Am I an online-skank?

[whatsagirltodo]

Can I say skank on ENA? Lol. I wanted to use a four letter word that starts with an "S" meaning basically the same thing, but I was afraid I'd get in trouble!

 

Anyway! I've met several men online over the past month. But as soon as I give them my phone number, nothing. No calls, no more emailing, nothing. I haven't emailed any of them back asking "why" - it's really their loss, lol, I just don't get it!

 

Now, I'm not hesitant in giving out my number either. ...three or four emails and I'm ready to talk in person and set up an actual date! I don't like being online, and would rather get to know someone in person, a picture and general idea if we have anything in common is all i feel I need to know.

 

So do you think guys are turned off that i'm "easy" when it comes my attitude online? B/c I'll just give up my phone number after a couple emails?

 

That's really the only reason I can come up with, because i mean, it literally has stopped after i mentioned calling. ...and I don't even pressure the guys! I tell them that we can keep emailing or they can call, whatever they're comfortable with...

 

what gives?

[southerngirl]

I hope that you are not giving out your home phone number? Do you realise that with a phone number a person can find out wher eyou live?

 

When you do plan to meet these people, do so in a public place where you are safe.... also if you are giving out a number, I would hope thats a cell phone.

 

Next time, how about getting THEIR number instead of you giving out yours?

[chai714]

When you appear overly anxious or quick to make yourself available, it appears desperate. Be more of a challenge and make the man work to get it some.

 

That which is freely given is not valued as high as something that requires more effort.

[yeawutever]

Why not give them your cell # number? By giving them your real number you're risking a total perv. coming your way, there're many sickos out here.

If you plan on meeting any, it has to be in a public place or with a group of friends.

[NeverMore]

I was pretty much going to say the same thing Chai said. DO these guys ask you for your number after a few emails? Because if they do they most likely only want in your pants.

[HarleyHunny]

Sounds to me like the men you're choosing could be married, in relationships or just completely lieing about who or what they are!

 

Good advice given above.....Be cautious, be very cautious.

[whatsagirltodo]

I hope that you are not giving out your home phone number? Do you realise that with a phone number a person can find out wher eyou live?

 

When you do plan to meet these people, do so in a public place where you are safe.... also if you are giving out a number, I would hope thats a cell phone.

 

Next time, how about getting THEIR number instead of you giving out yours?

 

i don't have a home phone number. i give out my cell and you can't look the number up.

[agent1607307371]

It could be that when faced with the fantasy becoming reality, they back away. Or that they're not ready to take it to the next level after that number of e-mails. Maybe sit on your hands and wait a little longer

 

It is dating sites that you're meeting these men on right?

 

And agreed, if you arrange to meet these men, make sure you have protections in places, such as public settings and a silent alarm.

[RayKay]

I really can't tell you what the reason is.

 

Can I ask you if they ASKED you for your number, or if you just gave it to them?

 

When I dated online, I would meet people within 1-2 weeks after starting talking online because I too had no interest in actually ONLINE dating...typically we only exchanged a couple emails, they would ask for my number, I would give them my cell # and they would call within the day or two, and we would set up a date after a very brief conversation.

 

It is possible they are just playing around, or just are flirting as they are hiding something (like a girlfriend/wife....I ran into a couple of those) or are interested in someone else....but I cannot say for sure what the problem is.

 

But I would not give out my # until they specifically asked for it, and see how that goes. If you are just giving it to them, it may cause them to just feel a bit pushed, or wonder if you are doing that to everyone you talk to....but I don't know.....

[whatsagirltodo]

well, it's very casual, I don't just hand it out like it's no big deal, but if they express interest in getting to know me more I will give it to them. I only talk to guys that type and spell like normal human beings, so if we have common interests and everything, i find it no different than a stranger i meet at the mall who asks for my number, lol. I want to speak to them on the phone first before meeting them of course so i can hear their voice...and as far as actually going out, of course i'm going to meet them in a public place and i DO carry pepper spray for a reason, lol.

[ImThatGirl]

Could it be possible that many of them are internet Junkies and have no kuth or feel capable of carrying on a friendship or relationship in the real world?

 

For alot of people, even tho they are on the internet often, it's only the internet. They don't go beyond the internet. They have no interest in doing so. But they love the attn they get online.

[whatsagirltodo]

Thanks raykay, i too am NOT interested in dating online. that's why i give them my number (none have asked) and i'm more of a take-charge kind of person. I guess for now on i will let them ask me for my number. but i don't want a long drawn out online-relationship with someone that is never going to happen in real life, you know?

[whatsagirltodo]

Could it be possible that many of them are internet Junkies and have no kuth or feel capable of carrying on a friendship or relationship in the real world?

 

For alot of people, even tho they are on the internet often, it's only the internet. They don't go beyond the internet. They have no interest in doing so. But they love the attn they get online.

 

I've heard about that a lot...so as my username says: whats a girl to do?

[whatsagirltodo]

...oh yeah and I do want to mention that I don't initiate conversations with any of these men. I posted personal ads and then let the guys come to me! haha...

[in_the_mirror]

well first off, be careful, try meeting with a friend with you, or go to a public place to meet...

 

why would they stop contacting you, well from some stories i've heard, maybe they have been lying about something, like age, or what they actually look like and become afraid. or like it was said earlier, they think that you are desperate....idk....i met my current b/f via myspace, it wasn't suppose to be like that but it was, so i know that it can work....but good luck to you.

[ImThatGirl]

Seems like lots of those guys just want reassurance that they are "wanted" by others. I've met many guys (talked to them online) that seem uninterested in a serious relationship but absolutely flattered by attention.

 

And by the way. Online Skank? I don't think you should feel that way! To be a skank, don't you have to have a reputation of skanking around?

[renaissancewoman101]

I wouldnt call you a "skank" either. A "skank" implies that you are sleeping around and seducing people. You are just doing the "online dating" thing. Many people are in your shoes and I know its hard when guys dont call back or set up something concrete to meet up with you.

[whatsagirltodo]

And by the way. Online Skank? I don't think you should feel that way! To be a skank, don't you have to have a reputation of skanking around?

 

Haha, well, that part was pretty much a joke, I was comparing giving up my phone number so soon online to having sex too soon when first dating someone, lol.

[renaissancewoman101]

I've given out my phone numbers to guys and consider that part of the ritual of dating. Most times, the guys dont even call me back.

 

I am done with dating for a while, I think, unless I happen to meet someone at school or during the course of my clinicals.

[Batya33]

That was my approach exactly and most wanted to talk on the phone - I met over 100 in person. All it means is that the particular men you are contacting might be attached/married and/or just want an email penpal. I only contacted men who were looking for marriage and children. You might want to limit yourself to men looking for a long term relationship.

[cantexplain]

Guy here who has used and met people through match and eharmony -

 

1) I never asked for the woman's number because I know this is dangerous and I don't want to even nurture this process for them. Forget the Caller ID thing or looking up addresses. Many people have jobs in telcom or law enforcement with access to these systems - or have the skills to hack them. And occasionally we hear about attorneys or detectives trying to bribe people in these industries for information. And there are techniques skip tracers and cons can use to fool people in telcom and law enforcement to get your information. No info is secure in this day and age. I know - I've worked as an officer of the courts and in telcom. These systems are not secure.

 

Online, the woman must offer their number to me. I do not ask.

 

I, however, do risk with mine and hope they will reciprocate.

 

2) In my profile I make it clear that I intend to meet someone before making ANY judgements. I encourage us to exchange e-mails only as extensively as necessary to create comfort for both.

 

3) It doesn't sound like things are going badly for you. If they click on your picture and chat until they get a phone number - this sounds like it is all about them not calling you in real life. Forget about them - they are only virtual and seek to remain that way. Lucky you.

 

4) I think alot of people may hope to attract a larger number of people by not communicating high, high standards in their profiles. I agree with Batya that if you set your standards high, the best people will find their way to you.

 

I won't consider anyone in these sites (match especially) unless I recognize certain code words like "just looking for the one - I know you are out there" or "no players please" or "wants children". It is these kind of people that have the character sufficient for a good relationship - and the follow-through to get into and stay in one.

 

So I suggest also to write your profile to freak-out the flakes and earn the respect of the respectful.

 

As an aside - I read recently that in online dating the woman making the first move leads to successful dating matches more often than the exchanges first initiated by men. In other words, women have a better knack at reading about and finding their guy, online, than us guys do about finding the right woman for us, online. Knowing this I am just stepping back and waiting for the women who are interested enough in me to find and make an initial nudge in my direction. You may consider looking for the guys you tend to like - and pay less attention to the ones contacting you.

[LetThemEatCake]

Oh, I would be scared to give out my phone number at all until I have met them. I almost freak out when I think about all the ways that someone can lie about their information just to make your fingers a midnight snack that goes well with the red sauce they made with their last date.

[whatsagirltodo]

As an aside - I read recently that in online dating the woman making the first move leads to successful dating matches more often than the exchanges first initiated by men. In other words, women ahve a better knack at reading about and finding their guy, than us guys do about finding the right woman for us. Knowing this I am just stepping back and waiting for the women who are interested enough in me to find and make an initial nudge in my direction. You may consider looking for the guys you tend to like - and pay less attention to the ones contacting you.

 

That is very interesting, and i hadn't thought about it before, but i can believe it. ...i guess maybe I should start looking! lol.

 

Well, here's a new issue that just popped up: a guy i just started talking to gave me HIS number!! ...now i have to figure out what to do...he didn't just give me one number, he gave me TWO different numbers and didn't tell me what each number was for (house? cell? who knows!)

 

...i guess i have to figure out a plan of action...haha.

[whatsagirltodo]

Oh, I would be scared to give out my phone number at all until I have met them. I almost freak out when I think about all the ways that someone can lie about their information just to make your fingers a midnight snack that goes well with the red sauce they made with their last date.

 

haha! but that's why i want to talk to them on the phone first so if they say they're 25 they shouldn't sound like a 60 year old man! ...and you can get an impression about someone with the way they type something, but hearing their tone of voice is a whole different story!

[GalaxyC]

see, i'm the complete opposite. I actually prefer to talk to guys for a while over e'mail, maybe text messages....A few guys have messaged me and given me their number in their opening message which I think is totally weird. I hardly ever give out any of my numbers unless I've had a few e'mail or IM conversations first and they sound like my kind of guy. I don't even give my e'mail address out unless we've exchanged a few messages via the site first. I don't believe in moving to fast. Or maybe I'm just scared of going face to face. I get a lot of attention online like someone said but I'm scared it won't be the same face to face.