Women go for personality over looks ?

[TheRedQueen]

I am all about personality, and if anything, I have a bias against good looking guys (they're not to be trusted in my opinion).

 

Intelligence, sincerity and spunk. These three qualities I look for and like.

[RogerRamjet]

I think everybody falls for a good looking person and prays that they have just enough Anti Jerk Tonic in their medicine cabinet. This is that so they can tolerate them as they stare into their dreamy bedroom eyes. If the tonic runs out and this luscious vision turns out to be a moron, his jerkiness transforms into a mere "bad quality" that all of his wonderful qualities outweigh. As long as he looks good, he's got it made in the shade. If he's ugly, he's walking on egg shells.

 

My feet have yolk stuck to them.

 

BEst analorgy ever.

[itsallgrand]

I've thought long and hard about this actually. For myself, it is neither looks nor personality that has drawn me to the men I have been drawn to for long periods of time. The ones I went for.

 

We are all individual in our choices and even as an individual, what we look for and go after changes.

 

I used to go for men based on how they made me feel. Insecurity? Probably to a degree.

But looking back over time, this can go both ways.

On the healthy end, a man who sees the good in you and who treats you well - as well as treating others well and generally seemingly to be a person who thinks and cares about others and life - is important.

On the not so healthy side, there is the vulnerability that we all have to one degree or another to hearing 'pretty, pretty lies' and believing them. Thus, perhaps overlooking other important elements and actions by this person.

 

Looks and personality both need to be attractive to me. But what makes it attractive ultimately comes back to myself.

Self-absorbed?? Maybe.

Not completely though. Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.

 

Your dream may be my nightmare. What delights you might make me gag.

 

Whoever the person is, they must seem to bring positive experience and joy.

To me that takes - compassion, wit, strength, sensuality, and curiosity.

[ghost69]

how can you be drawn to neither looks nor personality? weird.

 

i agree with the percent examples. 100 to 80 somewhere in there. not quite a 100 but the difference is about right i bet. i don't 100% look for looks, i'd say closer to 30% if the personality is 70%. i think personality is harder to find in someone than a nice face or nice booty.

 

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[Northalius]

BEst analorgy ever.

 

Shouldn't this comment be in the Sex & Romance part of the forums?!

 

It just doesn't look right!

[Karhu]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I find that someone has their base attractiveness, which gets multiplied by their personality over time. As you spend time dating someone and looking into their eyes you see their beauty come out, and start seeing attractiveness even on their obscure physical qualities that others might find unattractive. Or vice versa, a attractive person has an attitude problem and instantly looks like a troll.

 

The eyes area gate to the soul. The eyes say so much about a persons personality, even the thoughts they want to hide are often visible in the eyes. So when meeting someone new I always find their eyes the most interesting and attractive aspect of their looks. Especially when it has a little sparkle.

 

Personally I find looks get the initial attention, but the personality is what decides if I want to continue spending time with someone. In the end we will all grow old and ugly, so it’s important to find someone who you are mentally and emotionally compatible.

[Batya33]

Am I missing something or is really all that you're saying is that you go for looks first, personality can improve on or detract from looks, and eyes/eye contact are important to you?

[Karhu]

Personality comes first. it is the most important thing!

And personality also changes how you perceive their looks.

[fredericvo]

if u ask me, women go for money only.with "personality" they really mean the self-confident guy who is very successful in his job...

[Batya33]

Personality comes first. it is the most important thing!

And personality also changes how you perceive their looks.

 

Yes, just wanted to make sure with all the details in your previous post that I got it right -

[Batya33]

if u ask me, women go for money only.with "personality" they really mean the self-confident guy who is very successful in his job...

 

I've met a number of dull people (not just men) who are very self-confident and successful in their job - they don't get out enough, apparently.

[ghost69]

personality is first in my book, but i won't know if they aren't attractive physically first. i have to be able to hold a conversation, but i have to be attracted to them first. but before anything further happens, the personality must be there. the physical aspect is just to get me started. i would think women would have to see something physical about a guy that was attractive first. something must be there. unless the woman is blind. i know a lot of women that i've hung out with checking out guys and say they won't go talk to a guy because he isn't attractive. so the personality is out the door right there.

 

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[Batya33]

Yes, I have to find the man attractive but to me attractive includes how he carries himself, how he makes eye contact, how he interacts with others. I wouldn't go over to a man just because I thought he had good looking features.

[onlineguy]

Yes, I have to find the man attractive but to me attractive includes how he carries himself, how he makes eye contact, how he interacts with others. I wouldn't go over to a man just because I thought he had good looking features.

 

You see, as a guy we do. If we find a girl hot physically then we have the emotional interest to go and talk to her. If we do not find her attractive physically then we will not have the emotional interest to go over and talk to her

 

? So if girls do not have the interest to talk to a guy even if she finds him physically atractive. What makes her have the interest in going to talk to him, to get to know him ? Or does this just not happen ?

[annie24]

that's a pretty undefinable quality. obviously, i see lots of good looking men, but don't feel the urge to talk to them. when i do approach, it's because i think we have something in common, or there is something about him I find interesting. like if he is from spain, and that is my favorite vacation spot.... something like that, where it is easy and natural to start a conversation. or if he is wearing a T-shirt that has the name of a college and I can be like, "did you go there? I went there too!" (Assuming of course, that you are not in the same state as the college you went to. It would be really a dumb line to use on a guy wearing a Univeristy of michigan sweatshirt if you are at the university of michigan campus!")

 

I don't know... I guess I would need some indication that we would have something in common before i approach a guy....

[Batya33]

You see, as a guy we do. If we find a girl hot physically then we have the emotional interest to go and talk to her. If we do not find her attractive physically then we will not have the emotional interest to go over and talk to her

 

? So if girls do not have the interest to talk to a guy even if she finds him physically atractive. What makes her have the interest in going to talk to him, to get to know him ? Or does this just not happen ?

 

 

Perhaps you are like that. I know plenty of men who will talk to a woman they find intriguing based on a combination of looks, vibe, energy, presense, etc. I don't do the club/bar scene anymore - maybe that scene tends to attract men as you are describing - would not know.

[ghost69]

you said you wouldn't talk to him unless you had something in common. you won't know until you talk to him right?

 

 

 

 

you say you don't base it on looks bat? aren't you viewing all of this with your eyes? it's not just a nice nose, nice eyes or something. finding someone attractive physically is all of that. getting the rest out of them is when you approach for a conversation. that seals the deal when you find out if they are compatible or not. i don't see where the club/bar scene came in here though.

 

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[Leonhart]

I think looks play a very important role in determining who we are and are not attracted to. That said, beauty is so in the eyes of the beholder. What one person finds attractive, another may find repulsive. So... and I can't believe I'm saying this... there truly are no ugly people in this world. Because no matter who you are or what you may look like, there will ALWAYS be someone out there who finds you attractive! I've only recently just come to realize this.

 

So even if people do base all of their first impressions on appearances, it doesn't mean it's vain, shallow or certainly not, hopeless. Beauty is so subject it isn't even funny. Why am I bringing this up? I don't know! I'm very tired and haven't slept in many, many hours. lol

[ghost69]

that is a good point wil. that's what i've been saying all along. nobody, except maybe blind people, can say that they don't 'judge', and i'm using that word lightly, whether or not the 'like' someone based on appearance. you can't just look through somebody's skull and go, i know he has an incredible mind, or i know he likes mountain biking, etc. you don't. not until you strike up a conversation. i never once said here that blond and blue eyes was the most attractive thing in the world, not once. some people on here seem to think that is what i'm talking about. wil even said it, everybody has their own opinion of what attractive is. so anybody on here that says they don't use their eyes, cannot make a statement that appearance means nothing.

[Batya33]

I watch how he interacts with other people, his body language, vibes, energy - whether he looks and carries himself in an intelligent way - what I meant about the bar/club scene is that if it is a typical scene it is dark and crowded so I cannot tell much about his presense beyond his features. On the other hand, if I am at an event or doing an activity I don't just take in his physical features, but how he carries himself and interacts with others.

 

When I was much younger (teens/early 20s) and went to club-like parties it was all about looks as far as who I picked out of a crowd - that changed as I got older - just naturally changed.

 

When I do focus on looks I will pick the guy (when I am single - right now I am exclusively dating someone) who looks bookish/academic, thoughtful, introspective over someone who looks conventionally (model-like) handsome. To me that has less to do with features than my speculation as to his personality - that intelligent/bookish look gives me a safe bet that he might have compatible interests with mine. If you consider that focusing on looks then it is.

 

I think it's fine to focus on looks if that's what you're into - not shallow at all - it's reality - just not typically what I do.

[Altruist]

Being physicaly attractive gives you a roughidea of a person's personality. If they take the time to take good care of their body then they are worth pursuing.

[ghost69]

nice tron. good point.

 

batya, you are still using your eyes to size them up though. hence the word appearance. it is all combined in that word. 'physical' features and 'clothing' would be a much more descriptive term for the area you are referring to. appearance includes but not limited to: looks, facial features, swagger, stance, walk, interaction with others, etc. when a model goes down a runway he/she is selling an appearance which leads to sales of an item. it has to do with how they walk in it, look at the crowd, etc. the sale of this item has nothing to do with what they like to do in their free time, how many times they go to church, the fact that they like chicken over fish, they are humorous, a generally nice person. you think the buyer cares? no, but their appearance sold them the item. they didn't walk up to the runway with their eyes closed and touch the dress or suit and say "oooh, i like it."

 

dam that was a good analogy!

 

not all clubs/bars are dark and crowded. that is stereotypical though.

[Batya33]

Being physicaly attractive gives you a roughidea of a person's personality. If they take the time to take good care of their body then they are worth pursuing.

 

I disagree - I know people who are genetically thin, and genetically overweight, and people who have fit bodies but are not attractive looking.

[Batya33]

We just have different definitions of physical appearance. I define physical appearance as physical features. I don't include the person's vibes or energy or his eye contact as purely physical appearance because that also comes from within.

 

Most of the clubs and bars I have been to that are geared toward young single people to meet have been dark and crowded.

[Altruist]

I disagree - I know people who are genetically thin, and genetically overweight, and people who have fit bodies but are not attractive looking.

 

A genetically overweight person can look attractive, they just have to take good care of their appearance. People who take the time to groom themselves naturally exude attractiveness, no matter their physical stature. Btw, who said thinnies are unattractive???