Parsley Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 *dance dance dance dance dance* I am happy. Would you like to know why? Of course you would. My phone just went off. Usually I'm a bit confused cause people don't text me very often (cue violins) but it's during the day so I don't really care. But it's midnight and my ex used to always text me late at night - when he text me last time it was 1am. So my mind immediatley flew to him. Why does that make you happy? I hear you yell. Well, it makes me happy because although I thought it was going to be him, the bottom didn't drop out of my stomach and my heart didn't stop. I felt like "cuh, how inconvenient" It wasn't him, lol, but the point is...it didn't terrify me to very pits of my soul like it has done in the past. I'm back to how I was before. The day/night my ex text me I picked up my phone when it honked at me completely normally. I didn't think he would contact me so I didn't consider it. But since then it's always scared me when I hear it beeping when it's late. But now it's like...I seriously doubt he will contact me again, but if he does I won't be inconsolable like I was. I even feel like I could tell him where to stick it. Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 5 weeks today since we broke up....I feel exhausted from crying all night, but apart from that Im not too bad today...its always the way, have a big cry and a sook and the next day u think, well hey, that was a waste of my energy... Well the positive thing that came out of it is that I slept like an absolute rock hehehe!! Oh parsley...my ex was UK and our chocolate here is soooooo much yummier hehe truly it is Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 day 47...my day went well today. weather blew..woke up to rain, then sunshine for a good 5-6 hrs, then back to rain. went to Lenscrafter and got my new glasses and some very needed basketball shoes!! yeee! anyways today went better than my last couple of days due to my incident. im just happy to move forward with my life and time now. i think the best part about being single is having money. i swear, i've been buying sneakers like crazy. actually more than than the usual. i loving spoiling myself. i love the feeling. hehe. anyways yeah tomorrow partying with some college buddies maybe find a girl or two to hang with. well that pretty much sums my whole day. first thing tomorrow- hitting those weights! Link to comment
kate111 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 23 probably need to email the ex about financial matters. I must be a strange person because I actually dread contact. I don't crave it because I know that it will hurt me. Link to comment
TheGetUpKid Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 4 My EX txt messaged me once again "HI hi hi hi". Thats all she said. And about 5 minutes I she calls me twice from some weird number. I knew it was her because she tries to call from someone elses cell or a number I wont recognize in an attempt that I will pick up. Its been almost 8 months since our breakup and I still think about her all day. I try not to, but its hard. I miss her but I dont want to get back together with her, but I just wish she wasnt always on my mind. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 9 Still home sick. Still coughing ... but not like last night. Last night I had a coughing fit that lasted for four hours. I am not kidding. My sleep schedule is so messed up. The dog wakes me up around 7 for a walk, I come home, I go back to sleep. Some days I've slept as late as 5:30. Most days I get up around 2:30 or 3. I often fall asleep on the couch around 9:30, and when I move to my bed, I start coughing and am up until all hours. Tonight I tried to just stay asleep on the couch, but I didn't have a proper blanket and I got chilly. I'm still holding strong. Still not looking at pictures of him. In truth, I don't need to, I can picture him so vividly in my mind. Especially his broad back and his hair. I loved his hair. I can also picture him lying or sitting beside me and the way he used to smile sometimes. Then I start picturing how he's doing all these things with another woman. I love when those thoughts start. It's really great. Nothing I can do. If he doesn't love me in return, there is absolutely not one single thing I can do to change his mind. I know this. So I'm hanging in there. Surprised by how I just break out weeping in the last two days. Guess that's why it's called grieving. As ever, I'm just grateful I don't have to go through this process alone. I can't imagine how much worse of a mess I'd be. I've been isolated for two weeks ... i.e., three days after he told me he was planning to sleep with another, I've been very sick with bronchitis. I'd be bouncing off walls. Certainly I'd be torturing myself looking at pictures of him, seeing what clues I could pick up about his day-to-day existence from the sites he frequents. I don't think I can quite comprehend how important it is that I'm breaking this cycle. Out of necessity to be sure, not virtue. One other thing: I share the lack of appetite with everyone ... which for me is saying something. I generally have to fight my appetite and I have some bad eating habits. I would imagine the weight would be falling off me, too, except I've been doing some mindless chocolate eating. In other words, I'm not hungry at all, but I'm still eating large bars of chocolate (e.g., an entire Cadbury bar) *twice* a day. OK, OK, so I've stopped buying chocolate, most of the time, and truth is, it doesn't even taste good. Since I'm someone who battles with my weight, I'd love to have a blessing in disguise from this whole ordeal be a nice weight loss. And I vow, as soon as I am healthy ... or at least healthy enough ... I will hit the gym, even make a schedule for it, because I've read enough times the great effect it's having on so many here. -Rosie Even though I'm not an evil bat, I just love this ... Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 DAY 22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't believe I have got so far....going to get to 30 days and keep going!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment
lightlight Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Been doing well...except every now and again I get a moment of weakness and an urge to email him back (I never replied to his last email - it was just chit chat and he has pretended nothing has happened). Part of me feels I won't really heal until I have closure - i.e. I explain to him why I can't be friends and the no contact is not just because I am in a huff with him about what happened at new year (I know he will think this is what it is all about). Should I contact him to explain this to get the closure I need? My friends don't think he will give me that closure as he will say/imply something to keep me with a string of hope so I will be there as his safety net for when things go pearshaped with his current gf. This has happened before. I really miss him and his friendship. At the moment I'm feeling like I just want to get to a place where I feel I can have a platonic friendship with him adn not feel attracted to him - I just wish I could get there soon. I'm missing out on the group too....we all had such fun together and becasue of the tension between us the group has not been as tight - probably becuase I was the key organiser and I have stopped that now. Arghhh...please give me some words of advice/a slap to wake me up! I'm on the verge of sendign that email..... Thanks Day 11 NC (previous NC 39 days)...you can read my story in previous post but basically he was a 'neverwas'. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I personally think you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It is recommended professionally, to not take action when you are in the middle of anxiety. Instead, when feeling anxious, it's best to turn to some physical activity, expend some energy, (in other words, exhaust yourself) then think about it. More than likely, you will reconsider or approach it better than when you were anxious. I think, if you are generally feeling like you want to contact him, it's possible you are just afraid of the unknown you are living in right now. Not trying to downsize his importance to you - but that will never be downsized technically, since he is a part of your experience. Is having a completely different life appealing to you or scary? Is finding more to do with your day - new things - interesting or boring? Are you excited and comfortable with having so much time alone, stuck in your own head or afraid of it? In other words - do you like and enjoy your own company enough to not fixate on someone else? Or is it not fun - are you plagued by sad/unhappy/uncomfortable thoughts otherwise? NC is about finding yourself, you see? If you choose yourself, you may just realize how little about yourself you know....or how much of yourself is really about him (like in my case). But you are an interesting person and most likely it just seems strange to be that focused - it might feel concieted. Just trust me on this one - it's not. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 10 Yesterday was my best day so far. I hardly through of my ex all day, and when I did, it didn't seem to bother me. That was until I saw that she shorted me on the bills, and has been running up the minutes on out cell phone. Then I was mad that even though we are apart, and haven't talked, she is still running all over me. I was pretty upset last night, but kept it together. I still have no urge to call her, but am giving it the weekend to figure out what I am going to do. I am keeping busy. I watched "The Secret" last night. I also finished "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken" I recommend it. I haven't spoken to her parents in 4 days. I also just realized I forgot to take my anxiety meds this morning, so let's see how I feel today. Today I feel: Sad, angry, and nothing all at the same time. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I don't know about the memory eraser....but you can get sonic screwdrivers from Toys R Us that are the very definition of cool. Unfortunately they dont erase memories...just open doors and scramble electronic equipment. **geekalert** Link to comment
splashdown Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 day 3 begins (though i did speak briefly to her last night...with the kid, it's sorta necessary) feeling good. i'm hoping this isn't the lull before the inevitable crash, but i'm feeling like us breaking up was the best possible thing we could've done. It's been six+ years of my life that feel like a total waste, when I wasn't doing the things I wanted and neither was she. We were just kind of...existing. But I'm going to try to use this as a learning experience and move forward. She and I clearly weren't right for each other. At least I'm not looking back at twenty wasted years... Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 My ex called me and was like he misses me and this comes from the most proud stubborn man in the world.......unbelievable....... hes like during the conversation....I dont think we can get back together I told too many people too many things..... Yeah whatever.......... BUT guess what, I made it through the convo and I was FABULOUS AND FANTASTIC............ 5 WEEKS LATER IVE REALISED, IVE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im all that I need................YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 shadow - even Cadbury? is it not the same? I'm amazed! I'm eating Aldi chocolate at the moment though. Ten times better than Cadbury's...*drool* And you know what's ten times better than Aldi chocolate? How happy you are! WOO! PapaL - yeah they don't have that particular function...but STILL. They are wicked cool. My brother got one from a kid in his class (he's a reception teacher) and spent the whole weekend playing with it. He's 29. *hugs* to everyone. It gets better! You have to trust me because..you just do. Do you really want to incur the wrath of a lion?!?! Link to comment
sunday13 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hi all... I don't post too much. I try not to dwell on the fact that I've had yet ANOTHER man dump me. I am always the dumpee, dammit! And they have ALWAYS asked me back. Usually it takes 3-6 months for them to try to get me back... I have always practiced NC... and it was never a means to get them back, but in my mind it was, "I was the best girlfriend you could have asked for...I should have been the one to dump YOU, so get out of my life!" This time it is different because, I hate to admit, but my little tender heart actually opened itself up to loving someone and letting them love me. My first love at 24 years of age! God, I love him. BUT...he had things to deal with...we would have broken up anyway if those things were not resolved. But it hurts like hell and I feel humiliated for letting someone in. We broke up New Years Eve. He was crying his eyes out...barely able to speak. He said he had to let me go, that he made himself sick, and that he needed to figure his life out. His friends thought I was the "one." He joked of marriage, where in his last relationship of 3 years, he avoided even joking about it because he didn't want to give his gf the wrong idea because he never intended to marry her. I need to let him go...I haven't talked with him since the breakup. He texted me "I DO miss you" a month ago, and then a week later, he texted saying he wanted to talk when we were both comfortable. Well, it's been 3 weeks and no contact. I will not make the first move. He took me off his top friends on his myspace finally... I wish he would have done that right when we broke up... but I need to ban myspace from my life until I heal! That site is the devil! Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 9 NC...I thought I was getting better, that this was getting easier, but somehow this week has just been getting worse and worse. Still can't focus at work. Functioning because I must / refuse to fail completely. On Sunday we will have been broken up for 3 weeks, and today has felt worse than the very first day. I just don't get it. I just can't find a way to move on in my mind. I feel so betrayed, so hopeless, so alone. I started NC and told her not to try to get ahold of me unless she had anything conclusive to say, but I find myself so hopeful every day that she will have called or emailed to tell me that she's so sorry or that this was all a bad dream. I tried writing down all the things about her that consistantly annoyed me, but they all seem so petty and trivial, I MISS HER SO MUCH and I feel like she's out livin it up without me. How can she do this? How can she completely turn her back on the only person she's ever loved? HOW CAN I SHAKE THIS? Nothing seems to work. Time is making me feel worse. Essentially, I'm a wreck. Don't know what to do. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 50 NC - dang that number seems so big. But I'm going to keep going! Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 This is funny. I finished the challenge a few days ago, and have been reading bits of things on the forum, while taking a bit of a break from posting. My ex wrote to me today. We haven't been in touch at all for over a month, and I knew at some point I'd hear from him. I just didn't know what the reason would be. He sent me a brief update on his life, and asked for me to get in touch with him (when it's convenient) to tell him how my things are going. Sounds like he just wants to touch base, and that his 'let's be friends' hope is still alive. I feel neutral about the email. I don't feel upset, or angry, or sad. Just flatlining. And I don't know why. In the past, I'd get really worked up when he'd contact me. And now nothing. Anyway, that's my update. Link to comment
vimora Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 3 NC- mornings are so hard, woke up again feeling on the verge of losing control. Did some deep breathing. It's so strange, I've never felt so panicked. Same yesterday morning. Didn't sleep at all last night and now I've woken up at 3 in the afternoon. I have exams to study for, must focus. Link to comment
houdini Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Day 5 of NC. Started on Febuary 18th which is exactly a month since I've heard the dreaded words (I want to break up, I want to be alone) I know NC if for self healing and to move on and there are moments when I'm filled with joy and avoid thinking about her, what she is doing, if she is happy or who she is with. Then there are those moments when I do think of those moments and it' as if I'm carrying the weight of the world on my heart and I want to give in and call,text or email her.... (SuperDave71, grab your holster with the rolls of duct tape, I'm trying hard not to contact her) The days seem like months and this week seems like a year. When is it going to end, when will this pain subside and I can go through a complete day without feeling as if I've been drained of all self worth by someone I thought loved me. Wish I knew what goes on in the mind of a dumper or in my case the mind of my ex-girlfriend. I wonder if there are any statistics of successful dumpers compared to unsuccessful dumpers. I guess I would like to know how many of the dumpers go on with their lives and are glad they dumped the dumpee... Link to comment
kate111 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Interesting. I've read your story and it seems you broke up in similar circumstances to me, and you a similar type of temperament to me. Sounds like he thinks enough time has gone by for you to be friends. He's trying to fish for what is happening with you. I wouldn't give him the ego boost of knowing you still care. I'd probably ignore his email, but perhaps I am not up to your level of healing yet. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 day 48....YEE!! so excited. going out with some college buddies to a dinner for a friend of mines gerlfriend, she turning 22? 21?? who knows, i just know her from school and she's dating a friend of mine. lol. and she has pretty friends, Girls of course. haha. anyways today was went kind of slow..started off at the gym, home to mow the lawn, then wash the car, to cutting my hair. now im here posting. hehe. anyways i hope everyones NC Challenge is going well. Link to comment
kate111 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Does it matter if the ex KNOWS that your usual break up method or dealing with someone you are annoyed with is to ignore them? Also, I'm starting to see the things my ex would have been annoyed at me about, that I didn't dress up enough, didn't go to the gym enough, wasn't happy with work, drunk too much etc etc. Do you have to change all those things during no contact? Or do you rediscover yourself?(which probably means doing the opposite of what they would like). Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Hey Kate Fantastic point and your right !!! When my ex called me at 2 this morning, he was like "You have been waiting for this call for 5 weeks" and although I sounded really happy on the phone hehehe, he comes out with your upset arent you... then he is like, " i know how you work, you want us to get back together" Oh well let them live in their little world of their own...... cause he AINT LIVING IN MY WORLD BABY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
LBP Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I have my own website for venting, but I accept your challenge SuperDAve... I haven't attempted to contact my ex in thirty days, but I've been to her myspace and facebook fairly often in that time... This marks the end of that... I've already cleared her stuff out, thrown out all the pictures, deleted her number and email, etc etc... This is the final lap. When I post, at the end of this, I'll be preparing for a trip to England and a newer, happier life... Looking forward to the successful conclusion, LBP Link to comment
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