THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[ahhh2jz]

day 45 NC - just finished watching the all-star game it was alright. Nothing much going on; still staying strong. I'm really moving on and I can feel it. I can't wait for the prospect of meeting someone new.

[rsxguy520]

day 45 NC - just finished watching the all-star game it was alright. Nothing much going on; still staying strong. I'm really moving on and I can feel it. I can't wait for the prospect of meeting someone new.

 

me too. i no longer see the tunnel for light between me and my ex at all. i only see the light escaping out of the cave and on to something new. glad to hear your doing well.

 

by the way, the all star game was kinda ehh..

[mr_echo]

It's the beginning of day 4 NC. Today I intend to sort out some of the things I've let slip since the breakup 16 days ago. I'm going to make a plan of all the things I want to accomplish in the near future and hopefully I'll get back to work soon too. I need to fill my life with good things again. Wish me luck!

 

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[shadow34]

Lots and lots and lots of luck going to you Mr echo.......

 

But you wont need much luck just believe in yourself that your a super , fantastic Person

 

Smiles

[rsxguy520]

damn i swear my ex's b/f swears like i care if they have sex or not. Latest message, "tonight was a good **** night. she still feels like a virgin. you must have been doing it wrong." wow this guy is seriously degrading his g/f. personally if that was me i'd keep that stuff to myself. i really think my ex is stupid, if she hasn't figured it by now, but the homie only wants you for one thing. and its not love.

 

but hey who cares. i had enough already and just completely blocked him, the ex's profile, which the new b/f is using to his advantage, cause i can't enjoy myspace without a daily message from this dude..i swear he has too much free time on his hands. i feel sorry for him. but anyways for you newly people taking the challenge, time does heal all wounds to the point where you don't care or feel what your ex is doing, or who they are doing.

[mr_echo]

Thanks shadow34 - right back at ya!

[honeyspur]

great job blocking these two - enough is enough, if you ask me.

[kate111]

19 days. Is that good?

[ruby19]

6 days now

 

Instead of just trying to ignore him and hopefully him getting the hint or hoping he would get distracted by something shiny and leave me alone, I officially told him I didn't want to hear from him after the BS from his Valentine's greeting - final straw. He'll probably be upset...and wonder why I don't want to see his vacation pictures or something lame like that.

 

It sucks really bad though, I won't pretend it's not hard. I've said to myself I won't respond before and did my best not to except when my cousin died and I was upset. But now it's out there and I do not want to lose my self-respect or have him see me cave, he's already hurt me enough and I'm not giving him the ego boost or satisfaction anymore.

 

I read two books this weekend and did the huge bout of laundry and ironing I've been putting off in an effort to stay off the computer and out of contact.

 

](*,)

[macgyver4ever]

Day 6

 

Yesterday was good, but I later realized that it was good because my ex's mom told me that my ex stayed at home on a Friday night for the first time in months. She was very quite and just ate the chocolates I bought the family for Valentine's Day. I think that got my hopes up, so today is a sad day.

 

I am going to try to stop talking to her family as much as possible. The only reason I called was to get the number of her little sister's ex, because her little sister is doing the same thing to him!!

 

I woke up in a panic attack again today. The Xanex doesn't seem to do much for me.

 

Today I feel- sad, hurt, disappointed, fearful, & lonely.

[Scrembledeggs]

My girlfriend of over 3 years broke up with me 15 days ago. We initially established it sort of as a 'break', whatever that really means, so that she could gain perspective and see what it was like to be on her own. (I don't know how to link, but search for my other thread if you want the WHOLE LONG STORY)

 

Originally, I intended to maintain 'friend' contact with her, but decided that was unfair to me. On the 7th, I told her not to contact me unless something significant (as in her firmly deciding that she wanted us to be over for good or give it another try) happened. I broke No Contact on the 14th (go figure), first with a brief email, which was met with an equally brief, empty response, then with a phone call which started as a request to know how the whole situation was affecting her, but got emotional and escalated into the same fight we've been having for months. No contact since.

 

 

 

That being said, I'm on day 5 of No Contact, and am hoping I can stick to my guns this time and make it at least one month. I am all over the place emotionally; sad, mad, pretending to be indifferent, generally restless, and still just shocked / partly convinced that she'll be back at any minute.

 

So yeah. That's that...I'll try to give some sort of regular updates. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

[Shaker]

Day 29:

 

No contact is going strong, and working for me. Thanks everyone for helping me along during the spells of second-guessing and sadness. I'm really happy now, doing well, looking forward to finishing the challenge tomorrow.

 

How is everyone else?

[Parsley]

Now sure what day this is!!

 

Shall I tell you why?

 

I woke up this morning and looked at my phone, and saw there was a delivery report for a message to my ex. This confused me a hell of a lot as I had absolutely not recollection whatsoever of sending him anything. Checked my outbox, and there was a message - with my address in it, asking for my dvds and nothing else. There was some incredibly questionable spelling - leading me to believe that this was one of my famous woke up in the middle of the night and sent and fell asleep instantly messages. (My previous ex used to receive these a lot - some actually made no sense whatsoever - very funny at times!) There was no reply, but I didn't care - haven't noticed myself checking my phone anymore than usual either. Possibly because I was probably about 3/4s unconscious whilst sending said message.

 

So what do I count that as?

 

Aside from that - still feeling absolutely FAAAAANTASTIC! Don't understand it in the slightest. I've come to a few conclusions that I should feel really upset about, but I don't. Feel like if he said "I love you, I want you back" I would say "Is that so? How interesting. See ya!" and then skip off into the sunset singing as patting small animals and children as I pass.

 

WOO Shaker! Finishing tomorrow! Got any plans?

 

xxxx

[SadOldMan]

OH! I can join in now. It's 5 days since we last spoke. No contact between either of us. I'll have to talk to her regarding the house at some point but that's okay isn't it? ;-)

[mariab.]

14 days no contact. went out w/ my friends yesterday and had a great time..still thinking about him tho' but now am starting to realize all the things HE did wrong.

[nym9876]

Day 17. It seems as though it's only getting harder and harder. I don't get why I'm missing her so much its really unfair how she's moved on so easily while I'm moving in the opposite direction. Its been going on for so long (previous to this NC) I'm not sure how much more of this misery I can handle.

[ahhh2jz]

Day 46 NC - had a dilemma yesterday; but other than that things are pretty good

[lightlight]

hey rosie. Sorry to hear this. Please be strong. Your posts have helped me a lot as I was in a situation with a 'neverwas' (more details can be found in my other post)....not as long or intense as yours but it has been of great benefit to me to read your posts. Like you I was feeling like I didn't have the right to be upset etc as we weren't even in a comitted relationship. It really sucks...to want someone who never really wanted you properly in the first place... can't even call him my ex. Lowest of the low really. But time to move on ....there are men out there that will give us more than scraps. I think for me I think I miss him..but actually it is probably my ego missing his intention adn my 'infatuation' for want of a better word was more because I could never quite get him...thrill of the chase and all that!

 

Keep strong....you never know how things will turn out but for now you know what is best for you.

 

Day 2 of the challenge for me but day 7 of NC (previous NC of 39 days)

[kate111]

Day 29:

 

No contact is going strong, and working for me. Thanks everyone for helping me along during the spells of second-guessing and sadness. I'm really happy now, doing well, looking forward to finishing the challenge tomorrow.

 

How is everyone else?

 

The challenge is 30 days? What happens after that?

[Parsley]

Kate - most people just carry on! See how long you can go. It can only help you more

[boston23]

Day 29 for me.

 

I'm excited about tomorrow because I feel like I will have finished the Challenge (successfully) and because I don't want to count the days of NC anymore. I want my days to go by without a reference to how long my ex and I haven't spoken. But this challenge has been incredibly helpful. SD, it was definitely a great idea!!

 

I do need contact my ex's sister still about not being in her wedding, and I'm not worried about that conversation. I think I'll just keep it fairly simple and to the point. The only anxiety I do have is that after I speak with her, I won't have any reasons left to contact the family ever, and that does sadden me a little still. But I've done what I can for the situation, I've been as kind and loving as I could be, when I could have been mean back to him. I guess that I just need to remember that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to in the end. This muddled situation is just so completely unnecessary and stupid, and I've finally realized that it's not up to me to put things back the way they should be. My ex has the opportunity to do what he should have had the maturity to do a long time ago: fix the situations that he creates for himself.

[Rosie007]

19 days. Is that good?

 

Hi Kate,

 

19 days sounds fantastic to me. Great job taking care of yourself!

 

-Rosie

[Rosie007]

Day 6

 

First off, way to go Boston! You've helped me a lot during our short acquaintance, and I'm so happy for you re Day 29.

 

 

 

Hi LightLight,

 

I remember reading our post and identifying with you. You said my situation was longer than yours, and yes, I may have known the Neverwas for 14+ years, but our time together, our so-called realtionship, was 7 months, similar to yours. It really cheered me up to hear from you, and I think it's very appropriate for you to use the Neverwas, too. I figure as long as I don't start lying to myself, and pretending I had something I didn't, the better off I'll be. I pretty much allow myself to make all sorts of mistakes, just so I'm out there and trying, with the only condition being that I don't start lying to myself, and that I examine my motivations. Heaven knows, I don't think anyone is ever harder on me than myself.

 

In terms of NC, I'm gliding along. It really makes sense to me, plus I haven't had to withstand the temptation of hearing from him. I'd be surprised if I did hear from him -- I don't think he's a bad person, he just didn't love me -- and now that I've confessed my love for him, I'd be surprised if he contacted me. Plus, he's seeing someone else now, as he so gleefully informed me.

 

My Neverwas was always quick to be candid with me about his intentions. From the beginning, he told me he was just getting out of a three-year relationship in which he really loved the other person. He did everything he could to avoid an emotional bond with me -- although I fail to see sex is anything but an emotional bond. I can't separate my body from my heart and spirit. Evidently some people can, but I'm not one of them. And I always told the Neverwas that I wasn't going to try to freeze my feelings, just because he was. I always knew I was going to get hurt. I just never counted on how badly. I'm not sure it would have hurt less if he told me his situation in a more appropriate / sensitive way. Sometimes I wonder if he handled things the way he did to really incite my anger and make it easier for me to break my bond with him.

 

The other painful part of my situation was that we'd broken up two weeks previous to the IM when he told me he was going to start sleeping with another woman. Five days before the fateful IM, we were up to our old tricks, flirting via IM one day, and making plans to see each other the next. I was soooooooo happy to see him, albeit without any negotiation or call for change in our dynamics, and in some ways our reunion felt like the early days. But I also have to say I sensed something was afoot from little clues in his house (i.e., he'd done a deep cleaning of his floors, and his sink wasn't full of dishes they way they generally are every Friday). I was still knocked for a loop when he dropped his news two days later after seeing him.

 

But here's the blessing in disguise: I think the way this last encounter played out is what's helped me understand why NC is so important. If I didn't have him blocked from my IM, if I didn't have a resolve in my heart to avoid communication with him at all costs, it's realistic to say our unhealthy patterns would just continue. And not only that, I'd *really* lose my self respect if I continued this painful pattern when there was, without a doubt, a new woman in the picture. I was willing to play this out when there was a hope that things would work themselves out with time, but I'm not willing to play this game. I can only imagine the headgames I would start playing with myself, trying to judge myself against another, feeling like I'm not good enough, trying to do things to prove I was the one he should give his affection to, not her.

 

But I'm no fool. I know I can be my own worst enemy. If I don't remove the temptation, I'm liable to betray myself. I don't think an hour goes by that I don't think about him, picture him vividly, ache to feel his lips or touch. In some cases, it's good to be the black-and-white person I am. In fact, I know firsthand the easiest way to stop harmful behavior is to avoid the source of the problem all together. It's how we stay sober in AA. Just for today, I'm not going to pick up the first drink. I don't have to worry about missing work, spending all my money, disgracing myself in a blackout, or getting into all sorts of other trouble, if I simply don't pick up the first drink. In the 15.5 years that I've been sober, I've had people congratulate me for being so strong, but the fact is, it's the simplest thing in the world NOT to do something. Anyway that's my experience.

 

As ever, I hope I'm not making people here uncomfortable talking about being sober. I'm not hear to preach AA, truly. I'm simply talking about my own experience, my hopes and fears, pain and sorrow, and where I am today.

 

-Rosie

 

p.s. I just had to use this emoticon. I love it:

[rsxguy520]

day 44. my day went extremely well. went to CSUN to get the rest of my stuff out of my dorm. then spent quality time with mom. went to Melrose to shop. went home worked out like no other. severly beating my body. lol. then saw one of my classmates from my precal class last semester and chatted with him for a bit. got home and chatted with this one cute girl from San Diego that myspace me for the last two days. good stuff. she came on to me, so i feel better about that haha. anyways i got some family over and now im going to get a beer and sit and veg out while my uncle does his routine of jokes to my family. i hope everyone is having an extremely pleasant day!

[sunday13]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here, but I was so happy to find that other people stop communication once they are broken up with. I have done this with every single one of my ex boyfriends, and 100% of them have asked me back. Well, all except my latest ex.

 

We broke up New Years Eve. It was his call, although he was a wreck doing it. He had things in his life he felt he needed to work on, and he didn't want to drag me down or hurt me while he sorted things out. His issues weren't drugs or anything like that...I think it was depression that he hadn't truly dealt with. He told me I deserved better than him, not to hate him, and that he was sorry. I wish I could be there by his side...I was his #1 encourager and supporter, but I understand that sometimes you just need to work on yourself.

 

We did not fight, did not raise voices...he cried a lot...I held it in until I left and then I let it out. He was in every sense of the word my best friend. I have never had a connection with anyone. We always laughed, always got along, and had great chemistry in and out of the bedroom!

 

He did text me 3 weeks ago saying he missed me. I had a moment of weakness and wrote back "I miss you too." A week later he wrote that he wanted to be able to talk "soon enough" so to let him know when I was comfortable. I wrote that the ball was in his court so whenever he was ready. He text back "ok, thanks."

 

It's been about 3 weeks since that last text and I have not heard from him, nor have I attempted to contact him. I am friends with some of his closest friends and they say he has just been keeping a low profile.

 

Of course I want him in my life, but I am not going to chase him. I can't imagine finding someone I connect with so well, but I just remain positive. If we get back together, great...if not, I'll be ok, too. I want him, but I don't need him.