Girlfriend Cheated on me and is now pregnant? Not sure if I am the father

[kcopeland8515]

Hey everyone. I will summarize this as best I can. Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 years. She is currently 20 years old and I am 22. Last week she told me that she had cheated on me with her exboyfriend and now she was pregnant. She said she cheated on me that one time early June. She said she was sure it was his because the condom busted. I was crushed and vowed never to talk to her again. Then during the day I started thinking. My mind was boggled with so many things. But then I got curious to thinking maybe the baby was mine. I went over her house she was crying and all that then she showed me her ultrasound. She told me she went to the doctor on October 25 to get the ultrasound done. The paper said she was 24 weeks along which is six months.

 

Now just in case things like this happen I always keep records of when I have sex. Me and her had sex May 1,May 3,May 11,May 17,May 22, and May 30. I am for sure and I remember that one of those days while we were having sex the condom also busted.. I counted back the 24 weeks from October 25. And I got May 10th out of it give or take a week.

Her due date is March 15 2007.

She was pregnant last year with my baby and she ended up having a misscarriage. I hear about men sharing pregnancy symptoms with their mates. When she was pregnant the first time I experienced a change in appetite, morning sickness, I threw up a couple of times, I slept allot. This time before I even found out she was pregnant I realized i was going through the same things. I even threw up and the funny part is I never throw up. Im always tired, I have a lack of appetite, etc. I get about 11hrs a day of sleep. And I was never like that before.

 

Basically I just want to know what is the probability of the baby being mine .

Do yall think its mine?

Me personally I think its mine.

She wants it to be mine but she says she really think its his.

I am already going to get a paternity test immediately after the baby is born but I am looking for someones else's opinions.

[rocio]

Congrats! I'm due about a week later.

 

The father of my child has pregnancy symptoms too.

 

There's no way to know for sure if it's yours since we don't know (and you probably don't know for sure) when she was sleeping with him.

 

Chances are that it's yours since you were having unprotected sex and they, presumably, were trying to use protection.

 

What will you do if it's yours? If it's not? Can you forgive her?

[Scout]

There's no way to know until the baby is born and you either see a clear resemblance or a paternity test reveals who the father is.

 

In the meantime, I wish you and your girlfriend all the best during this uncertain time.

[rose2summer]

Wow, what shocking news!

 

I would definitely seek a paternity test when the child is born as you suggested.

 

Other than knowing whether the child is or isn't, it's impossible for us to know.

 

Why is she already so sure it's his baby?

 

That makes me believe she had intercourse with him more than once.

 

This seems like a complicated situation, but hopefully you will help along the way in case the child is yours, and until you find out the results.

 

Hugs, Rose

[yeawutever]

This is a tough one and sorry for what you're going true, her action is unexcusable. If the baby turns out to be yours, then if you want to take her back, set rules for her and make sure you'll throw her out if there's a next time. But get a paternity test first. For me, I wouldn't put up with cheating, that would be an immediate deal-breaker no me, no buts, no ifs, no sorry letters, no nothing.

[FCTex]

And you guys are only 20 and 22? Been pregnant once before?

 

Wow man, I think you guys need to invest in some better protection against pregnancy, or start using it... Considering she's been sleeping around, I'd suggest you get tests for STD's yourself, more so than wondering if she's pregnant.

[annie24]

i agree - when the child is born, have a paternity test. even if there is or isn't a resemblance, you won't know for sure without the DNA.

 

Now just in case things like this happen I always keep records of when I have sex. Me and her had sex May 1,May 3,May 11,May 17,May 22, and May 30.

 

you keep track of when you have sex in case of something like this happening??? has this happened before?

[Hope75]

I thought it a bit odd that you keep track in case of something happening... seems like if that is true than perhaps you had reason not to trust her.

 

As the others have said, there is no certain way to tell until the baby is born and you get the paternity test.

 

You didn't really specify- are you two back together now? Are you preparing to accept the child, whether it is yours or his?

 

Does he know that she is pregnant?

 

And yes, I would get tested for STI's since you know it's a possibility that they had unprotected sex.

[MessedUpInHead]

save up for a paternity test or email those talk shows maybe they'll do it for free if you volunteer to go on their show...

[Juliana]

Can I just say, I think it's nice that you want the baby. I was adopted. Guys like you are the real deal; I hope the baby ends up having a good father, and not some bum who just got stuck with the paternity results.

 

Good luck.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

actually, the exact length of pregnancy is not nine months... it is calculated as a certain number of days from the start of the first day of her last period before conception (i.e., length of pregnancy starts counting approximately 2 weeks before the sex, then counts forward a certain number of days, not exactly nine months)...

 

there are online calculators that can be used to determine the expected due date, and the conception date... this is one online calculator on link removed:

 

link removed

 

if you selected 'estimated due date' as the calculatioin method and enter her due date 3/15/2007 it says the baby most likely was conceived on June 22.. so whoever was having sex with her on June 22 or around the 3rd week of June is most likely the father based on calculating backwards from the date the doctor gave as her due date.

 

so if the doctor has estimated her due date correctly, then the baby was conceived in late June, not early June, but there is no way to tell for sure, because women's periods can vary. does she know exactly what date she had sex with him, and when her last period was? that is more accurate way to tell.

 

also, sperm can hang around and be viable in the woman's system from 2 to 7 days after sex (usually only 2 or 3 days), so that adds another element of uncertainty (i.e., the conception might be from sex had anytime in the week June 15-22, tho most likely from sex that happened on June 20-22, and the sperm finally met up with the egg on June 22 to make the due date Mar 15 of next year)...

 

so there are several variables there that could make either you or her ex-boyfriend the father, so the only way to really tell is get a paternity test after birth... and also maybe ask her exactly what date she had sex with him, and when her last period was before the pregnancy (the first day of the start of her period that is)... knowing that info might give you a more accurate idea of which one of you might be the father... but no way to know for sure if you both were having sex with her around that time.

 

anyway, there are other factors in play here... i.e., why is she so certain that other guy is the father? are you sure she only had sex with him once? and if she really did only have sex with him once say the first week of June, and you were having sex all month long, especially late June, you might more likely be the father... condoms are fallible as birth control, even if you don't notice an obvious break in the condom, pregnancies can occur via small holes or leakages before you put the condom on, or leakages during sex or when pulling out afterwards... so she could have gotten pregnant by you in late June even if you didn't notice an obvious breakage...

 

so if her assumption is that the father had to be her ex-boyfriend based solely on breaking the condom, that assumption might not be true, you could still be the father even if you didn't notice a breakage when you had sex with her, especially if you were having sex with her around June 22 and her ex- was not...

 

i would also be very careful and don't marry her on a whim becuase you think the baby might be yours, because in some states, the husband at time of birth is legally responsible for child support, whether he is the father or not! there are even cases where it has been proven later that the wife had affairs while married and the children were not his own, but he still had to pay child support due to state laws... that varies from state to state, but i would definitely wait out the pregnancy and get the paternity test done before agreeing to support her or this child.

 

i would also evaluate whether you think a long term relationship is viable with someone who has cheated on you, and whether you are willing to be with her when she has a child belonging to someone else as a result of cheating on you... you might be able to work thru this, especially if it is your baby and you want to be a family, but i would suggest some relationship counseling to help work the the issues to decide what to do. and if her ex-boyfriend turns out to be the father, then you will need to work thru that, whether he will assume responsibility as the child's father (in terms of support), or whether you want to stay with your girlfriend and raise the child as your stepchild/adopted child.

 

anyway, good luck, i am glad to hear that you are already willing to assume responsibility if it is your child.... the child should definitely not be penalized or without a father just because its mother cheated... once the paternity is established, you can decide what to do and move forward from there.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

btw, i give her some credit, because she did tell you she had been unfaithful and someone else might be the baby's father, rather than just letting you assume you were the father... so she must at least have a conscience and some morals to feel guilty about that and finally be honest with you.

 

i would definitely stay on good terms with her thruout the pregnancy and until you see whether you are the father or not, and if you are, stay on good terms for the sake of the child, even if you did decide not to stay together as a couple...

[Rabican]

My opinion, tell her to take a paternity test... or you take it.. however that works.

 

I know that I could never see the daily reminder (child, or the other man) of my partners unfaithfulness without wanting to go postal.

 

What are you going to do if its his, and she wants to stay with you... but the guy wants to see his kid? How f'ed would that situation be? Id have to throw all my guns away! (sarcasm)

 

Good luck.

[annie24]

I wonder what men did in the days before DNA test? just looking at a child isn't enough proof that someone is or isn't the father. (Unless the husband is white, and the kid comes out asian or black, then that would seem like a sign).