Am I a loser?

[New_Horizons]

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

[emma34]

a) Of course you are not a loser

-don't put so much pressure on yourself! One of my good friends is 26 and he just recently lost his virginty..and ya know what, it was with some random girl that he regretted.

 

ppl still do 'wait for the right person'....and that is exactly what you are doing. thers nothing loserish about that.

[caro33]

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

 

You're not a loser. Heaps of people haven't had experience, some take much longer too. So many of us have doubted ourselves, only to find that people we compared ourselves to were probably lying about their experience. Not that that matters anyway.

 

Once you start you'll forget about these times of self-doubt, and you'll be fine. Don't beat yourself up about this, you will find someone worthy of you when you are ready. Go out there with pride.

[CynicalGuitarist]

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

 

I'll be honest. Maybe you are... by society's standards... but this is the same society that told John Lennon that he couldn't make money playing the guitar and called Albert Einstein an "idiot"! I say screw what these people think. I know it's hard... believe me I know... but once you stop caring and live life for YOURSELF and, in fact, accept yourself for being "different"... no, "unique", you'll end up seeing reality in a very different light. Why would you wanna force yourself into all this anyways? Just watch talk shows... I know that sounds ridiculous, but they sure helped cure me; better than any self-help book ever did. You'll see all kinds of pushover guys who do some crazy mess against their instincts and end up with a child that they don't even know is theirs until 6 years into his/her life. That's only the tip of the iceberg.

 

I know how hard it is... I'm dealing with the exact same issue right now and am just starting to accept myself for being "different".

[puff.tm.dragon]

You shouldn't stop caring. Apathy is bad

it is the opossite of love

[terk2021]

Hey bud. First off, don't worry about it. You are young, probably shy, and have other things going for you. If these things bother you that much, talk to someone about them. Someone you truly feel you can confide in. A lot of what you are talking about has to do with confidence. If you lack confidence, and have self doubt, you will not get very far. If you do not feel like you want to talk to someone about it, then read some books on adapting self confidence and self esteem.

 

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are just off to a late start, but there are plenty out there that are probably in your same shoes...

[Dako]

Birds do it, bees do it, and nobody shows them how.

You have the benefit of TV, porn and a big brain.

If Britney and Madonna can do it, anyone can.

[Clementine orange]

The race is long - you'll make up for it in time. Meanwhile, don't feel sorry for yourself or be too desparate - that's like chick repellent.

[zerohalo]

Don't worry about how a woman will react to your lack of experience. Just don't hang a sign around your neck that states these things. Get to know someone and when the time comes, go with the flow. Don't obsess over the things you haven't done or it'll hold you back.

 

You'll find the right person to share these experiences with, just remember that none of them are the end-all be-all. Finding someone you click with on a mental level is harder than finding someone who will want to hold your hand, kiss and yes, even have sex.

[Night Pumpkin]

Watching too much television has given you unrealistic ideas about other people. You wrongly think that everyone else in the world has had sex or atleast "made out." In reality, there are lots of people who have never had a first kiss or a first boyfriend / girlfriend. Everyone is different.

 

Even if it was true (which it isn't), why do you need to be like everyone else ?? Why not celebrate being unique ??? If everyone else was jumping off a cliff, would you also jump off a cliff ???

 

In most societies, it is considered inpolite to tell your current bf / gf about your exs. They don't want to hear about them. So no woman will want to know how many girls you have kissed, even if that number is zero. If she asks, just tell her you don't want to talk about your exs because you want to focus all your attention on her. If she can't accept it, dump her, because no right minded woman would keep wanting to know about your past.

 

 

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

[lostjeff]

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

 

I haven't even done any of those things either. And I am 27. I have been to college at the undergrad and grad level, both in college towns with lots of young people. Sometimes I wonder if dating and relationships are even possible. It seems that girls have placed an embargo on me. Like you, I am hopeless. :sad:

[iwishiknew]

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

 

Yeah, same here wtih me..I never done anything with a girl like you said above: holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex...Its not easy at all..Sometimes I wonder if I am the loser

[Alone_Forever]

Yeah, same here wtih me..I never done anything with a girl like you said above: holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex...Its not easy at all..Sometimes I wonder if I am the loser

 

Not at 28 - you still have time as well. I am pretty sure that I am the only certified loser in this thread, given that I am well into my 40s, have lost any semblance of a youthful look as well as had my health damaged, and I still have not done many of the things listed (and have done none of them very many times, and none at all for a few decades now).

[SquareWheel]

Well, New_Horizons, your post sounds just like me, and I'm in my forties. But I'd ask you, how, and how hard, are you trying?

 

That was my problem; for various reasons I thought at different times that there was no hope for me, or that it was supposed to just come along and happen all by itself, like it does in the movies. I even went through a stage when I decided all these activities weren't really going on at all; that they were an urban legend.

 

Looking back with what I know now, I don't think life passed me by, I think I passed it by.

 

Anyway, my point is, if you're going through something like that, you're still young enough to change. There are some very smart and helpful people here on this forum; why don't you spell out specifically what obstacles you're running into, and how you're trying to find what you're looking for? Possibly some of the folks here could suggest solutions or better strategies.

[CheerfulSprocket]

No, you are not a loser! I'm sure that if you want, and make yourself available, to find a partner, you'll eventually meet a wonderful person who will find you just as wonderful. And rather than fulfilling your fears that she'll look down on you for not yet having experienced some things in life, she'll be honored and charmed that you are sharing them with her first. And don't forget, when you do end up kissing, hugging, etc someone special, it will also be her first time doing those with you too. She'll be nervous too - no matter what experience she's had with someone else.

 

Don't worry about it - you're fabulous!

 

Spro

[Luke Skywalker]

Be brutally honest please. Since I have never done of the typical teenage/youth things that we are bombarded with on TV (and real life).

Here's the things I've never done. Never as in never.

 

Better late than never. Anyway, I identify with how you feel, you would feel like you have a latent teenage phase that's unresolved yet you are growing older. Like you, I feel that there is a 'teenage' part inside of me in a 30 y/o body that would like these type of experiences you are talking about, and sort of 'experiment'. I still have a youthful look despite my age.

 

 

holding hands, touching, hugging, kissing (both tongue and 'regular'), sex.

 

It wasn't until December last year that I experienced 'holding hands' (in a movie theatre), and kissing. I've usually got most of these experience on the first dates. I have hugged, in my memory since I was 27 y/o, or around there. I started lightly touching some women since I was 29 y/o.

 

Prior to these ages, like you I have no memory of either, and in a sense, let my lack of experience get to me to make me feel I'm not normal or something is wrong with me.

 

The only thing I haven't done to date on your wishlist is tongue kissing and sex.

 

 

I'm not really looking for advice on how to do these things since it's 5-10 years too late anyway. I'm 22. But if I get a woman, and she finds out these dark secrets, how repulsed will she be? Is it possible for me to hide the truth?

 

But if you really get a woman - then you will be holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc... anyway, so what's the big deal?

 

EDIT: Yeah but I haven't even done the non-sexual stuff that most people do when they're 13-14. Making out for example.

 

But then again, you dont have kiss-disease or a host of other potential STD's. Imagine how many girls would be after you if you had some nasty STD virus and had lots of kids. Being a virgin isn't that bad.

[iwishiknew]

Not at 28 - you still have time as well. I am pretty sure that I am the only certified loser in this thread, given that I am well into my 40s, have lost any semblance of a youthful look as well as had my health damaged, and I still have not done many of the things listed (and have done none of them very many times, and none at all for a few decades now).

 

Not sure if I have alot of time left..To me it seems like that its "times up for me" I have tried and done everything and nothing at all...I just can't attract females at all! I just get no chances at all..Last thing I am thinking is moving to a different state, I have been in illinois since I was born, since then never had a gf or any relationship or activities with any girls at all..I am just cursed](*,)

[Kevin T]

Not sure if I have alot of time left..To me it seems like that its "times up for me" I have tried and done everything and nothing at all...I just can't attract females at all! I just get no chances at all..Last thing I am thinking is moving to a different state, I have been in illinois since I was born, since then never had a gf or any relationship or activities with any girls at all..I am just cursed](*,)

 

Geez... if you never lose this attitude, you will be alone for the rest of your short life.

 

Make a decision to change, stick with it and watch things change. Believing you are cursed does just that, it curses you. So stop cursing yourself. We can't do that for you. YOU must do it.

[Altruist]

That was my problem; for various reasons I thought at different times that there was no hope for me, or that it was supposed to just come along and happen all by itself, like it does in the movies. I even went through a stage when I decided all these activities weren't really going on at all; that they were an urban legend.

 

Looking back with what I know now, I don't think life passed me by, I think I passed it by.

 

 

Where you able to overcome you problem Skywalker. If so give specifics so that our friend here can benefit.

[SquareWheel]

Well, for me, the answers aren't very specific, they're pretty general kind of things. A few years back, I began really realizing for the first time what I was missing in life, and since then I've been putting pressure on myself to get out and start really trying.

 

It's a long story and I don't want to dwell too much on myself, but more than anything else it's just a question of finding yourself backed up against a wall, with the clock running, and getting desperate enough to start doing the things you knew all along you should be doing, but were afraid or too lazy or too embarrassed to do. I guess by that I mean you have to get really, really motivated.

 

Sorry if this reply isn't up to my usual standard, but it's been a loooong day and I'm worn out! Good luck.

[Micwu_25]

It depends on the girl. If she really likes you though it wouldn't matter(even if she normally would). But you have to be really lucky to get someone that will like you that much with the little experience you have. Some girls won't mind at all so hopefully you will get one of those. Since you are not asking for advice I won't offer one here.

[Luke Skywalker]

Where you able to overcome you problem Skywalker. If so give specifics so that our friend here can benefit.

 

The way the problem was overcome was by reducing dating standards or eliminating them all together. For example, I may not have thought about dating a single mother, or a divorcee, but decided as they were Christians to meet them anyway. These were the people I experienced my first kiss from.

 

Other people I have meet on the internet in the past, or in life in the past, I've also have little experience from.

 

For hugs, approach someone with your arms apart and just hug them.

For kisses, you usually might land on the cheek, but put a bit of effort and try and aim for the lips. If you cant hit the lips, then it's a sign that it's going to be a pleutonic relationship only.

Other than that it just depends on who you meet and how open they are.

 

I tend to have more luck with yonger women than with older ones.