Hoping The X-Mas Spirit Brings It Back

[tmlukhall]

Long time reader, first time poster.

I met my ex in residence last year in University. We dated for four months and were there for each other all of the time. But as the summer came I had to move 8.5 hours away. With us both having to work to keep going to school we never saw each other. Slowly but surely our insecurities tore us apart. On July 4th (Independence Day, I Know Ironic isn't) we broke up.

 

She dumped me and pretty much since that day I have tried to get over her. Around November I thought I had, I even started dating someone else. But at the start of Decemeber we got together for our best friends birthday. And it was unreal, to me at least it was like nothing had changed. We laughed and talked it just felt so unbelievably right and natural.

Afterwards I talked about my ex with the said best friend, and the friend told me to go for it and be true to the feelings i have. This was on Dec 4th, exactly 5 months later.

 

So know it's time for the hard part. I've developed a gameplan loosely based on the movie Love Actually, I am going to send her a X-mas card with one sentimental picture a small note, and this quote from the movie, "But for now let me say, Just because it's Christmas, and at Christmas you tell the truth, To me you are perfect."

 

Really hoping it works, all i want for X-mas is her. Any suggestions or concerns please let me know.

[sparkle1]

Welcome!

 

Can tell you have been a reader from your last comment!!

 

I don't have any comments or critisms. Just look after your heart.

 

remember - send the card as a sentimental reminder. Don't hang on forever hoping she will return to you.....

 

That is all!

 

Signing off...

 

Sparkle xx

[Scout]

Hey, what took you so long to post here?

 

Anyway, I like your plan based on the scant details I have of your situation. But what were the reasons she explicitly gave you for the break up? In other words, what she told you, not what you think the reasons are. Although, it's ok to mention those too.

[Maverick32x]

Most important point from sparkle: Don't hang on forever hoping she will return to you.....

There is no problem with sending the card, but PLEASE don't wait around for her!!!!! Good luck!!

[chai714]

TM,

 

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. For some reason, it's quite a common occurrence to see people feel depressed about their lovelife especially during the holidays.

 

I don't think it would be wise to send that note just yet. Why? Because this isn't the movies - movies hardly depict reality. While it might seem like a good idea, the reality is that people hardly fall for the things you see on movies, in real life. I believe your note could be good after you know she already likes you and wants you, but not before.

 

If you want to reopen communication, I might initially email her or call her. Perhaps a Christmas card wishing her a happy holiday but nothing that says, "I put in a lot of effort thinking about this." There is no single gift of note that will change how she feels about you. The only way to accomplish this is to get open communication with her and to get her emotionally dependent on you again.

 

Good luck.

[Scout]

Actually, Chai is on to something here. Call her on Christmas or Christmas Eve to wish her a Merry Christmas. If you think about it, that takes more courage than to send a card, no matter what the card says. And it gives you an opportunity to ask her to get together after Christmas, where you can test the waters a little more, before sending her a very bold message as you're thinking of doing.

 

And I also agree life is never like the movies. For example, that little kid in "Love, Actually" who jumped past all the security checkpoints at the airpoint would probably be in "juvenile terrorist" prison right now, lol.

[Maverick32x]

And I also agree life is never like the movies. For example, that little kid in "Love, Actually" who jumped past all the security checkpoints at the airpoint would probably be in "juvenile terrorist" prison right now, lol.

 

hhahahahhahaha

 

If you ended on good terms with the girl though, and if you had a strong relationship previously, it might not be such a bad thing? I guess it depends alot on how the break up went....

[Day_Walker]

I think that you need to keep in mind that it was just a movie and if i remember correctly then after that was stated the guy left the country. I believe you are being too idealistic here and once you let the idea of getting this girl back then you will be better off.

[Beec]

OK, I would send a Christmas card, but not the one you have picked out, and it would not include a picture, nostalgic reference to you past or a romantic quote. I would send one that said something about who I was.

 

I send jokes as cards, all the time. This year my cards will include one with a reindeer lifting his leg and urinating on a chimney, while Santa says "No, this house is on the good list." A bit irreverant, but that's me. But people who get it are reminded of me and what I am like. Send one like that. Make your message inside it very vague. "Merry Christmas and best wishes for the coming year!

 

tmlukhall"

 

Done.

 

Then I would begin planning your call on Christmas or Christmas Eve.

 

In the interim, I heartily recommend you buy and read "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. It really opened my eyes when I read it about three years ago.

 

After selecting your target (Greene calls them victims), your first step is to make sure your approach is not direct. She should at least be able to wonder and not know you want her back.

[selfi]

 

In the interim, I heartily recommend you buy and read "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. It really opened my eyes when I read it about three years ago.

 

After selecting your target (Greene calls them victims), your first step is to make sure your approach is not direct. She should at least be able to wonder and not know you want her back.

 

 

That book is a classic, but it is extremely hard to follow through with when real feelings are involved.

[Beec]

That book is a classic, but it is extremely hard to follow through with when real feelings are involved.

 

This sentiment is a good thing.

 

I think you can follow the first six or so chapters in the second part. You need to control your behavior, not your feelings. But, I would never want to see someone follow through on all aspects of it that follow. I don't want to see someone seduced to the point that are pretty much enslaved.

[tmlukhall]

First off, thanks for all the responses guys. If I had known you all were so fast in responding I would have posted sooner.

 

Anyways I am pretty sure she does have an idea that I am still into her. Most of my friends have found it pretty obvious when they found out. That is why I wanted to send such a well blunt card, bc im fairly confident she knows how i feel as for the break up.

She ended things with an email ( ) telling me that she loved me as a person but wasnt in love with me anymore. Here's a friends theory that I would agree with, "as the distance came, you guys went... separate ways that is. your insecurity and hers mixed in different ways for each of you and the relationship that unfortunately didnt have the foundation that it needed was gone."

 

So again that leaves me with what to do know, maybe a phone call would be best, but I have a new cell phone # that she would likely ignore. Also I dont think I have the courage to talk on the phone. I would still like to send the card but do it a little more casually, use the quote, but mention I'd like to go out for coffee and talk about things.

[Beec]

I would do exactly as I recommended before, with the only possible change being no call.

 

And get the book please, wanting to talk about things and telling ehr that is antiseductive. Acting like it is not a big deal, that may help.

[selfi]

I second reading the aforementioned book.