TheGetUpKid Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 1 again...... After about 3 weeks of NC Im back to Day 1. My ex called me from a different number because she knew I wouldnt answer if I knew if it was her calling. She left me a voicemail saying that she had to ask me an "important" question. A few minutes later I get a txt saying the same thing. So naturally I thought maybe it was important and it was an emergency. Her "important" question was just her asking where a certain store was............ I was really furious and barely said anything to her on the phone. And well for some reason I got really upset and broke down and started to cry after I got off the phone...... Its been 7 months and I really cant take her crap anymore. Im tempted to send her an email telling her to stop contacting me but I know she wouldnt respect my wishes. She also sent me another txt saying "thanks for calling back, it was good to talk to you". Any advice or suggestions??? Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 19... Feel very mixed. Not sure about NC but come too far now to stop. Really don't know what I will do when the 30 days are up. Not sure that I will get in touch. I still really miss him though and don't feel that in my period of no contact I have sufficiently healed enough to let him back into my life...x Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 7 This is the longest I have ever gone without talking to my ex. Yesterday was very hard for me. I finally got in contact with her sister's ex, but I don't know if he is going to want to talk to me. He seemed a little hesitant. I don't know what to expect with today. I bought a few books to help me through this. I hope they help. They hav so far put me in a better frame of mind while I am reading them, but I cannot seem to retain the info throughout the day. I am constantly needing to remind myself why I should be angry and why I am better off without her. I miss her dearly, and still cannot handle the thought of her with another guy. Today I feel: sad, angry, ancy, shocked, and scared. In good news I made a second date with this girl I am seeing. She's sweet! Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 7 of NC Challenge (14 days since we last spoke) Having a hard day and it's only 11 in the morning. Tried to go to jury duty. They postponed my dates because of my bronchitis. Managed to make an appointment with a pulmonologist. I don't think the ENT has been helpful. I've been on antibiotics for nine days and I don't feel like I'm getting better. When I was driving back from the courthouse, I heard a song that reminded me of a long weekend we spent together. And the following weekend he was mean to me. He decided that we were falling into a pattern, which he wanted to avoid because he didn't want a serious relationship with me. He used to do mean things like that all the time. I wish I knew a better word than "mean"; what I'm trying to say is that every time he felt we were getting too close, too "couple-y," he'd pull back / push me away. So I'm thinking of this bad memory and I start weeping while I'm driving. I'm having bad memories about him, and still I miss him so much. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I'm so broken, I'm in love with someone who never wanted me. What's wrong with me? I don't want to be this way. I've keep weeping on and off for the last hour ... and coughing ... I can't stop coughing. I can't wait to put this all behind me. I'll do whatever it takes, but I don't want to be this way: the kind of person who thinks she's in love because someone threw me some crumbs, and I was so ravenous, so eager for attention and affection, crumbs seemed like a feast. I'm not sure how to "fix" this. I've been in therapy most of the last 17 years. I go to meetings all the time. I've tried so hard to heal and grow over the years. And I pray for help all the time. I know my life has improved immeasurably in all this time, and if you met me you'd be shocked to put these thoughts together with the way I carry myself. I'm a successful business woman, blessed with many close and loving friends. I guess this ... love ... is my Achilles heel. And Cupid managed to shoot me dead center. Writing here has helped calm me down. I'm so glad I don't have to go through this alone. I've already meant some truly special people here, and the way people have reached out to me here means so much. I think I'm going to take a nap, my doctor's appointment isn't until after 5. I have so much work to do, but I just can't. Not now. It will still be there later, even if the clock is ticking and we've got a deadline coming up. -Rosie Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 6 Felt really alone and sad all day. I wanted to ring her to discuss the house but I think I'll wait until the weekend. Thoughts about her having 'someone' in the house have being plaguing me. Jealousy. Hmmm, don't like that. Link to comment
Semid Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hi, i'm new here. (by the way english is not my mother tongue) By boyfriend (52 y/o) broke with me (47 y/o) the 14 February (oh, yes - Valentine's day ). He said he needed space (for me that is the kiss of death for a relationship ). I didn't wanted to start an argument with him (again.. since the 25 of December he is constantly starting arguments for really silly things and situations) and I said, if you do this that is up to you, but I will disappear from the face of the earth, because I'm done with this. And I did not contacted him at all. On Sunday he called and asked me to come over to give me a little explanation. And I said yes, go ahead. He told me that he love me and that he already missed me but that he was so close now to me that he was getting nervous. After 16 months he was getting nervous... I told him that my worst nightmare, breaking up with him, was now real, and that it was not that terrible. So, after 2 months of suffering and turmoil due to his changes of mood and behaviour I have made up my mind and I rather finish this suffering, crossing the rest of the dessert, than going back and have to suffer the same again in a near future. He wanted to be friends and he wanted me to be part of his life. I told him that this was not going to be possible and not to call me again, and I said goodby. I was crashed two weeks ago, when he started the last argument On my job's Christmas party I won a travel to Venice and I told him to come with me, instead of my daughter - We were looking for the flighs and I did not like what appeared on the screen, traveling late at night and loosing two days of visiting the city , and he started screaming to me, calling me names - this was the first time, and I was astonished - and so on. This was the second time he started an argument for this reason. A month ago he told me to organize the trip and when I did, in spite that dates were not firm, he was yelling that I was desconsiderate with him and his Job Schedule. So, what was supossed to be a reason for joy, a trip to Venice, became an issue. I feel bad, I am sad and I'm doing things slowly.... I have to recover. So I started no contact since SUNDAY. But I agree to start from today. Link to comment
light bulb Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I'm in. This is day one of nc in the relationship (although this morning during a moment of weakness, I sent her a breif email after reading a new myspace blog of hers). Forgive my morning actions and believe in me to not be seduced by the devil (myspace) or to contact her using any other means. I'm in fo real. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 STAY AWAY FROM MYSPACE!!!!!! I HATE MYSPACE! ha ha ha -SuperDave71 Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I'm in. This is day one of nc in the relationship (although this morning during a moment of weakness, I sent her a breif email after reading a new myspace blog of hers). Forgive my morning actions and believe in me to not be seduced by the devil (myspace) or to contact her using any other means. I'm in fo real. Myspace is deceiving... I hated it, and stopped using it, but then I decided to use it in my favor... I started contacting all my friends, specially the ones I barely talk to and posted comments about them and I have been keeping them updated of important stuff... It feels really nice when they all start doing the same for you! I very rarely check my ex's space anymore, and when I do I don't feel that weird... I see her now as an old friend... Since my breakup (Dec. 27) I have been meeting lots of people and gone out with gorgeous and fun women. I feel attractive again, my confidence is way up... Yesterday I got a new position within my company and it feels great... less work, a friendlier boss, less stress... same money though... As part of the welcome package, I got permission to take an 11 day vacation, so in 2 days I'll go on a road trip with 2 of my best friends... We will travel to Hermosillo, Mazatlan, Guadalajara, and then Mexico City... nice, nice. Let me tell you folks, time heals all wounds, in fact, I think that now I am stronger than before... stronger than ever... Link to comment
light bulb Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 STAY AWAY FROM MYSPACE!!!!!! I HATE MYSPACE! ha ha ha -SuperDave71 You don't have to tell me twice. Take a wild guess where she met the new guy. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hey Oatmeal.... Don't worry about that...the newness wears off and reality has a nice way of showing people what they REALLY look like in the morning and how bad their breath stinks! ha ha You are going to be just fine! and T.J. that sounds like ONS of fun!! I hope you have a great time!!! Congrats! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Tijuana! I haven't seen you for an age! Glad to see you're on tip top form deborita - This guy sounds like the worst kind of idiot you can get. I felt angry for you whilst reading your post! Hard as it seems you just have to find and latch onto the things that annoyed you and hurt you about him. One day (I can't give you any estimate...it changes from person to person) you'll suddenly see him for who he really is, and appreciate how lucky you are that you got out of that situation when you did. Good Luck with NC! I think it was boston who said she'd stopped counting the days of NC. I realised when she said it that I hadn't been keeping it up in my head like I had before, and I didn't care. Ok, what happened the other night confused the whole issue...does it count as contact when you're asleep? But not counting the days has made it easier in a way. It takes importance away from it, and away from him. I know that I needed to have counted them and known how long it had been before...but now I don't feel like I need to do that. There isn't going to be a day when I think, right now I can contact him whenever I want, and if I never stop counting then he'll still hold a place in my head, and i don't want that. My big change the other day helped me more than I could imagine and I don't want to look back if I can help it. I want him out of my head before he can start claiming squatter's rights. I'm off to singing momentarily. I shall be thinking of all of you this time. The song in which I have a solo doesn't use real words - meaning I can put whatever meaning I want into the song. And you are all going to be my meaning! Link to comment
light bulb Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hey Oatmeal.... Don't worry about that...the newness wears off and reality has a nice way of showing people what they REALLY look like in the morning and how bad their breath stinks! ha ha You are going to be just fine! Im not doing NC with hopes of getting back together with her. I'm 99% sure she's over me after the way things have been. I have an active thread over in the "healing after breakup" forum. I'm just trying to build back my self esteem and live. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 47 NC - doing great; going to hit the gym in a little bit and then just hang out with some friends after! SuperDave thanks for helping me out yesterday, I appreciate it. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Tijuana! I haven't seen you for an age! Glad to see you're on tip top form I think it was boston who said she'd stopped counting the days of NC. I realised when she said it that I hadn't been keeping it up in my head like I had before, and I didn't care. Ok, what happened the other night confused the whole issue...does it count as contact when you're asleep? But not counting the days has made it easier in a way. It takes importance away from it, and away from him. Hi Parsley! Im glad you stopped counting the days! After enduring 30 days of the challenge, I think there's no point in keeping score... I realized that my heartbreak lasted just a few weeks... that's like a drop in a bucket... A couple of weeks ago I got my braces removed and then I had to wear retainers. At first I felt like throwing up because of them and talked funny, but after a couple of days I barely even noticed them... We have the ability to adapt to difficult situations. It would have been really easy for me to give up and stop wearing the retainers, but instead I endured them and now I feel great. So my friends, you have to realize you are going through a rough patch that is not going to last. You are going to adapt and move on sooner or later. You are going to feel great again. Just keep in mind that you are great persons, capable of having beautiful feelings for someone else. Heartbreak is a small price to pay when searching for your soulmate. I'm willing to endure heartbreak again if that's going to get me closer to THE ONE... no pain no gain. Stay strong everyone! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Nooooo problem ahhh2jz. My pleasure. SuperDave71 PS. Glad you are doing better today Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 30 of the NC Challenge I've reached the end of a road. When my ex left me, I was a mess for a couple of days...but I naturally fell into a state of no contact. By the time I found the enotalone board, I was really struggling with my heartbreak and wanted to talk to my ex. I found lots of useful and thoughtful pieces of advice, which probably kept me from becoming a basketcase. I also read self-help books, talked to my friends and family about how I was feeling. I was determined to keep No Contact: out of pride, because I wanted to protect myself, because I hardheartedly wanted my ex to second-guess himself, because I really just didn't know what to do and NC gave me something to commit to that made a lot of rational sense. (I wasn't really feeling rational at the time: more like a big, bloody heart). I began the challenge 3 times. That's how tricky it was for me to get it right. When I broke NC the first time, I knew it needed to be done because my breakup happened over the phone. But (and this is something I'm coming to terms with) that meeting was, for my ex and myself, about seeing how in control he was over me. It wasn't healthy. The second time I broke NC, it was with the thought of being friends. And it went remarkably well, and for a while gave me hope that friendship was possible. I've since realized that it's not something I want to welcome into my life. And, it was harder starting NC again. I certainly stirred up some old feelings in myself, and it took a while to get settled again. The third time I broke NC was messy. Really, really messy. I regret talking to my ex while drunk as a skunk. I said horrible things, I said flattering things. I'm not sure I said any truthful things. After that, he started sending emails again--mostly (and ironically) about me not meeting his needs by showing that I was having a hard time--and since then, I've been quietly posting, keeping on the No Contact Track. What else do I need to write about, SuperDave? Oh, right! What I've learned. Well, I've learned to admit things into my life that are productive, safe, and happy. My break-up taught me that it wasn't good for me to feel like I was walking on eggshells in my relationship, and then outside of it when the bottom gave out. While dating, I'd sometimes worry if I was pretty enough, charming enough at his company affairs, made the right kind of supper. Immediately after the break-up, the questions were all still coming from the same place: is planning a trip for him the way to reconnect? if i contact him, will I be shooting myself in the foot? Nothing very good to my heart and head. I had forgotten to hold my partner to a standard of caring that I hold myself to, and I had forgotten to love myself. The break-up has been a lesson in how to return to myself, how to recognize what I can do for myself, and how to identify what my needs and expectations of others are (without feeling guilty for having needs!). In case it isn't obvious, I've let go of my ex. Entirely. I'm at peace with where I'm at now, and am working on continuing to learn about myself and work at allowing myself to forge more loving relationships with friends, family, a partner. The NC challenge helped me put things in perspective, gave my brain some breathing room to slow down and refocus on what I can control, and gave me a great community (THANK YOU, GUYS!) to learn from. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Day 30 of the NC Challenge I've reached the end of a road. CONGRATULATIONS SHAKER!!!! I'm proud of you! What do you say about re-starting the challenge??? No need to stop now! LOL ((hugs)) Link to comment
Zaphod Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 It's been exactly one week of proper NC for me. It has seemed like about three years to be honest - this is difficult because time seems to slow down. Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 TJ: Send me a postcard! I'm jealous you get a vacay. Parsley: Your post is very sweet. I'll sing this morning, too! Don't sweat breaking NC in a 1/2 induced sleep haze; I think intention counts for a lot. That being said, I'd say 'yes' you broke it, but what you do from here on in is now the most important: just don't use the sleepy email to justify further contact (and hopefully, you will get your dvds back without incident!). Strangely, counting has helped me (even though the numbers became foggy sometimes). It gave the time some kind of material evidence. But I'm also a really serious list-maker, so that's maybe how my motivation is wired! ahhh2jz: Good to hear you're hanging in there. I love how much the gym helps. It's a really great way to refocus energy into your body (or exhaust yourself enough to sleep!). Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 day 45..the day seems boring. its all cloudy and stuff. nothing much done as of now other than go to school and get transcripts to send to the school im going to.. lol i hear you superdave, myspace is wack, but thats my line of communication to my old college buddies as of now. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Shaker, You, my friend, have come full circle. I watched you struggle with no one BUT yourself. I am soooooo soooooo proud of you, not only becaus eyou finally completed the challenge BUT YOU LEARNED FROM IT. It is one thing to complete 30 days...but its another to LEARN from it. You stuck with it...you hung in there...NOT ONLY ONCE...NOT TWICE...ut 3 times... Do you realize how amazing that is to me? You have demonstrated over and over again how serious you are with completing this challege. To all of those out there that are hurting....SHAKER IS NOW A ROLE MODEL TO YOU ALL! If anyone was to ever doubt your self motivation, spirit, positive energy and love not only for your fellow man, but for yourself....I would call them a liar. There is still much work to be done shaker. Please not only practice what you preach...share you knowledge with those who were once in your shoes. From the bottom of my heart....thank you. Thank you so much for hanging in there... May your days of new found self love set yoru spirit free to fly as high as you want to go... Much MUCH love to you, SuperDave71 Link to comment
drum4god Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Great job Shaker, Hopefully the worst part is over for you. You have a great attitude, and that is a major part of why you are getting through this. I am on day 56, and doing O.K. I saw a therapist yesterday, and it seemed helpful. The hurt is still there, but everyday it diminishes. I still think about her alot, and that annoys me. She doesn't deserve that much attention. I get tempted to call her, but I am steadfast in my decision to not contact her. Thankfully my head is stronger than my heart. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Thankfully my head is stronger than my heart. GLAD TO HEAR THAT DRUMMER!!!!! PERFECT attitude!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Congratulations, Shaker! I really like what you wrote. In particular, ... Your words really spoke to me and I can totally identify. I said many times with the Neverwas, this is not who I am. I don't act this way. Somehow I lost myself and how to take care of myself. I look forward to following in your footsteps. -Rosie Link to comment
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