The curse of the unfinished relationship

I am in a horrid situation, my heart is broken and it seems all to be so unneccesary.

I knew her for the last 6 years or so. When we first met (on a camping trip where one of my friends knew one of her friends) we spent about 12 months becoming very close friends. I knew she wanted more, but I was at a time in life where I just couldn't offer it to her. I was about to take a really amazing job in a different country, and had not totally finished dealing with both the emotional and legal ramificati

ons of my marriage ending 18 months before that. She was perfect, but I couldn't offer myself emotionally at that point and knew it, so I turned her advances down before anything more than a single kiss had happened. We remained friends for the next year or so, then gradually drifted apart after I moved. We stayed in just FB friends contact and nothing else. We both had other relationships in the intervening 3 years but she was often on my mind. I tried to settle for a lovely local girl that had all the right things, except I didn't fancy her, so broke that off.

Then miraculously L got in touch after meeting someone in the Falklands that had worked with me. We started chatting online (being 8000 miles apart by this point where she had taken a 2 yr contract there). One thing led to another and we had crossed well beyond the line of just friendly flirtation about a month later. I went out to see her and we had an amazing 3 weeks together. The most amazing of my life. We fell in love. It was all just so wonderful. She confided that she'd been thinking about me too all these years, but I had been with someone else. She hated that. I felt the same - it seems we were both never simulataneously single until now. I felt like I had it all. Just the right number of hobbies in common and not, same outlook on life, same wants for the future, same idea of the ideal place and way to settle down. Just like it was before - hugely compatible in every way, including this time sexually. I never felt my heart wrenched out like the day I left and she stood there forever watching me leave, even after I was well out of sight. I could see her standing there crying on the security cameras.

Everything seemed fine. I got little cards and parcels and emails and we chatted lots online every day. We Skyped once or twice a week often for a few hours. She always told me she loved me and couldn't wait to see me. I knew she was struggling with the distance. She was finding it so hard to be in an amazing (if remote) place in a great job, but simultaneously wanting to be with me. She didn't want to give up her contract and neither did I want her to. She is a person that puts great stock on being physically with someone, whereas I am more comfortable with the emotional side of stuff and having that connection even if the physical stuff is more sparse, and we had talked about this a lot before deciding to be in a relationship together at such long distance. It was breaking her apart, even though there was only 12 months to go. She sent me an email saying she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't take the pain and it was making her resent having the job of a lifetime. She couldn't cope with only seeing me every 3 months. She felt she wasn't worthy of me. That I deserved better. That she just couldn't do the distance.

It happened 7 days before I was due to pick her up at the airport for our planned holiday in the UK for 3 weeks. I replied and explained that we would see each other every 3 months and the time would fly by and then it would be worth it to be together all the time in the UK. That I know she finds thinking about things more than a couple of months ahead difficult (we had talked about this whilst I was there, and I knew this from our years of friendship also), but we would work things out together and I would support her to deal with the commitment fears. She finds anything more than a couple of months away quite scary to plan for. She couldn't cope with me trying to sort out the distance by arranging to go and work out there for 2 months by taking unpaid leave from my job and a short term teaching contract in the Falkland Islands so we could be together. She thought she was just too 'crap at relationships' to take the risk of things going wrong later, even though I know she is not, she has had long term relationships and there was nothing wrong with ours other than the inconvenience of being so far away. I told her nothing has to go wrong, it could also go right. Life without risks is a life of mediocrity and who wants that? She seemed to get in a downward spiral all on her own somehow within 7 days from "I love you and can't wait to see you" to "I'm crap at relationships and I'm not worthy" to "I can't possibly make this relationship work until February when you come here for 2 months, what if it all goes wrong later on" to "It will be so much worse if it goes wrong later on" to "I'd better end it now in case it causes more pain later on." And she didn't talk to me about it, she just kept busy with all the end of term school stuff (she's a science teacher) and people's leaving events etc.

We chatted online the next day and she wouldn't respond when I asked her to tell me she doesn't love me and doesn't want me in her life. She just said she does love me, and she's sorry. She hasn't contacted me since, and I have not contacted her other than to exchange belongings by post (total 2 messages with literaly only saying I posted the stuff to the address in UK that she sent me and that mine had arrived) and a single message from me asking if we could meet up face to face to talk and make sure things are amicable before she leaves the UK in another 12 days, which she has ignored.

I am torn apart. I know there is no-one else (the Falkland Islands is a tiny population smaller than a village, and I've met most of the population when visiting - they are not of the right demographic for her) and I believe that she has been honest with me. It just seems so damn unfair. And yes, I know that life can be unfair. She didn't tell her family until just now (2 weeks after breaking up) as her sister kept contacting me about stuff.

She has a lot going on. Her best and closest 4 friends have just left the Falklands as their contracts are over, her dad has been diagnosed with terminal cancer just a few months ago with a prognosis of another 6 months, and I think I was just the easiest thing to cast off at a really stressful time.

I am hurting so badly that she won't even talk to me. I don't hate her even though I have now got 3 weeks that should have been with her to fill up with stuff that I don't really want to do, and had to cancel hotels and dinners etc. I love her and want to make sure she is OK. I think she is hurting so badly too. Her sister said she has probably just run away from everything and is too scared to speak to me because she knows she will have hurt me so badly.

I don't have a huge number of friends in the area here outside of work, and the work friends are mostly quite superficial friendships. My really close friends are far away, and although one of them is coming to visit next week I feel quite alone. I only have one other close friend here, but they have a pre-school family and hardly any time to give to me, although they have been generous with it last week, and for that I am very grateful.

I've planned things, I've started booking a weekend break in Europe for November, I'm continuing the renovation work on my house, walking the dog, and have tried to find some new people to make friends with in the area for hiking/cinema etc, although that is not going to well as my job is quite hardcore (I'm a senior Emergency doctor) with unpredictable shifts and evening and weekend working so joining social clubs is difficult. I also live in a remote rural area without much of the way of events.

I feel so isolated and so sad without her in my life. I feel like all the really hard work I've put into the house and my career is kind of a bit of a waste with no-one to share it with, and I don't think on this occasion I've done anything to deserve this, despite wracking my brains for how I am at fault. I've never met anyone who was such a perfect fit for me, and the dating prospects around here if she doesn't come back are pretty dire. I love my job and don't want to move, I can't do the same job anywhere else in the UK (I do a lot of stuff in the mountains here and the precise location of various hospitals and their facilities makes here unique) and need to consolidate the money I've spent on renovating the farm. I feel so stuck and helpless and hopeless. I know I am a good catch. I am financially stable, intelligent, practical, not awful to look at, enthusiastic, loyal, romantic, honest and can manage humour most of the time too. I know that if there were any suitable women in this area in my age group (late 30s) that they might be interested in me. But I am stuck on this one woman.

Ho hum. I miss her like a limb. It's been 2 weeks and I don't know how much more of this I can take.

You have to unfortunately, respect her decision. She wanted the whole nine yards, which is, you and her in the same place and living a life together daily. You couldn't give her that and no doubt she still feels deeply for you, she's not willing to settle with what you've offered.

I am sincerely sorry that you are feeling this much pain over it, and it would be so much easier if life had better choices and things worked out, but this is the reality and for her, it doesn't work.

Unless you're willing to do something crazy and relocate where she is...you have to let this go. I hope you can heal from it best you can.

It sounds like she was honest about no being able to do a LDR and then went no contact. Staying stuck on a fantasy will prevent you from finding happiness. She's moved on and so should you.

Take what you've written and set up a dating profile on dating apps and start at least seeing who else is out there for you.

I knew she was struggling with the distance.She sent me an email saying she couldn't do it anymore. I am financially stable, intelligent, practical, not awful to look at, enthusiastic, loyal, romantic, honest and can manage humour most of the time too. I know that if there were any suitable women in this area in my age group (late 30s) that they might be interested in me.

The thing is, it was only for another 12 months. Then we could have been in the same place as she is leaving the Falklands at that point. She is sure of that, and I believe her. It would have been stupid for me to give up a mortgage, pets, smallholding, and permanent contract in an amazing job I love for what would then only be 9 months (after serving my notice) in a place with no work for me, for us then to both be unemployed with nowhere to go and no money, not to mention no accomodation (the accomodation in Falklands is tied to job and they make you move out 2 weeks before end of contract and put you in the single hotel on the islands). She knew what she was getting into. We talked about it at length before getting into it at all.

I already moved mountains to get a short term contract during which I would live with her for 2 months, and the leave from my own job to do this (I am only allowed one sabbatical in my career in the NHS). But she got scared by the commitment of that and that seemed to cause this meltdown. If it were anywhere normal (ie not the Falkland Islands) I would just go and work there anyway and see what happens, but it is a strange society and the contract was dependent on me living with her. Their health service can't afford to employ me and provide accomodation, there is no rented accomodation there except for government contractors, and only one hotel in the country, which I could not afford to stay in for 2 months. I can't even have a different job there as taking sabbatical I have to give reasons of how it will improve my career and value to the NHS. I did my best. I gave it my all. She threw it back in my face by dumping me by email just 7 days before our holiday together, because she is scared of a risk that is present in every relationship, forever.

Sadly dating prospects round here are zero. I've already been on all the popular sites just for a bit of hope to look forwards to for when I am ready for dating in a few months (I'm a gay woman, and rural life = no love life basically, unless you bring it with you) and there is absolutely nothing to look forwards to in that area of my life. Sadly, being an above average candidate in a minority group means that the dating pool is small for me. A huge number are scared off by my job and salary, I need someone that can match my intellect which cuts out another large proportion, I'm not a spring chicken at 38, and I also need someone willing to settle in the country as city living is not for me. Consider the heterosexual dating pool and cut it down by whatever your individual requirements are, and THEN randomly remove another 90-95% of your options. Those are the dating odds I face.

I am resigned to singledom, and not willing to sacrifice the tangible of amazing job, lovely house for the infinitessimally small risk of finding a partner. The odds are that I would end up with nothing, no job, no house, no country lifestyle and still alone. I thought long and hard about all of that 5 years ago when deciding to move here. That the choice was essentially between career and lifestyle versus ever finding someone to share my life with intimately. Strangely enough I was happier on arriving here than I had ever been in years, having made decisions purely for myself rather than at the behest of a partner. Then the bait was dangled by her, I took it, and I'm in a big pile of poo.

I just can't help myself having a tiny ray of hope that in a couple of months she'll realise what she's thrown away and make contact again. She faces the same dating odds as I, in fact hers are worse as the lesbian population of FI is a total of 3, and the other 2 are married to each other. But I guess the world is her oyster at the end of her contract. Her only ties to the UK are her friends, and the fact that most of her teaching career was undertaken in Wales.

I'm sorry to hear this Lees. I hope that maybe she comes around.

I just can't help myself having a tiny ray of hope that in a couple of months she'll realise what she's thrown away and make contact again. She faces the same dating odds as I, in fact hers are worse as the lesbian population of FI is a total of 3, and the other 2 are married to each other. But I guess the world is her oyster at the end of her contract. Her only ties to the UK are her friends, and the fact that most of her teaching career was undertaken in Wales.

The world is your oyster, too. I know you can't see it that way right now, but the pain you feel really is temporary. Be careful not to succumb to Stinkin Thinkin. Your second post was filled with limitations, all self-imposed. If you believe them, you not be able to see the opportunities that do arise.

Except the world isn't my oyster. Unless I give up everything I've worked so hard for here in terms of career and house and animals and lifestyle, for a tiny chance of having a significant other with the much greater chance of having nothing.

I know I just need to suck it up and wait. Wait until I feel eventually like I did a long 5 years ago when moving here. Happy to be single. Resigned to being an old woman who gives her hard earned fortune away to a cat sanctuary. I don't even like cats that much.

Except the world isn't my oyster. Unless I give up everything I've worked so hard for here in terms of career and house and animals and lifestyle, for a tiny chance of having a significant other with the much greater chance of having nothing.

You're right. It isn't your oyster.

OP, are you male or female?

ETA: ooops, sorry, cancel that. I just saw you state you're a woman. Sorry, I missed that.

I have not been able to avoid too much thinking so far today since being awake at 4am. I was thinking about being on the other side. Being the one breaking up the relationship. That was me last time, and all I felt was relief and the ability to carry on with my life in a much happier place. I didn't miss having her around in the house one tiny bit. Was kind of different to this situation though. We'd broken up several times in the preceding months over her financially abusing me (using my credit cards without permission and with no way to pay things off) and her inability to keep a house. I don't mean I expected her to do all the housework, just that she was so untidy all the time and just covered the floor completely in the rooms with clothes and work stuff and random crap which she would never move, refused to help with washing up and stuff. I just stopped wanting to be with her because it was so stressful and we'd had so many talks and arguments about it and nothing happened. I couldn't live like that, nor have my hard earned cash frittered away on whilst she dawdled around at home pretending to work. I have a cleaner so it's not like there was much to do, if the cleaner could actually get into the rooms and see the floor to hoover it, which she often couldn't so I was kind of paying her and she was unable to clean! I didn't respect her anymore. I felt a tiny bit bad about hurting her, and had delayed the break up till she was able to leave under her own steam and afford a car and room to rent so she could keep her new job. But not a single regret. Her protestations and angry shouting matches on several occasions later and emails didn't even make me bat an eyelid. Good for her that she didn't beg, I guess all that had been done on the previous break ups.

None of that has happened this time. No wind down to the inevitable. No "it really frustrates me or annoys me when you do x,y,z." No "I hate you, I can't watch you eat your cereal that way ever again." No, "I've fallen out of love with you" or "I don't feel the same way anymore" or "I've met someone else." Just 7 days of "I'm struggling with the distance;" "I'm not very good at relationships." I have foolish and vindictive hope that the ex isn't just living it up like I did last time around, relishing in her freedom never to cross paths with me again. I know I have no control over any of it. Just alternate abject depression and occasional moments of peace and calm and feeling that she will come around, in months or a year when some of the crazy stuff has been dealt with, her Dad has died, she is leaving the Falklands or realises you shouldn't throw away what we had, me. She loves me, she couldn't stop telling me how amazing I am when she was breaking up with me. I needed to know that apparently. That I didn't deserve her or this. That I should have better, that she could not have been treated better by me. It's all just so senseless.

Keeping up my journalling on here for future posterity, and maybe even reading again one day.

Today I am feeling awesome. Not my old understanding of awesome, like the day I passed my final professional exams, or the day I first kissed my ex, or the day I got my dream job. But awesome for my current place in life. I feel positive. I feel like the ex can just go and be and do whatever and I don't care. I am going to be even more awesome and if she isn't around to see it that's her problem. I am not afraid of going to bed and the ruminations which might occur. I am not afraid of dreaming. I am not afraid of crying suddenly.

I just hosted a board games night for 3 women, 1 I had never met, and 2 I have only met once. It was fun. We all laughed. I think one of them even had one of those "I connected with you on a deeper level" moments with me, which made me feel very odd. But also a great confidence booster. We were playing Taboo and I was guessing words before she'd even said anything. She stared into my eyes and smiled. It was weird and uncomfortable, but good to know that some kind of emotion still lies within me. I could never go there for so many reasons, least of all my current emotional state, but that is of no consequence. I actually had fun. I actually helped others have fun. It feels good.

And if the ex happens to see my public posts on FB and see me having fun with new women, doing awesome things and living life well, then that will be her problem. Can't hurt my situation, and I'm not having fun to get at her, I'm having fun because it is healthy. Perhaps she will even start to think twice about herself and what she's thrown out.

Maybe I have turned a big corner here. Out of wallowing and sadness and misery. Into a brave new world. A brave new world which may contain new connections, or perhaps a reconciliation. Either way it is moving on up from here on in. Move on and up to a woman worthy of me, or move on and past an ex, as even if we were to reconcile this needs to be the first step.

Another day in less than paradise. I am feeling less positive today, although I did finish applying undercoat to window boards and the loft stairs this morning before breakfast. It just seems so pointless to have spent so long on renovating a beautiful family home to be in it alone. I feel so trapped. I can't move because it isn't yet finished, and I will lose a lot of money I spent on renovation if I try to sell now. But at the same time it is like a millstone round my neck. It is too much work to have nearly 4 acres of land and a 4 bed house for just one. It was all going to be fine, I was willing to do it all on my own for the next 12 months waiting for the ex to come home from abroad, but I just can't face doing it forever. It needs to be inhabited by a happy family, not a lone woman who is exhausted from all the effort on top of a stressful and time consuming full time job with more hours per week than most.

I am feeling that my last ship is about to sail away forever due to unfortunate circumstances.

Short version this time as my previous thread appears to have disappeared into a journals section.

About 6 yrs ago met a girl, she was amazing, but I was recovering from a divorce 18 months prior and about to move to another country and just not emotionally able. She really wanted to be in a romantic relationship but I just couldn't do it. I turned her down after a single kiss, and we remained solid friends and spent a lot of time and holidays together for around 18 months afterwards. Gradually drifted apart as she starting seeing other folk and I had already moved, but stayed vaguely in contact via FB with the occasional comment on each other's lives. 4 years passed, I thought about her, she thought about me constantly, we both were never single at the same time. Then it happened, we were. I knew I wanted to be with her, I felt like I had been run over by a bus. But she had just taken a contract 8000 miles away for 2 years. After 4 months of telling myself not to be so stupid she started messaging me as she'd bumped into someone that knew someone that knew me in her far away little island. We spent a few weeks messaging and it was obvious we were not just going to be friends. We had some amazing times together, fell in love and were planning a future. Then she seemed to get cold feet about committing to me arranging work over there for 2 months in Feb/Mar, and everything fell apart within 2 weeks. She kept saying that it was all just too far away to think about properly. Before that we were happy. Lots of cards and gifts and Skype and little messages in the day with love and care and laughter. She seemed to spiral into "I can't do relationships because I'm crap at them" then "I can't do this relationship, what if we broke up and you were coming here for work and had to live here with me" to "I'd better break it up now just in case it would be worse later." So she did. She was also full of "you're amazing and you deserve better," "I couldn't have asked for more of you before, during and since our last holiday which was truly awesome."

I'm heartbroken. I really thought this was it for me. It is complicated by the fact that she did this just at the point several really close friends were leaving the Falklands (it's a weird place where they are all extremely close due to the working environment, and most folk are there running away from some mess in their lives, like a little bubble of escapism) and also her Dad was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer with a 12 month prognosis. She broke up with me 7 days before she was due to arrive in the UK for a romantic 2.5week break. I had to cancel loads of bookings, cancel my arranged work in the Falklands and try and spend this 3 weeks of my annual leave (which also could not be cancelled) doing other things, which has been utterly miserable.

She flies back from the UK to Falklands in just 3 days. Our last contact was 10 days ago, when I asked her if we could meet up and talk in person before she leaves. She ignored this message. Other than that since her break up email and a messenger conversation just afterwards we have only exchanged 2 texts about returning possessions in the last 18 days.

I am feeling a bit desperate to contact her. She did not plan to return to UK after her FI contact until we got back together, although she had worked here for about 15 yrs prior to going there. Her parents are in NZ but she is not close to them. Her only ties to UK are her friends. I don't know where she is currently staying or who with. We don't have any mutual friends close enough to ask about anything and we blocked each other on FB and all social media on the day of the BU. I have no connection to her except I can still send FB message or email if I choose. But I will not know if she reads it. There cannot be anyone else as the total gay female population of the FI is 3, her and 2 that are married to each other. She has 12 months of contract remaining, and who knows where she will go then as she hasn't thought about it.

I would really like to message her. She has low self esteem when it comes to relationships and I don't think she would reach out to me for fear of rejection.

I'm thinking something along the lines of

"I guess we're not going to meet up and talk before you leave the UK probably forever, and that makes me sad. I love you and miss you terribly, but I also understand that you cannot give me what I need right now. You are right, I do need someone that can commit to me and make future plans to be together. I do not hate you or anything similar, and I hope we can part on good terms. I wish you a life of health and happiness, wherever it might take you."

What does everyone think? Stupid or not?

Also in the break up she was unable to say "I don't love you" or "I don't want you in my life" as I asked her to clarify these things. In her break up email she clearly said "I love you lots, I have never lied or decieved you and I really wanted this to work." "I want you in my life, but I will understand if you do not want to be in mine."

She tells you a lot of "you deserve better" it means to me that she doesnt value herself. Which is an indication of low self esteem.

People with low self esteem self-sabotage. It could be that she loves you and the prospect of a mutually loving relationship is subconsciously too scary to her.

Threads have been merged.

Yeah I know she has low self esteem about relationships. And I figured she had self sabotaged due to commitment phobia. Which is really because I can't do anything about any of it. And the love of my life is now pretty much gone forever. No chance meetings, no mutual connections. Just lots of what might have been and isn't. I am just so sad.

I did in the end send this.....

I hope you've had a good holiday in the UK and are almost ready for the off back to Clowntown. It must have been exciting to see everyone (especially Hilary) and meet the new baby and all that. I guess you didn't want to meet up and talk, but I would be denying myself and leaving myself with huge regrets if I didn't have one last attempt to communicate with you. I've always been an all or nothing girl, and I know you weren't planning to come back to the UK again after your FI contract, so this feels like the point of goodbye forever, and I want that to be goodbye on at least friendly terms.

I love you and miss you terribly, but I do understand that you feel you can't give me what I need at the moment in a relationship. Incidentally, I don't feel the same way, I thought we were doing OK and just crossing a little bump in the road as all relationships do, but of course your feelings are just as valid as mine. I wish I had never made you feel that you weren't good enough for me or good enough at relationships to be with me. Communication was not easy all the time but I didn't think it was irretrievable. I don't hate you, I'm not angry with you, I'm just really sad at our circumstances and the loss of a future together which I thought would be bright and long lasting, given how much we've both thought about each other since that first meeting so many years ago. You will always have a place in my heart. I know you have some tough times ahead, and if you ever need me I will always be here for you, whether that would be tomorrow, in 12 months or in 12 years.

I hope you have a happy and healthy life, wherever it leads you, and also would like to send my best wishes to all your family. I've always thought about them a lot. I hope things with your Dad go as well and peacefully as possible.

You'll always be in my thoughts somewhere,

I'm writing here instead of to the ex.

How on earth can you just disappear on someone like this? Don't you realise the hurt it causes? Why not even an acknowledgement after everything we shared? Are you just going to keep wrecking people's hearts like this forever and a day? Don't you see what you're doing and want to sort yourself out? No-one deserves to be treated like this because you can't be bothered to sort out your own problems. Why do you get into relationships if you know you can't handle them? How can you be so callous and uncaring? If only you could see what you did to me, by breaking up with me by email just before our holiday. How it wrecked half of my year's annual leave. How I was so low at points I thought about suicide? How much effort and time and money I put into you and us, just to be cast off like a piece of rubbish. Do you really want to be alone forever? You are going to be unless you stop sabotaging things just when they get really good. Which is fine for you, but so damn selfish and hurtful to others. You don't deserve anyone's time or affection. You are a sad, lonely, mess.

Another day, another dollar. Still nothing from her. I am down. She flies away forever tomorrow evening at 11pm and I will probably never see her again. The last time we were face to face was April, and that parting was so painful for both of us as we were in love. Now I just don't know what is happening. I miss her. I want her back, but a new her that has sorted out her issues, is not overwhelmed by distance and commitment and family life events and work. Patience it is. Patience to let her sort herself out and then hopefully talk to me in some capacity at least given we are unable to see each other at all now for 12 months at least as all plans have been cancelled. I would truly value her friendship again one day, we have been friends for so many years and on so many different levels and situations. I feel humbled that she was able to maintain a friendship so well after I turned her down for dating all those years ago. That was, I am sure, as hardcore as this for me. But I cannot see a way forwards for any relationship given her job situation and inability to commit to future plans. Such a waste of an amazing opportunity on which we had made an excellent start.

And onwards we go. Yesterday and today are tough. She is winging her way still to the Falklands and singledom, presumably still delighted with her choice. She ignored my single message request to talk face to face whilst here in the UK. I do not understand why. I did my best for us to part on good terms with that and there is nothing left now. I kept my dignity and I have not hassled or hounded or begged at any point. Now all I can do is hope there are better things ahead. I still can't get past thinking I ain't going to get any better than her, having perused more dating, meetup and social sites than I ever thought existed, it is difficult even to find people that might be friends in my area, never mind a partner. Thinking about it my ex ex lived here for 11 years and I was her first and only relationship at age 30 (and boy did it show). It is depressing. And I know the same odds of finding such a good fit probably also apply to her, although she is geographically more mobile in coming years than I.

On the positive, I am still here, despite days I thought I might not be. I have found a couple of really positive threads on here to keep my head above water. I have made 2 new friends although one of them will move away in a few months time - the curse of the climbing community here is that so many of them are transient.

I still hope she turns around and comes back given space and time, although I know it is only a very slim chance and she will have to conjure something magic up to enable us to be in the same country again. At least I would know she really meant it if she pulled that one off. Still feels more likely than a new lady falling at my feet. The most likely outcome remains a lonely old age with no-one to care whatever might happen to me. Probably just get found dead in a sheep fold or something in my 70s because of the smell.

Hello,

You know what? I think you are such a brave woman and you must be so proud of yourself. Not too much people is able to do what you were ready to do. You are able of a great love. Please, don't give yourself up.

Someone told you the world is your oyster and it's true. I left my own country and came to the UK for love. It didn't work for me but I don't give up, I know there is someone there waiting for me, I deeply feel that and I just know I only have to live, easy like that, hard like that.

Live my friend. Focus on your little daily things and just let yourself flow. Pain and memories can be like an old company along the way and you can be used to log with them until one day, suddenly, you will wake up and they will have gone.

But I just wanted to tell you that I read all your post and I have the feeling that your story hasn't an end. Life sometimes is so and often, you only need to take your path in life and just hope the irony of the fade. I just strongly feel your love story is still waiting for you on the future.

But please, don't take these words as I hope for you to live just waiting for. You need to live, experience and make your best with your life, it's the only way...

All my best for one stupid woman who cried reading your story.

S.

Well a turn up for the books. Had an odd message from one of her friends that I contacted at time of BU to make sure she was OK as it was all such bizarre behaviour. Is hinted that she might be friendly, or possible more with someone else. I totally lost it at that point and sent her a message about dishonesty, and how to treat people, and called her scum. I am not proud of that. The friend is not very reliable, and after the ex read the messages the friend blocked me. Still nothing from the ex. It is totally bizarre. The only possible person it could be that she is seeing, is a financial, emotional, career, carwreck and so anxious she can barely leave her house to go to the pub with 4 people. I know all this because the ex used to talk about her. She has also left the FI as her job was a short term cover position, so the ex would still be in a long term relationship with someone in the UK, unless she has just decided to entirely support this woman in FI without her having a job etc. The other woman is also not long out of a long term relationship with someone in Germany that she is clearly not over. Like downgrading from a Maclaren F1 to a rusty old bike.

It has upset me quite a bit, but I am telling myself I am in no worse position than yesterday in reality. I figured I had nothing to lse and sent the ex a message this morning asking why she was unable to be honest with me after our years of friendship and relationship, why is she ghosting me and is it really the case that our time together was only worth a big fat nothing.

Lots of head scratching for me today I am sure.

The drama continues......message recieved from ex in response to me asking for some kind of explanation for her silence/ignoring of my request to meet up whilst she was in UK and clarification of how she can possibly have meant "I love you and I don't want to lose you from my life" during her break up email.

Maybe you want to reread some of the stuff you've sent me and consider why I haven't written back. I don't know why you're trying to become FB friends with some of my friends given that you've defriended me, and I don't know or care who you've spoken to. Everything I said about why I didn't want us to be together was true and none of that has changed or was untruthful. I didn't cheat on you and anything that has happened since isn't really your problem. I could've written back sooner but have been busy making the m

Oops. Making the most of my time here. Goodbye.

Goodness.

NC from here on in.