B/f Going Away Again. Part 2

[chocolady]

My husband used to be in a motorcycle club and went on rallies at least 4 times a year. The only time I wasn't 'allowed' to go was then they were expecting trouble with rival bike clubs such as the HA where it would have been dangerous to go. My heart used to be in my mouth but in no way would I have tried to stop him, it was who he was and where he needed to be.

 

Every other time though, there was no question of me going, he wanted me to go and I loved going, for the atmosphere, for the live music and the relaxed, totally free lifestyle. But there were other guys who never took their women because the women were 'straight', and wouldnt fit in, or because they were selfishly out to enjoy themselves regardless of the womans feelings. I personally would not have put up with that.

 

 

If you are afraid he will cheat on you with these scantily clad women, don't be. Alot of these women are models brought in by promoters or have BF's/ husbands and even if there were a few who are single, it doesn't mean that he would cheat on you or they would want to have sex with him..

 

He's probably been going by himself for many years and thinks you would cramp his style. But I must admit it does sounds to me like he is trying to keep his bike life and his personal life with you separate and that as you are finding out, doesn't work.

[Siriana]

I think I know his reasons for saying he wants to go alone: because you are not interesed in having fun at that rally, but you want to go there with him to control him and to feel less jelouse.

I think you are being jelous for no reasons and that bothers him. It is not attractive thing.

He is with you and he needs you to trust him.

Also he has a right for some privacy once a year, as well as you have. So i suggest going to a spa or on a short trip for these few days while he's not with you.

Do something for yourself and enjoy it.

 

Guys are not stupid. When they are happy in their relationship and in love, no way they will try to cheat just because they saw naked boobs. They actually have a brain and they have no intention spoiling something good in 10 minutes.

 

One more thing: To me it looks like you don't agree with bikers meetings, lifestyle ...etc. That is not about your boyfirend. It is only your choice. This is who he is, and if you want to be with him you have to accept his hobby. You can't change that, he'll be miserable if you try, and you woan't succeed.

And this is telling you a person who's horrifed of motors and I could never be able to date a guy who likes motors because I find them gorgeous (bikes) but dangerous. So i don't date them. But lets be realistic - I can't start dating a biker hoping he will change.

[hope123]

I see your point BUT i wish i can post the pics i saw..women flashing everywhere..it doesnt look like the promoter girls are only doing it..women riding on a mechanical bull naked or topless..women doing things to other woman....why is it not right for me to say listen i have been with you 2 years..i am willing to use my own money fly down and experience this thing as well.

I think if some saw the pics and then was told told by their b/f this is where they going, you would feel somwhat differently..maybe not..but i guess that is my assumption..if anyone wants me to privately send them the link so you can see just why i dont like this at all..let me know.

[Siriana]

And I see your point - you don't want to stop for a second and take my point into consideration.

You can tell as much as you want about the pics, but this isn't about whats going on here, it's about you being insecure.

You can stay at the same place complaining about stuff, but this is not the solution.

[Batya33]

The problem is that you are being self-deceptive. You don't want to "experience" it - clearly the pictures turn you off and you would never be interested in "experiencing" it if you weren't concerned about your boyfriend being in an environment like that. There's nothing to "experience" when it comes to those women and those types of activities. It's unoriginal - a typical drunken club like atmosphere with paid entertainers and unpaid groupies or fans of motorcycle enthusiasts who hope to party and get some action.

[sophie274]

I see your point BUT i wish i can post the pics i saw..women flashing everywhere..it doesnt look like the promoter girls are only doing it..women riding on a mechanical bull naked or topless..women doing things to other woman....why is it not right for me to say listen i have been with you 2 years..i am willing to use my own money fly down and experience this thing as well.

I think if some saw the pics and then was told told by their b/f this is where they going, you would feel somwhat differently..maybe not..but i guess that is my assumption..if anyone wants me to privately send them the link so you can see just why i dont like this at all..let me know.

 

I have looked at pictures, and yes, there are scantily clad women.

 

I think the consensus is that you have the right to tell your boyfriend you are going to come with but that:

a - he will likely interpret that as you coming to supervise him, which is pretty bang on the reason you want to go

b - your bringing it up might make him unhappy, especially as he feels that there is "something every week"

 

I think the other consensus is that if you can't get over it, it bothers you a lot, and it is a "deal-breaker" of sorts for you, then you should bring it up.

 

And also that you need to decide what is an issue and what isn't, and maybe find another boyfriend if this one does not meet the criteria: your many threads show how insecure you feel in the relationship. I think you either need to do some serious work with yourself in order to let you of your insecurities and save your current relationship, or re-evaluate your standards as to what behavior you want any boyfriend of yours to exhibit - and then go look for a man based on that.

[hope123]

Looking at past posts...i can see how i was digging too deep with a lot of things..

 

but this i feel justified..i dont necessarily want to break up over it..but i just feel like what man in a relationship or married man goes to this event and does not bring their partner? This isnt a camping trip or hunting and i dont consider this an all guys event if he is choosing to go this place.

What i am hoping for is that if he said it last week(even though he was annoyed when said it) he meant it and i am hoping not to turn this into an argument.

[hope123]

Does anyone else feel its wrong for a b/f or husband to go to an event where this happens frequently for a week?

[sophie274]

what man in a relationship or married man goes to this event and does not bring their partner? .

 

The answer to that is: your boyfriend.

 

Yes, there are naked women. But he has been going for a while, he went last year, and he probably wants to be with the guys, and doesn't want you to cramp his style (meant in the best possible way of course!). And I think you yourself admit that you are going to police him - NOT to experience it, NOT to have fun. I mean, really, are you going to be laughing with them at the women?

 

If you think it is worth it to bring it up, and then go and supervise him down there, then do. But make sure you are honest with yourself about your reasons, and that you understand what this may mean for your relationship.

[Batya33]

Well, again you're turning outward instead of inward to evaluate your personal values, standards and goals. For me I think it is wrong if the other person feels uncomfortable, has reasons that make sense to the couple, and if the person going intends on having sexual contact with other women while he is away. There are so many individual factors that go into your question that if you surveyed a group of people you'd probably get 10 different answers.

 

I would not be comfortable with him going - because I would not be involved with a man who thought it was fun to go away for a week in that kind of environment - and I would not be comfortable being in a relationship where I felt I needed to monitor my boyfriend's behavior and try to convince him to invite me along to an event.

[hope123]

Batya,

 

why wouldnt you be comfortable with him going? Just because of the women there?

 

I didnt know this is what a bike trip was like and after a year into the relationship i didnt know what to do or if i should accept it

He told me he hasnt been to these big rallies that i myself have looked up..the pics seem far worse than the place he went to last year and even my b/f said himself where he went was kind of boring and was more for couples..i dont really know what it was like but this is what he told me.

So he hasnt been to the big rallies i looked up but i am sure he knows what to expect down their from word of mouth..he knows people who go to rallies every year, im sure they talk.

[Hope75]

Hope,

 

When are you going to get a chance to talk to him about this?

 

Hmmm... I wonder if this rally is even as bad as the ones that you've been looking at pictures from?

[Batya33]

This is what I mean about it being a very individual/personal thing. I would not have compatible values/standards/lifestyle with a man who thought it would be fun to spend a week in a spring break type atmosphere with a focus on drinking and "partying" particularly where the entertainment consisted of women dressed like that. I would not judge someone else for being ok with that or for wanting to partake in that but for purposes of a romantic relationship with a potential for marriage (the only types of relationships I have been involved in) I would not be a good match for someone who thought that would be a fun or interesting activity to be involved in.

[Dako]

I've been to a number of biker rallies and don't see much to worry about. Most of what you see is for show, and while some folks go wild, they're the ones who get attention.

On weekends I sometimes hang out at one of the biker roadhouses and watch the zoological parade of strutters, boobflashers and other zanies. It's fun, and mostly harmless unless some club wants to make trouble.

 

An earlier poster mentioned the commercial interests that bring in models in skimpy clothes and other cheesy promotions. I've noticed the same thing. Regardless of popular opinion, guys are capable of thinking. If you can't rust him, don't blame the surroundings.

 

I've met folks of all stripes at biker gatherings, and their main concerns are usually chrome plating and comraderie.

[hope123]

Dako,

 

Have you been to sturgis though or daytona bike rally?

 

Do you want to see the pics that i looked up to see why i am so uneasy..am i able to send it you through a private message..this site will not let me post it here in the discussion.

 

Another thing is..my b/f has a lot of good traits and i just didn't know what this was all about and at that point (a year into the relationship) it was hard for me decipher..if this is something i should end it over.

[Dako]

I haven't been to those, but to ones in Cali.

Send me the link.

 

Maybe there's something weirder than I've seen.

[Bethany]

I know a few couples who went to Sturgis last year. They had a fantastic time. When you go to places like that, it really is about the bikes.

[Dako]

One thing to consider its the way photographers flock to the weirdest in any crowd. The thousands of boring folks get forgotten.

[hope123]

dako,

 

i might have to wait til saturday to send it..i dont think i can send it at this point for certain reasons.

 

Dako,

 

did you read my other posts? How the women are pretty much half naked walking around and topless on the mechanical bull or close to naked etc etc...

[Dako]

Yeah, some girls get toasted and the crowd eggs them on.

I was on the Cal 1000 ride and saw some similar stuff at one campground, and a woman was even servicing a club.

 

I'm not saying some folks aren't disgusting...they sure are.

[hope123]

Servicing, as in a BJ?

[shoebaby1]

HOPE75 PM me the pics also because the rallies I have viewed showed nothing raunchy

[hope123]

Well the pics i have are completely different for the big rallies such as sturgis and daytona.

[Dako]

Servicing, as in a BJ?

 

Yes, and probably more. I found another place to sleep.

[Hope75]

HOPE75 PM me the pics also because the rallies I have viewed showed nothing raunchy

 

I think you meant hope123- not me!