ten Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I lost my dad last september... he died unexpectedly doing the job that he loved, saving our earth. The pain is still fresh as the moment I kissed his forehead before we cremated the body. The only thing that got me through all the nights was my wonderful girlfriend who just broke up with me because in the last two weeks I let emotions over the loss of my dad get to me and I became easily aggravated, bickering with her over small things. I still showed her I loved her by being the best boyfriend i could but I think those two weeks added more stress onto her already hectic life. Now, without her... this pain is too much! I feel so alone and the pain never seems to leave. So i talked to my best friend about it. It's extremely personal and he's really at a loss for words at some of the stuff i tell him. naturally it's nothing like the ability my gf had to make me smile when i was feeling down. I live a couple hours away from home and it kills me because my mom has been mentally breaking down lately. I came home early from school to take care of my mom for the weekend because she isn't doing so well mentally =/ It's 5am right now and I've been up thinking about my ex and reading through the breakup forums.. I just heard my mom cry out for my dad and I just want to break down. She cries "why did you leave us." Sometimes she will just fall to the ground literally breaking down, kicking, screaming, crying.. she's the most wonderful mother and does not deserve this pain. When I arrived home from school today she told me she has been having dreams about my dad and asked me if I dreamed about him too. I have... and we both broke into tears. I usually stay strong in front of my mom but not today. Sometimes we talk about the fact that before he left on his trip he was acting like he knew something was going to happen. In my dream my dad knew he was going to die soon and was telling me his life's stories.. i woke up in tears. I have an older sister who lives at home but my mom tells me my sis doesn't take care of her and that she leaves for days on end with her bf... When will the healing begin, everyday I find myself asking why. why him, why someone so wonderful and dedicated to helping others. i feel like life can't get any worse. Thanks for letting me share my feelings with you... sunday will be my first birthday without my dad. i'm not celebrating it. =( Quote Link to comment
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.