No More Hope

[Lady Bugg]

GFI...I gotta agree with the other ladies here. It sounds like you're really blowing a few exchanged words out of proportion. Her reply to ME seemed terse....she then abruptly said "Goodbye Dan". That is NOT the response of someone who WANTS to continue talking to you.

 

You can read into it what you like...but I REALLY think you need to leave her alone. Seriously. It seems as if you're obsessed at this point.

[lady00]

LADY, your BANG ON!!!!

 

YES, she is sending me MIXED signals in a way. WHY? Well, she is drawn to the Dan of today. NOT repelled like so many of you think.

 

 

I guess my point is...I can't tell either way from a few texts whether she is drawn to or repelled by you. I am curious as to how you can tell for sure which it is.

 

Aside from that...I hope you're finding a balance in your life. How much time are you spending thinking about this? I think if you haven't yet you should really try to think to find a balance and throw yourself into other things so that you can get more perspective on this. If you focus too much on this one aspect of your life you might be neglecting others.

[GoingForIt_77]

Can't win all of you and I'm not here to do so. Sorry you feel I'm delusional. I'm no more obsessed about my ex then ANY of the people on this forum are. TRUST me on that one.

 

I am completely confident in what I did today.

 

YES, it was about her boots, but like you said Carnelia, didn't she say she didn't care about her boots only 2 days ago? YES. Do you know why? BEcause that's how she felt at the MOMENT. Feelings are dynamic. People do things based on how you make them feel. On Sunday I made her want to run away and she told me that she was never going to reply to ANYTHING I ever put her way again. Did I believe that? NO.

 

That is how she felt 2 days ago. Did she want to feel that way? At the time perhaps.

 

Guys, it's not about staying away for a month or two. It's also not about trying to contact them on a daily basis. It's about being in control of OUR OWN actions and being confident, which draws people to us.

 

If she didn't WANT to respond to me today, she wouldn't have. SHE DID. The same girl who said she didn't want something she seemed to want today.

 

I know what I am doing.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You didn't answer my question, has it snowed since Sunday?

[GoingForIt_77]

Snowed? Explain.

[GoingForIt_77]

Yeah, "Goodbye Dan" was a FUN response. She would have LOVED for me to have responded to that. HUGE test to see if I would have. Guess what? I didn't!

 

Nothing is as final as many of you think. Of course she would push away the old Dan. Things aren't only on her terms. Not even close.

 

She wanted me to cross the line when she said Goodbye Dan, which was preceeded by her having said, "No, you didn't act like a @#@# on Sunday. Stop putting yourself down."

 

She defends me and then she says Goodbye. Her goodbye was VERY dramatic. It was done for effect and partially because she felt it, but also because it was done to see how I would react. Would I fight it. Would I argue it, or would I ignore it? I chose the latter.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Dan, she sent you a few lines of text today because you were questioning her about getting her stuff, line by line, a separate text message for each piece of stuff... how are you translating this into a big change in her attitude and that she is appreciating your boldness and following you, just from these few text lines responding about her stuff? where? you were talking about STUFF. then you try to lead her into another discussion about yesterday, and she just demurs politely and signs off with a 'goodbye, dan.'

 

you think she is admiring you for being bold just because she didn't scream GO AWAY at you again? she sounds like a person who likes to be polite when she can, and has already asked you to please not contact her, so she doesn't in her words, 'have to be the kind of ***** who doesn't answer calls'... so she could just be being polite here because she doesn't want to have another 'leave me alone' conversation marathon and you ringing her phone a million times for an emotional scene every day.

 

so a few text messages talking about stuff and being polite to you does not translate into wanting to get back together or to 'follow you' back into a relationship due to your 'boldness'.

 

man, PLEASE talk to your therapist about this, for your own and her sake...

[melrich]

Were you right last time? Was your analysis correct? This seems to be a recurring theme.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Snowed? Explain.

She may want her boots now because its snowed and boots are good to have in the snow.

[GoingForIt_77]

Be Strong, I would be a FOOL to think that she wants me back.

 

That is NOT how feelings work. That is NOT how attraction works. I am NOT the passive type and never have been.

 

I can get anything I want in this world. I cannot make anyone think differently, BUT, when IF you want someone to feel something different, you must show them something different.

 

That is what I did today. Today, I did what DAN wanted to do and she knew that. I showed her that I was NOT scared of her. On Sunday I lowered myself and put myself beneath her in SO many ways. I put her on such a pedastel. THAT was the problem.

 

Melrich, yes mate, I am not the same man as that other guy from back then. That ex and I are friends today. She is married and she KNOWS that I am different. She tells me that all the time. I have NOT fully ironed out all my flaws. I have been getting better, but all that was wrong with me was my lack of belief in my own potential and abilities and having needed validation and reassurance from others and being SO dependent on that.

 

It's times like these that I remind myself that I am my own man and THAT is who my ex was drawn to. It's about learning to SUSTAIN that and NOT fear it going away, because when you fear that, it DOES go away and so does everything else around you. FACT.

[GoingForIt_77]

These are NOT the kind of boots you would where outside...lol .

 

How nice of her to tell me to keep the umbrella and telling me because she knows I don't have one. What happens when it rains Carnelia .

 

Seriously though, the BOOTS are irrelevant. Focusing on the boots is missing the motivation behind why and HOW I did what I did today.

[Lady Bugg]

Just curious if this is the old "Danimal"? Your way of "speaking" is awfully familiar.....

[GoingForIt_77]

Melrich, I want to add that THAT Dan from way back then was a MASTER manipulator who did things I am NOT proud of today. I would never do those types of things today.

 

While it may seem like a similar situation, it really isn't. BEEC can vouch for that.

 

I have come a long way since then. I have humbled out. I have matured, but looking back at my old posts from early 2004 until the end of 2005 I know that I lost some of that boldness, which I am trying to incorporate into my new repertoire. I was grown to weak and feable over the years. I was more daring back then. I like that part of me, without the manipulation. Nothing of what I do today is a scheme of a plan. I am A LOT more honest. Probably TOO honest with my feelings, which is what got me in trouble with her on Sunday.

 

Remember, I was the guy who preached ALOOFNESS, INDIFFERENCE, VAGUENESS, AMBIGUITY, MYSTERY, etc.... I forgot how vital all of that is. No one wants you to poor out your feelings onto them when they are confused.

[melrich]

Melrich, yes mate, I am not the same man as that other guy from back then.

 

Danimal, the issue sounds almost identical and people are telling you right now the same things they were telling you 2 years ago about I assume a different girl. Revisit the thread.

 

In fact this current thread could simply be merged into the threads you were posting 2 and 3 years ago seemlessly.

 

This poor girl has asked you not to contact her. You are looking for any excuse and are twisting any communication into what you want to hear and believe. The pattern is identical and unfortunately I think for this poor girl the long drawn out result could be the same.

[GoingForIt_77]

I am still fundamentally the same person as I just explained in my previous post, but I have lost a lot of what made Danimal, Danimal. Today I am Dan. I am a calmer guy who cares a lot more about people and who has seen a lot and has learned, which is what kills me that I KNOW exactly WHAT I did wrong with my now ex, who was FAR better than the one who originally brought me to this website way back in the fall of 2002. She was a @!$. This ex is a VERY special person.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You've done this to another girl?!?!

[melrich]

I am a calmer guy who cares a lot more about people and who has seen a lot and has learned, which is what kills me that I KNOW exactly WHAT I did wrong with my now ex, who was FAR better than the one who originally brought me to this website way back in the fall of 2002.

 

OK. Then let her make the next contact. I presume you have no further reason to speak to her now that everything she wants has been exchanged.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think what people are trying to say here is that you're not the Puppetmaster, and she's not your puppet. It's great to have confidence, but not when it used to jerk someone around to try to control them, or manipulate them into doing something they are not comfortable with...

 

That kind of Puppetmaster attitude and reading big things into every little thing she says/does works to shore up your emotions and confidence for a while, but what happens to you when/if she permanently cuts the strings??

 

there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and pushing someone into blocking your calls permanently because you don't respect their wishes and pester them...

[GoingForIt_77]

No need to call her a poor girl Melrich. I am not a bad guy. I hurt her. YES. I know that. That old Dan did not go for help. This Dan has been for a year now and have tried hard to get rid of my skeletons and I have most of them.

 

I preached something on here back in the day that did work, if done for the right reasons. This is a getting back together forum, remember?

 

My ex asked me to stay away, because she wanted to be away from the Dan who pushed her away for months, because he was scared to get close to her. Why was he scared to get close to her? Well, in many ways, it was that other ex who played with and messed me up. She abused me EVERY single day. Verbally and physically.

 

When I said that I have humbled out, well I have, but there are still scars there and I am working on them and by doing what I did today, well, there is NOTHING wrong with it. If it were wrong, she would have told me, or better yet, she wouldn't have replied.

 

She didn't want to go away. She loved me when she left me. Last Monday night (our 5 hour conversation), she was crying and telling me how much she still loved me. She was conflicted and confused. In many ways, I took away her confusion this past Sunday, all because I got emotional, thinking only of me. Today, I just did, without emotions. I did what I did and I will not question that.

 

BTW Melrich, I helped MANY people on this site back in the day. I had 100's of people PM me on a weekly basis asking for guidance. I have the fundamentals, but lose focus and stop believing in myself. THAT is the issue.

[GoingForIt_77]

HEY, I did NOT violate her today. She had the free will NOT to respond. It takes 2 to tango. Do not forget that.

 

I did not use any manipulation at all. I was not arrogant, but then again, a bit of that is required, isn't it? That's what I've been lacking for a while.

[melrich]

No need to call her a poor girl Melrich.

 

She is a poor girl Dan. She wants peace, it bleeds through the posts you make. And you are not going to give it to her.

[GoingForIt_77]

NO Carnelia, I have not done this to another girl. The girl Melrich is drudging up from the dead is a girl who did this to ME. She was abusive. She verbally and physically abused me for almost 3 years and I felt like I deserved it, so I kept trying to get her back. She had NO compassion. Heartless through and through. This current ex is the EXACT OPPOSITE of her. I just didn't feel that I deserved her because of my low self-esteem, so I pushed her away from me.

 

I am only now remembering what makes me so great! . Joke...I think.

[GoingForIt_77]

Oh yes I am Melrich. Offering to mail her boots back is a NICE and THOUGHTFUL gesture.

 

Again, she is a grown woman, who is NOT helpless. She can choose to ignore my contacts. So far, she hasn't.

 

When you go in wanting nothing and only giving, they rarely do after all.

[melrich]

She can choose to ignore my contacts. So far, she hasn't.

 

She wanted her boots mate...that's all. She shouldn't have to ignore your contacts. She asked you to stay away.

[renaissancewoman101]

I've read your past threads since I was searching for "detachment" and "unrequited love" and your threads popped up. In many ways, you are acting with this lady the same way you were with the other lady. Constantly analyzing her every move, her every word, her every gesture, wondering what YOUR next move should be to counteract her gesture, comment, etc. Trying to read behind each and every move, word or gesture she makes.

 

IF this is a recurring theme with you, and it seems like it is, I think you REALLY should seek counseling to work through your issues and get to the bottom of why YOU are this way. It's your insecurities that are coming out and YOUR control issues, and you are making it HER issues. Stop beating the dead horse, it isnt going to resurrect itself for you.

 

She's done with you, let her go. All the words and actions you do wont bring her back. LET HER GO. Sometimes we cant control what happens to us in our lives. We cant control how others will act towards us. We just have to accept it and move on.

 

IF we dont, then we sink into the depths of paranoia and insanity.