SeaBisquit Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Do you think it is wrong to date someone that is separated from their husband/wife but are not yet divorced? sometimes it can take over a year for someone to get a divorce and divorces can get really ugly. what are your thoughts on this? please respond Link to comment
lunatic Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Sure it is ok to date someone who is going thru a divorce. Just keep one thing in mind when dating someone like this. YOU maybe a rebound relationship right now and are taking a good chance to get hurt. I personally would not date someone who is going thru a divorce but, that is me. Do what you want but, keep your eyes open because he may not be ready emotionally. So dont kid yourself and use your mind to make the right choice. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 If you are upfront about the situation you are going through then I think its appropriate. Actually getting the divorce is the technical part once the couple has started the process of separate and have begun divorce proceedings I would think its appropriate to date. Link to comment
darkblue Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 As long as you're over your 'husband' and feel comfortable enough to date. I don't see a problem with it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 I think it's fine to date during this time. Depending on where the couple lives, it may take years for the official divorce to go through. If the relationship has already broken down beyond repair, then the actual "divorce" is just the paper work. Link to comment
lara78 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 I think it totally depends on the people/situation. I was married and my huband announced he wanted a divorce. 4 weeks later i met someone. Stupidly i got involved and we were together for about 9 months. I think it was because he was comforting towards me and quite frankly i was pretty messed up. The relationship did not work out. Looking back i would have spent time on my own before getting involved. I would have qualms about dating someone who was still married...esp if they hadnt filed yet. If you are looking for something serious, a still married person is not the person you want to go for. If you want to have fun, then sure go for them. Link to comment
Tigris Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 I was going through a divorce when I started to live with my now second husband. I asked a solicitor (lawyer) if it was ok for us to get engaged. There is no law in England that can stop you! A relationship like this is upto the two individuals involved and noone else! I hope everything works out for you. Good luck and take care. Link to comment
dheart Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 I did just that. I started to date someone while I was divorcing. Things got really complicated. Granted I did drag out the process. But the person I was dating started to get invloved in pushing for the divorce to be completed. I took it as her getting invloved with something I didn't want to associate her with. It really screwed my head up because I saw her as my escape from the divorce. Now when I saw her it was about the divorce and when I was alone in my thoughts everything was about the divorce. I finally situated the separation and she dumped me 3 weeks later. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to communicate with her about it. I just didn't want her associated with it. Take care of your divorce before you open your heart to others. What they will see will be much better than what they see while you are going through this process. Link to comment
still_love_u Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 That' s good advice. Link to comment
Nutz Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 I think it's fine to date during this time. Depending on where the couple lives, it may take years for the official divorce to go through. If the relationship has already broken down beyond repair, then the actual "divorce" is just the paper work. Bingo! So long as the relationship is over and done with then by all means feel free to date. Marriage and divorce is just a legal distinction. The relationship, or lack thereof, is what really matters. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Bingo! So long as the relationship is over and done with then by all means feel free to date. Marriage and divorce is just a legal distinction. The relationship, or lack thereof, is what really matters. Here is the issue though- That's a big assumption. Sometimes one party just got completely sucker punched and served with no warning- Just because someone is going through the paperwork does not mean emotionally they are ready. And even the person who did the filing may not be ready. Drawn up papers does not mean all the loving emotions have all disapperared and until it is FINAL, nothing is final ![/I] Plus there are many people who get back together during this time or just looking for a distraction. The only way to know for sure that the person is divorced is to see the papers. Sadly, there are too many liars out there that say are they getting divorced when they are not. And you better hope their spouse does not care or you could get dragged into the divorce proceedings as part of infidelity charges. (They are still married, after all) Even assuming everything is on the up and up- People need time to grieve and mourn- I personally believe it is too sticky of a situation. If the new person falls for them they are going to be pushing for the divorce and asking the person to heal for the sake of their relationship and not allow their new bf/gf's to grieve and heal on their OWN watch. Spoken or unspoken, you are going to be compared to their spouse in every way. There are just too many "What if" factors involved. Most of the time, a person is not looking for a real relationship so close to a divorce- and the Other person getting involved is likely to get stuck in between the exs and/or heartbroken in the process. Not worth it IMVHO. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 I don't think it's right. I mean, you're still MARRIED. I didn't, and I'm glad I didn't. Still, this is what I believe. It may be different for you. If you do, be very, very careful. Link to comment
camchavez Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 I think there is a distinction between dating and engaging in a relationship. I think casual dating might be o.k. I started seeing my current husband while going through a divorce with my first husband. We dated about 3-4 weeks out and began living together almost immediately. I will say it made that divorce almost painless for me. I now, however, am feeling it double-fold as I am getting a divorce from #2 after almost four years. In hindsight, it was a bad idea. I wasn't ready and was convincing myself that this new relationship would save me. I overlooked so much and am paying for it now. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 You cannot fully deal with the relationship with your spouse if you are already with somebody else. I know it is hard sometimes to be alone, but its a time to work through your "stuff." Who knows...you would also totally negate any chance of working things out, too, if that were in the cards. Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 This is the second time I am divorcing the same man and there is no comparison. The first time I still had feelings for him and I was still mad at him. Now I couldn't care less. I got into a relationship the first time which I was not ready for and it was very unrealistic. This time I am staying out of relationships on purpose until my divorce is final. Of course I can still date just not commit. All that's missing is the right man. Link to comment
sallyusa Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 even though my marriage is not repairable and wouldn't want to go back to it i would love the idea to start dating agian no doubt in my mind about that. but dont want to get involved in a committed relationship as of the momment because i'm experincing this now i dont want my next realationship to be a rebound. i want to make sure i'm out of the marriage and when its finalized and really over for good i might consider getting into another relationship but when the timeing is right. here i am going through a rollercoster full of emotions going up and down a whole lot and to get involved in an another relationship and having the same thing getting repeated with the new guy. nope i wouldn't want to go through that. so i'm trying to go on the safe side. eventually at one point i would love to be in a relationship but when the timeing is right for both of us. here i am talking to this great man but he understands my situation and i understand his but we both are not in no rush for anything. i've got my agenda full and he does too. but that doesn't mean we want to get involved soon. so i let it come naturally to me and take it from there and would unfold by itself. Link to comment
kstinson Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Married is married. And being in the process of divorce doesn't mean your feelings for the other person whether good or bad have subsided. I would say its not fair. This is a troublesome time in your life and it just isn't fair for you to drag someone through it with you. Be someones friend rather than dating them. Be good friends with them and enjoy the time you have with them with the understanding its not for love or commitment. Link to comment
RougeKali823 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 As someone who was dated by a divorcing man (unbeknownst to me) for 2 years, I would say no. Its messy. Link to comment
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