Guys and their Image : Overweight women

I was just thinking about it. I have seen many overweight women(not obese) who were attractive. I always thought a little fat was always attractive on a woman.

But I think the main reason why most guys have a problem with overweight girls is the IMAGE. It is like a competition. They might be attracted to the girl but they also want their friends to be attracted. I mean, they have this feeling that their friends should even be jealous of them for having a pretty woman as their gf. Are these guys actually being true to themselves?

I have this feeling that at the end of the day, most guys are not really bothered about weight that much as far as sexual attraction is concerned. But they do care about their image among "the boys". And this influences their decisions in every aspect(not only in choosing their gfs). This competition extends even to cars, jobs, anything.

Probably true in some cases.

Some women can be the same way, however. They may be attracted to a man in every way possible (he could be overweight, yet very cute; he could also be very smart, sweet, kind, loving, etc)...but if he doesn't "fit" her image, then he will probably just be put into the friend zone, right?

But I'll agree with you--I've seen some very attractive women with a few extra pounds on them. To be honest, if I were into women, I think I'd want a "chubbier" girl, rather than a stick. But that's just me.

If I were into women I would like a woman who could hike over the mountain with me, sturdy but not too doughy, strong with a nice smooth layer over her muscles.

Well...

I have a high school colleague who after 5 years became somewhat chubby. I thought she looked okay back then, now she's just ugly to me.

I have a relative who was quite attractive, but after 7 years she put on quite a bit of weight, enough that her face look much chubbier. I can see she wouldn't be as attractive to the guys as she used to be.

Maybe the factor that you mentioned do apply when the guy is in fact attracted to you (that's when the dilemma begins), but just in terms of number of guys, the skinner the girl is, the more attractive she is. But girls tend to go overboard with this and they looked very unattractive as a result of becoming too skinny. In fact, skinny is not even the right word because they do look unattractive, 'just right' is the better word.

So don't be disillusioned, attraction has to come first and the right body size definitely helps with that process.

If you need a guideline

I guess BMI of 20-25 is considered 'just right'

I guess that explains why I have seen plenty of overweight women still end up finding boyfriends and getting married while those within the right BMI range are still single!

I can see the competition factor in this for guys. They want the hot girlfriend to their friends. Girls, though, I think want to compete with their friends with the romance/sweetness factor. "My boyfriend is sweeter than yours because..." sort of thing.

As an overweight "thick" (I don't see myself as chubby) girl myself, I do feel like I wont be attractive to guys sometimes. I tend to go for chubby guys myself b/c I like extra meat but sometimes I wonder if that's b/c I don't feel worthy enough of a thinner guy (though I do think meatier guys are more manly, which I like).

I guess that explains why I have seen plenty of overweight women still end up finding boyfriends and getting married while those within the right BMI range are still single!

Assuming your message is responding to mine

I was simplifying a lot here. The reason why I used my 2 examples is to make her see that they're the same people but less attractive now than before.

So we're getting rid of factors such as personality and other components that plays such an important role in having a long term relationship.

In other words, the opposite can be said that if a particular individual loses weight, they'll increase their chance to find someone to be with given that all else is fixed.... unless you have girls like hermudders and you have a larger porportion of thick guys around choosing thicker girls.

I guess that explains why I have seen plenty of overweight women still end up finding boyfriends and getting married while those within the right BMI range are still single!

Well the 'right BMI range' does not guarantee finding a partner apparently...

I hate all the focus on BMI. Are you going to go up to someone and ask their BMI before you ask for their phone number?

I hate all the focus on BMI. Are you going to go up to someone and ask their BMI before you ask for their phone number?

Well the reason I mentioned BMI is because I just claimed "the skinner the more attractive", and then I couldn't quite explain to what extent should they not continue to lose weight. I know girls always go one step beyond dieting OVER ideal body if given that their body's capable. It's difficult to explain on the net what "fit" means, so I just used BMI as a guide since it takes into account both height and weight.

That's interesting. I wouldn't assume a secure man would be searching for a woman his friends would approve of, but I could be wrong. I think guys look for what they want and probably share the same general taste in women as their friends?

Who isn't trying to get the best they can? Unless a guy has a preference for something different, most men are going to go for the standard.

maybe the "skinnier" girls seem more attractive because they feel good about themselves- while the "fatter" girls don't feel as good about themselves because we live in a society where so much importance is put on weight and looks.

when you feel good about yourself - other people notice- and i think that heavier women/girls are made to feel ashamed about themselves and their bodies- so how could you put an energy out there that you feel good about yourself?

I guess that explains why I have seen plenty of overweight women still end up finding boyfriends and getting married while those within the right BMI range are still single!

Or they aren't as picky about the guys so have more opportunities.

maybe the "skinnier" girls seem more attractive because they feel good about themselves- while the "fatter" girls don't feel as good about themselves because we live in a society where so much importance is put on weight and looks.

 

when you feel good about yourself - other people notice- and i think that heavier women/girls are made to feel ashamed about themselves and their bodies- so how could you put an energy out there that you feel good about yourself?

It's not weight, necessarily, it's how you have been treated in your life. Attractive overweight women treated well by men will be more attractive in the long run than attractive thin women who have been poorly treated and cheated on.

why not just say "all people are loveable and capable of being in a loving relationship no matter how they look."

why not just say "all people are loveable and capable of being in a loving relationship no matter how they look."

it would be nice if that were true- but its not.

i was 100lbs heavier not too long ago- and i was treated very very poorly at my higher weight- ignored, doors slammed in face, nasty comments.

People can be very cruel- men and women.

its sad. I didn't even realize how poorly i was being treated- until i wasn't treated that way anymore- and then i realized what it felt like to have a stranger hold the door for you- or have a salesperson acknowledge your waiting to be helped. - simple things like that.

To creative,

I understand being thinner is going to be more helpful. It is natural that thinner women are going to get more attention. But I think if the competition factor is less, I feel that more guys would date overweight women. I know I would. Men have different preferences. And if competition doesn't exist, more men are going to be open about what they feel. More men would feel that they don't need to prove themselves in front of their friends.

There are always those people who are going to make their decisions by giving more priority to their idea of an image they want to project, than what they actually want and need.

That's not to say that all, or even most, men find overweight women attractive as a general rule. But I bet a lot like women with a bit of extra - provided he is attracted to her in the first place - more they let on in public in this culture!! So, then some things are done behind the prying eyes of others anyways, only in certain circumstances, closed doors.

But I do think the majority of men, simply like women. And like a variety of different types of women. Just like women like men. And like a variety of different types of men.

You might like, doesn't mean you'll date.

Why not satisfy yourself before you think about satisfying your friends? If you have a thicker girlfriend, love her for such and if anyone has anything to say about it, realize they're not your friend and also stick up for your girlfriend to show everyone how beautiful you think she is. Sounds like you're not being true to yourself if you think you have to date what your friends think is acceptable.

I don't really have anything to contribute to this discussion, but I think it would be interesting to see one of these fat women threads without the input of women. It seems that the majority of men on ENA are too afraid to chime in. Those that do seem to have very strong opinions on the matter. I'd like to hear the average man's opinion.

I am physically attracted to some women that are slightly overweight especially if they have a cute face. And usually their boobs are bigger, which adds a little physical appeal to me that offsets the extra fat in other areas. But the type of overweight that I'm thinking of is the ones that are in their mid 20s or a little older and they have gradually put on a bit of extra weight but still have a good amount of muscle, so they have a good shape to them. Unfortunately, I see many of these women continue to gain more weight until it is unattractive and when they try to lose the weight, they lose the good shape they once had.

Since I usually want at least a slight chance of something long-term, I am scared that an overweight women will continue to gain weight to an unacceptable size, so for this reason I am turned off by overweight women. I am turned on by them physically, but mentally turned off.

Now to answer the real question about the image of having an overweight girlfriend...

I used to think that this shouldn't matter, but as I've gotten older I've come to the conclusion that it is just human nature to judge and be judged like this. We're judged all the time by stuff like this, what kind of car we have, etc. So I've kind of just accepted that I want someone that is attractive in other people's eyes and I keep myself in good shape so my partner gets the same benefit.

Another point is that many overweight women would feel self conscious being with someone in good shape, which hurts the relationship. The in shape person gets sick of having to constantly reassure the out of shape one.

And I do think it's true that men want their friends to be jealous of their girlfriend, but this doesn't have to be just in looks. It could be how she treats him or how cool she is. I know I'd like that feeling of knowing other guys think I'm lucky and they wish they could have my girlfriend. And I like the opposite too, making other guy's girlfriends ask them why they can't be more like me.

Good points, and I couldn't agree more. Some of the "overweight" women I've dated were very self conscious, and it did get old having to constantly reassure someone of various things. I didn't like it. That turned me off, not their weight, not what other people thought. Insecurity. And a lot of those same women continued to gain weight, which became unattractive.

A girl isn't going to make or break my image. I'm solely responsible for that. My actions and the choices that I make. My ethics. Who I am as a man. Not my car or truck, my girlfriend or wife, or my job. If I like someone, I'm gonna date her regardless of if I feel like my friends would approve or not. Chubby, thick, average, skinny, whatever. She'll still end up awesome.

I work in an industry where you see all kinds of people (entertainment industry) and I see more nice looking men with chubby women. Yes, you see the younger studly guys going for the slender women, but when you look at the more mature men and who they are with, the women are not always beauties with sexy slender bodies. It appears it has more to do with the confidence shining in the woman's eyes and her attitude about herself. Then you get the mid-life crisis males who hit their mid-forties and take a look at the wife who has born their children and they immediately want to trade their wives in for a couple of 20 year olds who are "Pre child birth" in appearance. It's an ego thing; it's a chemistry thing; it's an attitude thing. Everyone is different and it depends upon where they are in their id and ego.

I'm a woman attracted to slender guys. It didn't matter to me when my (now ex) husband developed a little pooh belly, he was naturally a tennis build. I loved him despite his pooh belly, thinning hair, and his need for viagra. But then I was traded in for a 26 year old who was built more like an oxen than she was a woman. (Makes you wonder).

Amazing what stress and emotional duress does to you. My post child bearing weight plummeted and I started swimming regularly (since I no longer had to cook the big meals to please my husband and keeping house is a breeze with it just being me and the dog since the children were off on their own now too). I'm down four clothing sizes and been told I look 15 years younger than I did this past year. And the men are looking more now than they ever did before. And the ex? The ox moved on to greener pastures as have I. But I still like to let him see me on occasion and I smile REAL BIG.

For me personally, it's simply unsexy, unattractive. The hell with whether or not my boys find her irresisitable or not, I want my woman to take good care of herself and be healthy.

The girl that I currently am interested in is someone that's got some extra pounds on her - enough to make her cute and cuddly, but not repulsive. Guys I've spoken to about this say that she's not attractive - I can guess it's due to her weight because she's got a lovely face and a real striking smile.

I think that she's absolutely adorable. However, what other guys have said really does make me kinda think - that sounds horrible, but I'm just being honest.