I might be pregnant and so scared!

[adidas7fire]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and I think that I might be pregnant. The bad thing about this is that I have been telling my bf that I have been on the pill all this time but I haven't been for a year now. We have been using condoms and he always pulls out if he isn't wearing one... ALWAYS! Do I tell him that I quit taking them or do I wait to find out for sure if I'm pregnant and just move on? If I'm not pregnant, I have all intentions of getting back on them. Please help; I don't know what to do! Thanks.

[Scout]

We have been using condoms and he always pulls out if he isn't wearing one... ALWAYS!

 

Why does he do that if he thinks you're on the pill? Is it an extra measure of protection he says he thinks you two should take? Just curious.

[kellbell]

My question is why have you been dishonest with him all this time?

 

I would find out for sure if you are pregnant, then decide what to do next.

[Batya33]

I used to use two forms - pill plus condom for that added protection. Whether I did or did not my partner always knew exactly what level of protection was being used or not used. You mislead your boyfriend even though he was using something. Hopefully he will be happy if you are pregnant but if he is not you need to cut him a lot of slack and be ready to explain why you deceived him.

[BellaDonna]

Have you and your boyfriend ever had a discussion about what would happen if a pregnancy occurred accidentally?

 

 

You have been together for 4 years- my guess is that he will not run for the hills, but I must admit- this is pretty bad:

 

The bad thing about this is that I have been telling my bf that I have been on the pill all this time but I haven't been for a year now

 

What caused you to do that?

 

The pull-out method is not safe at all. Knowing you were not on the pill you should have at least insisted on a condom every time. I don't mean to rub salt in your wound, but I think this is a very unfortunate and unecessary situation. I hope it all works out for you.

 

What makes you think you are pregnant? Is your period late?

 

BellaDonna

[ghost69]

you should have told him this long ago. why did you not tell him? trying to trap him with a kid?

 

and BD is 100% right, the pull out method is bogus. no way does that guarantee safety.

[DN]

To answer your question: wait until you find out if you are pregnant. If you are pregnant confess the truth and explain as best you can why you felt it necessary to lie. If you are not pregnant then get on the pill ASAP.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

To answer your question: wait until you find out if you are pregnant. If you are pregnant confess the truth and explain as best you can why you felt it necessary to lie. If you are not pregnant then get on the pill ASAP.

 

If you are pregnant, I'm not sure what use it would be to tell him that you were not taking the pill (though of course it was wrong not to tell him, not disagreeing with that). People who are on the pill do accidentally get pregnant. Just not very often.

 

If you are pregnant, both of you will have enough to deal with without adding that extra level of stress to your relationship and destroying any trust he has in you. If you're pg, you're going to need that trust while you're raising this child. It doesn't sound like you were trying to trap him, just was being a little careless. These things happen.

[Scout]

To answer your question: wait until you find out if you are pregnant. If you are pregnant confess the truth and explain as best you can why you felt it necessary to lie. If you are not pregnant then get on the pill ASAP.

 

Thanks for bringing the thread back in that direction, DN. To the OP, sorry if I got the thread off course with my original question, which didn't really answer your's.

[rms8]

Why'd you go off the pill? I'm sure you know that lying to him was wrong so I'm not going to get into that part of it but I'm just curious. Was there a medical issue?

 

The first thing you need to do now tho is get a pregnancy test. The easiest thing to do is buy a home pregnancy test but going to the doctor will give more accurate results. If you are pregnant, you need to be honest about everything with your boyfriend. You've been together a long time, it's worth it. If you're not pregnant, you need to go back on the pill asap or discuss contraception with your boyfriend. Good luck!

[RayKay]

I would suggest you find out for sure first, by taking a test.

 

I would next say you need to do a HARD look at yourself and your relationship if firstly you felt it was okay to go off pill without discussing it with him and secondly that you have not TOLD him yet after a year you are not on it...

 

Regardless of whether the reasons were medical, or something else, this is not something you keep from your partner whom is relying on your honesty and that you are using it. Because if he knew you weren't, do you think he would of just kept playing with "fire" so to speak?

 

Why would you feel it was okay to not discuss it with him? After this much time together these kind of lies should not be going on, and I really have to question why you would not tell him...regardless of how long you have been together.

 

That to me a is a very serious lie to keep from someone, and no it is not just an ommission, it is a lie.

[ghost69]

this is why so many guys and girls get into financial trouble early. they aren't telling each other everything and protecting themselves like they should.

 

this is almost the same as some women that use condoms but poke holes in them.

[adidas7fire]

I got off the pill because it was making me really sick... causing nausea and terrible headaches. But how was I supposed to tell him that?! I didn't want to seem like a complete wuss so instead, I just quit taking them. I know, wrong on my part to not tell him.

[Batya33]

You are obligated to tell him something like that even if it's difficult and if you feel that uncomfortable you need to ask yourself why you're dating him in the first place. I switched pills many years ago because the first one gave me terrible side effects -the next one - totally fine.

 

Would you prefer that he not tell you if he had an STD because he was too embarrassed?

 

I hope everything works out.

[ghost69]

there are other forms other than the pill. nausea might be from certain kinds.

[diam0ndgirl]

if you absolutely don't want to tell him you stopped taking the pills a year ago then you should just tell him that you have been forgetting to take your pills lately and that you might be pregnant.. but also take a pregnancy test to find out.. and for the future you should probably either go back on the birth control pills or just be honest with him and tell him you aren't on them

[TheFoglifter]

... not sure what use it would be to tell him that you were not taking the pill (though of course it was wrong not to tell him, not disagreeing with that). ..both of you will have enough to deal with without adding that extra level of stress to your relationship and destroying any trust he has in you."

 

I am friends with a couple whose wedding date is this monday -- the guy has NO idea that the girl cheated on him. She regrets it sincerely, but she is not going to tell him (at least, not before the wedding). Much as I loathe that decision, I do not feel it is right for me to be a tattletale. Instead, I have tried to convince her to come clean.

 

Since it is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, then technically you might never be outed if you simply stay quiet. Of course if he asks you something direct like "but weren't you on the pill", then at that point you have to choose whether to lie or come clean.

 

As was said before, you will have to let him freak out, and cut him a lot of slack. Regardless of whether he knows you lied or not, your decision to have unprotected sex with no birth control in place meant that you accepted the risk that pregnancy might occur.

 

Your best bet is to stay very very calm no matter what he does -- unwanted pregnancy is definitely high on the scare list. When he has calmed down, you two can discuss options together.

 

For what its worth, I had a friend in the same situation (the male side, though) and I gave him the same advice -- to just work through the emotion and find the best solution.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Well, first thing's first, take a pregnancy test. And you have been going out with this guy for four years and you cannot approach him with something like that? That those pills make you feel sick?? There is an issue going on in your relationship that needs to be solved. If indeed you are pregnant, there are issues that need to be addressed and hopefully solved before the baby is born.

 

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

[Batya33]

"Since it is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, then technically you might never be outed if you simply stay quiet. Of course if he asks you something direct like "but weren't you on the pill", then at that point you have to choose whether to lie or come clean."

 

 

I totally disagree. He is entitled to know the extent of the risk he is taking when they are intimate. There is a world of difference between a 1% chance and a 13% chance (with condoms) and she told him she was on the pill when she is not any longer.

[RayKay]

"Since it is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, then technically you might never be outed if you simply stay quiet. Of course if he asks you something direct like "but weren't you on the pill", then at that point you have to choose whether to lie or come clean."

 

 

I totally disagree. He is entitled to know the extent of the risk he is taking when they are intimate. There is a world of difference between a 1% chance and a 13% chance (with condoms) and she told him she was on the pill when she is not any longer.

 

 

Not only that, but she said in her original post there are times he does NOT wear them, because that is when he pulls out. Which makes the odds MUCH MUCH higher; something like 85% of getting pregnant within year or something.

[BellaDonna]

adidas7fire,

 

Are you experiencing pregnancy symptoms? Have you missed your period?

[TheFoglifter]

As you can see by my anecdote about my cheating friend, I do not condone her lying to him. I had a whole post typed out about how she is reaping what she sowed when she made the decision to lie, or "omit" information. I think she was wrong to lie, and she is now learning why.

 

But I figured that if she already felt she did no wrong, or what she did was "wrong but justified" then I might as well mirror her thought processes. Technically, until she is asked directly whether or not she took the pill, she is only withholding information, she is not lying. She could argue "you never asked". Its not "right", but it happens in these types of arguments.

 

Unfortunately for her, the boyfriend now holds the most important cards. As a result of her lying to him about being on the pill, he can argue that had he known she was off the pill, he would have worn a condom. His pulling out, while not reliable by any means, was done under the assumption that she was on the pill -- she was not, thereforeeee he was robbed of the chance to take the extra precaution of a condom.

 

I seriously doubt this was an isolated incident either. She has been off the pill for over a year without telling him (her bf of FOUR years). There comes that point where omission just becomes malicious.

 

I bet if the same logic was applied to a guy cheating, then saying "I feel badly enough and that is punishment enough, so there is no reason to tell her because then she won't trust me" people would be up in arms.

 

If she wants to keep him, she would be wise not to argue back when he blames her for doing what she did. I sincerely hope that she is not pregnant. If she is, then I sincerely hope they will see eye to eye on what to do. The friend of mine who was in this situation and the girl he knocked up agreed to abort, but it was still pretty emotional.

[Batya33]

She told him she was on the pill or at the very least led him to believe she was on the pill and then she didn't tell him when she went off the pill knowing that he assumed she was still on it. That is a lie by omission, no different than telling him "I am still on the pill." I don't make the distinction you do.

 

Similar example - woman went on antibiotics while on the pill and didn't tell her boyfriend and knew that the antibiotics weakened the effectiveness of the pill. She now has a baby and he didn't marry her. She lied too by letting him believe that she was still taking the pill and that its effectiveness was not being compromised in any way.

[TheFoglifter]

Fair enough -- our stances differ depending on whether we consider omissions to be lies. I really do wish the best for this couple.

 

I've said it once and I'll say it again -- I LIKE when the gf slips the condom on me, its kind of sexy. I've never enjoyed sex any less with it on.

[ghost69]

well i got the flu this year because it is the first year i didn't get the shot. weird huh? sorry for being sarcastic, but you can't wonder why you got pregnant. i don't care if he pulls out, doesn't know, etc. you need to tell him. i don't care if you end up actually being pregnant or not. don't you have feelings enough to let him know what you are doing?