age-old question

[carbon]

can two straight people of the opposite sex be just friends? what would be the circumstances for either yes or no?

[Meow18]

I believe so.

 

It can be hard sometimes though if and/or when one starts to have feelings for the other.

 

But in the cases where it's really just a friendship with no feelings, I think that two people of the opposite gender can be great friends.

[renaissancewoman101]

Oh yeah. I think people of the opposite gender make great friends because they have a different view on things than people of the same gender as you.

 

I have guy friends and it's cool.

[Suesser Tod]

I'll only tell you this.

 

90% of the "yes" will come from females.

 

90% of the "no" will come from males.

 

5-10% of error. Count the replies after a few days.

[barbielovesmac]

I'd say 99% of my friends are guys, and two of which are my best friends and I have very close relationships with. I have one best friend who is a female and a few female aquaitences but that's it. I definetly have more guy friends. I've never thought of my guy friends in any other way but friends and I'm pretty sure we are all on the same level. I find it easier for me to get along with males easier then females. I love my my male friends minds, it amazes me because you look at everything in a different way then you would if they were your significant other. It is definetly POSSIBLE, speaking from experience. As far as it being a problem in a relationship with say my boyfriend I'm just upfront and honest from the start, i'll let my boyfriend know "hey look, so and so is my best friend and it's as far as it goes and that my relationship w/the friend is not going to change." if he has a problem with that, then that is a problem to me. I've never had any problems because I was upfront about it, and my boyfriends have met my male friends. As a matter of fact my current bf is friends w/all my guy friends as well so it works out pretty good. This is just my OP of course.

[renaissancewoman101]

Most of my friends are guys, but then I dont have that many friends. I have a few female friends but most are guys. I dont think that is a bad thing. It all matters from the perspective you look at. Guys and girls can be friends, just have to be a bit clear on the boundaries, that's all.

[charley]

I'm amazed that someone can seriously ask if men and women can be friends. Haven't you ever experienced that?

 

Good grief, I'm straight and I've got a heap of platonic women friends. One of my women friends is a lesbian, another is bi. Most are straight.

 

Many of my women friendships are years old. Some as long as 13 years old.

 

My women friends fall into 5 categories:

 

1) Some we are mutually NOT attracted to each other, but we like each other.

 

2) Some I am attracted to, but they're NOT attracted to me, but we like each other.

 

3) Some are attracted to me, but I'm NOT attracted to them, but we like each other.

 

4) Some we are mutually attracted to each other, but she is unavailable (BF or married), but we like each other.

 

5) We are mutually attracted to each other, she is available, and I need to ask her out soon. Also, we like each other.

 

That explains the 5 categories of my platonic women friends.

 

I admit there's a few of them I want so bad it hurts, but it doesn't seem to be problem to our continuing to be friends. There was one gal who wanted me bad and I wasn't interested. It freaked me out when she used to stare at me excessively, but she stopped staring and now we get along great again.

 

In the case of the number 5 type women, I need to convert that into something more than friends, but still also remain friends. There's no reason I can't have a romantic relationship with a friend and stay friends. I've done it before and it was great.

 

In the cases of the other types of women, we'll continue being friends as we are.

[charley]

I'll only tell you this.

 

90% of the "yes" will come from females.

 

90% of the "no" will come from males.

 

5-10% of error. Count the replies after a few days.

 

Ya? Is that correct? Even if it is correct, I've got enough women friends to make up for all the other guys. Ha ha ha ha.

[Alabama]

I think so, but it depends on the two friends. I admit, I've had infatuation for different female friends, but once it has subsided, then it can be a good friendship, just as any other.

[carbon]

Any involvement of attraction does not apply as a purely platonic friendship IMO.

[charley]

IMO, "platonic" means no sexual contact or actions. It doesn't mean no desire. Also, sexual attraction does not invalidate a friendship. It can coexist with a friendship.

 

Also, there are many of my friends where there is no element of attraction for either of us.

[Suesser Tod]

Any involvement of attraction does not apply as a purely platonic friendship IMO.

 

 

You know? People like to fool themselves.

 

 

The reason for my first post is:

 

a) Females are quite likely not to have any sexual interest on a male.

 

b) Males are quite likely to have sexual interest on any female.

 

 

Given the chance, most males would go like bunnies over their female friends, but in the meantime, they say they are "just friends", while the female does not suspect a thing.

[barbielovesmac]

I'll only tell you this.

 

90% of the "yes" will come from females.

 

90% of the "no" will come from males.

 

5-10% of error. Count the replies after a few days.

 

I do agree with you 100% on this though. Guys see it differently. i have been friends with my two best male friends for 10 years, we grew up together. to this day there is no attraction. not every male and female have to be attracted to eachother IMO.

[carbon]

IMO, "platonic" means no sexual contact or actions. It doesn't mean no desire. Also, sexual attraction does not invalidate a friendship. It can coexist with a friendship.

 

Also, there are many of my friends where there is no element of attraction for either of us.

 

I see we have very different definitions of a platonic friendship. Of the women with whom you are friends and are NOT attracted to, why do you value their friendships?

[lifestream]

I have slight attraction for some female friends. I'm sure if some wanted to go with me then I wouldn't have any trouble. But that doesn't mean I'm in the relationship because of that. It usually doesn't even cross my mind.

 

There are also other girls that I have no attraction to at all, but enjoy their company and like talking to them. Nothing wrong with that

[carbon]

You know? People like to fool themselves.

 

 

The reason for my first post is:

 

a) Females are quite likely not to have any sexual interest on a male.

 

b) Males are quite likely to have sexual interest on any female.

 

 

Given the chance, most males would go like bunnies over their female friends, but in the meantime, they say they are "just friends", while the female does not suspect a thing.

 

I agree with you as such has been my experience thus far in life...although I'm only in my mid 20s.

[charley]

Hey, we can be real legitimate friends while at the same time I'd love to @#$% her until she can't see straight. I see no conflict there as long as I behave as a friend and a gentleman. We might even flirt, but that does not invalidate our friendship. I'm ruled by my big head more than my little head, even if the little one is screaming in the background.

 

None of that ^ invalidates my friendships. Some of them have last 13 years. All my female frienships are more than 3 years old. So clearly either they don't hold it against me for being attracted to them, or they don't know because I'm such a gentleman . Maybe a little of both? Either way, we are still longterm friends of years.

 

Then too, there's all those other women friends of mine where we have no sexual attractions at all. They are also friends of many years.

 

Nice guys are horny too. I think most women understand that and accept that, as long as he's well behaved about it. I can't help wanting some of them. What I can control is how I behave about it. I'm very respectful. If or when I flirt with some of them (or them with me), it's in polite, respectful ways. Nothing to overt.

 

All I know is I have many longterm women friends and attraction is present with some of them, and not with others, but regardless it doesn't increase or decrease our friendship. I think a lot of that is how I conduct myself. Some of it is their tolerance. Some of it may be my tolerance, though I don't like being stared at excessively.

[shikashika]

Any involvement of attraction does not apply as a purely platonic friendship IMO.

 

Exactly.. charley.. in nearly all your examples..there is attraction on one person or both person's part! That is not platonic!

[charley]

I see we have very different definitions of a platonic friendship. Of the women with whom you are friends and are NOT attracted to, why do you value their friendships?

 

Because they're my friends, same as a guy friend. With the ones I'm attracted to, it's still the same thing too. They're my friends, same as a guy friend. The attraction is a separate issue entirely to me, and not relevant to the friendship. I keep it separated well enough so it's not a problem for them either.

 

Liking a woman and being attracted to her are two entirely separate issues to me. Our friendships are based on the liking, not the attraction or absense of attraction. The attraction, or lack of it, is irrelevant to our being friends. Attraction is only relevant to whether we might become more than friends. Even if we did become more than friends, I'd still keep our friendship as a separate issue from attraction or romance. To me they are separate things.

[barbielovesmac]

nicely said!!! nicely said!!!

[charley]

Exactly.. charley.. in nearly all your examples..there is attraction on one person or both person's part! That is not platonic!

 

It is platonic because we aren't doing anything.

[Blue Skittles]

Yes I have many male friends that are JUST friends and its never gone beyond that.

[charley]

Liking a woman and wanting to !@#$% her are entirely separate issues in my mind. Totally segregated. Like two separate bank accounts. The money doesn't mix.

 

Some women I like. Some women I don't like. That's all about personality, and only personality, and that is what determines if I want to be friends with her.

 

Some women I am sexually attracted to. Some I want so bad I can't see straight. Some women I am NOT attracted to.

 

In my mind, friendship and sex are two separate issues.

 

Heck, I know some women I don't like, but I'm sexually attracted to them. I hate myself for it, but the little head gets a vote too.

 

For being friends, all that matters is that I like her. Attraction or lack of, is irrelevant to my being friends with her. Apparently they feel the same since I behave myself, and since I have a 13 year track record of longterm women friends.

 

For wanting to have sex, all that matters is that the little head likes her, which means a sexual attraction. That sounds terrible, but I'm being honest.

 

The thing I need for a GF is a woman I like, who I also am attracted to and want to !@#$!. My two former GFs were my friends before and during the time we dated. Our physical interests in each other did not replace our friendship, but just added another part to the relationship.

 

For a friend, all I need is to like her. That's it. Attraction is irrelevant to friendship with me.

[FortunateOne]

This is so true Charley. Just don't give the opposite sex too much insight on our psychy.

[charley]

Some of my women friends are OK looking. Some are beautiful. Some are amazingly beautiful and sexy. Some are very homely. Some are overweight. A few are 100+ pounds overweight.

 

None of the above matters at all with regard to my being friends with them. That's because attraction is not relevant to me being friends with anyone.

 

Some of my friends are better looking than me. I'm better looking than many of them. So what? Who cares?

 

Attraction or lack of it, is not relevant to a valid friendship. The friendship is based on liking the other person, not based on attraction or lack of it.

 

People who think attraction invalidates a friendship are wrong. Thankfully they are wrong. What if they were right? Does that mean an attractive woman can't have straight male friends? That's what it would mean if you subscribe to the attraction invalidates a friendship theory. It would also mean an attractive man couldn't have female friends. Thank God that theory is wrong. Perhaps some people can't handle attraction and would let it ruin a friendship, but I'm not one of them. Many of us can be attracted to someone and still behave properly, which makes friendships based on liking someone still possible. That's good news because it means that attractive people can have opposite sex friends.

 

Also, in the past with my 2 GFs, we continued being friends even while attracted to each other. The attraction did not invalidate our friendship. There is nothing sweeter than being mutually attracted to your best friend, and she returns both the friendship and the attraction. That's the best. It also proves that attraction does not invalidate a friendship. They're separate issues, but when both exist in combination, it's wonderful.

 

However, I do acknowledge that sometimes some people allow an attraction to ruin a friendship. When that happens, it's usually because someone misbehaved and their conduct ruined the friendship. I've had that happen a time or two myself in the past, but I've since learned to not let attraction interfere with a friendship. It's all about how you conduct yourself. I didn't learn that until my late 20s and early 30s. So maybe this is something guys learn with age and experience?