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Everything posted by savoie

  1. So are you suggesting that the potential benefit of one or all 3 of these examples given to one person is outweighed because it potentially will push another to commit suicide? I don't know. People are not perfect - accross the board. I think people generally respond in way that is or would be useful for them - which makes sense - but it is projecting. I think it is very helpful for people to know what to do what not to do; what to say what not to say in crisis such as these. But I it is also important to say that I think people do the best that they can - generally. Some react with sadness, others react in fear, others in anger. Right or wrong they are human responses.
  2. I very much agree with your perspective Newday. I suspect that NTL may also have a commitment problem. She has stated in previous posts that she has displayed his behavior in the past. Additionally, committment phobics are commonly not only incapable of making a commitment to a relationship but neither can they commit fully to the ending of a relationship. It is classic for the personality to leave things hanging - never making a decision. Another indication is the fact that she is seeking a partner who is not fully invested in a relationship. I suspect that she may no longer be interested if he suddenly became 100% available to her. The extent to which she tolerates his indifference tells me this is true. I think another aspect for NTL to consider are her co-dependent tendencies. She puts his needs in front of her well being and, in the vicious cycle, gets upset with him for not behaving in a way that she wants and needs. While this guy is not innocent in this - NTL appears to be the main actor in this production. I have yet to see that NTL wants to work on things within herself. I hope that somehow - someone gets through to her. She has been given loads of positive feedback and there are obvious many people here who are concerned.
  3. I appreciate the feedback that a few of you have made about my posts. I have shown some frustration over the months with NTL primarily because I haven't been clear on her intentions with the posts. NTL - I am now taking a different approach to your posts. We all think about things that we don't want to discuss with our friends and family. Our inner most thoughts that is. Are you posting those thoughts here? Are your questions rhetorical? In other words, are you looking for a hug and words of enouragement when you are feeling bad? I honestly don't know what to do with your questions. They simply cannot be answered. But if you here to vent how you are feeling - please tell us that is what you are doing.......and keep it up as long as you need to. But seriously, you need to start helping yourself.
  4. ntl - you are entitled to feel confused. but the questions you ask HE may not know the answer to. we can only speculate. people are strange. relationships are hard. the amount of energy you devote to this man could be spent on someone who REALLLY appreciates and is inspired by you. you sound caring and sensitive. there are soooo many lonely people out there both young and old who could really use a smiling face and genuine concern to lift their spirits. go to a retirement community or volunteer at a local children's hospital. you will brighten someones day and perhaps you will see how another can brighten yours. that is the gift of love!
  5. i deleted my prior post because i really don't have anymore to add and i don't think that it was useful to the average reader here. ntl i sincerely hope that you get the support that you need.
  6. first of all - it has been less than a week since you have heard from a man that says you have nothing more than friendship. do you give your friends grief for not calling you after an ugly conversation? secondly - you know what he has given you in the past 10 months. do you honestly think he is suddenly going to change? that is pretty unrealistic. i am playing the devils advocate. i don't think it is reasonable for either of you to expect anything from the other given the fact that you do not have a relationship. i don't agree with his actions whatsoever. but neither do i agree with yours. you are not a victim. you are living a self fulfilling prophecy right now. the longer you hang on to a relationship that no longer exists the more likely it is that you will experience all that you fear. what will it take for you to let go? do you realize the potential emotional damage that you are doing to yourself if you continue to watch your situation slowly, painfully spiral downward? he has already demonstrated that he is incapable of respecting what you feel is in your best interest. forget what he says. FORGET IT! listen and watch his actions. i have a question for you. do you what you want with it. post your response here for further feedback or keep your response to yourself. Describe your idea of a healthy relationship FOR YOU. How are problems solved? How are decisions made? What kind of support do you need when times are hard? What kind of communication do you need from your partner? How do you prefer that person handle pressure? What brings you discontent with a relationship? What brings you contentment? Next describe what you have experienced from your exbf in the past 10 months with respect to the questions. It will take alot of honesty on your part. I see ALOT of denial on your part. He is definitely playing on your emotions but the writing is on the wall - you just don't want to accept it. Relationships rarely end with a definitive answer or reason - outside of death. Most people leave a relationship because it just isn't working. the reasons vary. sometimes its incompatibility - but more often it is because one or both are not ready or willing to do the work that it requires. even if you are compatible - it wont work without committment. imo - the two of you are not compatible and there is no committment. you can't do the work for two and he is unwilling to do what you need and want. words are nothing at this point. Stop placing any value of a relationship with him on anything he says. let it go. you don't have any control over him nor will you ever. i forgot to add - i agree with bubbly. you don't want to give up on him. but you seriously need to talk to your friends, family, a counselor about the extent to which you have taken this. i understand your wanting to give him a second chance - most deserve that. BUT YOU HAVE GIVEN HIM 100 WHEN HE HAS DONE ZERO TO EARN YOUR TRUST.
  7. I am not sure why he does what he does. It could be a number of things. But given the course of the past 10 months - or more realistically - the past 2 years of your relationship, he has not been a consistent, committed partner. Maybe, you could argue, that you haven't either. At the end of the day your relationship has been both draining and harmful to you both. I have said it before but you allow this man to carry too much responsibility for your happiness and/or discontent. There is ALOT of emotional manipulation going on between you. Doesn't matter which came first - the chicken or the egg - the reality is that you both are playing on each others emotions. As a result he reacts to your sadness and you react to his anger. You keep going in circles. There is nothing light and breezy between the two of you. Where is the fun? Why is everything so dramatic? Is it a reflection of one or both your personalities? Whatever it is - it doesn't work. And I suspect that too much has gone on between you for either of you to do anything differently. I hope that you will consider seeking counseling. Your self esteem is low. You seem unable to make health choices for yourself. Repeatedly asking why questions about human behavior will keep you where you are. The only answer you can really obtain is why you choose to stay in this place repeatedly making yourself to be a victim. The only person forcing you to stay where you are is you! His words are only words....there are no actions behind them. Yet you put way too much stock with what he says about a "possible" future instead of focusing on if this is satifying to you right now. Some people only feel alive when their lives are in crisis mode. I honestly cannot relate to that way of thinking but I hope that if you fall in to this catagory that you come to realize that it is very toxic to your emotional and physical health. edited to add: one thing i have notice with disfunctional relationships is that often times the two individuals in that destructive relationship are seeking to correct some unresolved conflict from their past. they are attracted to the very same behavior that left them feeling inadequate by another in their past. instead of mending THAT relationship or emotionally letting it go - they attempt to resolve it with another. is it possible that you went through a prolonged period of time where you felt unloved uncared for?
  8. hi there - i know that you are hurting - but you are allowing this to happen because you are letting him dictate the direction of your life. i know that you love him- but 10 months later of this misery - why do you want a relationship with him when you are clearly consistantly not content? instead of asking questions as to why he is doing this - ask yourself why you are willing to stay in a situation that brings you zero satisfaction.......??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? in reality THAT is the real question here. i don't mean to sound above you - but there is a life lesson here for you. you are making the choices - not him - he has shown you what he can give you which isn' t much. do you want to live with possibilities - or get on with your life with something that is substantive? yeah - it is hard to ignore the calls, im, emails, etc. from someone you love. but at the end of the day - what is it? is it a relationship? no!
  9. well you asked so i will give my honest opinion. i think the fact that this relationship is not working yet one or both of you continues to contact the other is purely selfish and totally disrespectful. i fail to see any love or concern for the other. if he wanted a relationship - you would be in one. if either of you cared about the best interest of the other you would give each other space instead of selfishly using the other to satisfy some void within. i am sorry. i just feel that you are using each other as an excuse to stay where you are. and where exactly are you? it doesn't sound like a loving, caring, honest or supportive relationship to me. and if it isn't - then what is the point with all of this drama?
  10. well - i sincerely hope that this meeting has brought the closure that you need. it is normal to still have feelings of hope especially after so many months of hanging on to threads. i agree with jelly. you need to move on. he is confused as is to be expected - there are few heartless people out there who enjoy breaking up with someone. i think it is harder to do the breaking up than to be broken up with. you feel responsible for hurt feelings on both sides. i wouldn't place too much weight on his "what if" scenarios. he hurts too - he feels bad. he probably wishes he hadn't caused you this pain......it is a large burden to carry.........he feels guilty. the one thing that i notice is how you are no longer blaming him. bravo. you seem to be accepting where you are now. i think it is still very painful for you so you are fighting that by trying to resist the reality........and give yourself false hope......but it is normal. please move on with your life. focus on getting yourself back to a happy state where you depend on only yourself for happiness. when you are able to do that someone will come along and compliment what you already find beautiful and wonderful about your life. look at this as a new beginning for you!
  11. oy.......i am without words. my question to you is do either of you ever mean or do what you say? how can you have a relationship not knowing what the other really means/wants/thinks? how can you really respect one another when you don't stick to your word? forget about advice from anyone else. you have to be true to yourself. whatever you feel is right for you......you will do. it may or may not lead to the outcome you desire - but whatever it is......it is a life lesson the universe is showing to you........and it will repeat until you see things clearly.
  12. i know that you are having a difficult time accepting things. you want to stay in this place or else you would be taking measures to help yourself. he is not doing anything to you - you are creating drama in a situation that primarily exists in your mind. you don't seem to take what he says seriously. trust seems to be a significant problem for you. i believe that if i comment or address your posts at this point that it is detrimental to you - i would be enabling you to continue in a behavioral pattern that is extremely unhealthy and not based on reality. the relationship has run its course. it has been over for a long time now. i am sorry that you feel bad. stay where you are as long as you like - but until you take responsibility for your feelings and stop blaming him for how you feel (good and bad) you are going to repeat these relationship problems with someone else. maybe this guy is a total jerk. if he is - learn to choose better. we teach people how to treat us. more importantly we choose our surroundings. get yourself to an emotional healthy frame of mind and not only will you attract other healthy minded people but you will deter those who are not. the bottom line here is the fact that seeking relationship advice at this stage is very unhealthy for you. do you find comfort in misery? if so, i recommend figuring that out. When i was in the blues with my relationship gone south, i pulled myself together and started volunteering for various causes. i still did alot of introspective work on myself - some with respect to the relationship - but mostly on me and what makes me tick. volunteering took that exhaustive, sad focus off of myself once and a while. gradually - i came out of my shell and realized that there was a hell of alot more to life than pulling the covers over my head for days at a time. Like I said before - I hope that you find peace soon.
  13. i try to be as fair as possible with what i post. i only get one side of the story here and while i have my opinions about your exbf, ntl, i try to approach you and him like i do most others - good intentioned people. i want to add that i don't condone his behavior - at all. i am not comfortable advising a person to stay or leave a relationship. i try to approach it with - asking what will make you happy and satisfied? content. my posts often sound like broken records - but it seems to me that the relationship is not the only problem here. i am not sure what is driving the obsession - and it might be painful to search for that answer- but i hope at some point, ntl, you can get beyond it. there is something deep that keeps you in a relationship that doesn't give back. there is something deep that keeps you coming to a message board searching for answers to his behavior. we cannot provide any of that. but as long as you are here - i hope that you get the support that you need to ultimately seek out the love and peace that i hope you can find.
  14. while i somewhat understand your wanting to see him face to face, in my opinion it should only be for closure - assuming that is what you need. however, i suspect that you hope that once he sees you again - something will suddenly change his position and feelings right now. i think that it would be grave error in thinkng for you to place to much value in that happening. you likely would be setting yourself up for a major letdown. it seems to me that he is acting towards you the way he would act toward a friend and when you attempt to make it more than friendship or worse, try to talk about the two of you as a couple, he reacts - because he is not there emotionally anymore. in fact, that is precisely what he told you. you are still IN the relationship with him - a relationship that is in the past. he is viewing this relationship differently. i don't think he wants to hurt you. but i think that you are vulnerable and are willing to do most anything to save the relationship. there are at least two major problems with that i see. you can't let go and give the relationship enough of a break for you to find a happy place with him - friends or lovers it still is a very draining and a sad experience for you both. it doesn't appear that things worked when you were together - nor does it appear that you are good for one another right now. point #1 - it isn't working now. secondly, i think that holding onto things right now is very damaging to you both. he is approaching things as a friend but has intimated that there could be more down the road. i see you not really acknowledging that you are no longer a couple but acting in ways as if you are. hypothetically speaking, if you visit him and you have a nice evening together and things lead to sleeping together - will you shame him for leading you on? I suspect that he views you as an adult capable of making her own decisions. He probably feels that he has explained to you exactly what he wants right now and he is not in a relationship with you. So if things get romantic and he still wants to be only friends the next morning how will you feel? Will you feel taken advantage of? point #2 don't do anything right now that you cannot take responsibilty for. you have all the information that you need to know that this guy does not want a relationship right now. if you choose to pursue, you know the consequences. i don't think his reaction to you is out of line with what he has been telling you. if you insist on making this trip - go into it without expectations. You might be pleasantly surprised - which is a hell of alot better than setting yourself up for disappointment. i know this is not likely what you want to hear. but i honestly believe that you are your own worst enemy right now. you need to be making heatlhier choices for yourself. love is hard - but it doesn't hurt like this. if the two of you have any chance in the future - you need to find happiness within yourself. the extent to which this relationship effects your emotions, well being, peace, etc. is too much for any man and, most importantly, is not good for you. healthy relationships should be loving, caring, reliable and compliment (or at least support) our INDIVIDUAL desires, interests. ambitions. this goes two ways. when a relationship becomes the ONLY thing in our lives - it is no longer a healthy relationship but an obsession and that is incredibly destructive to both involved.
  15. it is my gut feeling that it is best for you to take this time for yourself and do your best to impose strict no contact. you don't have clarity. you don't have peace. you will continue to wonder for a while......but that will go away. don't do what so many do and hang on to any thought of him. living in the past or future causes us to miss the important things that flash before our eyes every single moment!! breath. sigh. cry. scream. but acknowledge your feelings right now - not his - yours!!!!!! put the focus on you.
  16. ok - do you not see the pattern here? you are totally operating on (and have been) negative responses. he can't win. if he is disgruntled with you - you are offended. if he is nice to you - you don't seem to accept as that. why does there have to be drama?????? did you wish him happy birthday to get something in return? that really isn't a bday wish then is it? im sorry - i know that you are upset with the fact that he pulled away from you. but i got to tell you - it seems to me that you sabotage things. maybe your intentions are good but they are laced with expectations. there is a big difference between expecting what we should get from a relationship and expecting something where it is unreasonable. This relationship has changed. it is no longer - at least for now - and i am sorry for that. But you wished him a happy birthday and expected a different response - or were at least not happy with the response. So what are you going to do? Accept where you are at this time with him or continue to make excuses for whatever it is you imagine him to be thinking so that you placate yourself until the next time you feel weak???? oy!!!! i am exhausted just thinking about what you do. i can only imagine how you feel. YOU NEED TO STOP THE OBSESSION! this is why nc is important. its not for everyone - but for situations like yours it is the only reality check. you need the space and time to move on. do you really want to stay in this place???? holding on to a thought of him is not going to bring him back. but you will move at the pace you choose. ok - i do admit that what you are feeling is somewhat normal. when the break is fresh - we analyze what they do. if they are nice - it is normal to feel as though they have moved into indifference with us.....which is, to me, worse than hate - because hate still involves emotion......in a twisted way - but you know what i mean. if they are mean, our defense mechanism is to defend ourselves. so in that light - your feelings are totally normal. please read what i write knowing that i am only offering you words that are intended to help you learn about yourself. these words are only my perception and it may be off.......but it is what i perceive in you right now - at this moment. it doesn't infer who i think that you are. and really - it doesn't matter what i think!!!!
  17. im sorry if i gave feedback that came accross as negative. i might not have chosen the best words. i certainly was not suggesting that you should feel any more responsible for your relationship ending than you already do. what are you honestly trying to achieve here? if it is anything related to "winning" him back - you will not find that answer anywhere but within yourself. in that i mean - you need to reclaim all this power you have given him - his control over your emotional and physical well being - and move on with your life. he ended things. he selfishly put expectations of you and on you after you broke up. the way i see it you have two choices: 1. allow him to maneuver in and out of your life. no strings. no promises. only endless questions in your mind day after day, month after month. maybe your sticking with things will bring him back days, months or years from now. but maybe he never returns. 2. write him a letter. explain that you love him and that you want a healthy relationship with him. tell him that because you want more than he can give right now - that you need a period of time to find clarity. when you reach that point in time where you no longer react or analyze what he says or doesn't say - what he does or doesn't do - then you can work on being part of each others lives again - (and, if you are so inclined at that point in time, see where that leads to). explain to him that it just isn't possible for you NOT to have expectations of him or your relationship. if he loves and cares for you - he will respect it. the key here is that you move on to your future instead of how to win him back. open the book and let all possibilities flood in. this isn't about him. its about YOU and YOUR LIFE. this isn't a dress rehearsal. we have only one shot on this earth. the reality is, if he really does love you then he would want for your happiness too - even if it means you finding love with someone else. he has chosen this path - if he is everything you think he is - he will unselfishly support you in achieving happiness for yourself. if he doesn't, you have lost nothing with him. i've said it before but i will say it again. love relationships are one of the hardest things to do well. you have been miserable for a very long time. that is the reason for the angle of my posts. i think you might be too comfortable with constant discord. if you weren't, you would have been long gone from him by now. there are many people who don't mind drama here and there. they want that passion even if it means fights, tears. it helps them to reinforce feelings of love. but you have to find someone who has the same level of passionate display of affection. he doesn't appear to offer that. i don't know. but the chemistry between you doesn't seem to work. he seems very independent and self absorbed. you seem to want more togetherness and sharing. maybe there are things you can work on - but i suspect that you will find someone who is more compatible with you. anyway - i've responded honestly and only in my own opinion. i believe that you are causing yourself more harm by hanging on to his words. i cannot support that. i hope that you find peace with all of this very soon. nobody/nothing is worth this level of sadness and pain. NOBODY!
  18. im sorry you are still allowing this relationship to consume you. this guy could be a complete jerk - but my feeling is that he is done, done, done but he doesn't want to hurt you. it is not unusual to have seconds thoughts about breaking up with someone. the fact that he still leaves the door open does not mean that is what he really wants. you are hanging on to every little thread you possibly can. as a result, you are creating the need for him to reiterate what he has already told you time and time again. he doesn't want to do that anymore. who wants to break up with someone 1000 times? you need to respect the fact that he has asked for NC. i know you hurt. most people have been on the receiving end of a split at least once in their lives. I know how it feels. i understand the endless frustration with LIFE happening to you. the feeling like you have no control. the reality is that YOU DO HAVE CONTROL. you just can't have what you want where he is concerned. i don't think poorly of you or of your ex. the relationship has run its course. but if you continue to hang on to any shred of hope with a man who is not engaged in a relationship with you, then it is my opinion that you need to turn your focus and YOU and why you chase what you cannot have to the point of dispair. sad - very very sad.
  19. i agree he is selfish. he may also have a committment issue. that committment problem goes both ways - they can't committ to a break up either. if you love him and like him as a person - why can't you just explain to him that you both want different things RIGHT NOW. you need time and so does he. take a breather from each other. it sounds like it is what is best for you - from what you have said. if he doesn't like it tough cookies. remind him of the "space" he has demanded of you for the last several months. on the other hand - if you want to prolong your agony, let him have his cake and eat it too. in the end.......he doesn't want to deal with the relationship responsibilities right now. i don't see you being casual with him - and being comfortable with it. (don't blame you there) so - take care of you right now. it should not be this much work and drama......but sometime people are drawn to that.
  20. well - in my humble opinion - you have to decide how long you want this drama to continue. as cold as he as been for several months - it seems rather odd that he responds to you in the manner that you state. people are strange though. we can sit here all day and discuss the possible meanings of what he does and says. at the end of it all - how do you feel about it? love and relationships are not easy - but if you are miserable why stay in it? otherwise - maybe accept that things are going to be hard for a while - and instead of living with the "why is he doing this to me" feeling and decide that the relationship is worth the risk. i am not suggesting that you stick with it. nor am i stating that you bail. but - what you do is YOUR choice. take responsibility for it. don't engage with him again and come back to say that you were taken for another ride. i know that sounds harsh - but you need to wake up and smell the coffee! he may have made a huge mistake with you -but as long as you continue to accept anything less than what you want in a relationship -you only have yourself to blame.
  21. i understand - i consider myself to be rather picky too. in terms of what is going on around you - it is hard. you want to be happy for your friends everytime you get that call "im engaged" or "i'm pregnant" or "we're buying our first house"......but deep inside you want it to be you. everything seems to be bliss on that end......and unfortunately society celebrates couples more than they celebrate those who are not otherwise involved. kind of ridiculous actually. however, the reality is that relationships are hard.......and that reality makes you realize the cause for celebration that they elicit. holy cow - living with anyone for more than 5 years deserves a medal! while relationships are hard - it shouldn't be prolonged pain. its possible that your current bf is in the same predicament that you were in with your previous. think back on things - as much as you were devastated, there was probably very little he could do to change how you felt. timing is everything......... im not here to say that you should totally give up on things - anything can happen. but for me, i wish i hadn't let other peoples marriages and life events pressure me the way it did - many are already divorced.........or not happy. i cant believe i envied that.
  22. one thing that i want to add and i think that it might be useful to you - at least something to think about. when i was in my early twenties - my world revolved around my man. in a sense - that is good as long as you know who you are and put yourself up there with how you value your man and the relationship. when we broke up - i was devastated. partly because he was an amazing guy - but mostly because i didn't know how to find happiness within myself. in my own defense, at that age there is immense pressure - everyone is getting married around us and starting families. if i had to add one more bridesmaid dress to my collection of ugly dresses without becoming a bride i was going to totally lose it! like you, i had the upper hand in pther relationships as well. but 15 years - and a two proposals later - i have come to realize that the one motivating factory that drives men away - is desperation. mostly because it is hard to trust what is behind it. passion is one thing - but healthy men LOVE women who love and take care of themselves. don't get me wrong, men still want to be a priority to you. but the single best thing you can do to attract a healthy mate - is to be content with yourself on your own. i am not talking about an attitude that proclaims "i dont need no stinkin man". that is bitter. but learning to be happy, content and accepting of what is loving and good in your life right now. you may be young and i might be older than you - and often times this comes down to life experience. but i promise you that you will find greater happiness when you can honestly say that you don't need someone else to create it for you.
  23. well - if you do contact him - do it knowing that it likely will not change his feelings for the better and it could make things worse - depending on how you handle yourself. your relationship has had problems for many months now. no contact is generally used to create distance and help one to see things clearer. the problem is you don't want to put the focus on you - you are still focused (somewhat obsessed) on him. if you had anything to do with the problems in the relationship (and its usually a two way street) how are you helping yourself in any relationship by draining your energy day in and day out on what he is thinking? in the end - it you cannot change what he thinks. i've said this before, and i know what you are going through is hard, but you really need to ask yourself why you are living in the past. he isn't the person you fell in love with.....at least towards you he isn't. no other person defines another. no one is that powerful. the only power he holds is what you give to him. but why? why is he deserving of your adoration right now? why is he worth risking your happiness and wellbeing? why do you feel that he is the only person out there that you could find happiness with? do you have a history of depression? i am thinking that if you do, it could be a reason why you are giving this man and this relationship so much value. in the end - you are going to find a reason to contact him if you are that determined. but whatever you do - do what is best for you. no body has a crystal ball - but generally speaking - men go after what they want when they want it.
  24. hi - i just want to say that i think that you have made a wise decision. think of it this way - if he suddenly had a change of heart - he would contact you. calling him, in reality, only gives you a false sense of security. talking to him may make you feel better for a minute, an hour, a day or two.......but after that feeling of calm passes......you will be right back where you felt right before you called him. i think that it is good that you can show him that you can be patient. i also don't think that you made a mistake by breaking the agreement.....you are showing him that you care. but limit what you do. with all of that said - it makes me sad to see you pining for someone who is not returning the same feelings. but we all go through this at some point in life.....wanting something that is seemingly unattainable......for the moment.......and in some cases - years. i know that you see what is real and good about him. i only hope that you see how he is treating you right now. this is not how love feels. time and introspection will help you - if you use both wisely.
  25. i decided to look up your previous posts.....because something wasn't sitting well with me. i see that you have been posting more or less the same subject since 2005. is this about the same guy - same relationship? it would be one thing if you were married or with children - but you don't. have you ever lived in the same country as this man? i have no comprehension why you choose to live with the sadness that you do. some people find comfort in misery and constantly seek the support of others. are you more comfortable when things turn to drama? it certainly appears that way. do you find yourself sabotaging relationships? that too - is another possibility. i am going to be frank -but had i seen your 2 years of posts on this relationship i would not have spent the time that i have responding to this thread. i wonder if you all that you want is the attention here. if it is attention that you want - that is ok - just as i am entitled to my opinion of same - but it feels pretty manipulative - i wonder if your bf feels the same. its like you make him responsible for ALL of your emotions - and no one can deal with that. i don't know - your story is just too much poor poor me. i did feel bad for you - and i still do - but not because of your relationship - but for what YOU do to yourself. i wish you luck - i think you should seek professional help.
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