Retroactive Infidelity.

[Luke Skywalker]

Whatever happened in November is over and is on another thread. Why would I fight to lose something that's so valuable. Must have been insane.

But, I was sane when I wrote this thread out, so now I'm level-headed, and realise, that virginity is a gift that can not be squandered and must be kept for one person, who is the right person only, and hope this belief holds.

[Luke Skywalker]

you don't count the amount of time it took to find dating/hooking up prospects.

 

That's true. In a sense the prospects I meet who were interested would tend to hook up very fast if I really pursued it. It's just that it took time to find them, but I see that this time is not counting, since I didn't technically meet them until later in time not in the beginning, so it's a bit weird and I see your point.

[yeawutever]

Marriage is encouraged in the bible

 

So are you trying to preach by what you believe. It might say that in bibles, but it's not a mandatory congressional rule. People are free to live their lifestyles they want to. Many people noawadays do not follow the "waiting till get marry" tradition.

 

As for the man not losing his virginity in an instant, yes he could. The minute he has sex doesn't matter if it was seconds or if he didn't penetrated all the way in, he's not a virgin anymore.

 

If you're taking overly excesssive pride on your virginity that you're focusing a relationship only on weither the person is vigin or not, then I don't see the likelyhood of you finding a suitable relationship.

 

At some point when I was still a virgin and way before meeting my now b/f, I was like you who wanted a virgin. But then I realize that if I was so obsess in finding a virgin man, then I would have lost the real focus on a relationship and probably would have miss it all. If I would have been still obsess with it, then my chances of even establishing a commited relationship would have been very remote. There are way more important components to a relationship besides focusing whether one is vrigin or not, such as honesty, commitment, integrity, communication, love.

 

[shikashika]

My mother has a right to dominate what I think and what I'm doing, since I'm living under her roof and she's paying the bills and she invested in me. It would break her heart if I lost my virginity with anyone I'm not married to, especially if it's someone I meet from adultfriendfinder (which I almost did last November).

 

 

 

You've never meet or dated anyone that was a virgin?

 

I know this question wasn't directed towards me.... but no I have never ever ever dated a guy who was a virgin... I don't even know any male or female virgins.. NONE

 

If you are trying to find non-virgins... why go on adult friend finder? that site is purely for finding a shag!

[quietgrl]

A woman, as in even quietgirl's case, will easily get a hookup on the internet possibly the first day she puts an ad. In a sense, it would seem that a woman can lose her virginity by placing an ad on the internet, or going to a loose venue where she would get hit on allot. While a guy on the other hand (I'm referring to a non-popular guy), will have a difficult time trying to do the same thing.

 

Let's just say, that I have yet to see any woman write a thread chronicalling their challenges to find one guy that is willing to have sex with them, but you'll see guys, such as myself, posting threads like that to solidify my point.

 

Luke ,

 

You're right. I bet i would get more offers if me,you and Square put a"lose your virginity" ad online. I know i can lose my virginity in a heart beat but i have high standard for myself and i'm not settling for casual less.

I too have yet to see a woman write a thread chronicalling their challenges to find one guy that is willing to have sex with them.

[kadvati79]

I don't think its specifically harder for a man to loose his virginity than a woman. I think it comes squarely down to the individual. If someone is particularly attractive, they have more opportunity to loose their virginity as they have more potential partners.

 

Luke, you really do sound awfully torn inside around this subject and relationships in general.

 

Perhaps this is a good discussion to have with someone you respect in your church?

[Honey Pumpkin]

My mother has a right to dominate what I think and what I'm doing, since I'm living under her roof and she's paying the bills and she invested in me. It would break her heart if I lost my virginity with anyone I'm not married to, especially if it's someone I meet from adultfriendfinder (which I almost did last November).

 

I think this is the heart of your problem. You are thirty years old, and you are living with your mother, living OFF your parents. She wants you to be a virgin, nice. Is she introducing you to young women from your local church? Is she actively helping you to meet someone? Because this sounds odd to me.

 

I know you've had loads of good advice here, and I know you think you're hanging on to something which you can give to someone. Fine. But as Annie and others have said, why not actively pursue relationships where women are likely to agree with your views, ie through your local church?

 

Because you know what - bottom line. It doesn't matter if we agree or disagree with your views, no matter how much you relish these debates, the fact is that you're alone and unlikely to meet anyone to date, let alone sleep with, given your current set up. Something needs to change in your life, and to be honest, I think it's the fact that you're still at home, supported by your parents, and letting your mother control your (non) sex life.

 

You've never meet or dated anyone that was a virgin?

Not for years. I'm 35 now, so it's not what you come accross, no. And to be brutally honest, I could deal with the virginity thing, but I could not deal with the attitudes described here - women should be submissive etc. But I would not see it as a positive thing in a guy, if he were a virgin at the age of 30. I would think that he had issues, and I hope I would be understanding. But I would not see it as a 'gift', but I am not religious. No. I'm sorry - and I would hope he would have the sense to realise that he would be better to not bring it up on the first couple of dates.

 

I think - if this is what you want, start doing something about it. If religion is important to you, so important that you shun relationships and non-virgins, then try to meet someone through your church.

[annie24]

hm. my friend met a guy who was a virgin (about 28 or 29 years old). They have now been dating and are very much in love! (he has since lost his virginity). I think that for him, the problems were more that he was shy, and didn't meet anyone before her that he liked so much. As far as I know, there are no major issues, just that he was shy. They seem to be very happy and in love.

[shikashika]

agree with Honey Pumpkin here....

 

Also.. I do NOT think that your mother has a right to dominate what you THINK... sure.. you live under her house, you do the cleaning, pay her rent...use the car, invite people over that sort of thing... but even a young child has a right to believe what they want as long as they abide by their parents rules.

 

i think someone dominating another person's benefits or thinking is almost some type of abuse... You are 30 years old!!!

 

It seems like when many people on here question your beliefs.. you say, "well my mum says this or that.."

 

Do YOU believe that? Do you think you would have different beliefs if mom wasn't hovering over all the time? What if you were living on your own... or at least with roommates? maybe you would feel a little more relaxed about this whole scenario.

 

Instead of just meeting people on line... what about going out and trying to meet people... If no romance comes of it.. at least friends do..and those friends know people. I know you said that you are a realtor? and that you dont' have a steady income? Well, why not get a second job that DOES have a steady job? At least you can move out and get some roommates and pay for your rent and get out of the parents house

[Honey Pumpkin]

hm. my friend met a guy who was a virgin (about 28 or 29 years old). They have now been dating and are very much in love! (he has since lost his virginity). I think that for him, the problems were more that he was shy, and didn't meet anyone before her that he liked so much. As far as I know, there are no major issues, just that he was shy. They seem to be very happy and in love.

 

Annie, I think this would be fine by me, if I met someone and fell in love with them. Virginity wouldn't matter, but nor would it be something I was particularly flattered by.

 

Having said that, when I was in my mid 20s I had a relationship with a virgin, and there was something really lovely about being his first woman. He was so damn' enthusiastic and I felt like a real femme fatale. I always think of that (brief!) relationship as being incredibly sweet. But he was 23, and from a very reserved background - he was lovely!!! It was nice, I tried to make it as special for him as possible, and be as understanding as possible.

[Luke Skywalker]

hm. my friend met a guy who was a virgin (about 28 or 29 years old). They have now been dating and are very much in love! (he has since lost his virginity). I think that for him, the problems were more that he was shy, and didn't meet anyone before her that he liked so much. As far as I know, there are no major issues, just that he was shy. They seem to be very happy and in love.

 

Back in the year 1998, when I went to Churchill, Manitoba (Canadian Sub-Arctic), on a school trip to study various things about the sub-arctic, I remember a talk among my peers that went like this.

 

The instructor knew a guy who had no luck with women whatsoever, and never meet the right person in his life. Then one day, he meet this woman, and they were the happiest couple that she's ever seen in her life. This leads to the thought that one right person could make up for all the years of having no luck when it happens.

 

This conversation is like 8 years old and I can remember it.

 

Same experience in Real-Estate, one nice client that buys/sells without any hassle pays back for all the clients that wasted my time.

[Luke Skywalker]

I don't think its specifically harder for a man to loose his virginity than a woman.

 

Sure, if he already knows someone. I've been reviewing my own situation, and it appears since January last year and prior to that, that I could have lost my virginity with someone I knew if I really wanted to go that road. The thing is, for most people I know, I dont express myself sexually and tend to express myself more on the internet rather than in person.

 

In terms of meeting random strangers from the internet, I think it's easier for the ladies than for men in terms of attracting interested people who want to meet, whether it's a normal site or a rogue site.

 

I think it comes squarely down to the individual. If someone is particularly attractive, they have more opportunity to loose their virginity as they have more potential partners.

 

I dont think so. I think uglier or normal looking woman will still attract much more attention than an average looking guy.

 

Luke, you really do sound awfully torn inside around this subject and relationships in general.

 

Perhaps this is a good discussion to have with someone you respect in your church?

 

Again, this is a side of myself that's temporarily being expressed here on the internet and I dont think it's that big of a deal. The only issue happened between November 1st to November 30th, 2006, was all resolved and concentrated in that month.

 

The question, is whether there is an idolatrous undercurrent in quaranteeing dates for specific sexual expression. For example, the astrological sign on November, Scorpio, would appear to have vengence, revenge, sexual reproductive organs, and all that crap.

 

Why do I confine to November? It's based on the first girl in University who turned me down, her birthday was in November, then I later found out it was Halloween. Since then I thought, hey let's quaranteen sexual expression (i.e. casual hookups, porn, etc...) on that specific time, if a certain rejection quota is reached (i.e. Internal Politics).

 

What happened last November is some Indian girl I meet from the internet since March turned me down, lost her virignity with someone else and I found out the hard way and wanted to get even by losing mine with a random stranger from adultfriendfinder and started an 'American Pie' thread on the Sex and Romance section, also I got a few nasty crash and burn dates by a few other Indian girls I meet from the net and referrals, that I decided after enough rejections, that enough rejections were obtained, and thus since no woman wanted me, an extrapolation based on the rejections, I decided to legalise myself to go on adultfriendfinder, etc.. for that period of time. (Right now, since December 1st - I pulled my profile from any sex website, and am only in normal dating websites - which is on haitus now as I'm concentrating on other things)

 

I found out about it after the fact and think that, sure, the astrological sign is symbolic to how I felt - like stung - with that woman, and it sort of provided a venue of expression of vengence, revenge and sexual interest, and now, I'm feeling confused as it seems to be a false mental idol that was generated since that first girl in University.

 

Reaction to Christian websites: That's witchraft, paganism, and totally off.

I view myself as artistically expressing myself last year November and do not think that I was doing anything further than that - because I would be very, very sick if whatever I did was idolatrous, because it is not - I wasn't even aware of the meaning of the scorpio sign until the end of the month. So, right I felt stung when I found out she lost her virginity. Better stop thinking of this crap before I turn these past girls into goddesses without knowing it. It's just organized expression, right? It's just coinicidental such expression happened last November.

Coinicidnetal. Hocus pocus to think otherwise.

[annie24]

So tell me, what is your dream for your life? ie, what is your ideal scenario? where do you want to be 5 years from now?

[caro33]

Back in the year 1998, when I went to Churchill, Manitoba (Canadian Sub-Arctic), on a school trip to study various things about the sub-arctic, I remember a talk among my peers that went like this.

 

The instructor knew a guy who had no luck with women whatsoever, and never meet the right person in his life. Then one day, he meet this woman, and they were the happiest couple that she's ever seen in her life. This leads to the thought that one right person could make up for all the years of having no luck when it happens.

 

This conversation is like 8 years old and I can remember it.

 

Same experience in Real-Estate, one nice client that buys/sells without any hassle pays back for all the clients that wasted my time.

 

Hi Luke

 

Re the above, so what are you saying then? Because if you are looking for one woman to redeem all the others, you still need to:

 

a) Develop some real relationships, and I mean dating for a while. Try sharing yourself with someone. Why not go through your church? Sounds far more promising than chat or dating sites on the internet.

 

b) Be open to meeting women and have some more solid views about what is important and what you are looking for. Your views to this point seem both inflexible (at the fringes) and deeply malleable (in fundamental content). By this I mean that you seem to hold deep convictions and you make provocative statements based on these, and then you turn around and make out that these deeply held convictions might just be passing phases.

 

c) Develop and maintain a sense of self that incorporates, yet can be viewed separately from, your virginity status. As has been pointed out many times, your virginity is but one aspect of you. Once it's gone it's just a memory of the "gift" you gave. What you have left it just YOU. It's your sense of honour, humour, skills, integrity, intelligence; it's your quirks, your tastes etc. This lasts a lot longer and is also the core stuff that the rest of the world (and God, I would suspect) judges you on.

 

d) This sense of self should also be separate from your mother at your age, and this is pretty much mandatory if you are to meet and be valued by a woman who can be who you want her to be. I am not saying ignore your mother or disagree with her just for fun, but you are a grown man, and unless there is an overriding reason for it (such as disability of some form) there is no justification for living your life by your mother's rules. You should have your own set of values, which include respecting your mother, but which you come to on your own.

 

I ask you again, do you speak to anyone about your thoughts besides your parents? Do you receive treatment or counselling? This can certainly help you to work through some of your concerns, as well as provide some tools to use in your interactions with others.

[Luke Skywalker]

Caro33/Juliana,

 

The passing phases or organized phases where confided to specific months is not idolatrous and are normal phases? I'll reading your post still - you've made some interesting points.

[caro33]

Caro33/Juliana,

 

The passing phases or organized phases where confided to specific months is not idolatrous?

 

Err...What? You'll have to be a bit clearer here Luke. Did you somehow get this from my last post?

[Luke Skywalker]

Hi Luke

 

ReBy this I mean that you seem to hold deep convictions and you make provocative statements based on these, and then you turn around and make out that these deeply held convictions might just be passing phases.

 

 

This one. Coupled with what I posed above about by confining some phases to particular months.

[caro33]

This one. Coupled with what I posed above about by confining some phases to particular months.

 

Yes I recognised my own words re passing phases but I am asking you what you are talking about re being idolatrous. What is your exact point and what are you asking Juliana and myself to respond to?

 

You have now apparently put some kind of astrological overlay onto this thread, is that the case?

[Luke Skywalker]

Yes I recognised my own words re passing phases but I am asking you what you are talking about re being idolatrous. What is your exact point and what are you asking Juliana and myself to respond to?

 

You have now apparently put some kind of astrological overlay onto this thread, is that the case?

 

Yes, that is the case. The sign was in the back of my mind, but by the end of last November, it came to the front of my mind when I found out what it meant because it described perfectly how I felt.

 

I believe a sign just became a symbolic representation of my own emotions of how I felt during that time and how I expressed myself during that time. My concern is that it seems idolatrous when there is such an organization of behaviour.

 

Well, I guess everyone feels stung and vengeful when someone cheats on them, and wants to get even with them, possibly cheating back. But quaranteeing such feelings into specific months to justify a carnal escape - I dont know.

[caro33]

Yes, that is the case. The sign was in the back of my mind, but by the end of last November, it came to the front of my mind when I found out what it meant because it described perfectly how I felt.

 

I believe a sign just became a symbolic representation of my own emotions of how I felt during that time and how I expressed myself during that time. My concern is that it seems idolatrous when there is such an organization of behaviour.

 

Well, I guess everyone feels stung and vengeful when someone cheats on them, and wants to get even with them, possibly cheating back. But quaranteeing such feelings into specific months to justify a carnal escape - I dont know.

 

Luke I am trying to follow your train of thought here, but I am not managing it.

 

- How was your thinking idolatrous? In that you idolised the girl you fancied? Are you making this a religious issue, and if so, how?

- How is this linked to astrology? Are you suggesting it was in your sign to behave that way during November? What "sign" are you talking about?

- "But quaranteeing such feelings into specific months to justify a carnal escape - I dont know" - I have no idea what this means, sorry.

 

I am not sure how to say this without sounding like I am flaming you, and believe me, I am not trying to be critical or difficult. But your thinking seems a tad disordered, and I wonder again, are you receiving treatment for this?

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke I am trying to follow your train of thought here, but I am not managing it.

 

- How was your thinking idolatrous? In that you idolised the girl you fancied? Are you making this a religious issue, and if so, how?

 

Confining specific behaviours, such as looking at adult porn DVD's, adult online porn, going on adultfriendfinder, last year, in November. Since the astrological sign of November features 'reproductive organs' in scorpio, it would seem idolatrous - however that was not the premise of confining to that specific month in the first place.

 

- How is this linked to astrology? Are you suggesting it was in your sign to behave that way during November? What "sign" are you talking about?

 

Research on wikipedia what the sign of scorpio means. I did.

Check this link out here:

 

link removed)

 

Read what it says.

 

- "But quaranteeing such feelings into specific months to justify a carnal escape - I dont know" - I have no idea what this means, sorry.

 

Carnal escape is the notion that it's ok to view adult DVD's, online porn, and going online to find a casual hookup by crying virgin and saving money for a prostitute/players course if it doesn't work out and have a resolve to do so.

In a sense, by viewing porn, or going after a casual hookup, it seems to be medicating hurt and disappointment by 'casualising' things (i.e. sex direct rather than sex via relationship, bs, etc....)

 

Quaranteeing a mode of sexual expression on specific months, especially with such a sign, seems idolatrous - or maybe it's just a passing phase.

 

I am not sure how to say this without sounding like I am flaming you, and believe me, I am not trying to be critical or difficult. But your thinking seems a tad disordered, and I wonder again, are you receiving treatment for this?

 

Treatment for what? There is no problem. What is to you a disorder is to me creative expression.

[caro33]

Mate I have to admit I just don't have it in me to keep replying now. I'm sure others might think I should have stopped a while ago, but I was trying to get to the heart of what you were talking about in order to better engage with you.

 

As far as my own input on this thread goes, it probably doesn't matter if you are perfectly rational and just being creative, or if you have more fundamental issues that you require help with. I have reached the limit of my capacity to provide any insight or assistance.

 

Good luck with it all Luke, I wish you all the best.

[Luke Skywalker]

Guess you dont think its idolatrous then. Nice avatar, I wonder what constellation is on it.

[Luke Skywalker]

So far, people have said there are many components to a relationship, and one of the least of these is virginity to predictate a happy, healthy and lasting good relationship.

 

In my own case, people tend to confirm my own suspicions, the my setup and where I see myself in life or what I'm all about seem to take precedent on being or not being a virgin, although I think that being a virgin is important until you've meet the right person because it shows that you have enough discipline and resolve to wait. But, I also have phase-shifts that would challenge that concept - although my mom and dad would stand as safe-guards to ensure such phase-shifts are kept at bay.

[shikashika]

So far, people have said there are many components to a relationship, and one of the least of these is virginity to predictate a happy, healthy and lasting good relationship.

 

In my own case, people tend to confirm my own suspicions, the my setup and where I see myself in life or what I'm all about seem to take precedent on being or not being a virgin, although I think that being a virgin is important until you've meet the right person because it shows that you have enough discipline and resolve to wait. But, I also have phase-shifts that would challenge that concept - although my mom and dad would stand as safe-guards to ensure such phase-shifts are kept at bay.

 

What I don't get is what your parents have to do with this when you are a 30 year old man!

 

What do YOU believe... if your parents weren't there