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  • Natalie Garcia
    Natalie Garcia

    Unmasking: 7 Steps to Authenticity for Autistic People

    Key Takeaways:

    • Importance of unmasking
    • Psychological effects of masking
    • Steps to start unmasking
    • Building support networks
    • Gradual and compassionate approach

    Living with autism often involves the challenging and exhausting task of masking, where individuals suppress their true selves to conform to societal norms. This behavior, while adaptive, can lead to significant psychological distress and burnout. Unmasking, the process of shedding these disguises, is crucial for the well-being and authenticity of autistic people. In this article, we'll delve into the importance of unmasking and provide practical steps to help you embark on this liberating journey.

    Understanding the Concept of Masking

    Masking in the context of autism refers to the conscious or unconscious effort to hide one's autistic traits to fit in better with neurotypical expectations. This can involve mimicking social behaviors, suppressing stims, or downplaying sensory sensitivities. While masking can make social interactions smoother, it often comes at the cost of immense mental and emotional strain. Many autistic individuals report feeling like they are living a double life, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self.

    The Psychological Impact of Masking

    split face

    Masking may help autistic individuals navigate social landscapes more easily, but it carries a heavy psychological toll. Constantly hiding one's true self can lead to a deep sense of disconnection and identity loss. The mental effort required to maintain this façade often results in significant stress, anxiety, and even burnout.

    Many autistic people report experiencing chronic fatigue and emotional exhaustion due to masking. The pressure to conform can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and impostor syndrome. As Dr. Devon Price states in their book, Unmasking Autism, "Masking is a survival strategy, but it comes with a cost to our mental health and sense of self."

    Why Unmasking is Critical for Autistic People

    Unmasking allows autistic individuals to reclaim their true identities and live more authentically. This process is not just about reducing stress; it is about affirming one's existence and worth without the need to conform to neurotypical standards. When autistic people unmask, they often find greater self-acceptance and improve their mental health.

    Furthermore, unmasking can lead to more genuine and fulfilling relationships. By being their authentic selves, autistic individuals can attract friends and partners who appreciate and accept them for who they are. This shift can foster a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation. As the famous autism advocate Temple Grandin once said, "The world needs all kinds of minds." Embracing this diversity is crucial for a more inclusive and understanding society.

    The Fear and Anxiety of Unmasking

    cliff edge fear

    Unmasking can be an incredibly daunting process for autistic individuals. The fear of judgment, rejection, and misunderstanding often looms large. This fear is not unfounded, as societal norms frequently reward conformity and stigmatize differences. The anxiety associated with unmasking can be overwhelming, making the prospect of showing one's true self seem like a monumental risk.

    For many, the act of unmasking feels like standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out into the unknown. The uncertainty of how others will react can paralyze progress. Yet, this journey, although fraught with challenges, is essential for mental health and self-acceptance. As psychologist Dr. Tony Attwood points out, "The courage to be authentic in a world that demands conformity is a profound act of self-love."

    Steps to Start Unmasking

    Beginning the process of unmasking requires both courage and a strategic approach. Here are some steps to help you start this transformative journey:

    Step 1: Self-Awareness and Acceptance

    The first step towards unmasking is cultivating self-awareness and acceptance. It's essential to understand your autistic traits and how masking has impacted your life. Reflecting on your experiences and recognizing the patterns of masking can help you gain a clearer picture of your authentic self. This process might involve journaling, mindfulness practices, or discussing your experiences with a trusted friend or therapist.

    Acceptance is equally important. Embracing your identity as an autistic individual is a powerful act of self-compassion. Remember that your traits are an integral part of who you are, not something to be hidden. As author Brené Brown says, "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do."

    Step 2: Finding Safe Spaces

    Creating or finding safe spaces is crucial for unmasking. Safe spaces are environments where you feel accepted and supported without the need to mask your true self. These spaces can be physical locations, such as your home or a friend's house, or they can be virtual, like online communities for autistic individuals.

    Surrounding yourself with understanding and empathetic people can make a significant difference. Look for groups or support networks that celebrate neurodiversity and encourage authenticity. Whether it's a local support group, an online forum, or even a social media community, finding your tribe can provide the reassurance and encouragement needed to unmask gradually.

    Step 3: Building a Support Network

    Building a robust support network is a vital part of the unmasking process. A strong support network consists of individuals who understand, respect, and affirm your autistic identity. These people can include family members, friends, therapists, and mentors. Their role is to provide emotional support, practical advice, and a safe space where you can express your true self without fear of judgment.

    Engaging with the autistic community, both online and offline, can be incredibly empowering. These connections can offer shared experiences, insights, and a sense of belonging. It's important to seek out relationships that are nurturing and to avoid those that require you to mask or feel inadequate. As the saying goes, "Find your tribe, love them hard." These connections can be the backbone of your journey towards authenticity.

    Step 4: Practicing Self-Compassion

    Practicing self-compassion is crucial when unmasking. This step involves being kind to yourself, especially during challenging moments. Unmasking is not an easy process and there will be times of self-doubt and discomfort. During these times, it's essential to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend.

    Self-compassion can be nurtured through various practices such as mindfulness, positive affirmations, and self-care routines. It's about acknowledging your struggles without judgment and recognizing that you are doing your best. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, emphasizes that "self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you'd show to a good friend."

    By practicing self-compassion, you create a supportive inner environment that allows you to navigate the complexities of unmasking with greater resilience and grace.

    Step 5: Gradual Exposure

    Unmasking doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing endeavor. In fact, gradual exposure can be an effective and less overwhelming approach. This step involves slowly introducing your true self in various social settings and observing the reactions. Start with environments and people where you feel relatively safe and then expand to more challenging situations as your confidence grows.

    For instance, you might begin by allowing yourself to stim in front of close friends or sharing more about your autistic traits with trusted family members. As you become more comfortable, you can try unmasking in broader social contexts, such as at work or in community groups. This step-by-step approach helps build confidence and resilience, making the unmasking process more manageable.

    Step 6: Celebrating Small Wins

    It's important to recognize and celebrate small wins along your unmasking journey. Every step towards authenticity, no matter how small, is a significant achievement. Celebrating these milestones can boost your morale and encourage you to continue.

    These celebrations don't have to be grand. Simple acts of self-recognition, like journaling about your progress or treating yourself to something enjoyable, can be incredibly affirming. Sharing your successes with your support network can also provide positive reinforcement and motivate you further.

    Remember, the journey to unmasking is unique for everyone, and each small win is a step towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. As the proverb goes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Cherish each step, no matter how small it may seem.

    Step 7: Seeking Professional Help

    Unmasking can be a complex and emotionally charged process, and seeking professional help can provide invaluable support. Therapists who specialize in autism or neurodiversity can offer personalized strategies and a safe space to explore your experiences. They can help you navigate the challenges of unmasking and build coping mechanisms to deal with any anxiety or stress that arises.

    Professional guidance can also assist in identifying and addressing any co-occurring mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, which may be exacerbated by the unmasking process. A therapist can work with you to develop a tailored plan that aligns with your unique needs and goals. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. As Dr. Temple Grandin notes, "It's okay to be different. Therapy can help you understand and embrace your differences."


    Unmasking is a journey towards authenticity and self-acceptance for autistic individuals. While the process can be daunting, it is also profoundly liberating and essential for mental well-being. By understanding the concept of masking, acknowledging its psychological impact, and taking practical steps to unmask, you can reclaim your true self and live a more authentic life.

    Each step, from building self-awareness to seeking professional help, contributes to a holistic approach to unmasking. Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout this journey. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and surround yourself with supportive and understanding people. Unmasking is not just about revealing your true self to the world; it is about embracing and loving who you truly are.

    As you move forward, keep in mind that unmasking is a continuous process. It requires courage, resilience, and a commitment to self-care. But with each step you take, you are moving closer to a life of greater authenticity and fulfillment.


    Q: What is masking in autism?

    A: Masking refers to the behaviors autistic individuals adopt to hide their autistic traits and appear more neurotypical. This can involve mimicking social cues, suppressing stims, and hiding sensory sensitivities. While masking can help navigate social situations, it often leads to significant mental and emotional strain.

    Q: Why is unmasking important for autistic people?

    A: Unmasking is crucial for mental health and self-acceptance. By shedding the mask, autistic individuals can live more authentically, reduce stress and anxiety, and build more genuine and fulfilling relationships. It allows them to embrace their true selves and improve their overall well-being.

    Q: How can I start the process of unmasking?

    A: Starting the unmasking process involves several steps, such as building self-awareness, finding safe spaces, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion. Gradual exposure and celebrating small wins can also help. Seeking professional guidance from a therapist experienced in autism can provide additional support and strategies.

    Recommended Resources

    • Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD
    • The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin and Richard Panek
    • Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman

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