Fear of travelling and flying

The last few vacations I have gone on I have felt severe anxiety and stress leading up to and during the trip. Firstly, I have a fear of flying. Not to the extent that I will stop flying, but I constantly think about crashing and it's not healthy. Secondly, and more importantly, once I arrive anxiety takes over to a point where I'm not really enjoying my vacation. My anxiety results in not being able to eat or sleep, stomach pains, constant trips to the washroom, and just a generally feeling of being scared and alone.

I think it all stems back to me missing home and the irrational belief that I'm never safe when travelling. And it's not that I can pin-point where I feel unsafe, it's just that I fear something catastrophic will happen and I'll never see my family or friends again. The anxiety that takes over only further complicates things because I then start to think I'll have a medical disaster and not survive.

I'm leaving in a few days to visit my girlfriend in Europe and badly want to enjoy myself this time. My doctor prescribed me the lowest dose of Lorazepam to deal with anxiety but I want to avoid taking drugs. I work hard and should be able to enjoy my time off, but this anxiety and fear of death/isolation has made it very difficult. Any suggestions are much appreciated.

You cannot address this problem in your remaining few days without the drugs. They were prescribed by your doctor, take them.

Things are usually as big of a deal as you make them. Currently you are making them a big deal, so stop it!

When on a plane, DO NOT think about crashing. Learn to steer your mind places/control thoughts more. It's important.

In general, DO NOT think or CARE about things that are completely out of your control. It's worthless, you are wasting your time and also not healthy.

We CANNOT control the thoughts that come to our mind, but we CAN control what we do with those thoughts.

Do you know someone who was in a plane crash? Can you pinpoint when it started, or have you always feared it all your life? Do you have PTSD from a previous event?

My bubby just got on Lorazepam, who was a sniper for the marines, and is doing great lately because of it. So, take it, see how it goes. There's triggers you may not have learned to identify.

You are more likely to die on the journey to the airport. I agree with MHowe: take the drugs. Also, if you are going to see your girlfriend you won't be alone or isolated.

I can get a fear of vacationing alone. I was scared when I did it for the first time and would probably not do it again.

You are more likely to die on the journey to the airport.

(Argh! ^^ I wish folks would stop pointing that out! Gah! It's not comfort for the anxious.) Sorry, OP, I'm not much help. Did you have similar anxiety at a young age?)

(Argh! ^^ I wish folks would stop pointing that out! Gah!) Sorry, OP, I'm not much help. Did you have similar anxiety at a young age?)

It's true. Chances of dying on an airplane are so minimal they are not even worth talking about.

Traveling by car is by far the most dangerous thing you can do (and still not very dangerous at all of course)

Do you know someone who was in a plane crash? Can you pinpoint when it started, or have you always feared it all your life? Do you have PTSD from a previous event?

 

My bubby just got on Lorazepam, who was a sniper for the marines, and is doing great lately because of it. So, take it, see how it goes. There's triggers you may not have learned to identify.

My dad has a fear of flying and hasn't gotten on a plane since 1994. That being said, he has never told me what led to his fear and has always encouraged me to fly.

You are more likely to die on the journey to the airport. I agree with MHowe: take the drugs. Also, if you are going to see your girlfriend you won't be alone or isolated.

 

I can get a fear of vacationing alone. I was scared when I did it for the first time and would probably not do it again.

The last two vacations I went on were with my girlfriend and I still had this anxiety/feeling of isolation. However, before that, we travelled within the U.S. and I didn't have those feelings. I think part of it is being in a new country and not feeling in control.

(Argh! ^^ I wish folks would stop pointing that out! Gah! It's not comfort for the anxious.) Sorry, OP, I'm not much help. Did you have similar anxiety at a young age?)

I really can't remember having these issues until I first travelled overseas when I was ~19 years old. Since then it has been an issue, but before that I was only travelling within North America.

My colleague experiences this and he knows it is about loss of control. He therefore manages everything he CAN about flying --- seat choice, meal choice, transfer and movie choice. And he takes a pill.

My colleague experiences this and he knows it is about loss of control. He therefore manages everything he CAN about flying --- seat choice, meal choice, transfer and movie choice. And he takes a pill.

I'm sure, they have a pill for everything now days hehe

Let me guess, Xanax? hehe

Whatever happened to sucking it up and dealing with it? It's sad that everyone and their mother always looks for an easy way out/instant gratification.

No wonder we end up with the society that we currently have. NOTHING is easy, yet everyone wants the easy button ALL THE TIME.

Whatever happened to sucking it up and dealing with it?

He attempts to do that when flying alone. However, he feels it is better to manage his response so that his wife and daughters don't see their father flipping out on a plane.

DoF ---- whatever works for you is fine. Others are free to manage as best they see fit.

It's true. Chances of dying on an airplane are so minimal they are not even worth talking about.

 

Traveling by car is by far the most dangerous thing you can do (and still not very dangerous at all of course)

No one disputed the truth of it, but this kind of reasoning is not helpful to calm fear and anxiety. You are basically saying "If you are afraid of planes, you just shouldn't leave the house". And geez, still not very dangerous at all? Do you know anyone whose never been in a car accident (driver or passenger)? I don't.

Why don't you want to try the drugs? More travel or even just trying new things may be a good idea - though it wont help for the next trip. Every few weeks, spend the weekend in an unfamiliar city which is not too far to get to, but gives you that same experience of being away from your home and cut off from your family. When you can, take more plane trips. I think more exposure may help you feel like you can handle whatever comes up. Part of the anxiety is that something could happen that you aren't familiar with and you wont know how to deal with it.

Another idea: maybe do some research on the place you will be visiting? Focus on the fun things you may see and do when you are there. Watch films that take place there, so that when you get there it feels less alien.

I don't mind taking the drugs every now and then to reduce anxiety, however since they make you drowsy I would prefer not to rely on them especially in the morning. I'm glad to have them though because it gives me some piece of mind for when I'm away.

I do think you're right about me being afraid of the unknown. I never feel scared or anxious when I'm in my comfort zone, so maybe I need to speak with someone to address this.

Would you feel better if you took a plane trip or vacation with another person so you are not by yourself?

Sometimes the only way to deal with fear is to face your fear head on. In your case travel more and learn that you are great at it and can handle different situations and different environment. In short, build up your confidence and trust in yourself and that can only come through getting yourself out of your comfort zone over and over again.

When you are afraid, you really have limited choices. You can focus on the fear and build this great horror movie in your mind which makes you even more afraid and distorts reality completely to where you whip yourself into a frenzy OR you can focus on a solution by building a completely different movie in your head about success. In sports we call it visualizing - basically you create a picture in your head of success - a perfect movement, a perfect execution of something and that in turn becomes your reality.

So the moment your turns mind to fear, make yourself think about something good - daydream about your gf, about something else that makes you feel good, about something that you are looking forward to seeing, etc. Reconditioning yourself to have different thoughts is not necessarily easy, but ultimately it beats medication, so worth the work imo. Freedom from anxiety is worth the effort.

I'm sure, they have a pill for everything now days hehe

 

Let me guess, Xanax? hehe

 

Whatever happened to sucking it up and dealing with it? It's sad that everyone and their mother always looks for an easy way out/instant gratification.

 

No wonder we end up with the society that we currently have.

NOTHING is easy, yet everyone wants the easy button ALL THE TIME.

Am I the only person who offense to this whole statement? And what is so funny about someone taking medication/Xanax to self-regulate their emotions without having a meltdown pr severe health problems?It speaks volumes of your maturity level.

Psychiatric drugs are used as management tools, not solutions. And certain people need them to function and perform.

Anxiety can result from brain chemicals (abnormal levels of neurotransmitters) and genetics. It is not always environmental or something that's "made up." Also the fears of heights and flying are not uncommon.

Telling a person with emotional disabilities/severe anxiety to just "deal with it" is strongly discouraged within counseling and mental health training. I suggest you do your research.

I'm sure, they have a pill for everything now days hehe

 

Let me guess, Xanax? hehe

 

Whatever happened to sucking it up and dealing with it? It's sad that everyone and their mother always looks for an easy way out/instant gratification.

 

No wonder we end up with the society that we currently have. NOTHING is easy, yet everyone wants the easy button ALL THE TIME.

I couldn't agree more! My father died in front of me when I was twelve. He was an abusive alcoholic when he was alive, so I had to live through that trauma on top of his death. After he died, we moved on an average of every 6 months or so, sometimes halfway accross the country, so there was always the stress of being the new kid in school. I married an abusive alcoholic and had an autistic son with him, now THAT'S stress! I went through a divorce and over 20 years of being a single mother while working and completing 4 college degrees. My fiance died in front of me from a heart attack. Three weeks after he died, I completed my Master's Thesis and graduated. I lost my job a little over a year ago and have started my own business. Now, I've been stressed in my life, but I have always handled it on my own. Life's tough, get used to it. I have never taken meds to get through any of this, it's just life, and if we are not handicapped by any mental conditions, (and it seems everyone has SOME mental disorder nowadays) we are built to handle life. If we want to, that is. It isn't easy, but you can do it if you are determined. If you are stressed or anxious, try mindfulness training or yoga, they work far better than any pill you can pop. Get out and see people, smile, take in the fresh air, go to the beach or the mountains, go to an amusement park, talk with a friend, do SOMETHING to take your mind off yourself!

I've struggled with pretty severe depression (and some anxiety) since I was 10/11 years old. I've been on medication for over half my life for it. If I don't take it or if my meds stop working properly (which happened last year), I am not functional, my mental state goes to mush, and I feel so bad that I want to kill myself and I have tried before. It is a biochemical issue. People in my family on both sides over 4 (!!!) generations have dealt with very bad depression and anxiety that has led to a lot of personal struggle over the years for many people. Yes, there are some ninnies out there who don't know how to deal with life but there are those who have mental health issues and pills help and allow you live life. As Snny said, it's a tool, not a solution. You say "deal with it and get over it". Well, that's what some people do with meds. They take their pills and allows them to be functional. What's so bad about that? You're not paying the copay so why does anyone else care?

OP, you want to go see your girlfriend. So go see her. You have some benzos. Take a few deep breaths and pop the prescribed amount before getting on the plane. In the end, who cares if you take it or not, as long as the end result is the same: you get to go to Europe to see your loved one. The benzo just makes it easier for you to get out there and live your life.

Do what you need to do to live a full life, that's what I say.

Once you return from Europe, you can work on your phobia from there. For now, take the meds and enjoy your trip.

My advice, just take the benzos, lowest dose you can, to fly, but while you're on the vacation itself, try to manage your anxiety in other ways. Think of things that have worked for you in the past - for me, refocusing (distraction), deep breathing, gum chewing, and staying physically active are helpful; also, I have found ways to reduce the likelihood that anxiety will occur; for instance, I know that being in a small room with people between me and the door will make me anxious, so I make sure I am closest to the door; I know that having my back to a room will make me anxious at a restaurant, so I choose a booth or table against the wall and if that's not possible, I make sure that I take the seat facing the front door; stuff like that.

As someone who has done a lot of business travel, I am not scared of the plane crashing, although some of the journeys to/from the airport have shaken me up a bit. I agree that it is scary being alone in a taxi in a country where they don't speak English and they could be luring you to your death instead of delivering you to your hotel. I'm also scared of forgetting my passport and stuff like that.

Now I'm not defending DoF totally. I don't know him personally but I have a feeling he doesn't quite believe what he wrote. I think it's one of these "food for thought" responses and, in some ways, he has a point! If I'm going to criticise every single person who has ever been on meds for anxiety, then that includes myself. However, there is a flipside and I think I know some of the answer:

My parents grew up in the 2nd world war in England. My grandfathers served in the war and were not able to send e-mails or Skype home just to let their families know they were still alive. Adolescents and pre-adolescents had to grow up very quickly and had to take on a lot of responsibilities that their parents couldn't. People grew thicker skins but also there was a lot more community support. People fed their neighbours' kids when dad was in the army and mum was making parachutes.

Cue the 1960s in England. There was more money about and working class kids became educated and got degrees. If they grew up in an area dominated by factories, they migrated to jobs in cities. They had to become largely self-sufficient and didn't have their parents in the same town for advice and support. We didn't adapt very well. Some of our neighbours became friendly but they came from communities tens or hundreds of miles from ours.

As I understand it, in the USA, many people migrate thousands of miles and need a 'plane journey to see their families. With less in the way of support networks, it has been even harder than in England.

As for me, one of my main "supporters" is dead. For many reasons, I am very isolated and, excluding the telephone and messageboards, 99% of my inter-personal interaction is with just 3 people. I had stress counselling and was pleasantly surprised to learn that, far from having weak resistance to stress, I have high resistance. My "fault" is that I don't always recognise when it is building up and don't have good techniques for relieving it. I have a stressful life for many reasons, many of which are my own fault but most of which are due to issues outside my control. Having suspected learning difficulties means that I don't always know how to articulate my feelings. Also, many tasks that many people find easy, I find difficult. Strangely enough, I am very talented in other areas and a bit like "Rain Man" but nowhere near as extreme.

I need antidepressants just to get through the day. "Manning up" and "pulling myself together" I can do but not without medical help. Maybe in pre-war days, I would just have been institutionalised and forgotten about.

Thanks for all the advice and kind words, everyone. It has definitely helped and I hope I can make some progress on this trip by eliminating some of the anxiety and turning off my mind to certain things.