Bad day...memories, loss of innocence...

[laboheme]

The realization that he's gone forever still hits me like a tidal wave sometimes...and it's been over three months since the breakup. I feel like damaged goods...not because there's something "wrong" with me (okay, so I do have my issues...), but because I now have a history and will always carry the burden of this failed relationship...And I feel like it makes me a bad person. I know that I would be suspicious of a guy with a dedicated relationship in his past, because that means that I wouldn't be all that special to him...so who's to say that guys won't view me the same way?

 

Not to mention that the idea of dating scares me...that awkward period of getting to know an absolute stranger and trying to judge our compatibility over the course of several few-hour periods...With my ex, we were coworkers, and there came a time when we just started contacting each other every day outside of work, and it evolved from there...and it was lovely. I don't know how I'll be able to get to know another guy in the conventional dating way...

 

Plus, I just can't shake off the memories of our relationship...What if the next guy isn't like that? What if he doesn't randomly call just because he wanted to know how I am? What if my smile isn't enough to make his day? What if he doesn't give me cute little nicknames and kiss me on the nose? If he doesn't enjoy cuddling on the couch while watching a movie? What if he doesn't randomly pick me up and spin me around and around? If he doesn't tell me that I should never change myself for other people, including him? If he doesn't think that I look beautiful when I just wake up in the morning...and that falling asleep and waking up in each other's arms is terribly romantic? What if he doesn't believe in me more than anyone else does, including myself? I'm terrified that I won't find those things with another guy...

 

I just wish that we had a bad relationship that didn't make me happy...then I would know there's room for improvement. As things are right now, the only improvement I can think of is dating long enough to get married.

 

Argh. Just a really bad day.

[fridagrrl]

i read your post and i know EXACTLY how you feel......there's no better feeling than someone treating you like gold......

but you've got to get to a place where you see yourself as more than ANYONE could ever.....

i'm not saying i've achieved this......far from it.....and DON'T allow yourself to think that you're damaged goods.....YOU'RE NOT!!!! if anything you will be more receptive to the next relationship because you have experience and you know how to "do" a relationship.....

relationships take practice and work......sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't.......

i get hit by this same tidal-wave a lot lately......i cry on a daily basis.....i wonder if i'm damaged goods too ( but i have a divorce + 2 kids to add to the mix).......i often wonder "who would want a girl with 2 kids?"......

 

stay strong.....find the strength within yourself to feel your worth......

get a manicure, get a new hairstyle, go places you enjoy, take-up ballroom dancing......anything......

 

you're sooooo worth more than what you think!!!! believe in yourself!!!!

 

 

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

 

frida

[JoeWho]

I know how you feel and have been there myself. You are not damaged at all, you are wiser. How many people actually stay with thier first serious relationship? A very small percentage. We all have been through relationships, good and bad. We heal and then take the plunge again and again until we find what we are looking for. Try not to think that you will never find a guy who did this or that. Truth is that almost everything you listed are things that are very common. You will have another relationship when you are ready with a guy who will do many of the things you listed, but he will also do many other things that you will love which you haven't even thought of yet.