One of my bosses verbally attacked me...how to handle this

I'm completely disgusted and enraged at this situation and I'm not sure if I have grounds for a complaint with the HR department. I'm a shift supervisor and bartender at a casino and I have one boss (he's not technically my boss, but he's higher up in the company than I am) who works mostly at one of our sister properties, but comes to the property I work at after he gets off work and drinks. He's always been kind of an ass when he drinks, but he's never attacked me personally until last night. Our conversation went like this:

We were talking about new slot machines that were being put in and I said I really wish we had one there called Bamboozled. The boss looked at me and said "You're a single mom, right?" I said "Yes, what does that have to do with a slot machine?" He said "So you're already bamboozled, and maybe if you'd kept your legs closed in the past, you wouldn't be a single mom and wouldn't be in your situation right now." He basically called me a s*** . I was with my son's dad for 5 years, a year and a half when I got pregnant, and left him due to severe emotional abuse.

I feel humiliated, I had a full bar when this was said, and he said it loud enough for everyone to hear. I feel degraded, he knows nothing about me or my past or the situation I was in which led me to being a single mother. I was in shock after it and just turned and walked away and he left shortly after. My actual boss, who happens to be the bosses brother, heard about it and called me to tell me that he would have a talk with him and he would make sure I received an apology. I don't feel that's enough, he had no right to attack me and my character personally. I've been unhappy there for awhile, and I've decided I need to look for another job, but I also feel that I should report it to HR before it happens to someone else, but I don't want to make waves, so another part feels that I should just listen to his apology and try to get past it while I look for something else... what would you do?

This is sexual harassment as it is not only gender bashing but a personal slur with regard to your being female, etc. report it to HR asap and do not soften it with "he was drinking" or defend your personal life in any way.

Simply repeat this comment verbatim and report how uncomfortable it made you on the job.

"You're a single mom, right?" I said "Yes, what does that have to do with a slot machine?" He said "So you're already bamboozled, and maybe if you'd kept your legs closed in the past, you wouldn't be a single mom and wouldn't be in your situation right now."

This was extremely rude from him,you have every right for complaint. He has no business with your private life and shouldnt care about it,nor is it appropriate for such comments.

If you are leaving anyways and want a to leave on good terms I would wait for the apology and then see how you feel. At the point he insulted you he was technically a customer, not an employee so I am not sure how much HR can do to him.

I know you want to make sure this never happens to someone else but take your time before you act and give it some thought. You could go to HR and ask for advice. You could explain to them what happened and ask them how you should handle it in the future when he comes in to drink.

In the end it is up to you what you do, just make sure you do it for all the right reasons and not retribution.

Lost

I would complain and also get the names of people who were in the bar that night and see if they can corroborate what was said to you . What he said to you was disgusting .

You need to report this to HR immediately. I'd talk to an attorney too.

Talk to a lawyer, then report to HR. This is sexual harassment.

Wow. I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine how that must have made you feel. I'm really, really sorry and hope you take this to HR immediately and get this address. What an as$!

Agreed with the others, get an attorney, report it immediately, see if you can find neutral witnesses. He has no right to say anything of the sort. His brother called you and is trying to make sure you get an apology so you will sweep this under the rug. I wouldn't allow that. You have been slandered in public while on the job by someone who works above you in your company. That's definitely grounds for a complaint, and it's definitely grounds for a sexual harassment suit.

Since he was off his shift and works somewhere else. This wasn't really worked related. I'm not sure what HR department can do.

listen to his apology and look for new job.

Tell HR, this is probably not the first time if he was so blunt on what he said. And your Boss doesn't have your best interest. His best interest his to save his and his brothers ass from this going farther.

I would go asap and say exactly what happened.

Sexual harassment refers to persistent and unwanted sexual advances, typically in the workplace, where the consequences of refusing are potentially very disadvantageous to the victim.

What he said was rude. It was not sexual harassment.

If you think it needs to be documented because it's likely to happen again, then by all means document it with HR. But if your motive is to see him punished because you were offended, then I think you're ultimately going to do more harm then good for yourself.

My actual boss, who happens to be the bosses brother, heard about it and called me to tell me that he would have a talk with him and he would make sure I received an apology. I don't feel that's enough, he had no right to attack me and my character personally.

Because this sounds a lot more like you want Vengeance than Justice.

Justice is ,not Oh I am sorry I was drunk.

Justice is ,not Oh I am sorry I was drunk.

Who said it was?

Then what do you feel IS justice?

Hostile work environment sexual harassment refers to situations where the employee's work environment is made intimidating, hostile, or offensive due to the unwelcome sexual conduct and the conduct unreasonably interferes with the employee's work performance. This could take the form of unwanted sexual advances by a fellow employee, but it need not involve sexual advances at all. Examples of hostile work environment sexual harassment include making offensive sexual comments or jokes, discussions about sex, and the display of sexually oriented materials.

What he said was rude. It was not sexual harassment.

 

If you think it needs to be documented because it's likely to happen again, then by all means document it with HR. But if your motive is to see him punished because you were offended, then I think you're ultimately going to do more harm then good for yourself.

 

 

 

Because this sounds a lot more like you want Vengeance than Justice.

you would get fired in most work places for saying this.

He will probably just be asked not to drink there anymore because he was off duty

Go to HR immediately and report this. Don't wait for his apology. The apology is your boss' way of covering his butt.

Here's the thing, if he has sexually harassed you, then he has done so to other women and will do so again. A guy who makes these kinds of comments has no business being in a supervisory position.

They may not do anything about it THIS time, but if the comment is documented in writing, then the next time he does it (and there will be a next time - there always is with jerks like this) then it will mean his job.

Talk to the proper channels so it doesn't go ignored.

And regardless of what others say, you DO have a right to want retribution. He went WAY over the line and attacked you in a way that was personal and extremely hurtful. An apology is not good enough. Not by half.

Report him.

Then what do you feel IS justice?

That's a pretty complex topic.

In this case, I think an apology, an agreement not to say something so offensive again, and possibly an agreement to steer clear of her as much as the work environment allows would be sufficient.

So basically an apology an he avoids the laws set out for these issues?

That's a pretty complex topic.

 

In this case, I think an apology, an agreement not to say something so offensive again, and possibly an agreement to steer clear of her as much as the work environment allows would be sufficient.

And the next woman he does this to? And the next? And the next? Comments like this don't come out of a vacuum. They are part of a pattern of behavior that is not appropriate in a work environment.

HR exists to protect people from damaging behavior like this. Even if they don't take any formal action after her complaint, it at least goes on record so that if he DOES do it again to someone else, there is a pattern established that allows them to take appropriate action.

Something that a simple "golly gee, I'm sorry" wouldn't do.

Thanks for the replies. That was where I was confused, because he technically wasn't working when this happened. I do feel that apology or not, it's going to be awkward and uncomfortable if he is drinking on my bar from now on. I may just ask my boss to ensure that I won't have to serve him, he can drink at the other bar. And no I'm not looking for "vengeance", I was devastated by this and it's not something I'm just going to be able to get over. It's a hostile work environment and has been for awhile, this just pushed it over the top and makes me more ready to start looking for something else.

And the next woman he does this to? And the next? And the next? Comments like this don't come out of a vacuum. They are part of a pattern of behavior that is not appropriate in a work environment.

 

HR exists to protect people from damaging behavior like this. Even if they don't take any formal action after her complaint, it at least goes on record so that if he DOES do it again to someone else, there is a pattern established that allows them to take appropriate action.

 

Something that a simple "golly gee, I'm sorry" wouldn't do.

Here, in case you missed it:

If you think it needs to be documented because it's likely to happen again, then by all means document it with HR.

Thanks for the replies. That was where I was confused, because he technically wasn't working when this happened. I do feel that apology or not, it's going to be awkward and uncomfortable if he is drinking on my bar from now on. I may just ask my boss to ensure that I won't have to serve him, he can drink at the other bar. And no I'm not looking for "vengeance", I was devastated by this and it's not something I'm just going to be able to get over. It's a hostile work environment and has been for awhile, this just pushed it over the top and makes me more ready to start looking for something else.

It doesn't matter if he is working at the time that it happened. It happened on the premises and is grounds for reporting him for sure. Please get this documented with the proper channels. You won't be the only woman he has harassed. And you won't be the last.

HR should have his behavior on record.

Look for something else if the work environment is not healthy, but make sure they know what kind of man they have employed so that others are not made to feel the way you were.

TMI

"What he said was rude. It was not sexual harassment.

If you think it needs to be documented because it's likely to happen again, then by all means document it with HR. But if your motive is to see him punished because you were offended, then I think you're ultimately going to do more harm then good for yourself.

Because this sounds a lot more like you want Vengeance than Justice. "

Did you forget the rest you wrote lol? don't worry I copied it for you...