I want to go to a music festival but my girlfriend is not ok with it.

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for roughly 5 years. There is a music festival coming up that all my friends are going to and that I've been really wanting to go to which means a lot to me but my girlfriend just found out that her family is having dinner with her aunt and uncle who she hasn't seen in a while on the same day. I feel like that is an excuse for me not to go because she was uncomfortable with it in the first place. She is really upset about it saying "she needs me there" for what reason I don't know but I need help on what to do. Any advice??

Why do you think she doesn't want you to go? Is she typically like that if you try to do things with friends?

Typically yes it seems we always get in arguments about me going to spend time with friends. She claims it's because I don't communicate early enough about it but it seems she gets mad regardless so I always end up putting it off. She says she doesn't want me to go because she wants me to go to her family dinner.

Does she have a reason, such as have you acted inappropriately, gotten drunk, etc. going out before, and she's worried about that? If there's no history, then it sounds like she's being controlling and jealous. You each do get to have your own life.

Sorry, but family invitations are not subpoenas. Happy healthy couples do their own thing once in a while particularly if there are conflicts in schedules. Unfortunately it does sound like she is testing you and "needs you there" so you will go along out of guilt.

Let her know the others are counting on your going and that you will make it up to her by seeing her family next time around. Even if you dread that she'll start objecting to plans with friends, give her the advance notice she claims is the issue.

She is really upset about it saying "she needs me there" for what reason I don't know

No I am very responsible when I go out. I've actually gone to a festival without her before and everything was fine but she is putting emphasis on this dinner. I understand family is important if I had nothing to do but this is something really important to me. And yes I believe a relationship should have balance where you don't have to do everything together but I feel like she doesn't see it that way.

Have you asked her why your presence this time is so important to her?

she is putting emphasis on this dinner.

Because it's with her aunt and uncle who she hasn't seen in like 10 years or something. But I feel like the dinner is an excuse because now she is saying she'll just not go to the dinner and go to the festival with me. But we've been fighting so much recently I feel like she'll find something to get mad about while we're there and I think itd be healthy for our relationship if we did stuff separately.

I'm sorry, but five months in this controlling? This is a red flag. Tell her to have a lovely time with her aunt and uncle, that you're going to that festival.

At five months in, bluntly speaking, you have no idea if this relationship will even make it to the six=month mark. If you all were getting married after a year or more of dating, that's another thing entirely. They'd be wanting to meet you as the prospective groom. But this? No, you're just dating, and I'm sorry but if you cave to this expect the next step will be her pushing you to no longer see this friend then that one then a family member will be a problem...

She's being totally unreasonable. Plus demanding you meet family at five months? Yeah, that's a bit much at this stage of the dating game, don't you think? Why the rush to push you to meet family so fast?

So this dinner that is so important to her is now being ditched so she can go with you?I know I don't have the full picture here, but this seems very controlling. Do you think she'd even be able to have a good time, or will she be resentful and brood about it?

Well 5 years not months

Can you sit down and have an honest conversation about what she doesn't like about the music festivals? Is it that you guys never go on trips together? Is it that there are music festivals and there are music festivals - quit different going to Jazz Fest vs some "Palooza" where people hang out in skimpy clothes in the heat, sleep 10 to a hotel room, maybe smoke weed, drink and hook up. Is she concerned about the environment? Are all your friends going as couples? Maybe she is talking about this aunt and uncle dinner because she can't talk about why she is uncomfortable with the trip without coming across as controlling or having a lack of understanding. Have you ever looked forward and gotten very excited to doing some event with her?

Typically yes it seems we always get in arguments about me going to spend time with friends. She claims it's because I don't communicate early enough about it but it seems she gets mad regardless so I always end up putting it off. She says she doesn't want me to go because she wants me to go to her family dinner.

So - she is upset that you don't bring up a change of plans early enough, and now you are not saying anything at all or saying it even later because she'd get made - and you are making her madder for telling her even later. Is that about right?

It is totally fair to not go into a weekend and getting it sprung on you that your boyfriend will be out of town. What happened to "hey remember that music festival I always wanted to go to. Bobby and Danny are going just the guys and I would like to go with them. Its (a date 3 months from now) - I am going to plan on it so long as there is nothing major like a friends wedding, etc, during that time". Therefore she can't spring something on you right before and act like it takes precedence, and then you can also be fair to her that if something IS important during that time, she can voice it - if Aunt and Uncle were coming from England and they only come into town once every 4 years and you never met them, then yeah - its important to her. But if she does actually see them more - then , okay, whatever. If you are going at a time that is normally "your time" with her, at the same time, you can suggest "I know we won't see eachother saturday like normal, but maybe we can plan a trip soon after".

Honestly it's not even worth a discussion. If she wants to be a controlling fart face, then find one of the many great women out there who would be happy for you attending an event you've been looking forward to.

Sorry, this would make me want to blow my brains out. First it's the family subpoena because it's vitally important to her that you are there and now she wants to go to the festival with you? Are you sure she just doesn't want to keep a watchful eye on you somehow?

now she is saying she'll just not go to the dinner and go to the festival with me.

The dinner can be rescheduled to the next day. The music festival cannot. Sounds like she just doesn't want you to go. This is coming from a girl. If my bf wanted to go with this same situation I would ask if my aunt and uncle could do dinner the night before or after. If not then I would ask if he could stay because it would mean a lot for him to be there and I haven't seen them in a while. If he really wanted to go and there was nothing else to do then oh well but she's not even trying to make it work. Did you try asking her if she could reschedule it to a different night? If she says no and won't even bother trying she's just being selfish.

Why are you guys fighting so much lately?

Well....it's been 5 years of this....so where is this relationship going exactly?

Anyway, her family thing is her family thing. It's neither here nor there for you. At the end of the day, you are just a bf and you are not obligated to attend all family events with her.

You are also correct in that couples do need personal space or else things become bad between them. If this is something that's important to you and you've been wanting to do for a long time, her job to support you and respect that. If she doesn't, then ask yourself again, where exactly is this relationship going for you?

Thanks for all the advice and support everyone. I think I am just going to go anyways and try to make it up to her some other way.

I think your girlfriend is being unreasonable about you attending the concert especially if you told her in advance you planned on attending.

Whoops, apologies, I misread that one indeed--5 years, not 5 months. Sorry, I was doing too many things at once.

That puts a bit of a different spin on things though. Is this just out of the blue, the whole not wanting you to go the festival and not wanting to go with you? And then the family thing?

I mean, at five years you would have had that come up before I'd think. Maybe give us a bit more on that and when that started? Also if you've been her partner for five years I'm going to take another view here, why wouldn't you want to meet her family? I mean, at this stage of the game I'm presuming you've been living together, you're full on partners even if you aren't married, so in that case...I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to meet the aunt and uncle over a festival?

I feel like I'm missing something here.

Are you dating a GF or a parent?

I find it helpful to consider the potential consequences of whatever I want to do. If I can live with the consequences, such as a lover not 'liking' it without a rationale that makes any sense to me or is of any value to me, then I do what I want to do.

So what would be the consequences of going to the festival, and can you live with them?