Birthday gift. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable!

Dear all,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 and half year, it is not much I know but we often speak about future together etc. He is 28 and I am 22.

Recently it has been my birthday and my boyfriend got me a ring as a present. It is a lovely Pandora ring which looks like a princess crown, when I asked him why he decided to get me this present he answered that he bought it because he knew I liked it (Few months ago I saw it while we were having a walk and I said it was lovely and very girly!) and this answer made me feel disappointed and very sad.. I do not want that ring anymore.

Please don't take me wrong, I think it is a lovely ring and I am not being ungrateful. I do really appreciate him being so "honest" with me but I really expected a different, meaningful answer!

I do not think I am being unreasonable because I did not expect him to propose to me (even tho I would like him to, but I do not expect it! Also it does not mean we would have to get married straight away...) but also you can't even give a ring because I said it is pretty.. Obviously when I saw it I had expectations!! At least an answer like "Because I love you and you're special to me" "Because you're my forever" .... I obviously know he loves me and I do really appreciate him and everything he does for me but this "I bought it because you like it!" really does not make me feel comfortable wearing this meaningless ring, as it does sound he bought it because he did not know what else to buy.

I repeat, I am not saying he had to propose to me but at least saying something nice about our relationship.. It is a ring!!

Please, tell me if I am overreacting or if I am being unreasonable. I just feel very sad because I expected a meaningful gift, and I can't help myself about it. I look at the ring and I even feel worse because it reminds me it means nothing while I expected it to be something!

Love,

Julia

Juliexoxo,

In my opinion, if you're totally honest with what you've written, you're being unreasonable, yes. To me, this would have been a meaningful gift - it would mean he listens to me, he remembers stuff I've told him and he really tries to make me happier.

Once, I've just mentioned to an ex that I always liked these (Christmas-y) snow globes and I never had one. And months later (I had forgotten about that conversation) he got me a beautiful one for Christmas. I was so happy! Today, long ater we haven't been together, it's still an item I love and it means a lot to me and I keep it in my living room. It reminds me of happy times. (:

So, maybe you do have some expectations from him. Or maybe you feel somewhat insecure in the relationship (if you need verbal reassurance from him and you don't hear it)?

Ok, I'm smiling at this as a guy because this just highlights the different ways that guys and girls think.

What you're thinking:

I saw a ring, thought it was beautiful, if I ever got given that I hope it's from someone that loves me and at a time that means something...

What he's thinking:

I saw her admiring this, I really like her, (jesus, that's a lot of money!), ooo, her birthday's coming up - I can surprise her with this!

His intentions WERE GOOD! He paid attention to what you were admiring and thought it would be a nice gift for you. It's a lot of money (probably) and this shows that he really does like you, otherwise he'd have given you a bunch of flowers and a card or one of those crappy baskets etc. I do know one thing though... my girlfriend would have killed me if I'd have given her a ring on her birthday! Girls seem to think that they'll get half as many presents if an anniversary falls on the same day as valentines day or a birthday etc...

Really, take it for what it is... a considerate, expensive gift on a day that matters to you. Guys are stupid! - We give you a present because we know you like it but it's a rare guy that knows the meaning behind colours of flowers, that you should never have anniversaries on other meaningful days (I learned from that mistake!), that rings are only for proposing, or those crazy foreign things like *sharing a pear* is bad luck in China as you are dividing a *pair* (bad omen for a relationship)...

As I said, I can promise you he thought he was doing a nice thing.... but sadly he's fallen foul of the same hidden rules that girls have that guys don't understand like the *you can buy her a car on her birthday, but if you forget the card, start digging your own grave*... cards actually mean something to girls...to guys they are either things holding money from relatives or a waste of money.

Please don't let this sour the relationship... He likes you.

Thank you for your answers

Please, tell me if I am overreacting or if I am being unreasonable. I just feel very sad because I expected a meaningful gift,

Honest truth? YES!! Yes, you are being very very unreasonable and overreacting. Wow. Almost at a loss for words. You expected something meaningful? It WAS meaningful! This guy went out of his way to get you something he noticed YOU liked. Pandora is not the cheapest stuff out there either. He made an effort. It was a gift from the heart. The least you can do is accept a gift graciously. You are being incredibly selfish and self-centred.

Really, one can't help but feel so bad for him. It's a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't". I know what I would be doing if I was him right now...

Honest truth? YES!! Yes, you are being very very unreasonable and overreacting. Wow. Almost at a loss for words. You expected something meaningful? It WAS meaningful! This guy went out of his way to get you something he noticed YOU liked. Pandora is not the cheapest stuff out there either. He made an effort. It was a gift from the heart. The least you can do is accept a gift graciously. You are being incredibly selfish and self-centred.

 

Really, one can't help but feel so bad for him. It's a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't". I know what I would be doing if I was him right now...

There is no need to be this aggressive. There are better ways of sharing your opinions.

This isn't about the different ways guys and girls think!

I'll be another woman to post on here that I think his present was very thoughtful. Months before your birthday, he listened to you talk about something you liked and then remembered it and went back and bought it for you. It's plenty meaningful; it means he made every effort to get you a present you would like, because he wants to make you happy.

Have you two discussed the future and where you see the relationship going? The fact that you're upset over this ring that wasn't THE ring or even A MEANINGFUL ring makes me think perhaps you haven't. It's entirely appropriate after a year and a half for you to share and discuss what your goals are (living together, marriage, children, a timeline for those things, or whatever applies to your situation).

Unreasonable? Yes. I feel like you're attaching a lot of meaning to a particular type of jewellery (being rings), whereas he does not. It's just a piece of jewellery like any other kind. He's a guy, it makes absolutely no difference to him what kind of jewellery it is. Especially a brand like Pandora which is more known for everyday jewellery rather than for engagement.

As for you expecting him to say something special, I think you need to start realising that different people love and express love in different ways, especially men and women, differ greatly in this regard. You need to let him show his love and care in his own way and learn to appreciate it, rather than expecting or dictating how you think he should do it. The stuff you thought he should say, yeaaaaa hate to break your bubble, but I don't think any grown man is ever going to think of saying those things (a "I love you" at most) unless you told them specifically to say those things. I think what he said is perfectly fine and in fact, I'd be touched that he was thoughtful enough to pay attention to what I like AND remembered it.

But you know what, being only 22, you are probably still having a lot of these kinds of expectations and insecurities, I think you just need more experience, it's good to be aware of these things and work towards improving your mindset.

You mentioned weeks ago that you liked it , he remembered this and went to get that very thing you like and you are asking us if your attitude is unreasonable .

This has got to a troll, no??! I really hope this is a troll.

The dude ain't Santa. He's not going around buying **** for everyone who says they like something. He bought you something because he cares about you. Nothing more to add other than the fact it's pretty easy to see why a princess crown would appeal to you.

The real reason that he bought you that ring is that he loves you and wants you to be happy.

Yes, you're being unreasonable here. You are focusing on the words and not the action. You mentioned that you liked this ring, he took that into consideration, and bought it for you because he loves you and he wants you to be happy so he wanted to get a gift that he knew you would like.

His actions show his love. So pay attention to those and don't throw a fit because he didn't spell it out in words.

Yes, you are completely over-reacting.

Chill.