B/f Going Away Again. Part 2

[caro33]

Dako that's a terrific point.

 

Re the "can't trust him around alcohol and women" point, I was reminded of the long debate we had on the same issues in August last year about hope123's boyfriend potentially going to a bachelor party. Rather than me restating my points again, I have chosen to just quote from then:

[hope123]

first of all,

 

some things i am saying are taken way off base..when i said about the responsibility--i meant danger of being on the bike..it is dangerous to be on it for so many hours..1 2 or 3 may not be such a big deal but for a whole day(with breaks in btween) it might be a problem.

 

I also didnt mean its just men who cant control themselves in these situations--i think it can be applied to women as well. Like i said.. i have read so many threads about people i love my b/f or g/f but i was drunk and it just got out of control, what now? I'm sure plenty of these people were trusted(some, maybe not)

 

The other thing is, i feel differently than you do..and i also have friends who feel the same. One thinks he is being reasonable with the compromise but some also say--why does he have to go on a trip where he will be barhopping every night of the week. If he is in a relationship, why does he need to do that. They would not be ok with the situation and would feel uneasy about it as well. And i think the same applies when married..my father would never go away for a week to some place where scanily clad women are dressed and to be drinking all week..its just disrespectful. But i guess it depends on how a person grew up or the experiences they have been through which forms in their mind what is right or wrong.

 

I also think sometimes when you are dating someone--sometimes they have more of a single mentality. I know some guys who would not go on a trip like this if there g/f was this uneasy about it or reverse the situation and see how they would feel. And people like my b.f, think its ok apparently. I think it may take people longer to get the point of if you are in a relationship its not ok to go bar hopping a few times a week, or to go to clubs constantly or to take singles vacations.I think if people do this, they arent as committed. Not meaning they are cheating but they just arent there yet where it comes to a serious committment.

[caro33]

Yes, but then we come back to the same point that maybe you guys have incompatible values. That's fine, people don't always share values. But the decision is then with you to go and find someone who shares your values, not try and change the person you purport to love's enjoyment of life to fit your own perspective of what's "right". He will not respect you or like you for it.

 

You chose to be with this guy, you continue to choose this. In my opinion, your choice carries with it some responsibility to give him the benefit of the doubt and work on putting your own qualms to bed. If you do not choose his lifestyle, do not choose him. You can leave any time.

[never-too-late]

So obviously you are absolutely ignoring what is everyone here trying to tell you. You have your point and noone else even your boyfriend can change it. Hm must be very enjoyable relatioship for him.

 

 

 

Didn't you say your boyfriend is 30 and you are 23? Hm I would expect a guy to commit at this age but then not everyone is the same.

 

 

 

Because he wants to do it and he made a choice to go whether he is with you or not and as we all tried really hard to explain to you, either you accept it, you respect it and let him go and enjoy or you leave and find a guy, who will not have the desire to go to these kind of places. But you cannot make your boyfriend stay at home with you or not go. You are not his mother!!! I can just imagine how this guy must be feeling with you when you say if he is in a relationship, he must do this and why does he need to do this.. For God's sake, he needs to do it because HE WANTS to and you have no power over it. So now again it's clear that you do not share the same interest, you do not want to go there because of HIM and HIS interest, you are going there to control him and to make sure he won't cheat on you. It's so obvious. Because if it was not this case, you would not ask the above, why does he need to do that if he is in a relationship with me, me, me.. it's all about you.

 

Are you married to him? No you are not because as far as I remember, he has made it quite clear to you that after all the problems you have had, he does not think of you in this way right now. How can you compare him to your father? Go back to the earth with both feet and see your boyfriend for who he is. He is not married to you, he is not your father, he is only in a relationship with you and he just wants to go with his buddies. Stop asking why does he need to do this. He just does, simple. It's as if he would ask you "why do you need to go shopping with your friend"? why do you need to do that, you are in a relationship with me!" how ridiculous would that be. Can you not see it? Can you not see that you are going to lock him in a cage and he will run fast from you if you don't stop?

 

But you don't seem to care at all what everyone else has tried to tell you. I honestly feel very sorry for your boyfriend. If you are dealing with him the way you are here on this board, I think he must be going mad inside.

 

Honestly, tell him that you have thought about it and you cannot actually afford going and you would not want to spoil the fun for him so you decided to make plans with your friends. If you do this for him, he will love you even more but I actually don't think you will do it because you are so convinced that the right thing is to go with him.

 

 

 

So let me ask you here. Are you in a relationship with your boyfriend just to be in a relationship with someone or are you in a relationship with him. What other guys do should not be any concern of yours. You chose your boyfriend and he is unique, stop comparing him to others. He would hate you if he knew you are doing this. He is like this and thas what you get, whether you like it or not. So either love him, accept him and respect him for who he is or go and find a guy who will not go.

 

 

 

Well, probably he is not so committed to you then! I don't think he is but this is something that noone can answer for you, only him. But I have the feeling that your only concern about this relationship is whether this guy is commited to you and how much but you don't seem to love HIM for him.

 

And you will come back again, telling us that it's not true because he is commited and he is serious about you and bla bla bla.. well, if he is then let him go alone and trust him otherwise he will find another woman, who will give him the freedom to do this because he is asking for it. And then you will be coming here crying over him how you lost him. Well, now it's the time to act if you want to keep him and the only way I see it is to let him go alone.

[Meow18]

I also think sometimes when you are dating someone--sometimes they have more of a single mentality. I know some guys who would not go on a trip like this if there g/f was this uneasy about it or reverse the situation and see how they would feel. And people like my b.f, think its ok apparently. I think it may take people longer to get the point of if you are in a relationship its not ok to go bar hopping a few times a week, or to go to clubs constantly or to take singles vacations.I think if people do this, they arent as committed. Not meaning they are cheating but they just arent there yet where it comes to a serious committment.

 

Sure, some guys wouldn't go. Some guys agree with your perspective.

 

But your boyfriend doesn't. He's not one of those guys you talk of. If that's what you want in a relationship, then you need to find someone else. That stinks, but don't expect your boyfriend to change what he wants to do because you aren't happy with it.

 

Why do you think it's so wrong for him to have this interest? To him it's innocent. It would be one thing if he was going to strip clubs.. where one goes to check out others. But instead he's just doing one of his hobbies that he's been into long before he started dating you.

 

Do you really think he goes to check out the girls? Do you really think that he doesn't think about you while away?

[Batya33]

It sounds like you're trying to justify your actions by resorting to external standards about relationships and commitment -- if you feel so strongly that it is acceptable for you to go along with him when he is really not into you going and acceptable to believe you need to check this out for yourself so that you can trust him - then that's fine -- but the way you constantly look for validation from these external standards on relationships and commitment tells me loud and clear that you know darn well that what you are doing is not a healthy reaction for you and not healthy for the relationship. If it were, you wouldn't need the external validation.

[hope123]

Most people associate a biker rally culture as bikes, drinking, girls.

So yes--i think the women who work there, the woman there looking for attention is a big part of the scene and it may not be the complete reason he goes--but it doesnt hurt thats for sure.

 

And i don't have to respect a b/f's decision to go to a place like this when it isnt a respectable place. How can it be compared to me shopping with a friend? This isnt a camping trip or a bike trip where he rides for a couple of hours, hangs out doing whatever, and then comes home. It can even be compared to a strip club to me b/c i hear women do get naked on the bars and they dance and they do pervocative things to one another..so to me--its just the same.

And i wasn't comparing him to my father. i was simply saying people are different due to their families and what they have experienced.

I also think that when a situation is happening to them, some might react differently to hear their b/f or husband wants to go this thing EVERY year. None of my friends said they would appreciate that or understand why it would have to happen ever year. Sure, there are things you do constantly when single but sometimes you need to change a little when in a relationship.

[caro33]

Yeah but hope is he not going for the girls. He is going for the bikes, the camaraderie etc.

 

Your friends are saying this to you because of the way you present it, and also because that's what, in my experience, female friends tend to do. They say "oh no, that sounds tough, I wouldn't like that either". They are your friends also, chances are they share some of your perspectives.

 

How do you see this situation being resolved hope, how can it be resolved in a realistic manner? Let's assume he doesn't go to the rally this year, but he goes for a bike ride with his mates for a week in a few months. How will you cope with that really? What happens next year when the spectre of this rally raises its head again? How will you manage these trust issues and value conflicts beyond this particular event?

 

There's a certain point where you need to take your head out of the sand and stop talking about what is "fair", what "rights" you have, where you stop talking about what he "should" do. You need to see that he is what he is, what the situation around you really reflects. You then need to decide if it suits you or not. You are continuing to bang your head on this particular brick wall when you should perhaps instead be asking if the wall even needs to be there, or if you need to do something different, like climb up it.

[never-too-late]

Honestly I reached the point where I give up and I hope others will do because she is not listening to any of it, she does not understand the point everyone is making here and she goes on and on about the same point, which only she thinks is right. You sound very young, is this your first as you call it serious relationship?

 

 

How can it be compared to me shopping with a friend? This isnt a camping trip or a bike trip where he rides for a couple of hours, hangs out doing whatever, and then comes home. It can even be compared to a strip club to me b/c i hear women do get naked on the bars and they dance and they do pervocative things to one another..so to me--its just the same.

 

 

I was giving you an example of the shopping just to make a point. Basically you are not happy with the fact he is going there because of these naked women so why do YOU want to go there? Are you going to have fun? Are you going to enjoy it with him????? If you are so convinced that the biking week involves stripping and naked women why do you want to go there to make sure the pincture in your head isn't wrong. I think you know why you are going and as much as you are trying to justify your NEED to go, it's pretty obvious to everyone here and I am sure to your boyfriend that the reason is not to have fun and share it with him. It's to go there to stick to him so he does not do anything which would be considered cheating. But you know what, he does not need to go on a bike week to cheat on you. It's honestly your problem the whole thing. Why don't you tell him straight that it bothers you and worries you instead of asking people here on this board. You don't have a healthy commited relationship because you would not have a problem to express your worry to your boyfriend. Instead you talk to your friends and to peple you have never met here hoping I don't know for what. Whatever anyone here has told you would never make you see our point, you are so wrapped up in your own opinion so I do not understand what answer you are looking for. The point I was making that if he likes to go, if he wants to go, if he enjoys going and seeking naked women is a part of it, you have absolutely NO RIGHT to stop him, to go there with him to check out the situation, to make him stay with you at home because YOU ARE NOT MARRIED. He is only a boyfriend of yours and I actually hope that he will get upset with you for going so you can finally understand what everyone is trying to say here.

 

Sure, there are things you do constantly when single but sometimes you need to change a little when in a relationship.

 

You are wrong here again. Remember there isn't a rule what a relationship should be like or how two people in the relationship should behave. Yes we all hope that our partners will not cheat on us, we all hope if we are with someone that they will not lie to us and so on and we all have the same right feeling that cheating is bad. However, YOUR relationships with this man as I tried to explain to you before is like it is. You are with HIM and he makes the relationship the way it is. You cannot change him. So here is what you are hoping for. Not to share his interest to go each year, you are hoping that he will change for you because you are in this relationship with him. But he will change on his terms not on yours. If he chooses not to change, YOU cannot force him to otherwise as I told you he will find someone else who will accept this side of him. And you are obviously not a woman he wants to change for because I am pretty sure he is resisting this change with how you approach him about things like that.

 

Anyway, I wish you good luck to improve your relationship, to change your boyfriend to your picture of yours, I hope he will stay with you instead of going to see naked women, I hope that he will become the so perfect boyfriend you wish for so you don't have to feel so insecure and obssesed and possesive, I really hope that he will tell all of his buddies that he decided to stay at home with his girlfriend because that's what she wants and I really hope that inside he will feel great about you.

 

I am done. We all spent so much efforts and nothing but absolutely nothing has been acknowledged.

[BellaDonna]

Let's maintian respect here. There's no need to be accusatory, curt, and use all capitals which can be interperted as "yelling" online.

 

 

 

These are hope123's feelings and she is entitled to them. This is a discussion forum. When a person asks for advice, the most we can do it give it- but that does not imply that the person "must" take it. There's no need to be angry if a person does not take the advice. People will always make the decisions that feel best to them at the time.

 

Hope123, if this biker lifestyle of his is something that you feel you cannot tolerate- you may want to ask yourself if you are with the right person for you. But keep in mind that just because there are sexual things going on around him at the rally, does not mean that your boyfriend will participate.

 

I can see why you would have reservations about him going though, but your trust should for him should outweigh those reservations. If it does not, then you need to think long and hard about this relationship to examine if it is the right one for you.

 

BellaDonna

[hope123]

never too late,

 

i do hear what people are saying but i disagree with some of your points. I agree with some advice given but i dont agree with other parts. If i went with him, i wouldnt care if we spent an afternoon apart and i was with other people doing other things and we met up at night. And i have said a lot of times in my posts that i wouldnt stick to him like glue and that i would be happy that i am just there with him. Also, why would this have to be something he has to do without me every single year?You say i have no right to do anything about it but thats when i disagree and sometimes you don't just accept things. I used to go out drinking with friends more often when i was single at bars or wherever. Is that something to do constantly in a relationship? No, and if i did--he would probably say something at which point i would invite him along or cut back a lot. So i dont think you just accept things as they are. People do change when in a relationship. My friend said she used to go out constantly without her b/f in the beginning of their relationship but he did not like it and so she stopped and changed. Things that people would ask in these situations arent uncalled for. Even when married, a wife would have to continue to wonder what the place was like and can't say listen i'm going with you this year? Please..i really don't know any wife who would just sit back every year and not take part in this trip atleast once.

You say i am going there to watch him like anything. I dont know if thats 100% true. I think apart of me would have a good time b/c i do like bars and to drink if its a vacation. I also think it is part curiosity which you think is wrong for me to want to see what this is like. And i guess thats where we disagree, so although i thank you for your advice, i cant help but feel the way about certain parts of it.

[Batya33]

A lot of words again from you repeating the same feelings (basically, you don't approve of him going and thereforeeee the solution is to go with him and monitor his behavior - call it what you want, that's what it is and that's how it will feel to him). You're intentionally ignoring the simple point that he is not enthusiastic (to say the least) about you going and you are going mostly, if not totally, because you don't trust him enough to behave appropriately and report to you precisely what is going on and not going on. Very high risk of him resenting you for not trusting him and insisting on going - a very controlling act on your part. But, you have balanced your insecurities and distrust of him against that risk and come out with thinking it is a good idea for you and the relationship to go. I entirely disagree but it's your life.

 

Happy trails!

[hope123]

so if i was going out a few nights a week to bars or twice a week to bars and a singles scene type and he said he doesnt like this and as your b/f i feel i should be with you b/c you aren't single..i should feel he just wants to monitor my behavior? i wouldnt think so..i would think he feels its disrespectful seeing as though i am not completely single and thinks he should be able to come alone.

I guess many people have different views on what ok, whats right, whats wrong. No one particular solution is going to work in the end.

[Batya33]

Interesting how you keep evading the issue - think about that one.

 

I think if he felt that you were doing something inappropriate the answer would not be to tag along with you where you clearly were not into him being there. The answer would be to accept your behavior and suck it up or to tell you that if you felt that uncomfortable about including him when you went out then perhaps your values were out of sync and long term potential was thereforeeee unlikely.

 

You don't trust him enough to tell you enough about this event so you can decide whether it is respectable? Why? And if you don't then obviously you have radically different ideas of what is respectable OR you don't trust him to tell you the truth - in either event, not healthy for you or your relationship. If the former, your values are incompatible and if the latter, you don't trust him and thereforeeee what's the point of being with him? When my boyfriend goes out I trust him to make good choices about where to go, who to go with, the respectability of the place, and to share with me - if I ask (which I don't) what happened if that is relevant to our relationship. I don't feel the need to check it out for myself because unlike you I don't feel distrustful or like his mommy.

 

What you are doing - is the weak way out - you refuse to stand up to him as an equal partner and lay it on the line -- or decide that you trust him and thereforeeee accept that he doesn't want you there and that his reasons are valid and he is trustworthy. Instead, you've begged your way into going and worn him down with your begging so that he is exasperated and says - fine, pay your own way and come. Believe me that is not an invitation I would feel comfortable with no matter what he had decided to do. Recipe for a disaster, if you ask me. But you haven't - you've simply evaded the issue and the only issue with that - is - you're lying to yourself.

[hope123]

we just have different views and this seems to be no longer asking for advice but defending how i feel.

 

I think its completely unreasonable to NEVER be able to go on a trip like this with him. I can never picture myself married or in a relationship and just shutting my mouth every year with him saying ok see you in a week and never being able to see what a bike rally was like and yes of course after being there i would form my own opinion of it whether it be good or bad. What is wrong with that? If it was worse than i imagined and a complete orgy(which i am sure i am exaggerating the situation) I might be so disgusted by this that i would not be able to stay with someone who thought this was innocent fun and had this much of a different view of what fun is. If its not as bad or what i have seen on videos ,read or even seen on tv for that matter then i guess i was way off base.

I never mentioned to him going as a solution. I laid out there that No, i dont like the idea of this, my feelings have not changed regarding it and why should i be completely ok with this. And his solution was to fly down. I didn't bring up going. I said i don't like this even after spending time thinking about, i am still not ok with it .

[Batya33]

If you think it's unreasonable, the option is to end the relationship or tell him - if you choose to go to these events every year it won't work for me - so, consider whether we can reach a compromise. He has stated that he plans to go and stated that he is not enthusiastic about you joining. thereforeeee, - the option is not - if you want a healthy relationship - to go with him under these circumstances where he doesn't truly want you there and you wouldn't be going if you completely trusted him.

 

Your feelings are you feelings - I am disputing that your actions, in response to your feelings, are productive for this relationship.

 

I have gone to parties and events with his mindset - insisted on going, etc - not just because I didn't' trust but because I felt needy and insecure about not being with him - ex boyfriends, when I was in my 20s. It's the ickiest feeling to be somewhere where you're not really wanted - and to think about doing that for more than a few hours event - but for several days - see my brazillian wax comment.

 

So, again I am not commenting on your feelings but on your actions - you'll have to see for yourself how your strategy works and whether you feel reassured. You might feel reassured but he will feel controlled and it will take a looooonggg time if ever for him to feel ok about your controlling ways.

[hope123]

i see what you are saying

 

he never said he didnt want me there..i think the person i am with is the type where if he really truly didnt want me there..he wouldnt even suggest that as a solution. He mentioned it and i am willing to take him up on the offer.

 

This may be hard to explain batya so i hope you can kind of understand me on this but i also feel like in a way--i need to tell him these things b/c he hasnt been in many serious relationships so i absoultely think he is just used to doing whatever he wants with certain things such as these trips without having to think what a g/f feels about it. Plenty of girls go with their b/f's or husbands on these things which i am sure he knows. And i think he is just used to the situation where he didnt have to or didnt have someone that serious where it should be or could be an option. Like in the beginning, he was ready to jump on a plane with his single friends and go to some singles area with the beach and clubs and bars without notice and without me(just randomly).

I dont know if he was just testing his boundaries at that point. He said it so happily, carefree and without even saying what do you think. I thought that was completely rude and disrespectful and i said to him--i believe that is what you do when you are in a more casual relationship and if that is what you want, that is fine but thats not right in my opinion if you are serious about me and i dont agree with going to clubs in miami or wherever it was with your single friends who are obviously looking to get some action. He saw my view afterwards and agreed. I feel like i almost have to keep standing up for myself in a way and say--remember you are in a relationship, sometimes some places are just not ok with a g/f or you should be including in these types of situations. I hope you can get the idea of what i am trying to point out

[RayKay]

Here is the thing hope though....even if someone has never been in a relationship before, they should not need to be "told" what is "right". He obviously knew your feelings of it initially, and still wanted to go. He knew he was not single when he went to "singles things" or whatever that means in your post above.

 

Obviously you have made up your mind to go; all I can say is that while you are believing you are "invited" he never invited you until you insisted and said how you felt about it, and honestly I really think that this is going to cause resentments on his part from it, particularly when you are going to "keep an eye on him" and not because you are into the hobby as well.

 

Look, even people whom are married will go to events separately sometimes. My boyfriend and I have taken trips apart, places where they may sometimes be considered to be full of "temptations". But we trust one another, respect one another and are committed to one another. It does not matter if somehow my plane was diverted and I landed on an island of naked men, or him on an island of naked women.....just because our partner is not around does not change our mindset or commitment to one another.

[Batya33]

I totally agree. Hope, you're deluding yourself a bit that he needs a "teacher" and if he does - you playing teacher in these basics about how to deal with compromise and feelings and respect -- is inconsistent with a role of serious girlfriend. I agree with RayKay that of course he knows and even if he didn't know the technicalities, he would be open to learning if he felt strongly about being close to you and in a relationship with you. If this were just about technicalities as in "Oh, I didn't know that girlfriends were supposed to go with boyfriends to these events" or "Oh, I didn't know that the rules of etiquette in a relationship mean that this is unacceptable" - you wouldn't have had this conflict in the first place.

[JadedStar]

Hope, your b/f RELENTED and invited you. He made it clear he'd rather go alone and tried to get out of it in anyway he could without coming right out and telling you. You have said before that he does not know you are this insecure and mistrusting but there is no way that with your personality type that he does not know how you are going to behave on this trip. As insecure as you are and he KNOWS this he knows you are going to be miserable and so is he. This is akin to his mommy going with him.

 

So did you go? Do you have an update for everyone? Hope I remember all too well this biker incident from last year, and it seems in the past year you are still that same scared, mistrusting little girl. Did you ever seek any therapy for this? You can't be happy living this way. These forums are great to ask questions and vent but for so long as you have been coming to these forums I just don't see any progress. I think you take the tips that can really help you and you gloss right over them.

 

Either he is cheating on you and has been all along or you are an extremely uptight and irrational person and you are going to drive him to cheat if you keep it up. Either/or this relationship has been doomed for quite sometime in my opinion. There is NO relationship without trust.

[Jayar]

I feel like he should be a little more pleased about me going..especially since i really bet some of these guys will have wives or a g/f that flys down.

 

Of course i can never really know what happened last year..but he came back and was pretty much all over me and happy to see me.

 

Okay, I want to edit my original post... I read through this whole thing. Hope, you are WAY to controlling, WAY to codependent, and I'm surprised this guy hasn't left you long ago. Just reading the thread drove me crazy. I don't know how he lives with it for years. But, more power to him.

 

I will leave my original post as well...

 

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He's treating you like a doormat because you let him. The girl that he will one day STOP treating this way will be the one he respects. Sorry to say, but it isn't that he wants to go, it's that he DOESN'T want YOU to go.

 

I have dated bikers before. And car dudes. And not one of them didn't try with everything they had to DRAG me to these events with them. Usually I declined because of work or school, and they somewhat unhappily accepted, and went alone. THAT is what it should look like.

 

And I can't say whether he has or will cheat on you at these things, but don't take "all over you and happy" to mean faithful. In fact, when I was once semi-cheated on by an ex (he'd been picking up girls in bars) that was the most affectionate night with him ever. I knew something was amiss, and set out to find out what was up. Lo and behold...

 

I don't want to sound like a pessimist. And I'm not saying that a guy should not go to these things. But it is a HUGE, super duper red flag when he doesn't want YOU to go. He should be doing everything in his power to get you to share in his interest with him.

[Brooding_Goddess]

So, whats the eventual outcome on the Bike Rally Trip? Did hope123 tag along? Gone on a vac with girlfriends? Or simply stayed home?

[Hope75]

I'm curious what happened too....

[Brooding_Goddess]

And while I am pondering here... my man's on a 26-day Switzerland-France-Spain-Amsterdam bike trip... Heh heh... And no, I dont give a flying feck about the hot spainards!

[JadedStar]

I don't want to sound like a pessimist. And I'm not saying that a guy should not go to these things. But it is a HUGE, super duper red flag when he doesn't want YOU to go. He should be doing everything in his power to get you to share in his interest with him.

 

I know this is an old thread, but i too am wondering what happened with the bike rally.

 

Jayar as for the above, I have to disagree because I have a good male friend that I have known for years, and there is no romantic interest and never has been, he is just someone that i have talked to over the years in candor tyring to get "inside" the male mind because what woman wouldn't want to know how they tick LOL....and he is one of those middle class guys who bought a harley and loves bike week. I asked him about this one time, about how men act when they are there wtihout their girlfriends and wives. Here is what he said:

 

I like going with just the guys sometimes, and sometimes with the girls. It is a different experience each time, but both times are fun, just different. When the girls go, it is a more "social" event. Other couples we meet there will hang out with us too and there is far more interaction wtih other people. When it is just us guys, we tend to do more hanging out just with our own little group, do more drinking, and just talk guy stuff, scratch our butts, burp and fart. I asked him is the goal when you go alone to "hook up" and he said of course not. If there is a wet tshirt contest they might go in but not with the intent to take any of the girls home. Just guys being guys.

 

He said there will always be times he wants to go with just the guys but it doesn't mean he wants to cheat on his g/f. He has been on and off single a lot and never even been married and he shared that even when he is SINGLE he does not go to try to hook up. Some men just are not that one night stand type. He says he has no interest to hook up with some random hoochie when he goes whether he is in a relationship or not.

 

As for Hope123, she has far more issues than just a bike week and I hope she realizes it soon. I have no surprise feelings that her guy would want to go w/out her because he knows she will be on him like dirt on mushrooms if she went. I truly hope with all sincerity that she can work thru her severe insecurity issues as they are going to really cripple her emotionally.