Please read!I need someone to talk to

[ilovecats]

When you read this,you are going to think I'm the worst person in the world.Okay,here's my story.

 

I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs.I care about him a lot but I do not love him.I never have but he thinks I do.He even thinks that we are going to get married someday.But what's worse than that is that I have been cheating on him for almost a year now.Not with one guy.I have cheated on him with three other guys.And I have had a just sex relationship with the last guy for about four months now.We work together,too.I don't know what's wrong with me.I feel awful.But obviously I don't feel too bad b/c I'm still cheating on him.I've broken up with my b/f two times.But each time I missed him so much,that I went back.I don't love him and I definitely don't want to marry him.So what the hell am I doing?](*,) I don't really know why I'm writing this.I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.I'm an evil person.He loves me so much,too.He does everything for me.And how do I repay him?By sleeping with other men.Yeah,I'm such a great girlfriend.I don't know what else to say.

[Drunk]

I agree, break up with him and stay broken up with him. Go NC and try not to think about him so you dont miss him.

[applejack]

That is some good advice about letting him down easy, and not telling him about what has been going on. Is it possible that you love him, but not in a partnership way? That being the case, it sounds like you have a great friend.

 

If you are having these feelings, and cravings for other men, then you need to give yourself some time to get those feelings out of your system. Get out of that relationship, and stay single for awhile. There is someone out there that you WILL fall in love with, and when that happens you WILL know. You will not want to be unfaithful to them...even in thought.

[DN]

Remember that you are making choices here and that you are not a helpless victim of your own desires. It is time that you took proper control of your own decisions because your self-esteem is already low and will only get worse if you continue in the way.

[FrancisHouseman]

yeah i agree with the last post.

 

I was like you, i would go from relationship to relationship cheating on them, feeling like i loved them, but wasnt 'inlove' with them, how cliche! and I used to say "is something wrong with me? am i incapable of love?"

 

Finally i met someone who i fell totally inlove with and for six months i wasnt even tempted, then one night i went out and snogged someone else. felt terrible about it. he dumped me sooner after and it was unbeleivable heartbreak.. however! I have since been in a relationship (Still in it) for over 16 months and i havent ever been tempted to cheat, have no desire to either. i want to marry him and have his babies and be with him forever.

 

I never thought it would happen for me.

 

maybe you need to be single for a while and find someone you truly love, then you wont cheat.

 

I also think its only fair you give this guy the same opportunity. Let him be free to find someone who will love him in the way he deserves and not cheat on him. you wll regret it if you dont.

 

i stll wonder about those poor guys that loved me and i broke their hearts and cheated on them and i can still remember their faces when they caught me.. one of them is married now and happy as a pig in poo! he he

 

let your fella have that chancex

[HarleyHunny]

We can't choose who we fall in love with so that part is not your fault....Let the guy go...He deserves better. There's someone out there for him and you are hindering him finding that by holding on....Tell him the truth, but please, keep the cheating stuff to yourself, don't tell him to have a reason to break up or to ease your own guilt.

[Batya33]

Not sure what the point is of your post since you say you feel awful but you're choosing not to do anything about it. At least you shoud let your boyfriend get tested for STDs (and you should as well). Sounds like you're just wanting to brag about how you sleep with all these different men and still have a boyfriend who loves you. That's sad. Please though use protection because I'm not so sure you're ready to parent and nurture a child, right - for one thing you're probably not home most nights and not reachable. Hopefully some day you'll choose to stop bragging and do what it takes to change - but from your post it sounds like that wouldn't happen unless you got burned, as in getting an STD, getting cheated on by one of these many men, getting physically injured by one of their girlfriends or spouses, etc.

[Batya33]

I think being in love is one motivation not to cheat if love was enough we wouldn't need marriage vows that prohibited cheating - even those who are truly in love, cheat because it is a self-esteem issue not always a "love" issue. The poster, given how she wrote her post, likely would cheat even if she were "in love" because of her low self image and death wish (death wish meaning she obviously knows how sleeping around increases the risk of AIDS and yet she does it anyway).

[bih2003]

Hmmmm , I would have done this my ex boyfriend style, let me down easy like all the other people mentioned up there, like something like I REALLY WANNA CONCENTRATE ON THIS bla bla bla, and how my ex noticed he wasnt ready for me YET so he left me so he wouldnt cheat on me, but maybe you got used to him after 4 yrs being around. You will miss that SOMETHING around you which is him even though u dont love him but if you feel unhappy in the relationship and rather wanna do ur own thing and explore the sea then that is the best thing to do is break up with him. BEST OF LUCK

[Jetta]

It's pretty obvious you don't love him. Why are you still with him then? You definitely don't want to marry him so you do need to break up before you end up doing so and creating a bigger mess.

 

I didn't love my ex. I ended up married to him because we were together for so long I just figured it was the next step. HUGE MISTAKE. I never would have thought something I took as no big deal could turn into such a huge mess. So really break up with this guy now. You're obviously capable of finding someone new whom you will be in love with. Move on.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

What are you really ripped up about inside?

 

What are you trying to distract yourself from by having a load of meaningless, toxic relationships?

 

Hard to believe, but I think your current multiple-cheating is jsut a symptom.

[eleanorrigby1]

What are you really ripped up about inside?

 

What are you trying to distract yourself from by having a load of meaningless, toxic relationships?

 

Hard to believe, but I think your current multiple-cheating is jsut a symptom.

 

mnnn yeah, can see your point here.. I was incredibly depressed when I was behaving in such a way.. I met my current boyfriend (The only one I havent cheated on!) when my life was going well and I was in a good place. Generally happy with myself and feeling attractive.

 

I think when we are happy with ourselves we are less likely to accept second best (for us) and less likely to fall into relationships we don't really want to be in.

[ilovecats]

Batya33,I am not on here to brag at all.If u r going to say things like that,then don't even post on my thread b/c I don't care what u have to say.I obviously feel some sort of guilt b/c I'm trying to talk about this and get some idea as to why I'm doing such an awful thing to a great person.

[Batya33]

I posted my impressions. It sounds like you want attention - whether positive or negative - rather than wanting to do something about it. It's all well and good to go on and on about what an "evil" person you are but it doesn't sound like you truly want to do anything to change it. You haven't mentioned looking for a good counselor or therapist, and/or ending things with your boyfriend so he can find a woman with values of loyalty and fidelity, etc. Perhaps "bragging" was the wrong term - but the strong impression is that you know exactly what you need to do to make things right but part of you enjoys being the "drama queen."

 

Also very interesting that you choose to respond only to my post and to none of the others that also give solid suggestions on how to change your behavior.

 

I would worry far more about pregnancy, STDs and other potentially dangerous ramifications from your behavior than whether someone gets the impression that you are bragging. But that's just me.

[annie24]

We can't choose who we fall in love with so that part is not your fault....Let the guy go...He deserves better. There's someone out there for him and you are hindering him finding that by holding on....Tell him the truth, but please, keep the cheating stuff to yourself, don't tell him to have a reason to break up or to ease your own guilt.

 

I agree. Let your bf go, and spare him the gory details. Let him find someone who will love him and let yourself find someone who will love also.

[arwen]

What are you really ripped up about inside?

 

What are you trying to distract yourself from by having a load of meaningless, toxic relationships?

 

Hard to believe, but I think your current multiple-cheating is jsut a symptom.

 

I was wondering about this as well. The main thing here is that you need to tell your bf that there is no future. Then, I think you should have a period of no relationships/sex. To figure out if you can be independent and happy without being somehow intimately involved.

 

Take care,

 

Arwen