Is it possible for a married couple to ever get over an affair?

[BellaDonna]

She does know that she calls, when ever this happens she will get upset at me even though I have no control over when she calls.

 

Well you actually do have control over it.

 

1.) Refuse to talk to her when she calls

 

2.) Firmly state that you do not want to talk to her- tell her not to call again

 

3.) If she does not listen, file a no contact order

 

What are the nature of the conversations?

 

Also, I was nosey and before you erased the link to your page about your family, I visited it and noticed you have a stunning wife (Classic Beauty) and a beautiful family.

 

What's going on here? Why does this woman still think she has the right to talk to you (a married man and father) when she pleases? Are you over her?

 

BellaDonna

[Jayar]

I have taken her on Romantic vacations etc. I always make sure she cums and give her oral etc.

 

It is just hard for her to forget about this other woman.....

 

How about this... Why DID you have the affair? If your wife is better looking and has so much more going for her than this other woman, what attracted you to the other woman in the first place?

 

I'm wondering if it's something your wife feels she lacks... And maybe on some subconscious level you felt she lacked too (hence the affair).

[BellaDonna]

I guess when I look at the title of your thread:

 

Is it possible for a married couple to ever get over an affair?

 

My answer is simply: YES- but not if the other woman keeps calling you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Corvette]

Well you actually do have control over it.

 

1.) Refuse to talk to her when she calls

 

2.) Firmly state that you do not want to talk to her- tell her not to call again

 

3.) If she does not listen, file a no contact order

 

What are the nature of the conversations?

 

Also, I was nosey and before you erased the link to your page about your family, I visited it and noticed you have a stunning wife (Classic Beauty) and a beautiful family.

 

What's going on here? Why does this woman still think she has the right to talk to you (a married man and father) when she pleases? Are you over her?

 

BellaDonna

 

 

She usually will tell me about what is going on with her current bf etc., also what ever problem she is having at the moment. She lets guys take advantage to her.

[Dako]

No wonder your wife still carries a grudge after 7 years.

 

Knowing the OW still calls just prolongs it, and controlling when she calls isn't the issue. It's that she calls at all.

[Corvette]

Well you actually do have control over it.

 

1.) Refuse to talk to her when she calls

 

2.) Firmly state that you do not want to talk to her- tell her not to call again

 

3.) If she does not listen, file a no contact order

 

What are the nature of the conversations?

 

Also, I was nosey and before you erased the link to your page about your family, I visited it and noticed you have a stunning wife (Classic Beauty) and a beautiful family.

 

What's going on here? Why does this woman still think she has the right to talk to you (a married man and father) when she pleases? Are you over her?

BellaDonna

 

 

This is tricky I still do care about her as a person, she knows this as well.

[BellaDonna]

She usually will tell me about what is going on with her current bf etc., also what ever problem she is having at the moment. She lets guys take advantage to her

 

So there is still an emotional connection with you (at least she perceives it as that on her part) She's looking to you for comfort.

 

Your wife seems to be the one that needs the comfort. She is telling you this every time she throws the affair in your face. She's not going about it maturely or in the best way, but that's why I think she is behaving like that.

 

Honestly, I don't want to be hard on you but every time that woman calls, it's a huge slap in the face to your wife, and very disrespectful in general.

 

You may never see progress unless you cut the other woman out 110%.

 

Besides her problems with men are not your problems. You have your own marriage to worry about.

 

BellaDonna

[BellaDonna]

This is tricky I still do care about her as a person, she knows this as well.

 

Is it worth losing your wife or fighting at home about it?

[Corvette]

Is it worth losing your wife or fighting at home about it?

 

God NO!!! I would never do this!

[Beec]

You do need to tell the OW to stop calling. I would write her and keep a copy, and tell her that you do want the best for her, but that you need to consider your wife first and foremost, which you do, and tell her to never call again. Tell her you must cut ties. Step 1, do it to make your wife feel more secure. then after she has not called in a while, and she bring sit up, ask her about why.

[Corvette]

How about this... Why DID you have the affair? If your wife is better looking and has so much more going for her than this other woman, what attracted you to the other woman in the first place?

 

I'm wondering if it's something your wife feels she lacks... And maybe on some subconscious level you felt she lacked too (hence the affair).

 

The other woman has a higher libido, and was around me more than my wife at the time.

[Beec]

So, it was sex, an easy simple way to fulfill your desires?

[Corvette]

So, it was sex, an easy simple way to fulfill your desires?

 

 

Yep it just started off as sex and then developed into a relationship.

[Dako]

I can't figure why you don't dump the OW to protect your wife from the memory of a painful period in her life.

 

Do you think it's all up to your wife to get over this?

[BellaDonna]

Random question:

 

Is there any part of you that wants to keep contact with the other woman for any of these potential reasons:

 

*you like the attention

 

*you like having the door open for sex with her

 

*you want to show your wife she cannot control your actions

 

 

BellaDonna

[Corvette]

Random question:

 

Is there any part of you that wants to keep contact with the other woman for any of these potential reasons:

 

*you like the attention

 

*you like having the door open for sex with her

 

*you want to show your wife she cannot control your actions

 

 

BellaDonna

 

I am not sure about the the third reason.....

[Beec]

Well, none of those reasons are good enough to keep in contact with her.

 

You destroyed your wife's trust, and for seven years keep the reason around as to why she did not trust you. Get rid of it. ASAFP! And just refuse to be controlled.

[BellaDonna]

So clearly what I gather from this is that after 7 years both you and your wife are not over this affair. You both have not let go. You're clinging to the other woman , she's clinging to the bitterness.

 

You are not fully committed the marriage mentally.

 

Your wife cannot forget as a result.

 

This a vicious cycle. What do you plan to do about it?

 

BellaDonna

[Corvette]

So clearly what I gather from this is that after 7 years both you and your wife are not over this affair. You both have not let go. You're clinging to the other woman , she's clinging to the bitterness.

 

You are not fully committed the marriage mentally.

 

Your wife cannot forget as a result.

 

This a vicious cycle. What do you plan to do about it?

 

BellaDonna

 

The longer I don't see her the better things get, the phone does not seem to be that bad.

[BellaDonna]

The longer I don't see her the better things get, the phone does not seem to be that bad.

 

So does that mean you are going to do nothing about it?

 

 

BellaDonna

[Corvette]

So does that mean you are going to do nothing about it?

 

 

BellaDonna

 

She lives in another state now, like I said "as long as I don't see her face to face" we are fine....

[Jayar]

The longer I don't see her the better things get, the phone does not seem to be that bad.

 

Do you really want to solve the PROBLEM in the relationship? Keep in mind, the problem is your betrayal of your wife's trust and her subsequent emotional distress... Or do you really just want your wife to shut up and let you have your cake and eat it too?

 

By your responses to the questions you are being asked it doesn't SEEM like you want to fix the problem (as in, repair your severely damaged relationship) it just seems more like you want your wife to stop bugging you.

 

One more question: IF your wife stopped bringing up the issue, but it still hurt her and festered in her heart, with new wounds being opened up every time the OW calls, in your opinion would the problem be fixed? Or at least your half of the problem, anyway?

[Beec]

Corvette, I think you are being short sighted in thinking you can still have contact with her. It's really worked for you this far hasn't it. You need to figure how your wife feels to deal with this problem.

[Corvette]

Do you really want to solve the PROBLEM in the relationship? Keep in mind, the problem is your betrayal of your wife's trust and her subsequent emotional distress... Or do you really just want your wife to shut up and let you have your cake and eat it too?

 

By your responses to the questions you are being asked it doesn't SEEM like you want to fix the problem (as in, repair your severely damaged relationship) it just seems more like you want your wife to stop bugging you.

 

One more question: IF your wife stopped bringing up the issue, but it still hurt her and festered in her heart, with new wounds being opened up every time the OW calls, in your opinion would the problem be fixed? Or at least your half of the problem, anyway?

 

I just don't think it is fair to bring this up in arguments as wild tangent.....

[BellaDonna]

She lives in another state now, like I said "as long as I don't see her face to face" we are fine....

 

Really? I'm not so sure that's a very secure way to live. Emotional affairs can be just as intense as physcial ones. At the very least, these feelings you still have for her (now matter where she lives) distract you from your marriage and your priorities. It's causing your wife to throw it in your face during arguments.

 

The best advice I can give is: If you cannot let go of this woman 100%- that means no phone calls, no e-mails, no contact. Perhaps your heart really isn't in your marriage. Do you really want to "be" with your wife, and only your wife forever? Do you think you can honor the vows of your marriage? Have you truly learned from your past mistakes and regret even knowing the other woman? If any those answers are "No" then perhaps seperating is the best thing you can do for the both of you.

 

I just don't think it is fair to bring this up in arguments as wild tangent.....

If the affair was truly done and over with than this would indeed be a "wild tangent" however the other woman is still in your life in some capacity. You're still connected to the affair.

 

BellaDonna