fridagrrl
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Everything posted by fridagrrl
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From what I know, I don't think that he's a pathological liar. I haven't caught him in any major lies....in fact I've only confronted him about one. He seems to be a really "by the book" kind of person. He just tells stories that seem out of the ordinary (for an ordinary person like me). I don't know if I'm ready to pursue a relationship with him at this point, but I would like to remain friends because I think he's a really cool person. Don't know what will come of all this..... I hope it's for the best.
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valiantv: I think that I usually judge a book by it's cover.....sometimes I'm right and sometimes I dislike someone in the beginning only to discover they are wonderful people later on. My main concern is that I DON'T want to repeat my past. I was married to a VERY dishonest man....I KNEW he was dishonest, yet I stayed with him for many,many years ( thinking I could change him). I talked to my dad last night and he suggested that I let him meet my man and he would size him up. He said that my ability to trust is going to be something I will need to work really hard on, but that if I don't start somewhere I will never trust anyone. He said a ratio of 80% trust to 20% mistrust is good for relationships and suggested I'm probably at a 60% trust 40% mistrust. valiantv, I think you probably have a point here.....maybe I'm just paranoid?!?!
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My kids only met him once because I agree that kids don't get dating....I didn't want them to meet him until things got serious but they met him 1 day when there was an emergency.....Either way they only thought he was a friend and never saw him again. and melrich: All of what I wrote there happened in the beginning of the "relationship" so to speak....For the last month there was nothing.
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Valiantv: You're right about the online translator. I used it because I don't speak his language (hungarian). I speak 3 languages fluently and have working knowledge of 2. But if someone were to write me a note I'd figure out the jist....I think I've heard him speak with other people in his language and it sounds like he knows it....so maybe it was just a mistake for me to use an online translator. and Flower 99: I TOTALLY trusted him when I left on a trip....gave him a key to my house and my alarm code....he took care of my animals for me while I was gone. He even called me EVERYDAY when I was in another country. I believed that we had the same core values...I think he is kind and generous to the people around him....There are TONS of good things about him.... It's just this "feeling".....could this be a feeling left over from my last relationship that I'm going to pin on every guy that comes around. He's been around my kids and he's really sweet to them....he accepts me as a package deal and talks about building a future with me and them. I don't know......I really am confused......
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Money is not an issue for me.....I paid for most of everything when I was married and I loved my ex-husband dearly, even though he used me ( I paid for most of our vacations etc....) So I'm used to doing that. This guy is TOTALLY different from a financial stand point. I'm not interested in his money....I just don't want to end up as I did last time and I don't want to be lied to.... I'm not a gold-digger....far from it....I want a quality person, that's all.
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I was considering asking some of his friends on myspace about him. Does that seem psycho?
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I don't think he's ever lied about anything important. He seems really hard-working and has supported his mom for many years. His lie by omission may have been that he forgot.....or that he didn't want to hurt my feelings..... He continues to pursue me and I like talking to him....so it's not that I hate the person that he is....i just don't want to date a different version of my ex. btw.....he may just be into telling stories about himself....i've just never met someone like that. And yes, the stories are from generations ago...he likes geneology.
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I really don't know: Here's the run down.... 1st date: Met at fancy restaurant, gave me a rose, paid for everything.... 2nd date: Took me to dinner and a movie, paid for everything. 3rd date: Took me out for the day, ate at fancy restaurant, offered to buy me things of which I said no, thank you. Interim: Bought presents for my kids, has come to have "dates" with me at my house because I can't go out... has brought me: fancy desserts, 2 dozen roses (twice), fancy drinks with champagne flutes included, expensive champagne to welcome me back from a trip ( with berries), has given me cd's ( store bought and homemade). and for christmas: gave me an expensive gift certificate to a fancy spa for a massage with all the trimmings, some lingerie and scented body butters. Oh*!!!! and cooked me dinner once too.....it was delicious. Maybe I'm making him out to be the bad guy?!?!
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He didn't lie about his looks...it still looked like him, but he weighed about 30 lbs. more than in his picture. And he claims that he can trace his last name back to many generations that are attached to a very high class in his country ( which i looked up on line and it seemed true). About the language thing, I wrote him a card in his language using an online translator ( don't know how effective it was ) and he didn't know what it said.....he said I used the wrong grammar or something. I don't know. I'm just confused because he seems like he could offer me a lot. I've been to his work and I know he makes quite a bit of $ ( I'm not a gold-digger) and he now says that he's buying a house in hopes of spending his future with me. What do you think?
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I met a guy on an online dating service back in Nov. We chatted on messenger and on the phone for about 3 weeks till I finally agreed to meet him in person. When I met him he didn't look as I had imagined ( overweight and not super attractive) but I gave him a chance. I prayed about the relationship and continued to see him and he finally "grew" on me. He's told me his life story and lots of other stories that don't seem ordinary ( his family comes from royalty in europe, he speaks multiple languages ( which I tested ( I'm a linguist) and doesn't seem true, he knows famous people). I will admit that I'm naive and basically believed everything. Well, back in December I caught him "lying by omission" to me which started the little root of mistrust in my soul. I come from a REALLY bad relationship where my ex lied and cheated and used me. So this little root is starting to develop a mind of it's own....to the point where I'm sabotaging everything. I broke up with my guy on sunday because he was giving me "that feeling" and I felt like he was ignoring me. He was in actuality busy at work and with his extended family. So he called me tues. night crying that he missed me and wants me back. He seems like a nice guy.....it's just those stories. He also promised me a whole bunch of things ( I'll spoil you) of which I haven't seen ( I wonder if he's afraid that I just like him to get stuff from him). I have serious trust issues and it's making me sabotage everything. I told him that maybe I wasn't ready for a relationship just yet but he claims that he'll help me get through everything and that he only wants to see me happy and with a smile on my face. Should I give him another chance?
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He sounds just like my ex-husband too!!! These people are addicts and cling to different things at different times. Seems like he's "addicted" to you....addicts lead double lives. He is one guy, the secrective guy, and he is also the clingy needy guy, that wants to move in with you on day one. It's NOT A HEALTHY person you're dealing with here. BE CAREFUL and I would agree with the others here....RUN!!!!
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my ex-husband acted the same way when he cheated on me. he expected me to "get over it" and continued to do things that broke my trust. if you don't have TRUST in a relationship you don't have ANYTHING!!!! i tried for 5 more years after the fact and now i can honestly say that i have PEACE OF MIND!!!! there's NOTHING worse than wondering about that sort of thing on a daily basis....and the old saying is probably true....once a cheater, always a cheater... about your child....at 3 yrs old they will probably not remember.... i went back when mine were 2 and 3 and finally ended it now at 5 and 6.... it's MUCH WORSE when they're older....
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So i dumped him.....he didn't seem very upset. (hint?) I asked him why he hadn't called me back.....made up a stupid excuse ( 3 actually). Then proceeded to say that he loved me....asked if I didn't want to see him 1 more time?!?! ( i said NO!!!) So later that night I received a text from him saying that he'd always love me and that i'd be in his heart forever.... One of my friends says he's a player.... The other says there's NO WAY he could be a player ( he's overweight, bald and average looking). My gut TOLD me that something was NOT RIGHT....too many stories of grandeur and too many weird things... did i do the right thing?!?! i kinda miss him
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wow!!! i really feel for you perhaps you should REALLY sit down and talk....do you think he'll open up about what's bothering him?!?! perhaps do something special for him that shows that YOU care....give him a massage, cook for him, etc... maybe he feels like it's everything/one is demanding from him?!?! It might be a last resort/option to see how he reacts to this.... and if not then maybe you need to really evaluate your pro's and con's.
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Yeah ,I "feel" like something is not right. He has excuses for EVERY little thing. Why do you need excuses if you're not doing anything?!?! I can't believe this happened to me AGAIN!!!!! I will definitely end it.....SOOOOO NOT worth my time
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So I've been seeing someone for about 2 1/2 months now. In the beginning he seemed WONDERFUL ( as they always are). The little demons are now starting to come out of his closet. I'm finding out that things he says don't match and that he's basically a show off. I really don't know who I'm dealing with here. I haven't met any of his friends or family ( he creates excuses when I ask why not), even though he has met a couple of my friends and family. He "claims" he loves me and wants to "marry me" (which i think is probably not true). Lately he has been not answering his phone when I call and been weird and rude to me. I think I need to end this....I don't need this. Any advise?
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hey john, i'm so sad to hear that you're feeling sooooo down. you were such an inspiration to me last week when i was wretched..... remember that it's just one day at a time......and that each day that passes means you're slowly healing. i have my days too.....feel like the weekends are worse because i'm less busy...but you sound like a wonderful man.... IT'S HER LOSS!!!!! remember THAT!!!!..... you're worth soooo much more than she could ever imagine..... listen to some music, try to work-out, try to force yourself to smile ( it kinda actually works), and remember that we're ALL here for you...
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wow...toughy here......sounds like this is the emotional rollercoaster i was on when i was dating..... have you tried seeing a professional as a couple? maybe pre-marital counseling.....EVEN if you aren't going to go through with it later.....it might help sort out the issues.... sounds like she just wants a serious commitment.....aka talk to someone wise about this....someone that knows BOTH of you.... good luck
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it's normal to feel the way you do.....i agree with the myspace looking.....try not to....it only makes you feel sad and re-opens your feelings....... i know it's difficult to not look at her myspace, but you've got to try to put your mind elsewhere..... give yourself time to feel your pain.......it'll lessen eventually..... a lot of us here are in the same boat.....i know i am........ i'm really sorry
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Bad day...memories, loss of innocence...
fridagrrl replied to laboheme's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
i read your post and i know EXACTLY how you feel......there's no better feeling than someone treating you like gold...... but you've got to get to a place where you see yourself as more than ANYONE could ever..... i'm not saying i've achieved this......far from it.....and DON'T allow yourself to think that you're damaged goods.....YOU'RE NOT!!!! if anything you will be more receptive to the next relationship because you have experience and you know how to "do" a relationship..... relationships take practice and work......sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't....... i get hit by this same tidal-wave a lot lately......i cry on a daily basis.....i wonder if i'm damaged goods too ( but i have a divorce + 2 kids to add to the mix).......i often wonder "who would want a girl with 2 kids?"...... stay strong.....find the strength within yourself to feel your worth...... get a manicure, get a new hairstyle, go places you enjoy, take-up ballroom dancing......anything...... you're sooooo worth more than what you think!!!! believe in yourself!!!! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) frida -
hi john, you wrote such a nice post to me yesterday when i was feeling down, that i must write to you now..... i know how you feel .....i'm feeling much the same way....i would say that NC is good, but i wonder if you and your wife talked about what went wrong? do you know why she left ? do you know what she says you're guilty of ? or was it just that she decided to go and never said anything ? it's painful and hard and such a TERRIBLE place to be.....depression sucks!!! and you seem like such a nice man....i'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time..... breaking up a marriage is so much worse than a regular break-up....it's painful....but you'll survive....you will.....i promise...... i'm so sorry.....hang in there ((((((((hugs))))))))) frida
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thank you john and debsea, i'm soooooo glad that you both are so caring. in my rational mind i know that all the things you say are true....we've been split up before....we divorced in 2003!!! but we got back together to "try and make it work".....and everytime we split up it always seemed that we "might" try again.....i was always the one kicking him out because he'd lie, cheat, or some other dishonest thing....but i KNOW him.....he's been the ONLY man in my life for almost 15 years....NEVER did he EVER have a girlfriend... i guess the greatest pain is thinking that this time THIS IS IT!!!!.....i don't know if i can handle that this is REALLY the end....i miss him and i think i've really lost him this time....he got sick of me, when it should be me thats sick of him....am i making sense?!?! i just find myself crying all the time....i'm crying as i type this.... it feels sooooooo much worse this time.... i don't know what to do......
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i'm still feeling out of sorts.....the last time we were together was beginning of september....isn't it too soon to start a new relationship? i'm still processing everything we've been through....i can't believe that he's ready to move on...... please help.
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you are very loyal to think only of her....what a wonderful quality to have...especially in relationships..... i don't have advice for how to stop the fantasies....sometimes i wonder myself if they ever go away?!?! depression is something that's very difficult to shake...do you enjoy exercise? music? a particular hobby..... and never say never to a reconciliation.....sometimes when you get busy working on yourself the other person realizes what a catch you were.... ( i tend to look for the silver lining but either way.....just look at this as something that is temporary...focus on making it through ONE DAY AT A TIME.... you'll survive....i promise (((((hugs to you)))))))
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have you considered a weekend away...just the 2 of you, without any distractions.....just to talk? do you really want to stay with her?
