spinstermanquee Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Our daughter is 17 and I was messaged by a neighbor yesterday that she had a male visitor last night and tonight. I am on an assignment. My husband is on a trip, so she is alone. This is only the second time she has been left on her own. First off, I pray she is using condoms. Secondly, I want to get her on birth control. Thirdly, I would rather she not use our home as her personal love nest. Any advice from the folks out there? W Link to comment
addictedblue Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 don't leave your 17 year old daughter home alone again? Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I would have had her stay with a friend who had parents with values that were close to your own...I know at 17 I would probably have taken full advantage of being alone too...and until she is a certain age, if something happens to her...you are responsible for the outcome and cleaning up the mess. Ooooh yeah, I would fly back and make sure she stayed with someone very strict! Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 or you could just be having an overly snoopy, presumptious neighbour? I remember when I was living in a small village in Japan, a male friend and I were out doing some shopping together at a grocery store an hour away... Someone in my village had seen my friend by some cereal!! Conclusion by the principal at my school = we must be sleeping together because my friend bought breakfast... ha ha ha ha! Depends, some 17 year olds are mature enough, some aren't Does your daughter have a boyfriend? Of course if I was that age and had a boy I could do things with, I would try to get away with it too! Why do you say, get a room? isn't that what she's doing? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Are you legally allowed to leave her alone for 10 days? Where do you live? "Get a room?" She not only has a room, but the entire house for 10 days! Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Of course if I was that age and had a boy I could do things with, I would try to get away with it too! Why do you say, get a room? isn't that what she's doing? Awww shikshika....I was ready to feel bad until you said this in your reply....but heck, I remember 17...and I would have watched me very closely in that situation. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 You left a minor alone for 10 days and your neighbor hasn't called child protective services? Its irresponsible for you to leave her alone with no parents or guardians. Don't you have a relative or for that matter the nosy neighbor to leave her in the care of. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Well I was 17 once and I knew I wasn't ready for sex...and so I didn't have sex. So hopefully your daughter knows her limits too and maybe the guy who came over is just a friend. I always had a lot of guy-pals and that's all they were, maybe that goes for your daughter too. Though I can understand you freakin out. Talking about safe sex is never a bad thing, TELL *not yell* your daughter to be honest and just ask if she's sexually active. Goodluck. -DG724 Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Awww shikshika....I was ready to feel bad until you said this in your reply....but heck, I remember 17...and I would have watched me very closely in that situation. ha. my mom could have been gone for 1 night, I'd make sure to do something!!! Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hmm Carnilian...I do not think that would float in a child protective services court...17 or even 16 is the age of consent in some states...and some kids are emancipated at that age.... Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Awww shikshika....I was ready to feel bad until you said this in your reply....but heck, I remember 17...and I would have watched me very closely in that situation. i just meant i was confused about the 'get a room' comment! I'm not sure if the OP approves of her daughter doing this or disapproves of her getting caught! Even though when I was 17 I would have LIKED to have had boys to sneak out with.. ha ha! Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Can you or your husband come home like for the weekend to check on her and see what's going on. Also, your neighbor maybe overzealous in assuming that she was having male overnight guests. Sometimes people just come to visit. Not stay over. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 You left a minor alone for 10 days and your neighbor hasn't called child protective services? Its irresponsible for you to leave her alone with no parents or guardians. Don't you have a relative or for that matter the nosy neighbor to leave her in the care of. RELAX PEOPLE! Wow, my parents were both working and left me & my bro, & sis alone when the oldest of us was 13 and I was 8! and none of us betrayed our family's trust...or screwed up! When I was 21 & my bro was 23 THEN we started havin house parties lol but thats it. (and we made the house cleaner the next day than it was prior to the party) so it's all about a level maturity...don't freak out a 17 year old is left home alone..by 18 she might be away at college...age is just a number people. Have confidence in the kids you raised...but it's OKAY to ask questions and set ground rules...you are their parent. -DG724 Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hmm Carnilian...I do not think that would float in a child protective services court...17 or even 16 is the age of consent in some states...and some kids are emancipated at that age.... I'm not talking about the sex, I'm talking about the fact that she is a minor and she was left without a parent or supervision. Doing such is how children (she is a child) get into very bad situations as they are not able to make smart choices for themselves. Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 yeah I was left alone at 17 too... not for 10 days, but for a weekend... it was like a little slice of heaven! I *tried* to have a party! Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I'm not talking about the sex, I'm talking about the fact that she is a minor and she was left without a parent or supervision. Doing such is how children (she is a child) get into very bad situations as they are not able to make smart choices for themselves. I think it depends on where you live, some places 16 is OK... and I think many 17 year olds are old enough to handle it! Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I think it depends on where you live, some places 16 is OK... and I think many 17 year olds are old enough to handle it! If she's entertaining male guests, then gets pregnant, is that handling it? Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I'm not talking about the sex, I'm talking about the fact that she is a minor and she was left without a parent or supervision. Doing such is how children (she is a child) get into very bad situations as they are not able to make smart choices for themselves. Yes, and I am the Child Abuse advocate in our school. Knowing the way the laws work, I really, highly doubt that anyone could be turned in for leaving a 17 year old alone, one who could have a job, drive and cook and clean for themselves. By emancipation, I meant some kids DO move out and get their own places at that age. And levels of maturity are a consideration. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I'm not talking about the sex, I'm talking about the fact that she is a minor and she was left without a parent or supervision. Doing such is how children (she is a child) get into very bad situations as they are not able to make smart choices for themselves. I don't know if you have kids or not, but what are you going to do if your kid wants to go away for college at 18? 17-18...same thing. If the parent who posted this topic feels they did a good job parenting, then all they have to do is ask their daughter whats going on and set ground rules for when they're away... I personally never had the 'sex' talk when I was a teen...I just knew what to do and what not to do and my parents knew I knew and were confident in my decisions. And I waited a loonnnnng time to have sex lol. So it's all about the level of understanding you have with your kid. just ask, don't assume. -DG724 Link to comment
shikashika Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 If she's entertaining male guests, then gets pregnant, is that handling it? Wow!! that certainly jumping to some conclusion! I don't think watching over your child every minute of the day and having a parent watch over them is wonderful either... tons of kids still find a way to get pregnant regardless of whether they live with their parents.. I don't think being at home on her own is going to increase that! Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 If she's entertaining male guests, then gets pregnant, is that handling it? you've never had male friends before? Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Leaving them at that age alone would not fly with CSP for 10 days I assure you. If she were to get hurt and taken to the hospital, they would contact CPS. 24 hours maybe, but not 10 days. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Leaving them at that age alone would not fly with CSP for 10 I assure you. If she were to get hurt and taken to the hospital, they would contact CPS. 24 hours maybe, but not 10 days. Listen people...RELAX!!!! HOLY CRAP HER DAUGHTER ISN'T SETTING THE TOWN ON FIRE!! Parent who posted this topic call your daughter and ask her whats going on...set ground rules and trust your parenting...thats all you can do! -DG724 Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Yes, and I am the Child Abuse advocate in our school. Knowing the way the laws work, I really, highly doubt that anyone could be turned in for leaving a 17 year old alone, one who could have a job, drive and cook and clean for themselves. By emancipation, I meant some kids DO move out and get their own places at that age. And levels of maturity are a consideration. I am part of the CPS, this does not matter. If a child wants emancipated...it has to go through the judge and he doesn't make that decision lightly. He takes a lot of things into account. It's a lengthy process. OP, I would suggest you call a relative or friend and have her spend the remainder of the time with them. Link to comment
Gracelove Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 At 17 I didn't have boys over while my parents were away, but I certainly didn't stay home by myself either. I still don't feel totally comfortable staying in my parents house alone. I don't blame your daughter at all, you and your husband are so far away, who would want to stay in a big home all by themselves? Just one more thing. Leaving a 17 year old girl at home alone may not be the best thing. What if she gets really scared or lonely, and invites a guy over that she trusts.....and then he rapes her. With you and your husband so far away, who would she tell? I'm sure she wouldn't call you on the phone and tell you because it's really embarrasing. That would be so horrible. Your daughter could be really people savoy, but I was extremely naive, even at the age of 22. I may being saying something that seems far-fetched, but it could happen. I just think you should look out for her a little more. Do you and your husband travel frequently? I hope not too much. Even though you may be providing a comfortable lifestyle for your daughter. She could feel extremely neglected. I didn't realize I had issues of neglect until therapy. I know this may be off-topic, but these are just some things that have crossed my mind while reading your post. I'm sure you and your husband are excellent parents, maybe you could just consider not leaving her to go away on trips at the same time. Even if she seems really annoyed with you at times, I'm sure she really appreciates your company to a certain extent. And I wouldn't suggest blasting her about condoms or birth control either. What if she has been raped? She will remember, for the rest of her life, that she was dying inside and her mother decided to attack her in an accusatory manner (and about sex no less, something she definitely wouldn't want to hear or think about). I mean there are so many rapists out there, it's not crazy to think your daughter will encounter one. Just please chose your words carefully, because parents often like to believe they know everything, when really that isn't always the case. Link to comment
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