onelasttime

wow. my heart goes out to you. i cannot even to BEGIN to imagion what you go through everyday. i am so sorry to hear about your loss and your mother's hard times. my prayers are going up there for you. i am sorry about your ex girfriend.. i know what its like to lose the only one that has ever made your life seem right. i know it's hard for you to hear this, but you have to realize that if she bails out just because of a few fights, then you deserve better. you deserve someone who will be there for you to just listen; someone who understands when you are having a bad day and accepts it, and does everything in their power to just make you feel loved. i know it may seem like someone like that is too good to be true, and believe me, i know that feeling, but they will come around. right now, you just need to spend time caring for your mother, your family, and YOURSELF. your father is looking down from heaven smiling at how strong you are being for your mother. this is hard for me to say, because i have never been in your situation. i don't want to sit here and tell you that i know exactly what you are going through, because, truth be told, i don't. and i know i hate it when people try to tell me they understand. i think your best friend may feel the same way. they care about you so much, but they don't know what to say. they know that they can't just cure your pain with words. but just know that they love you and are trying to help you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. i know you don't know me, but my heart really goes out to you, and if you ever need someone to just listen, im here. i know the feeling of having no one, and that's the last thing i want you to feel hang in there, try to keep your head up, BE STRONG, and remember that sometimes its OKAY to cry. email me if you need me email removed

That One Summer Day verse1 it was a cold dark day as he sat there afraid/ starring at this arm at the scar that he made/ her distant message "I Love You" on the wall/ the dying pain in his face the girl he loved never saw/ memories of those summer night remain in his head/ along with the things that she once said/ she was his life, but shes gone now/ hes trying to be strong, bue shes not there to show him how/ the person he thought could save his life can now take it away/ but she never knew the price that theyd pay/ he holds the poisen close to his mouth/ thinking to himself "i guess forever only lasted until now"/ as he was about to take hold and make the biggest mistake/ he remembered the promise he had made/ he mouthed "i love her too much to leave her this way"/ as he stood there starring at the wall at the words she wrote that summer day.. chorus x2 do you remember when it was just you and me and the only problem we had was how late i would be from sneaking out, and now i look back just know that i love you, remember that fact verse2 it saved his life this time, but would it do it again?/ life is so much harder than it was back then/ hours turn to days, and days turn into a week/ it took time to get through the past, but they began to speak/ the hearbreaking words that stained her cheeks/ hes back to fill in the cracks of the love her heart seeks/ but its different now because of the pain she put him through/ suddenly hes not the same smiling face she once knew/ she doesnt trust herself with the gift of his heart anymore/ not stable enough, no, wont break his heart anymore/ as they get closer, his problem seems to get worse/ he knows he cant be with her for now and it hurts/ he tries to hold in and see the comfort she wished he'd find/ but no matter what, the constant thought was always on his mind/ as the weeks went by, he made two more tries to succeed/ the love he had for her was overcome by depression and greed/ he mouthed "i love her too much to leave her this way"/ as he stood there starring at the wall at the words she wrote that summer day.. chorus x 2 verse3 she never thought shed have someone whod care about her like this/ unspoken words hid behind their every kiss/ the summer turned to cold but its too much to let go/ she doesnt want to hurt him, but she needs to let him know/ his pain is strong, and its becoming to be too hard/ chosing his life over hers, she didnt know itd get this far/ he almost threw away their love with a terrible note/ out of anger and rage, he tore down those words she worte/ he gave it to her as his last goodbye/ as she starred at the words, it was too hard to not cry/ their fragile souls were caught in the hands of fate/ who knew that her message would save him before it was too late/ time went by as they try to make it through/ took some time before she realized what she had to do/ this was the hardest thing for her to watch him go/ but he needs the help, and the support she would show/ as they days went by, it would be unbearable for her/ things from the past came back to clash with what had just occurred/ you never realize what you have until the day its not there/ sometimes the people you love are taken away, and its just not fair/ but hes back now, and their injuries are all in the dust/ "because from now on, its just about us"/ and now everytime he gets upset, he looks back on that day/ the day he mouthed "i love her too much to leave her this way"/ as he stood there starring at the wall at the words she wrote that summer day.. chorus x 2

hey, I read your post, and I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm not going to tell you that I know the pain you are experiencing, because, honestly, I know I don't; no one does. Everyone handles things in their own way. I am sorry to hear about your best friend/girlfriend. I, too, have been through a lot with love and heartbreak. I know it seems like the end of the world, but you will get through it if you at least try. You are worth something in this world even if you cannot see that. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I do not want to see you fail to discover happiness because of her mistake of letting you go. You sound like a really nice guy, and you deserve someone who can make you feel important. You said you are in a new enviorment now, and it might seem terrible. But maybe this can be a good thing for you to start fresh with new people. Get to know everyone and see where it takes you. Taking your own life is not the answer. People care about you so much, and suicide is somewhat selfish. It's the easy way out for you, but it leaves those who care about you here in torment for the rest of their lives. I have dealed with several cases of suicidal thoughts, some being my own, but I can promise you that there is more out there for you if you would just give it a chance to come along. I can't see the future, but I promise you that one day everything will be better for you, because i believe that sometimes beautiful things come from the worst. If you ever need someone to talk to, or to just listen, you can always come to me. Hang in there and keep your head up.

soo in august of last year i met a guy. we started talking and we started going out on september 8. everything was going great for the first month, month in a half. i could talk to him and tell him anything and he would confort me. he would call me all the time and just be there. then after the first month, he started getting demanding. he would constantly ask me for head and for sex and for other things. when i told him that i wasnt ready because of what i have been through in the past, he would call me a worthless * * * *. however, i would take it because i was inlove with him. he would compare me to his exgirlfriends a lot. he always use to joke around with breaking up with me and i never knew if he was serious. he would often lie to me. so then on our 3rd month i noticed that his AIM profile was blank, where it usually had me in it. he made up an exuce.. then one night i saw that he had all these other girls in it. this hinted that he cheated on me. because i was insecure, i just stopped talking to him because i figured he did not want to talk to me. i simply deleted his number and screen name. however, there wasnt one day that i didnt think about him. after being separated for about a month, we started talking again. we started dating again on january 18th. i was so happy that i finally had him back. however, things werent the same. he continued demanding and comparing me to other girls. when february rolled around, i didnt talk to him on valentines day. he didnt call me, or even get online and i didnt see him that whole day. i had to watch everyone else be happy. when i asked him the next day where he was, he said i was suppose to call him. because of my self esteme, i blamed myself. then eventually he moved on and i stopped talking to him because i knew he didnt want to be with me anymore. i went 4 months without talking to him.. but i thought about him EVERY day. even though i had another relationship during that time.. i dont know why i am soo inlove with him, because he treats me so bad. i guess its because he knows all the right things to say.. anyways, so we started talking again about a week ago and started going out on july 4th.. we had a great week but recently he hasnt been calling me. i make all the effort to keep our relationship up but he makes none. i am starting to see that i can do better. many other guys treat me SOO much better. my boyfriend claims that hes too busy to talk to me. i have considered breaking up with him. however, i dont want to make a mistake. i dont want to go on thinking about him for months. i think i am scared that if i break up with him then he wont care. i know he wont. i still have feelings for him but i dont know if i can stand his abuse anymore.. should i stick this out?? i cant talk to him about it because that will force him to leave me. i know this sounds pathetic and i sound like an EXTREMELY weak person. help?

ok well there is this guy, hes a year older than me. we have grown up together. i have known him my whole life. i could tell him ANYTHING in the world and he would be there for me. he was like my brother.. anyways, last year around may he had gone through A LOT.. his dad beat him, cheated on his mom, his parents got a divorce, he had to stay home with his brother while his mom worked late hours, he almost went to junvi. i was there for him through all of this. so then last summer, around july, me and him kind of had a thing. we were extremely "friendly" that whole week and we were hooking up. and i trusted him.. so then one day, me, him, and some friends went up to hershey park for a day.. that whole day we were kind of all over eachother. durning the car ride home, we were in the back seat lying down and cuddling. I got tired so he held me. before i fell asleep, he made a move one me and I SAID NO because i was not ready. (i was going into 8th grade and dealing with some self esteme issues.) so then he agreed and i fell asleep.. when i woke up, my bathing suit had been untied and he was doing things to me.. he was feeling me up and he began to finger me.. i tried to push him off but i couldnt, he was too strong. i didnt want to make a scene because we were with friends and i knew that would only screw his life up even more and i care about him and dont want that for him. for just a moment, i thought that maybe if i didnt force him off, MAYBE this ment something to him. i trusted him and i didnt think he could do something like this to me. so when we finallly got back to my friends house, he decided to go home.. i ran to catch up to him but he ignored me. so then i talked to him online and he had told me that he was not over his exgirlfriend yet. he made me promise not to tell anyone what had happened that night. he said it would be best for both of us. so i didnt tell anyone and i had to deal with watching him flirt with EVERY girl while we were out with the crew, and he would ignore me. i had to watch him flirt with MY SISTER. (my sister has put me through soo much in my life.. she use to hit on my mom and i and have outbursts when we were younger.. she still does occasionally. shes 2 years older than me but is MUCH bigger and stronger.. last summer she would tear me down. she knows i am extrememly low in self esteme and wish i could be like her. she knows i think shes perfect. so whenever the slightest thing went wrong between us, she would sit there and say things like "youre soo ugly" "you have no friends" "youre fat" and it wouldnt matter because she would act like an angel around everyone else so they all loved her.. and my parents didnt care how she treated me because they didnt "approve" of me because i listend to eminem.. i write lyrics when i get depressed and he is the ONLY thing that gets me through because i can relate to him and they tried to take that away) To watch the FIRST guy i ever trusted, and i admit, the first guy i truly fell in love with be with my sister who had done those things to me KILLED me. all this ontop of depression was the worst. so i would keep EVERYTHING inside, still bearing my secret, and i would take it out by hurting myself.. either through not eating or cutting myself. one night when we were hanging out and HE and my sister were there, my friend realized something was wrong, so we went on a walk and i broke down and told her EVERYTHING. she was there for me.. but eventually, time went on and she told my sister and then our whole little crew found out about it.. this ruined EVERYTHING.. they acted concerned, and jimmy stopped talking to everyone and wouldnt come out with us. eventually, everyone moved on like it was just some other drama in our group. however, i cant move on. i FELL IN LOVE with him. and i still, to this day, have nightmares about that night. i still get depressed about it and kill myself over it. i blame myself for EVERYTHING. so about 5 months after this all happened, i finally opened up to another relationship. the guys was somewhat sweet to me, but was demanding. even though he knew what i went through, he would ask me for things like head and sex. when i would tell him i wasnt ready, he would start calling me a worhless . he would constantly compare me to other girls who throw themselves at him. dont ask me why, but i was inlove with him and couldnt stick up forself, so i took it. my best guess is i clinged to him because i was soo desprate to fill in the gap left in my heart from the summer. so then after 3 months our relationship ended because he just stopped talking to me. im not sure if he cheated on me. about a month went by and we eventually worked things out and got back together in january.. on valentines day, i did not speak to him.. he didnt call, or even get online, and i didnt see him. i went the whole day watching everyone else be happy but me.. soo eventually he found someone new and we stopped talking.. my whole life i have been lied to and hurt. i was born constantly going in operations because i was born with an inoperatable brain tumor. it has not grown, but there is still a slight possibiliy. i also have a shunt. i have lived my life in fear. i also grew up with an alcoholic mother and a father who ofter lost his temper and yelled a lot. my mother went to rehab when i was in 6th grade after getting in a car accident. i still have dreams about things she would do when she was under the influence, and i cant help but remember how she would make me hide her stash when i was soo young. i know this has been long, but if you have read this, i would really appreciate some help. if anyone out there can just email me or let me know that you have taken the time to listen, that would mean THE WORLD to me. i have no one i can talk to about my problems. i know i havent been through half of what other people on this site have, but i just need some support. thank you. sn- one last tiime x email- link removed[/i]"]minimee515@link removed God Bless