luck, plus I didn't want my mum to have a lodger during that time (and neither did she!). So it's not that I missed the
  14. How do you show someone you really will do anything to make it work?... at the time when you're realising what you've just lost... Is there a way to salvage this? It was long distance. I wanted security and I wanted her to have a good foundation too. I pushed too hard for that, all she wanted was to be together. Is there ANYTHING I can do?
  15. During the breakup call I asked... if I come, do I still have a chance?... she said no. Does it mean no? (ladies... I'm asking...) ...and would it change anything... it's long distance. I'm starting a new, amazing job next monday. If I go, should I stay?! I feel so sick right now...
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