Asian American men in American Society

[CluelessGuy321]

There seems to be a huge difference in how Asian guys are treated and viewed as opposed to other guys in the United States, and I'm trying to find some sort of way around this.

 

My example: A good friend of mine is always having trouble finding girls he's interested in. He is white and he's generally attracted to white girls. The problem is he gets hit on ALL the time by Asian women - while walking to class, in class, at parties, and he set up a match.com profile and gets flood with tons of flirts from Asian women. He's just not interest in Asian women though.

 

Now, my problem is: I've been raised in the United States. I've grown up with the notion that I'm an American guy. But...many times I don't think people see me on an equal footing as my white counterparts. In terms of relationships, I don't really have a preferred race when dating. My parents have been working in an inner city Los Angeles county hospital for over 20 years, and have seen it all. As long as the girl is respectable, they got no problems.

 

This doesn't seem to be the case around here in Southern CA in many cases. My caucasian friend has the same personality as me and has the same taste in clothing (we shop together). He's annoyed that it's hard for him to get into a relationship with an attractive caucasian girl, while I'm annoyed that Asian women have been throwing themselves to him (even though he has no interest). I have NO problems with inter-racial couples either, mind you. It's just when the women seem to throw themselves to a guy mainly based heavily on his race, that kinda irritates me. What is an attraction like that based on? Having a "status symbol"?

 

 

I've read an article about race and attraction too. The article stated that Asian men and Black women seem to have the most trouble when it comes to dating/relationships in the USA. They go on to explain the images of both race&gender's portrayal in the media, and how it contributes to how we are percieved - Black women with a domineering low-class attitude and Asian men with no sexual prowess or backbone.

 

And so, it comes down to me. How do I break through this stigma? How do I illicit attraction, when I've grown in up in a society that sometimes seems to slam down my worth as a man? I feel betrayed sometimes by the society I grew up in.

 

I dunno though. Maybe my thinking is a bit distorted right now....but when I read and hear things like the following posts:

 

 

 

 

 

I sometimes just get to thinkin'. The idea that if one day I, say, meet a lady who I'm attracted to and she or her family likes everything about me except my ethnicity, would get me a bit downed.

 

Just some observations of mine though. I don't like talking about this stuff with other people in real life. Most of my white friends don't like to talk about things in terms of race and things percieved from this angle, and I understand that too. I don't think this is an individual thing. It seems to be representation in mass media and upbringing.

[GuitarHero]

I'm asian as well (half asian anyway, Japanese and Cuban) I look asian, only I'm very tall 6'4''. I've never really had much trouble finding women, but its probably because I am so tall. I find Caucasian women usually go for tall guys. I feel very american, I can speak both Japanese and Spanish as well as English. I'm a weird combination, but I feel its all about attitude. There are plenty of women who like the foreign or exotic look, try getting to the roots of your culture, join clubs and groups having to do with your country of origin. You'll find somebody

[Dako]

I think you're right about the stereotypes, but in one-on one situtions the barriers dissolve. I suspect we all carry a seed of prejudice that can keep us from considering others as desirable, but meeting the exception can change us.

 

Most of the Asians guys I know are with caucasian women.

[sidehop]

I guess it depends where you live also. I've read somewhere few years ago Seattle has high number of asian male dating caucasian females. For me, being asian also (100% Japanese), I do feel some what similar about dating in general but it also depends on the people you want to meet.

 

Especially with women who have been exposed to other cultures or are interested in such, they seem to be more open whereas women who may have not had other culture influence or have never been out of state may be not as open. This is especially true around Seattle where women are definitely more open then someone from a smaller city/towns up north.

 

I just think it really depends on who you meet really.

[Altruist]

You may be generalizing here CluelsssGuy. The reason why your friend attracts so many asian girls, even though you basically dress the same way may have to do with subtle body language traits which may be different from yours. Humans project subtle body signals when they interact with others. It has been well-researched that women are ten times better at picking these signals than men. While you may not see these body language signals, women can pick them up easily and may feel attracted to him involuntarily. Whether or not Asian men are looked down upon in the USA, I do not know. What do others think?

[puff.tm.dragon]

I blame TV. When asian men are on they are usually a joke or a spoof of something. Growing up in the USA you see hot white and muscular black guys on tv and you beging to believe it to be true.

 

But it's ok though, if you notice more and more asian women are getting on shows and movies and they're smokin hot. One day hopefully we won't be the joke of hollywood.

[CluelessGuy321]

I guess it depends where you live also. I've read somewhere few years ago Seattle has high number of asian male dating caucasian females. For me, being asian also (100% Japanese), I do feel some what similar about dating in general but it also depends on the people you want to meet.

 

Especially with women who have been exposed to other cultures or are interested in such, they seem to be more open whereas women who may have not had other culture influence or have never been out of state may be not as open. This is especially true around Seattle where women are definitely more open then someone from a smaller city/towns up north.

 

I just think it really depends on who you meet really.

 

 

I agree, and I am focusing more on quantity than quality. It is just something that irritates me. I percieve it as...inequality. Not in a way that it is intended, but that people have grown up and have been swayed by certain qualities of attraction based upon nothing more than race.

 

 

You may be generalizing here CluelsssGuy. The reason why your friend attracts so many asian girls, even though you basically dress the same way may have to do with subtle body language traits which may be different from yours. Humans project subtle body signals when they interact with others. It has been well-researched that women are ten times better at picking these signals than men. While you may not see these body language signals, women can pick them up easily and may feel attracted to him involuntarily. Whether or not Asian men are looked down upon in the USA, I do not know. What do others think?

 

Of course I am generalizing as I cannot pick up every single specific event. And though I would agree with subtle body language, I would not use that as the reason in this case as my friend cannot attract the women he likes that easily, but gets the attention of Asian women very easily. He believes that part of that may be because he's not attracted, so he's pretty easy going with them because he doesn't want anything to do with them relationship wise. Maybe. But that wouldn't explain why for every 1 wink on link removed he gets from a white girl, he gets flooded with Asian girls trying the wink.

 

As for the Asian men being looked down upon - it is so in the media though it seems to be slightly changing somewhat. There is a very good site dedicated to this disparity in the media: link removed.

 

Now I do NOT want to focus on race here and playing the victim card in anyway. I just want to learn how to gain the power to break through these stigmas that I and other people do have. It may just be that I can only change the way people think, 1 person @ a time.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'm 100% asian, and never had a problem attracting women of any race--especially korean women. They LOVE me!

 

The trick, if you feel that you are too ethnic, is to take the time to get to know the girls, or rather, give them time to get to know you.

 

Certainly people have perceptions, and stereotypes, so when they see people like us, they think they know everything about us. But once they get to know you as a person, they'll get to know the true you, not the one represented by your exterrior appearance.

 

To me, its about embracing the things that people make fun of us by, and celebrating it. Yes, we have small dong-bones and can't drive, but, we kick everyone's tail in school and generally end up making lots of $$$.

[Day_Walker]

I believe that there is stigma attached to every race but at some point you have to realize the type (physical and emotional) of girls you work well with. It may as well be that you have to put in more effort than your friend. Of course you can counter act the stigma but I think that you have to take more of an active approach. Realized that a lot is based on appearance and you are never going to counter act that. See what tactics work best with your personality with women that way you can maximize your effectiveness with them.

You live in Southern California there are so many different women you just have to find the one/s that are more open minded and dont have a bias when it comes to ethnicity.

[LostInMyThoughts]

When you asian americans look in the mirror, do you see an asian person, or do you just see a person?

 

When I look in the mirror I just see myself, no racial identity. It's so weird to think that other people look at me as a race and not as a person.

[puff.tm.dragon]

lol asian men and black women, that's hilarious

 

im dooomed

[CluelessGuy321]

Yes, we have small dong-bones and can't drive...

 

I think I'm huge and I can out race any cop >: | (j/k on 2nd one).

 

I believe that there is stigma attached to every race but at some point you have to realize the type (physical and emotional) of girls you work well with. It may as well be that you have to put in more effort than your friend. Of course you can counter act the stigma but I think that you have to take more of an active approach. Realized that a lot is based on appearance and you are never going to counter act that. See what tactics work best with your personality with women that way you can maximize your effectiveness with them.

You live in Southern California there are so many different women you just have to find the one/s that are more open minded and dont have a bias when it comes to ethnicity.

 

I completely agree.

 

When you asian americans look in the mirror, do you see an asian person, or do you just see a person?

 

When I look in the mirror I just see myself, no racial identity. It's so weird to think that other people look at me as a race and not as a person.

 

Yeah. That does phase me. Passively, I don't see race. I just see a guy. Me. But when out and about, people's perceptions do vary about me. I just don't like a lot of the thoughts/perceptions I think. And from the posts I references in the my 1st post, I think it's a glaring issue to me.

 

I don't want to meet that great girl only to be friend-zoned because of race. I would refuse to even be friends at that point, because I'd just be too hurt and insulted. And it has happened and I guess I may be bitter about the whole experience...

 

Maybe I just need to leave the country for a few years. Get a more worldly view on things. I don't know.

[Caterina]

This is really general but...I know a lot of Asian guys who get women...Asian guys are treated the same way as anyone else is treated. Although, I've noticed that some Asian-type guys are more popular then others. Like lots of women like Hawaiin guys because they're tan & tall & muscular but not Japanese guys because they're short and thinner than we are and also kind of nerdy.

Anyways, I've really thought a lot of Asian guys were hot.

[BetterKarma]

I'm 100% Asian, and I have to admit that I have dated more non-Asian men than Asian men. It's not that I prefer one to another but that I think Asian men are a bit shyer than most. By the time they get the courage to ask me out, I am already dating someone else.

 

I also have a brother who is very popular with the ladies. Especially Asian women.

[Altruist]

Asian men are popular in the States for the right reasons also. They're very good at martial arts. Some popular actors such as Jackie Chan and the late Bruce Lee have made a big contribution towards the popularity of Asian men. So all you Asian men, you have a lot to be proud of!

[Dako]

I wonder if someday martial arts will be considered a stereotype, much like expecting all black men to shoot hoops, or all southerners to own a bass boat.

[Altruist]

I wonder if someday martial arts will be considered a stereotype,..

 

Yeah, it almost is already. 'Hey, do you do martial arts?' is usually an ice breaker when meeting an Asian guy. I guess this one is a 'positive' stereotype since most people admire those who are good at martial arts- it takes a lot of skill and self-discipline.

 

@BetterKarma

Interesting avatar you have there ...Would you care to elaborate?

[CluelessGuy321]

Yeah, it almost is already. 'Hey, do you do martial arts?' is usually an ice breaker when meeting an Asian guy. I guess this one is a 'positive' stereotype since most people admire those who are good at martial arts- it takes a lot of skill and self-discipline.

 

@BetterKarma

Interesting avatar you have there ...Would you care to elaborate?

 

And therein lies another issue. Asian guys don't generally get seen on the big screen UNLESS they do Martial Arts. Not many comedies, drama, romance, etc. Mainly martial arts. It's been changing though.

[confused25]

I'm Asian and I've dated both Asian and Cacausaian men. I don't really think I have a preference on the race, it's just whoever's personality I'm attracted to the most. All of my girlfriends are Asian and most of them prefer to date Asian men.

[Batya33]

In some cases it might be because the woman won't date outside of her religion. I am one of those people because I wouldn't marry outside of my religion. Most Asian people are not my religion. So, don't presume it has to do with some kind of racism.

[Ellie2006]

Cluelessguy,

 

From what I've observed, threads about these type of topics tend to move towards a reinforcement of racial/ethnic stereotypes; if you are really interested, there are TONS of research on this very topic. I can recommend one, if you PM me.

 

Just my two cents.

[Dako]

Ellie's right,

 

Race and ethnicity threads tend to go off the rails pretty fast.

I hope this one doesn't.

[charley]

Cluelessguy,

 

From what I've observed, threads about these type of topics tend to move towards a reinforcement of racial/ethnic stereotypes; if you are really interested, there are TONS of research on this very topic. I can recommend one, if you PM me.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Yep. Even if you mean well, even if you're an Asian, or even if you're just saying you like Asians because of xyz, no matter what you say, someone will get offended rightly or wrongly and then these type threads always turn nasty sooner or later. I abstain from this thread.

 

The moderators shouldn't even allow these threads in the first place.

[anydaynow]

I don't think there is such thing as a good stereotype. Generalizations are pretty bad, in general (ha ha!). Assuming that someone does martial arts because they are asian is totally stupid. Although I guess I do ask nearly every white guy that I meet if they are totally into baseball and apple pie. (No, of course I really don't.)

 

Seriously, I can't believe some of the crap people are writing: "Japanese are short and nerdy... Hawaiians are tall and tan?" You've got to be kidding me. What about fricking sumo wrestlers? Are they short and nerdy? "Asian men are popular for the right reasons, like being good at martial arts?!?" F's sake, I hope you guys are joking.

 

I'm an Asian female, and living among stupid people with stupid assumptions is so irritating. Guys see me and think I'm some sweet little submissive China doll. I'm the total opposite, with strong opinions and big mouth. I'm contentious and can be downright aggressive at times. Come to think of it, I don't know a single Asian female that fits the doormat stereotype that some guys assume to be true. Before I realized this was a stereotype, I used to get excited when I discovered that a guy I was interested in was into Asian girls. I felt like I was a shoe-in for the girlfriend position. Now I know better. I'm really wary of guys that are specifically into Asian girls. They must have some generalization about them to single them out like that.

 

I don't know if this stereotype is still widespread, or if it has decreased in recent years. Probably still widespread. It takes a long time for things to change.

 

Anyway, onto the topic at hand. Asian guys.

 

Same with guys. I know very few Asian guys that are smarmy nerd types; guys that fit the stereotype people are talking about.

 

Anyway, I'm finding more and more these days that Asian men are being portrayed a little better in the media. I haven't seen a Long Duk Dong (from Sixteen Candles) character in quite a while. In my opinion, it is getting better and will continue to get better. But not fast enough, IMO. I love it when I see Asian men portrayed differently. Even if it is in a negative light. LIke, there was some movie where kids were trying to steal the SAT answers. The Asian kid was a goof-off-stoner. Awesome! That Korean guy in Lost is a pretty beefy tough Asian dude. And did anyone watch the last season of Survivor? Yul was a total hottie with serious brains to boot!!

 

So, bottom line is it sucks to live in a world full of generalizations, but you can't do much about it except spread the word that the stereotypes are wrong. Even if they are "positive" stereotypes. That is just stupid. I've been told, "Oh, you Asians are so smart." That is lame. I know some pretty stupid Asians. Ever heard of the model minority myth? Also stupid, IMO.

 

Just remember that the girls that have those stereotypes in their minds are not the ones you want to be dating, anyway.

[charley]

...he gets hit on ALL the time by Asian women...

 

Lucky guy. Asian women are very popular and well liked in my area by all races of men here.

 

I had to say that. Now I'm abstaining from this thread before anyone gets offended or upset that I like most Asian women.