I turned him down once and I regret it

So I've known this guy - let's call him J - for two years now. We met in a dog park and formed our little group which contains us two, J's roommate T and my best friend L. J is 22, T is 18 as am I and L is 16. I dated T's brother and J's best friend for two months, and after he turned out to be really different than I thought (J warned me about him but of course I didn't listen, the guy was kind of a bad boy and I fell for him head over heels), and making me feel worthless and dumping my ass J was there, as always. He listened when I cried and when I cursed how I hated the guy. He was there always.

We used to joke that I live half at home and half at their place because I always hanged there. It was so relaxing place, mostly the guys just played and I fooled around with T's other brother's (also their roommate, not the one that I dated) dog Otto.

But to the point: We started talking about a hiking-trip to Lapland where J's family lives (We live on the other side of Finland) in January, planning to do it this summer. My life made a few turns around and I couldn't afford going, but I knew that J was going to spend almost the whole summer there. One day when I was at their place, J came to me and was like "Ask next week time off from work, you're coming with us and I'm paying". So five days after that we left, and the seven days long trip was a dream come true, his whole family was totally awesome and we hiked - just the two of us - for miles and miles in the middle of forest, nearest house being at least 20 miles away. I, J, and J's brother slept in their beach cottage, J's brother in his own bed and me and J in the other bed, but that wasn't anything unusual to us, I slept in his bed always when we had sleepovers at home. Yeah yeah, I should've already known that he was interested in me, but I didn't. Or I didn't want to admit it. I had so big crush on him when we met the first times, and it lasted for a couple of months but I didn't have the courage to do anything then.

The last night I was there, we fooled around and insulted each other as usual, our friendship is based on insults that everyone else gasps at. I threw a pillow at him and he attacked me with tickles. I called him mean, and he kissed me. Just like that. And after that he asked that did I think him as mean still. I said yes and pushed him off from the bed and we continued fooling around. The next day I left, and at home I sent him a message. We talked for hours, and I said that I didn't want anything between us, not so shortly after T's brother (The real reason was that L had had a huge crush on him too and I was afraid that she'd get mad at me). He was okay with that.

It's been four weeks now since I came home, and J's coming home too tomorrow. But the problem here is that I have feelings for him. And now I know that L thinks that I should tell him and that she'd be happy for us, and I had feared that she'd get mad at me. I'll probably see J tomorrow, but I don't know how to tell him. I turned him down once, what if I can't do anything anymore?

I've thought that maybe I should just go to the train station when he comes and just kiss him like he did to me, but I don't know that can I pull up the courage for that. Please, give your opinions!

You could just ask him on a date. Seems a tad less awkward than the spontaneous train station kiss idea.

No that's creepy. Just invite him for coffee or to do something but don't blurt out 'I like you' just show you're interested in doing things together, like dates.

I've thought that maybe I should just go to the train station when he comes and just kiss him like he did to me

Your plan sounds like a good one..he seems interested.... Good luck

Date would be a good option for some other guy, but J really ain't the type that goes to dates. "Too *** mushy" is his opinion. And inviting him for coffee is what I always did when we were on a friend-base, so that would probably be too usual. I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate your answers, I really do. It's just... it's really hard to know what kind of act J would like. I know he likes me from my confidence and boldness, but that he likes how I know how to be more sensitive too.

What about being real? Why are you trying too much to impress him, are you a bit insecure?

hard to know what kind of act J would like.

Yes, I admit that I'm insecure about things that has something to do with J. Usually I have a really good confidence, but somehow with him I just lose it, I feel like I should do something tad bigger since we've known each other for some time and I feel like being just myself and doing something 'normal' wouldn't impress him.

And to be honest this is the first time for me to show my feelings towards a guy first, I've always waited for them to do it.

Don't try to impress him, try just being yourself. He doesn't want to date clowns he wants to date girls. Don't pounce on him like you're that desperate.

I feel like being just myself and doing something 'normal' wouldn't impress him.

The time to ask questions was before the trip. if he offered to pay for the whole thing, you should have declined until you could afford your own accomodations or discussed what it meant.

I think for now on, don't share a bed with a man and expect nothing to happen - not necessarily lying in bed, but even after.

Honestly, I would not do as you said. I would decide what YOU want first before talking to him.

have a cup of coffee with him or whatever you do in order to meet up and chat and tell him what your feelings are - not that you love him, but bring up that he paid for the trip and kissed you, so what is going = what are his intentions. And if he said that you are a good friend - then you create good boundaries and you stop sharing a bed with him and being too touchy feely and if he says he wants more than friends and you do, too - then you properly date him. you don't just flop at his cabin, but truly make him date you.

Don't overthink it. And I agree with Wiseman2, just be yourself. J obviously likes you for the person you are, so don't pretend to be somebody that you are not! Just ask him out to hang out, and it doesn't have to be coffee or something corny.

And I wouldn't personally kiss him at the train, just stick with a heartfelt hug! Don't rush it too fast! Just go slow and start with small baby steps.

Be yourself and just ask him out.

Thanks so much guys, I have a habit to make things way too big and someone always has to bring my feet back to the ground. I'm going to the train station, and spending the day with him if he isn't too tired from the trip.

But for abitbroken, why should've I decline it? In our group we are used to give a bit bigger gifts to each other. I'm not meaning anything really expensive, but like a barnight etc, and the trip was something J would do to L too, just because they're friends. And yeah, I think I'm going to keep sleeping in J's or T's bed when I'm there, just like I would do with a girl friend. We've been in sauna together, and nobody of us is uncomfortable if someone's halfnaked or something, but that's pretty usual in Finland, here even strangers go to sauna naked together. What I want is to date him, and from the conversation we had when I left Kuusamo I understood that he wants the same.

it sounds like he likes you too so I don't think you need to overthink this. I agree u could ask him about the trip and ask him to clarify his feelings about you. since things happened it wouldn't be weird to ask him.