Is it possible for a married couple to ever get over an affair?

[Corvette]

Well I met my husband when we were teenagers and we are totally committed. But when we married we both felt truly ready for it.

 

Maybe you married when you were not ready, or for the wrong reasons. Whatever the case may be, if you can't see the benefit of married life with your wife over single life...I think it's could be time for you to let her go.

 

You both deserve happiness.

 

To cheat and be friends with the woman you cheated with, while stringing your wife along is simply trying to have your cake and eat it to, while someone else gets hurt. The evidence of hurt comes out every time your wife throws it in your face.

 

BellaDonna

 

Hind sight is always 20/20, we should have made different choices.

[flower99]

Moveing forward after infidelity

here is some adivice or tips to work through...maybe it can help

 

link removed

[BellaDonna]

Hind sight is always 20/20, we should have made different choices.

 

You can still make better choices today. Neither of you have to stay in an unhappy marriage. She is hurt and betrayed, you feel like you're missing out on something. Who knows what your're searching for by having affairs (false sense of love, thrill, whatever)

 

You may leave this married life of yours, only to find that it was a HUGE mistake, and then it will be too late, someone else will be giving your wife the love she deserves.

 

OR you can both agree to try therapy again, and finally cut out this other woman.

 

If you have kids, an unhealthy marriage is very bad for them- they could grow up to repeat these same cycles.

 

You are still young and you still have choices. You also have self-control over your behavior. Cheating is a choice. You can choose not to do it.

 

If you're going to keep doing that or even insisting on being friends with this woman- let your wife go. Or decide to make a real change, before she gets up and leaves you. If this keeps up, your wife will be looking for an exit door.

 

BellaDonna

[Corvette]

Well the one thing I agree with you on is something has to change soon. I think I want to try and work things out with my wife though.

[BellaDonna]

Well the one thing I agree with you on is something has to change soon. I think I want to try and work things out with my wife though.

 

I can promise you, no matter which therapist in the world you talk to- STEP ONE is to remove the other woman COMPLETELY from your life.

 

That means even switching jobs if needed, so that you never see her again. Unless you're willing to burn the bridge with her, no progress will be made.

 

BellaDonna

[Beec]

Corvette,

 

I am going to tell you flat out that you have not loved your wife. I speak not of love in the sense of how you feel, but in the sense of how you have acted. If you really love someone, in the sense that the word love is a verb, you do what is best for them, you hope for what is best for them, you work to make happen everything which is the best for them, to the extent you can. To some extent, you must sacrifice for their benefit, some things that you want and desire. You simply don't sound like you have done this, at least in regard to this OW. You still want to have her as friend and refuse to sacrifice that friendship. Start loving your wife in that sense, the sense that the word is a verb. Start, and give your wife some time, and then see if she begins to change her tune.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if you want the marriage, then you have to tell the other woman that everything is over between you, no friendship, no calls, no visits, nothing.

 

and if she calls, hang up on her, block her calls on your cellphone and in your email etc. change your phone number if you have to. let your wife know you have done this, and stick to it.

 

good luck... as long as you're ambivalent and keep contact with the other woman, there is no hope for the marriage. you wife may surprize you too one day, and just up and leave you if you don't show her you're serious about staying totally faithful to her and stopping contact with your affair partner.

[melrich]

as long as you're ambivalent and keep contact with the other woman, there is no hope for the marriage

 

That I think is the bottom line. Eventually people just get sick of a behaviour and they leave. Your wife won't put up with it for the rest of your life.

[Corvette]

That I think is the bottom line. Eventually people just get sick of a behaviour and they leave. Your wife won't put up with it for the rest of your life.

 

Well for seven years she has stayed with me....

[melrich]

Well for seven years she has stayed with me....

 

That's nice for you. I know women and men who have stayed for 20. What I'm saying to you is one day she will come face to face with her mortality and she will make decisions in a different context. If she still thinks as she does now she will piss off.

[Juliana]

You're an interesting guy.

 

I've read the whole thing, from first to last. Came in late.

 

First you present the forum with a problem: How to get your wife to get over an affair.

 

Dako noticed you'd linked to your wife and family from this forum; after you were nudged, you removed it. You apparently hadn't thought there would be an issue with linking your family to a post about infidelity. Interesting.

 

You talked about how different you were back then, about how it was an affair of convenience, how difficult it was for you now because your wife was constantly throwing this affair from seven years ago in your face.

 

Then you mentioned you talked to the OW on the phone. Then you mentioned you'd slept with her six months ago.

 

Now you say your wife has put up with it for seven years, there's no reason to assume she won't continue to put up with it.

 

What guys like you never anticipate is that other people enjoy the same freedoms you do. Actually, she can do any d*mn thing she likes. Typically, what happens in a situation like this is that she cleans out your bank account, takes off with another man, and nails you for child support. That's what usually happens.

 

I won't bother mentioning the moral issues; that you are mutilating her soul with your constant infidelity and selfishness. I'm thinking her feelings aren't really at the top of your list of priorities, which seems mainly to consist of how to make your own life as pleasant as possible.

 

I'll just point out that seven years is a long time, and people change, in all kinds of dark and twisted ways. Even a good dog will bite if you kick it hard enough.

[Corvette]

*18 Months ago

[BeStrongBeHappy]

she's put up with it for 7 years... well, ever heard of the 7 year itch? that's about how long a lot of people put up with a bad marriage, then they bail. she may be waiting for the right opportunity (financially or mentally) and just hasn't done it yet.

 

yeah, she might stay... but don't count on it, everybody has their limits...

[Corvette]

she's put up with it for 7 years... well, ever heard of the 7 year itch? that's about how long a lot of people put up with a bad marriage, then they bail. she may be waiting for the right opportunity (financially or mentally) and just hasn't done it yet.

 

yeah, she might stay... but don't count on it, everybody has their limits...

 

 

Married 9 years.

[Jayar]

*18 Months ago

 

That's the ONLY thing you took away from the poster's ENTIRE post?!

[Corvette]

That's the ONLY thing you took away from the poster's ENTIRE post?!

 

 

I just wanted to set the facts straight

[Jayar]

I just wanted to set the facts straight

 

I still think the best line in that whole post was "even a good dog will bite you if you kick it hard enough" and I hope you read and re-read that line. And I hope that line pops back into your head when she takes half of your net worth, your kids, and the comfort and familiarity of life with someone who loved you, when your wife finally DOES let you kick her for the last time.

 

I'm extremely curious... Has your wife ever cheated on you to your knowledge? Has she ever given you reason to believe she would? Is your behaviour in retaliation? I'm just grasping at straws here trying to find a plausable justification because I can't fathom that someone so incredibly insensitive as you're coming off to be actually exists... I'm hoping (probably naively) that there might be more to the story?

[texami]

I'm just grasping at straws here trying to find a plausable justification because I can't fathom that someone so incredibly insensitive as you're coming off to be actually exists... I'm hoping (probably naively) that there might be more to the story?

 

jayar, it gets better... he also started a thread on "how can I get my wife to do a threesome"...

[Jayar]

jayar, it gets better... he also started a thread on "how can I get my wife to do a threesome"...

 

I'm wanting to say I smell a Troll... But would a troll have linked to his family's Myspace page? I just don't know... I HOPE for the poor girl's sake (and the kids) that this dude is just playing a silly game.

[Dako]

I keep thinking this resembles a Phil Hendrie put-on.

[texami]

I see the "banned" indication has gone up!

[Jayar]

I keep thinking this resembles a Phil Hendrie put-on.

 

AWWWWW!!! I LOVE Phil Hendrie. And you're right.

[DN]

Thread closed