Iarra Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 TMinCali, We went out for about a year and a half. The connection was amazing. We never fought. I gave him a lot of space to be with his buddies, to do his hobbies, etc.. But he's gotten so busy since March that he doesn't have time for me. It was hard for me because I'm not demanding, but it doesn't mean it's ok for me not to see him every now and then (and I'm not talking about seeing him at work, you know We went on a break for about two months. He had a lot of stress, but it hurt me that he had time to party and go to the gym or whatever, but not to see me. I told him I can wait, but not forever. If this goes on too long, I will take it to mean that he's just not happy with me. He felt that he would be like that for a long time, so instead of making it worse (his words!), he decided to be "fair" to me and end it. He's 25, I'm 27. I didn't think our age was a big deal, but some people have said they have gone through some sort of identity crisis, where they didn't know what they wanted, at that age. So it could be that, or it could be that he's just not that into me. It doesn't really matter now. I don't work directly with him. He's on another team. But his cube's next to mine So I can sometimes hear him on the phone talking to his buddies hehe. He didn't come to work last Thursday and Friday, so I know he most probably went climbing (he loves mountain climbing). In a way, I think my situation is easier than yours in that I don't really have to talk to him. Although his projects affect my team, I only have to email his boss for concerns, and not him. I can pretend that he doesn't exist hehe Link to comment
TMinCali Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Iarra, I know this may be evil, but you should have roses sent to your cube! If his cube is next to yours, he's bound to either see them or hear the other girls in the office gushing about them. Link to comment
Iarra Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 TMinCali, Hahaha! I've actually thought about that, when he first mentioned the break. Yes, I have an eeeevil streak It may have worked when he still didn't want to let me go. But he already made his decision. He's young, and he wants to have his fun. Roses wouldn't change his mind, I don't think. But it's still a fun idea. Maybe when summer's over (and he can't go outdoors), the roses will have a better effect hehe Link to comment
Bdhod1 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Day 3, Again another good day. I still think about my ex and the pending divorce and all the changes that are going on as my life changes, but my attitude today was purely positive. Mondays are really busy for me as I work 2 different jobs and I saw my therapist today. Hey, but a good day is a good day. Here is the kicker, when I got home there was a message on the machine from my Ex saying he missed me. How does that make me feel? OK. But it is over. The fat lady has sung and I realize I can't have him in my life right now as I am healing. I have done the "hanging on, trying to be friends thing" and I fully realize that just doesn't work. As much as you would like that to work, for now it doesn't. So I am perfectly happy to have gotten that call and continue my NC. I know this weekend will be tough. (Friday is the court date for our formal divorce) and I don't have any big plans yet...but today is OK. I am going to work on making some plans for the weekend. B Link to comment
The One Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Day 34!!!!!, yes!!!!, made it through day 30. It hasn't been easy because I have had the urge to just call and see how she is doing. I have been keeping myself busy and thinking about the future and a few goals that I set for myself and I think that helped tremendously to keep my mind off of her, because of having those goals to look forward too. I have some awsome female friends that I get to hang out with sometimes and thats cool for me, I don't want a relationship, I'm just having fun and if I do meet someone I like then you never know what life will bring. I do still think about her and hope she is doing well. I am planning on moving to a new place pretty soon. I might consider contacting her then, as for right now I am going to continue with NC because it has helped me heal by leaps and bounds. The One Link to comment
BrokenBear Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 You can do it Waterbaby! You may have broken it now, but you can make it another 30 days again! As for me, today, my second attempt at Day 11, I finally made the choice of removing her from my facebook. It's taken me 5 weeks to do it, but I finally did. And I'm glad. I don't want her lying, cheating face anywhere near me. It's a step in the right direction for me, I think. Just going to keep on keepin on. Link to comment
kgirl Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Day 35. Accidental blank text on Sunday which I am not counting at all, also he responded immediately with a blank text of his own so I know he's thinking of me. What a butthead. Link to comment
Muzatsu Posted July 17, 2007 Share Posted July 17, 2007 Day thirteen of NC. Still haven't contacted, but he has commented some more myspace pix. Have not responded still. heh. Holding my ground. Link to comment
Bdhod1 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Day 4.. Still no contact, but not feeling like I can change my life and take on the world either. Kinda a blah day. Came home from work and just took a nap. I'll work on changing my life without him tomorrow B. Link to comment
bluesman Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 good going B.! One day at a time. I'm pulling for you. Link to comment
StayingPositive Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Joining the challenge... Day 4 of NC for me... See my previous post to hear my situation ( , entry #1494), its been very tough the past few weeks and i did the whole NC thing for a couple weeks in the hopes that things would work themselves out but have just been seeing my ex too much everywhere I go to not have it hurt. Been going to sleep every night around 12 but then for some reason I get up at 6 am every morning and can't get back to sleep (don't have to be at work til 9)... what do I do? Link to comment
john84 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 I feel like i'm stuck in a NC nightmare, i just want it to end! It's good to drop of the radar for a while..but it's hard work. Well done to everyone who's going strong. Link to comment
rosie76 Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Staying Positive, Waking too early is a common symptom of depression. I'm not saying that you're clinically depressed, just that this is something the body does when sad for some reason, and it's a well known thing. Can't imagine why this is, as the last thing that's good for you when you're sad is to have several hours lying around each morning thinking about things. Anyway, it happens to me, too. Only advice is that you can try taking a sleeping pill to get 8 hours, but these often make you feel hungover the next day and it's not good to get addicted to them. Sometimes using them for a few nights can get you back to a normal rhythm, though. Otherwise, I've found it useful to use the time if I'm going to be awake anyway, to keep yourself from thinking about what's upsetting you. Go for some exercise if you can manage - it will tire you out and you'll feel good about accomplishing that one extra thing in the day. If you can't manage, at least get up and read a book, drink some tea, etc. Anyway, like all the rest of it, it will pass in time. Hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
StayingPositive Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 Rosie, Thanks for your help, I have been trying to get out of bed and do something in the mornings like running 4 or 5 miles so that I can at least get out and be active rather than laying around in bed. The only thing that I have a hard time with is that while I'm running/exercising, I still end up thinking about how things once were. It's hard and I don't want to continue to bring myself down around my friends by bringing up the ex. I even made a bet with some friends of mine last night that for every time I bring her name up or a situation with her involved in it, I have to put a dollar into the pot and after a month, my friends get to collect on the pot. But talking about it still doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about it constantly. I know this pain will go away but I hope it happens sooner rather than later because I want to be able to enjoy the rest of my summer... Link to comment
Iarra Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 I'm feeling good today. I still think about him, but he's starting to feel like a distant memory, even if his cube's right beside me. I bumped into him for the first time this morning. Since we made eye contact, I smiled a little. I think ignoring him would send the message that I'm not doing ok. Since I am, I didn't mind smiling. He did, too. Then we went back to our own businesses. I think I handled that well I had to pass by his desk a while ago, and he looked up at me (I didn't really look at him, just saw him in the corner of my eye). We used to do that when we were still together (just looking up if the other passed by, and then smiling). He stopped doing that when we were on a break, since he's "keeping his distance". I picked up on it and did the same. So it's interesting that he's doing it again (a couple of times yesterday, too). But I don't want to get back to square one on my healing process. So I'm won't make anything of it. Link to comment
steve m. Posted July 18, 2007 Share Posted July 18, 2007 superdave my wife left me 4 months ago we have not really talked except once about handling the bills. I want to work things out, we have our 3 year anniversary coming up what should i do? send her a thinking of you card or nothing??????? please help. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Share Posted July 18, 2007 Steve, Hey there....I am sorry she left. Can you explain why she left? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Bdhod1 Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Day 5 Today was another good day! I did get an E mail from My ex-with some financial stuff and at the end he stated this (NC) was going be harder that he thought. BUT as I have said before it is over. I only E mailed back the answer to his financial question. I am moving on with my life (Friday is the formal divorce that he wanted) and the best way to move on is to focus my energy on me, not us or him. My advice to any other people who are considering NC is to wait until you are ready. I tried once and failed miserably. It was probably about 1 and 1/2 months after he told me he wanted a divorce that I was ready to let go and start my new life and go NC. This time I feel NC is a helpful thing. No more arguing, no more hearing why he wants to move on but he still loves me Etc,. My emotions are not on a rollercoster any more. B. Link to comment
Muzatsu Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Day 14- BROKE CONTACT OH NO! He called me ;_;. I didn't bring up anything past talking video games though. Didn't really say much about myself either. I think I sounded neutral enough and I ended the convo and said I was busy. Hung up first as well. I think I did the right thing... Link to comment
Milk You Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 So today I miss my ex a whole bunch... I especially miss the relationship. I stopped counting the days, to me doing that just made things worse. Link to comment
starscollide Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 My ex works for the NYPD...and after todays Steam Explosion, I said a prayer for him. I'm not even a very religious person, but considering I've stuck to NC this long, I didn't risk it. I was worried about him, and I hope he's safe... Link to comment
kgirl Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Oh boy, text from him this morning "I miss you Of course you do, I'm amazing! Ya big fat jerk. Day 37 of no contact. Thought about breaking it, but decided not to. Link to comment
john84 Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Oh boy, text from him this morning "I miss you Of course you do, I'm amazing! Ya big fat jerk. Day 37 of no contact. Thought about breaking it, but decided not to. That made me laugh! Thank you ! ") Link to comment
kgirl Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 lol--keep your head up john!!! We can SO do this!! Link to comment
Blessedchild Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I haven't contacted my ex for amost 3 weeks now, but I'm going to continue with the NC challenge. So if he contacts me I do not respond? Sounds tough, but given that he has done that to me in the past (taken a week to reply a text message), it will be fun reciprocating the disinterest. Will see how it goes from here! Link to comment
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