GF wants to see another guy...

[colors]

NO You are NOT over reacting.

She is meeting this guy 9pm or midnight. You are not allowed to come. She cheated on a prior boyfriend with this guy. And the only reason they aren't together now is because HE lives too far (not because of a lack of feelings)

 

You have every right to be concerned. In a serious commited loving relationship..you just don't do that. It's not old fashion, it's courtesy

and her saying it's just friends...of course that's what she'd say. what do you really expect her to say? she's seeing if there is still sparks.

 

She sounds like a booty call for this man & she really wants it to work with him....I agree with Iceman

"If she wants space to see some guy she has fooled around with and has cheated on other boyfriends with I'd tell her to be single so she can have all the damn space she wants."

[meohmy]

NO You are NOT over reacting.

She is meeting this guy 9pm or midnight. You are not allowed to come. She cheated on a prior boyfriend with this guy. And the only reason they aren't together now is because HE lives too far (not because of a lack of feelings)

 

You have every right to be concerned. In a serious commited loving relationship..you just don't do that. It's not old fashion, it's courtesy

and her saying it's just friends...of course that's what she'd say. what do you really expect her to say? she's seeing if there is still sparks.

Personally I agree with Iceman

"If she wants space to see some guy she has fooled around with and has cheated on other boyfriends with I'd tell her to be single so she can have all the damn space she wants."

 

9pm to midnight probally.

 

thats just it, the only reason i can see her wanting to meet him is to see if its still there.. why else would she need to meet him? and why is it a bad idea for me to meet him with her.. unless that was her intention

[colors]

9pm to midnight probally.

 

thats just it, the only reason i can see her wanting to meet him is to see if its still there.. why else would she need to meet him? and why is it a bad idea for me to meet him with her.. unless that was her intention

 

I've been that girl before, I had that man before...that is what I feel is happening & I think you feel it too.

If she feels the need to feel sparks with him, while she is with you. Than you should really walk out that door & find a better women, who respects you, is as courteous to you as you are to her & doesn't search out more sparks in other men & loves you for you.

[Beec]

Meeting at or after 9 at night is simply not appropriate.

 

I'm all for letting people have a little slack, but they also need to be able to make you feel slightly secure. Meeting later at night, and mkaing it clear you cannot be there makes it more suspicious not less.

[colors]

I told her i am not happy and that obivously i am going to have issue with this, and she told me not to worry about it. because i worry about everything to much she says..

 

It sounds like she dismisses your feeling about this. Brushes it off..."you worry about everything to much"

 

Do you think she is that nieve to really believe that you have no reason to worry? or does she just not care how you feel or what you have to say about this? like she'll do it regardless?

[meohmy]

9pm to midnight probally.

 

thats just it, the only reason i can see her wanting to meet him is to see if its still there.. why else would she need to meet him? and why is it a bad idea for me to meet him with her.. unless that was her intention

 

I forgot to mention this.. She told me that she told him we are dating. and that things are different now with them. they hadnt talked since i have been with her until the other day when he called. and that he had a gf over the summer. the reason he is coming back is because his dad died.. and thats who he lived with. his mother lives here.. he may or may not stay here..

 

but she assured me they are just friends now cause he is very open with her about alot of his life...

 

sorry for leaving out these details earlier

[meohmy]

It sounds like she dismisses your feeling about this. Brushes it off..."you worry about everything to much"

 

Do you think she is that nieve to really believe that you have no reason to worry? or does she just not care how you feel or what you have to say about this? like she'll do it regardless?

 

when we first met ,she had a bf. she told me that if her bf didnt approve of her going out with another guy as just friends she would leave him. because she has lots of guy friends and that is how she is.. and like we have fought about it before, cause she has met 2 other guys, one was an old friend of her brothers, they went to the bar and movies and a bunch of stuff, the other guy was a guy she met on msn.. but talked to for like 5 years and that was her first time meeting him..both times nothing happened she said and she hasnt seen either of them since.. so it might be the same.. but do i really need this guys coming in and out of my relationship.. i dont see why she needs to meet these guys.. if there not close friends. but it is how she is..

[colors]

so it might be the same.. but do i really need this guys coming in and out of my relationship.. i dont see why she needs to meet these guys.. if there not close friends. but it is how she is..

 

I dont' think this one is the same as the others. I really hope he is for your sake. But he's in & out of her life for different reasons. And history with this man includes a lot of feelings, feelings that get acted on when he's in town (even when commited to someone else)

I'm sorry but I stand by my other posts regardless of the new details you posted.

If things were different, you could be there. 9 pm date, doesn't sound right. Honestly if my bf wanted to meet an old fool around buddy at 9 at night, I can't come & history of cheating on gf with her. I'd be worrying too.actually I'd be scared & mad & I don't know...But the thing is, I think my boyfriend would hear my concern & respect it & not do that to me....I hope anyways.

 

How long have you two been together?

[Iceman26]

when we first met ,she had a bf. she told me that if her bf didnt approve of her going out with another guy as just friends she would leave him.

 

Well, now you know where her priorities lie. She'd pick her "friends" who are, it would seem, potential suitors, over you.

 

I'd leave her to hang out with her "friends" and move on to someone who is more into you than she is. She doesn't sound like she is ready for a mature relationship.

[meohmy]

not very long, less than 6 months.

[colors]

than I'd take this as a sign...the friends & guys she's fooled around with - will always come first.

 

You deserve a women that will put first

[meohmy]

than I'd take this as a sign...the friends & guys she's fooled around with - will always come first.

 

in the past with differnt guys its proved to be nothing. so do i just come right out and dump her over this, or force her into an ultimatim? that doesnt sound right to me.

 

like if she cared about me, she shouldnt wnat to go see him? or wouldnt because of my feelings, but then she might have regrets and it might create other problems.

 

I want to talk to her about it more.. but i have a feeling the more i bring it up.. the more it will push her to him.

 

our relationship was on and off. it just got better now, and he showed up.

 

like we were dating before in the summer. but i was out of state and i cheated on her and told her.. but i never meant to as bad as that sounds. a girl that was a friend that i confided in kissed me and i stopped her. that was all. with my gf(unofficially) i felt there was no commitment and we werent in a relationship officially for the longest time that is why i was telling this other girl about her and my problems. we startred dating while i was out of state not seeing her.. i carry alot of drama

 

so when i came back and told her what happened we broke up. but i have worked to get her trust back the last 4 months and everything was going great now and then he called her.. so even though i believe what she is doing is wrong, its hypocrital of me to accuse her or not trust her.. because i am the one she cant trust, even though i have never cheated before on a gf or meant to this time. And i would never cheat again, i dont meet girls or go looking or anything. once i find someone , i am happy with just that person along.. and its more then enough for me. thats why its so hard to understand her intentions...

[flower99]

Don't come out & dump her than & don't force her into an ultimatim.

Talk to her, serious heart to heart. Let her know your feeling & you need to know hers.

 

That's the only way you will put your heart & ease & get the answers you need & find out what she needs.

 

From there, do whatever your head & heart feel is right. Maybe you'll feel better about thing and she'll prove to be faithful tonight. Maybe her words will bring no comfort.

But don't think talking to her will Push her to him, she is in control of who she moves towards, not you. A healthy relationship needs open communication. How eachother feels should matter & should be expressed.

[colors]

Don't come out & dump her than & don't force her into an ultimatim.

Talk to her, serious heart to heart. Let her know your feeling & you need to know hers.

 

That's the only way you will put your heart & ease & get the answers you need & find out what she needs.

 

From there, do whatever your head & heart feel is right. Maybe you'll feel better about thing and she'll prove to be faithful tonight. Maybe her words will bring no comfort.

But don't think talking to her will Push her to him, she is in control of who she moves towards, not you. A healthy relationship needs open communication. How eachother feels should matter & should be expressed.

 

Totally agree.

That would be the best thing to do & you need to talk to her.

[meohmy]

Don't come out & dump her than & don't force her into an ultimatim.

Talk to her, serious heart to heart. Let her know your feeling & you need to know hers.

 

That's the only way you will put your heart & ease & get the answers you need & find out what she needs.

 

From there, do whatever your head & heart feel is right. Maybe you'll feel better about thing and she'll prove to be faithful tonight. Maybe her words will bring no comfort.

But don't think talking to her will Push her to him, she is in control of who she moves towards, not you. A healthy relationship needs open communication. How eachother feels should matter & should be expressed.

 

how many times is ok to talk to her. I talked to her once about this on the phone but shes really busy with studying for exams.. so we dont talk much. and when were together were always busy or around her parents. so i cant have the talk that i want too. i live long distance so i only see her on weekends maybe once twice at most.

 

i feel that if i bring it up to much she will just get mad at me and go to him.

 

i tried to talk to her the other night but we ended up fighting about me wanting to see her for the whole weekend cause shes finally done school but she had a bunch of excuses that me seeing her all weekend was a bad idea.. like she doesnt want to get sick of me. she was at work and had to go, said she might call me later but i havent heard from her. plus she has an exam thurs so i wont hear from her until thur or friday...

[meohmy]

also, i want to thank all of you for your replies and comments. It has been very helpful and is much appreciated.

 

thank you

[Iceman26]

I think the writing is on the wall with this one my friend.

 

You don't feel like you can talk to her on top of all this shady behavior going on.....to me it is just not worth the time, and I have been in your shoes before.

[colors]

Iceman is right.

She makes excusses about seeing you for a WHOLE WEEKEND (that's only 2 days) & she's afraid of getting sick of you????

You don't feel like you can talk to her. She doesn't make time for you

 

don't waste your time on someone who won't waste thiers on you!!!

[may-louise]

why cant u go with her? tell her u could all go out for drinks if she doesnt want u to come and pulls the u dont trust me then u probably shouldnt cos if theres nothing to hide u should be there.

[meohmy]

why cant u go with her? tell her u could all go out for drinks if she doesnt want u to come and pulls the u dont trust me then u probably shouldnt cos if theres nothing to hide u should be there.

 

 

I talked to her tonight, i asked why i cant go, and she said because its her business. She said that i have to trust her and give her a chance. She hasnt done anything wrong so i shouldnt assume she will. She said that he probally wont want me there, and that it wouldnt be right. I actually agree with her, because i wouldnt fit in, and he does have alot of personal stuff to talk about like his dad recently passing away.. I think because of his situation its understandable.. but i dont expect her to be going out with him again anytime soon. I said well me actually being there isnt the point, its weither or not your fine with me being there. and i asked what about me picking you up afterwards and she said that would be fine. but doesnt understand why i would want too.

[Rabican]

Dude, I mean this with all due respect... and not to be mean because we have all been there bro, one way or another. I really hope you can work this out for you somehow... But your girl is not making sense, shes not respecting you, and you are making excuses for her. Thats it, end of the story. Theres no other way to put it without being dishonest about the whole thing.

-She cheated on her previous boyfriend WITH THIS GUY.

-She will not let you go to meet him with her. If she truly respected you and your relationship she would make this concession. The guy would also understand if he was a 'friend'. Then, at a later date once you have realized that you can trust this guy (if that happens) then they can hang out without you.

-She will not listen to you regarding this. You tell her how you feel, and she basically just says you are wrong. Everyone here knows this isnt on the up and up, but you, and she will not listen. If she truly respected you, when she learned that this hurts or worries you she would call the guy and say hey man Im sorry but either I cant make it, or Im bringing my man so he can meet you.

-theres no reason they cannot talk on the phone, if they have stuff to discuss. Especially given the past history together, and your concerns about the situation.

 

Now Im gonna spell this out to you real simple, I wish you the best. But if your girl goes to see this guy, sooner or later you are gonna end up getting hurt by her. This whole situation is past the normal boundaries of a relationship. And the sooner you both realize that, the sooner you can fix the problem and carry on having your relationship.

 

If it were me, I would simply tell her that I was totally uncomfortable with the situation and if she insisted on putting herself, and me in the situation where I had to worry about this then it would have severe repurcusions with out relationship. Id dump her.

[may-louise]

everything rabican said is what i was thinking.

i understand his just lost his father but they can talk on the phone.

[Iceman26]

I second that, Rabican is right on.

[meohmy]

I talked to her last night, what it comes down too is, she is still not over me cheating on her. I was her first and screwed her over...

 

(2:10 AM) Her: it was 100% your fault.

(2:11 AM) Her: you changed EVERYTHING

(2:11 AM) Her: and thats why i am the way i am today

 

(2:11 AM) Me: how are you today?

(2:11 AM) Her: you know. i am a * * * * * to you.

(2:12 AM) Her: i complain, i nag, i look at other people, i let you down, i put you off, i leave you out

(2:12 AM) Me:

(2:12 AM) Her: its because you did that to me

(2:12 AM) Her: all at once

(2:12 AM) Her: and you know it

(2:12 AM) Her: thats a reason why i want you out of my house

(2:12 AM) Her: its why i dont want to see you all the time

(2:13 AM) Her: its why i want my own space

(2:13 AM) Her: its totally different from how things were

(2:13 AM) Her: so please dont turn it around on me

(2:13 AM) Her: i wanted things to work so bad

(2:13 AM) Her: i didnt expect you to screw me over

(2:13 AM) Her: my first time meant so much to me

(2:14 AM) Me: what do you mean , you leave me out?

(2:14 AM) Her: yet you didnt notice

(2:14 AM) Her: ie, i dont want you to come out with people i know

(2:14 AM) Her: like "the other guy"

(2:14 AM) Me: oh

(2:14 AM) Her: i dont want you to be involved

(2:15 AM) Her: he understands i am seeing someone, but he doesnt actually have to SEE WHO IT IS

 

 

so basically thats the reason she doesnt want me to see him. She goes on to say that I never worried all the time like this when i met her, and that i really have to stop. She still loves me alot and she just wants me to stop worrying. I was never worried or scared when i met her and she wanted to know i wasnt hiding it before.

 

the back story to all this is, i went away for 3 months at the beginning of our relationship, while i was away i cheated as i mentioned in my prevous posts.. but i have been trying to get her back, which i did, when this all started.. but i have always worried since i left i guess. and its my insecurities, which is probally why i cheated.

 

 

I know this relationship is probally really screwed up to everyone, and maybe its best for her, if i take myself out of hte picture. but she does say she still loves me and wants me to stop worrying, so that might not be best either..

[Iceman26]

She is turning this around on you.

 

If she couldn't have forgiven you for what you did, than she shouldn't have gotten back together with you. She can't take you back and then use that as a convenient excuse whenever she wants to do something you don't like.

 

You apologized, owned up to your mistakes, and she made the decision to get back together with you.

 

My reply to her would be that if she can't let go of what happened and move on then perhaps it is better that we don't date anymore. You can't let her use what happened in the past as an excuse for her actions in the present.

 

I'd also like to add that if this guy she wants to meet up with her truly cared about her and her life and was an honest friend, he would be happy to meet you.