help! keyed by boyfriend's car

[satori_0]

wow it was a horrible night for me last night. I dont know where to begin. First I was suppose to meet my boyfriend at his place around 5pm. I go there which is a one hour drive plus 30 minutes with traffic. Well I go there and see his car there. I call his phone millions of time and no answer. I walk to his car and stand with my back facing his drivers door. I am so mad on the phone that with my hand placed behind me I scratched his car with my keys. I panic and realize the consequences. I get nervous and go wait by my car for his return. Still hours pass and no answer. Stupid me and I call the campus police saying that my boyfriend is missing and cant find him. They look for him at his dorm and call me saying that he is not there. Yeah i just called those cops so that they can see whats going on and if hes okay. I was thinking he was in the dorm room trapped or yeah...cheating on me. Well boyfriend comes back and I approach him telling that someone keyed his car and that I called the cops to look for him because I was worried sick for him. He gets mad calls his parents because he thought the policed called them and tells his parents he is fine and that someone keyed his car. Well panic ensues as his parents tell him to report it to the campus police for vandalism. I still dont want to admit that I did this because it already scalated to the worse case scenario anyways. So then he accuses me of keying his car and says I did it. Well i got mad because I didn't think he would accuse me so I ended getting violent and spilling water in his fridge and when I got to his computer and saw porn photos on his laptop I got angrier. I hit the keys on his keyboard hard and wanted to slam the monitor too because of this porn.

 

Long story short around 3am I confessed and told him I did the crime. I gave him 500 dollars in cash so that he could fix the damage. I apologized for my lies and told him that I dont know what got in me this horrible night. Now he says that I can't contact him for awhile and not to call him till I forget about him and move on. Its weird cause he said 'love you' when I said it to him and that he said that if I give him time and space that he can fall in love with me again. Right now I dont know if we can have a friendship? I am lost as to this crazy feelings inside and afraid of worser damage that can happen to me. My boyfriend well exboyfriend right now said I should kiss my freedom and realize that I could have been in jail if he so wanted to do it.

I dont know what to do? should I even bother with him or what?

[Kalika]

Umm, I'd say, definitely not. You've already acted in a way that's, well, bizarre and scary.. I hate to say it like this, but it sounds like you and him are over. You can't go around vandalizing people's property every time you get mad. That's something you can figure out in your own time. If you're letting your insecurities get the best of you in that manner, you shouldn't be in that relationship, plain and simple. It's not fair to your xboyfriend, but quite frankly if he takes you back, he deserves it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

wow, girl, two illegal acts that i know of there... keying someone's car, then filing a false police report because you were angry and thought he might be cheating... then a temper tantrum with more acting out inside his apt.

 

this behavior is way out of line, and your boyfriend may be thinking you're psycho... it sounds more to me that you just worked yourself up into a frenzy of rejection, fear, jealousy etc. but the bottom line is you have to learn how to handle those feelings without acting out in self destructive ways...

 

he's right though, he could report you to the police for several things that night, so i suggest you leave him entirely alone and get help for yourself. please attend some personal counseling or anger management courses, and work on finding a way to communicate that doesn't involve vandalism and temper tantrums.

[Batya33]

Please leave him alone, consider yourself lucky that the repercussions weren't worse, and please get counseling for your anger management issues.

[Siriana]

Well could you be friends again is really not the issue here. But NO, I really think it's impossible.

 

You can consider yourself happy for not falling into even more trouble. You could be a girl with a police report if he wasn't so generous.

 

Sekk help for your anger problems.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there Satori,

 

I'm sorry you're in such pain, and maybe there's more to the story than meets the eye, but as the above posters say, your actions were odd and out of all proportion - as well as being illegal.

 

Do you know why you acted like this? I mean, do you over-react to things a lot, and lash out when things go wrong? I think you should see a university counsellor to talk this through, because things got so quickly out of control.

 

On no account should you get in touch with the bloke again - I think you need to focus on you for a while, and work out how to cope with your anger and reactions.

 

Keep posting - good luck!

[Day_Walker]

Take this as an indication that you need to seek help for your anger issues. As far as being friends with him you should, not even have that expectation.

[RelaxByWater84]

I agree with the above posters to seek anger management.

 

I know this is in the Breaking Up section, however, I have a few suggestions for you if you are ever in the situation where your boy-friend isn't answering his phone(he was probably in class) and you are getting mad.

 

1.) Bring a book, magazine, homework, notes from a class, or something to do while waiting for him. That way you can do something and take a break and call him.

 

2.) You could tour the campus. Look at the little shops at the campus.

 

3.) Wear a rubber band around your wrist and anytime you get angry pull on it to help relieve the physical tension that builds up in your muscles.

 

4.) Carry around a little notebook and pen and write down your frustrations. After you have written your feelings, tear the page out and rip it up and throw it away.

 

I find these help me and I don't do anything I regret.

[savoie]

as the other posters mentioned, you definitely have an anger management issue. i suspect that your life is likely filled with drama between family members, friends, classmates, coworkers - salesepeople are often a target of people with anger issues. anything sound familiar to you? while you may be able to hide your true feelings on occasion, i wager that you lose it fairly often.

 

imo - you need to take some time off from dating and sort your personal life out. this will only worsen over time without proper help......and god forbid you indulge in alcohol or drugs.

 

get some help - you will realize that you can find happiness within yourself - which will allow your emotional availability for a healthy relationship.

 

good luck.

[CluelessGuy321]

I dunno what advice anyone on this board can give you.

 

I think you need:

 

1.) To find a good therapist to work on your personal issues.

2.) You may need anger management class

3.) You possibly may need to go onto anti-depressents, if you aren't already.

 

Don't fight me on this. You do need the above things.

[need2bme]

Um, did I read that the keying was an accident, because your hands were behind you when leaning on his car? If so, why go through everything else?

[CluelessGuy321]

no, this lady has an anger issue. It's pretty bad when she's doing property damage. It's a step below acctual physical damage.

 

She really needs professional help, and I hope she is currently seeking it.

 

I don't know what she's going through, but her actions are not acceptable nor are they healthy in any way. She needs professional help.

[MacGyverRI]

1.) To find a good therapist to work on your personal issues.

2.) You DO need anger management class

 

If he does takes you back it will be because you actually did the above things.

[MacGyverRI]

Um, did I read that the keying was an accident, because your hands were behind you when leaning on his car? If so, why go through everything else?

 

"I am so mad on the phone that with my hand placed behind me I scratched his car with my keys. I panic and realize the consequences."

 

That reads premeditated to me.