My Boyfriend Won"t Have Sex With Me!

[lilsmc]

ok, well we just started to go out but have been talking for about six months. The thing that bothers me is the fact that he always brags about how good he is in bed and and he knows how to make a girl feel good during sex, but when it comes to me, he has NEVER EVER even grabbed my butt!! LoL! HE WON"T DO ANYTHING WITH ME!! Ok , keep in mind that he is 26 years old! It's not like he's a little kid, he's grown up!!! everytime we are alone, he ALWAYS finds an excuse to not hook up with me. For example, last night, i went over to his house, we were just hangin out there, two hours went by and he wasn;t even trying to kiss me, SO i MADE A MOVE! Ahhh!! i felt like i was back in middle school, just making out!! i asked him, "whats the matter" and HE CAME UP with literally 20 excuses as to why he wasn't in the mood for sex!!! he said he was tired, sick, exhausted, had work early the next day! ALL THESE EXCUSES!! it gets me so mad and frustrated, and it makes me wonder WHY!!! is it me? do i not turn him on? is it him? i even asked him if he's gay!! LOL He got pretty mad about that! I NEED SOME ADVICE PLEASE!!!! I even tried to go down on him one nightt,,, but he LITERALLY pushed me OFF (hard) and he was like stop! IT MAKES ME WONDER!! WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THIS GUY? I like him A LOT, but this whole thing (((not being able to hook up with him)) is really killing everything. ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED! thank you

[Batya33]

Hmmm - I wouldn't want to date a man who was tacky enough to brag about how good he was in bed with other women - in front of his girlfriend? Sounds like he sees you as just a buddy, not as his girlfriend. Also sounds like you need a relationship where the man is more take-charge and more into sex than this guy is. Not sure what you mean by "talking" for 6 months and why you are already trying to have oral sex with someone you just started dating. Not a good match, in my humble opinion.

[annie24]

oh yikes. Unfortunately, I have been in your shoes, but when I was 17. What the deal was with the guy, I don't know. I broke up with him for other reasons and 3 years later when he tried to win me back, I asked him why he wasn't responding to my moves.... and he said he wanted to "talk about it later." I don't know, maybe he was questioning his sexuality at the time?

 

I also wonder if maybe the guy you are dating isn't gay.... hmmmm.... you may be his "cover." ie, he can tell all his friends and coworkers that he has a gf....... but obviously, behind closed doors, that isn't how he is acting.

 

It is also possible he is asexual. maybe he is just not very into sex, or has a low sex drive. I don't know what is going on inside his head, but what is going on in yours? are you ok with this sort of a relationship, or do you want more? because if you want more, I think maybe you should leave this guy and find another guy who can't keep his hands off you.

 

EDIT: Ahhh, you haven't been dating for six months, just 'talking.' Then it is possible he just likes you as a friend, maybe is testing the waters for more, but if he is rejecting your advances, sounds like he isn't so into you. blah, I'd forget him.

[Blackhawk2009]

ok if i was a guy and i was like that then either.

 

He has something to hide...maybe he got a disease or something.

 

Or maybe hes nervous about what you will think when he does a certain thing, maybe hes never even done anything and hes just saying it to impress you.

[keefy1972]

Or maybe his "bragging" got the better of him and now he simply fears that he won't live up to his own hype??

[DN]

Or maybe he doesn't want to be pressured into having sex with you before he is ready. Men have that option just as women do. If he attempted to go down on you before you were ready what would your reaction have been?

[annie24]

good point DN......

[blender]

He might have and std and isn't ready to talk about it just yet... give it some time, and I agree with "Batya33" I wouldn't have too much respect for a guy who feels the need to "brag about his sexual prowess"... that's a bit of a red flag...

 

Ask yourself: Do you want to share the most precious part of yourself with someone who is not respectfully making a loving intentional effort to participate in this out of love?

 

What are your own standards/values? Before you try to make moves on someone...it might be best first to remember that your heart, mind and body are to be cherished, and it's starts with you cherishing yourself enough to set some standards/values before getting involved in a physically intimate way with someone...

 

Take time to get to know him better, and to know yourself enough to be sure your intentions are self respecting, and not about trying to prove something, or out of "curiosity" or trying to attain "instant intamcy" through physical contact. Because mature, honest, loving, respectful intamcy...takes both people having a mutual respectful loving intention...

[Maverick32x]

an std is pretty likely actually... if he brags about having sex all the time, and how good he is.. i'm going to assume hes sleep with a couple girls... odds are he caught something, and doesnt want you to know about it..

 

how long has this been going on? if its been over a couple weeks or months, than its probably not an STD, unless he isnt getting it taken care of..... either way, you need to talk to him, instead of call him gay.... If he keeps making excuses, I say its time to try to move on.

[sophie274]

I think it's very possible he is not ready, and quite shy about it. It sort of fits with the bragging - he is probably nervous and is bragging to reassure himself/boost his confidence.

 

I find it disrespectful on your part to try to perform sexual acts on him after he has said he wasn't interested. If you do not want to continue a relationship with him unless the two of you have sex right now, then you can tell him that ... but you really shouldn't be trying to force yourself onto him.

 

How long have you been going out? Is it really that strange that he is not ready yet? Do you know what his past dating pattern has been?

[Dako]

Some people brag to compensate for something private.

If he's not into it, you can't force him.

 

Believe it or not, all men don't want sex with every woman they meet.

I would accept that he doesn't want sex with you.

 

Leave the poor guy alone.

[pinkelephant]

could be because you just started going out? and he doesn't want to do anything yet? kind of odd considering he talks about it really casually.. so its not like he thinks its so special that cant be done with someone you just started dating...

 

a guy turning down oral sex.. hmm.. thats a strange one. my guy friends, i know would never turn it down..

[shikashika]

Its just speculation... but I find that the people that brag the most about something...are actually quite insecure about that particular thing..

 

If he seriously bragged about how 'great he was in bed' then I'd seriously wonder if he'd ever slept with anyone at all.. you never know..

 

I had a good friend talk about sex, talk about it like he was the 'man'... but then he admitted to me once that he'd only slept with 2 or 3 girls... at age 32.. and he was desperately scared of being able to please a woman

[annie24]

Its just speculation... but I find that the people that brag the most about something...are actually quite insecure about that particular thing..

 

If he seriously bragged about how 'great he was in bed' then I'd seriously wonder if he'd ever slept with anyone at all.. you never know..

 

I had a good friend talk about sex, talk about it like he was the 'man'... but then he admitted to me once that he'd only slept with 2 or 3 girls... at age 32.. and he was desperately scared of being able to please a woman

 

yes, that was my experience with that guy I mentioned. He was always bragging about how many women he slept with..... but when we had our first kiss, he seemed so nervous and awkward and inexperienced, I was wondering if he wasn't a virgin.... which is fine! but I was wondering, "why the act?"

[Day_Walker]

Sounds like he has some serious sex issues or something is wrong. If your inquiry is getting no where then perhaps it is time to move on if he is unwilling to discuss the issue with you or atleast tell you what is going on with him.

[shikashika]

Have you ever said to him, "Look I want to have sex with you... do you want to sleep with me?"

 

But then I don't know him.. that kind of 'talk' might push him away even further?

 

With my last boyfriend the first time we had sex... he was really nervous.. and acted really awkward.. but he was fine and fantastic the second time

 

As I said in my earlier post, I've known a ton of male friends who talk the talk ALL the time.. but then they admit to me when they are drunk or something that they are quite scared about it tall too

 

I find its the quiet guys who usually know what they're doing!

[lilsmc]

He Talks About Sex All The Time!!! That's All He Talks About, How He Wants To Be With Me Sexually And How He Is So Good! But When Ever We Are Alone, He Always Has Some Excuse For Not Even Touching Me At All! I Really Dont Know What It Is Anymore. I Have Even Asked Him Why He Won't Do Anything With Me And He'll Either Turn Things Around Saying That "it Looked Like You Weren't In The Moood" Or He'll Just Ignore My Question!! I Just Started To Go Out With Him Like 2 Weeks Ago, But I Have Been Serously Talking To Him For The Past 6 Months!! So Its Not Like We Just Met! I Really Like Him A Lot!! But This Sex Issue Is Starting To Get To Me! I Wouldn't Mind It As Much If He Didnt Bring It Up All The Time Telling Me "he Wants To Do Me, And He Can't Wait To See Me!! Because When I'm There With Him, Its A Completely Different Story!! I Dont Know Anymore. Its Very Frustrating!!!!!!!!!!

[lilsmc]

he'll also tell me how BIG he is and what not...but the times that i tried to find out how big he really is he has PUSHED ME OFF!!!!!!!!! it makes me feel so uncomfortable! advice pleaseee!!

[blender]

You've been talking to him for six months, but only dating him for two weeks, why all the sex talk? Why is it so important at this point? And are you okay being with a guy who talks about it so much..? Is that something you respect and admire about him? If not, then why are you choosing to stay involved?

 

Respect yourself, your heart, mind and body... don't offer it as a challenge..or a gift to someone who does not "cherish, respect and love" you.... your body is precious, respect it as such.. anyone can have sex...it's a sign of maturity when the "curiosity" is less about "sex" and more about the character of the person you are choosing to be with, THEN, you can build the intamcy so that the "physical expression" is respectful, joyful, sexy, intimate and real" so you can feel good about yourself and each other afterwards..isn't that what you want?

 

who cares how "big he is".. who cares if it's all he talks about..YUK

 

if he is not pursuing you in a respectful loving intimate way.. WHY are you so interested in "making this work on a physical level" with this guy? where's the emotional understanding and attraction? What is good for "you" in doing this?

[Dako]

Even if he caves and boinks you bigtime, don't you think he has major sexual issues to deal with? Do you think he'll instantly be what you want?

 

Most couples take a while to discover incompatability, but this guy's waving it like a flag. I'd decide if it's worth fighting a partner who's not into a physical relationship, regardless of their reasons.

 

Imagine you have a GF and her new BF is pushing for sex, but she's not ready.

Wouldn't you side with her?

Give this guy a break.

[candy604]

haha maybe he's a virgin!! or he's super scared. There goes that saying "talk is cheap"

 

Personally, he shouldn't be saying those things to you if he's not ready. It's just leading you on and you should ask him what is going on. Sounds like games to me. Do you guys kiss or make out? at least that.

[Caterina]

Or maybe he doesn't want to be pressured into having sex with you before he is ready. Men have that option just as women do. If he attempted to go down on you before you were ready what would your reaction have been?

 

I agree with this...this is a definet possiblity.