Whats the point in marriage???

[Riggz41510]

Marriage. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife. After you factor out religion, children, and tax breaks…is there really a need for this "legal union?" Not at all. "But Janie…my fiancé loves me and wants to make our love official". You keep telling yourself that. In reality, he just doesn't want to lose you. And in reality, you just don't trust that he'll stay unless you make him legally bound.

 

 

I believe in true love. I do. But I don't think you have to say "I do" to make it last. Sliding a ring on someone's finger does NOT equal forever. True love = forever. No rings, no stepping on a glass, no you may kiss the bride, and no signed piece of paper.

 

Just the idea that you have to be with ONE person for the rest of your life is hard enough. Instead of making your lover "have" to be with you, how about finding someone that "wants" to be with you. If your love is real, why does it need to be recognized by law? When two people love each other, do they really need a child-molesting priest to tell them it's legit? No. It's all ceremonial BS that probably started back in the Stone Age while men were dragging around their wives by the hair. Really…aren't we past this?

 

And don't get me started on the ceremonial BS that is a wedding. Weddings aren't about love; they're about appearances. This outdated ceremony has become the most important day of a woman's life. How pathetic. To men, it's become an excuse to cheat one last time at the bachelor party, before it's considered adultery. People are spending thousands of dollars to express their love in public. While you're fighting over floral arrangements and whether to serve fish or chicken, children are starving. Try donating that 50 grand to feed the children…not the 250 guests your mom invited that you don't even know!

 

If marriage is truly a way to show your love and devotion to someone, in sickness and health, for all the days of your life…then why do approximately 60% of these blessed unions end in the big D? It's all a scam. When I did a Google search for "marriage statistics," the first fact to come up was "4 out of 5 men regret marrying." So why the heck are they doing it? Because they're p******. And you girls are just as bad for making them do it. Instead of tying a knot around your lover, how about just tying your legs around him and giving him some sex every now and then. Rumor has it that most marriages are sexless after the first couple years. Is wearing a big diamond ring really worth the risk of ruining your sex life? I think not.

 

I understand that the majority of you are still going to get married. You have to. Society has trained you to follow that path. But I urge you just to think about WHY you're doing it. If your love is a healthy, trusting, secure, passionate, real kinda love…then you don't need a "legal union" to make it last. Just make each day count. That's something worth saying "I do" to.

[Meow18]

Whether or not you get married, relationships don't stay in the honeymoon stage. You find more to do with your time than just have sex. Of course sex is still important, and if you have a healthy relationship, you find a balance between sex and showing love in other ways.

 

And really, you are generalizing here. Like you said, not EVERY marriage ends in divorce. In fact, I know quite a few couples who are still together after 30 years and act like they are madly in love with each other. My grandparents have been together for 65 years and you can tell how much they love each other.

 

I'll agree, not everyone should get married. Not everyone really prepares themselves for who they are marrying and what they are getting themselves into. For some people, and no, not just women, weddings are all about getting to wear a wedding dress and wearing a ring, and that's it.

 

And no, not all women force their boyfriends into marriage.

 

Marriage means different things to different people and honestly, I don't see why you think it's your place to judge or generalize.

 

People are raised differently. Some people are raised to care about the material things, and getting married by a certain age, or marrying money. But some people truly do care about their significant other enough to want to make that kind of commitment to each other. And why people do it? Well, that's their own business.

[southerngirl]

I married my husband because I love him.

 

Also, we wanted children and would not want to have them without marraige.

 

For our future and our childrens future it is better that there is a father and a mother.

 

For health insurance reasons as well, I couldnt be on his health insurance policy (like I am now) if we were not married.

 

The house we live in is in his name, but should he die, the house would go to me and not probate..... he had bought it before we married so thats why Im not on the paperwork.

 

My property same thing, it will go to him should I die.. less problems if either one of us is hurt also, as the other will have legal rights to speak on their spouses behalf.

 

We didnt have a big wedding, very small in fact. The actual wedding was at the courthouse.

 

The first reason and most important reason is LOVE.. Isnt love enough of a reason?

 

Oh and our sex life is fine and active. I dont believe you have to stop having sex simply because you are now married, good grief..

[justpaisley]

It really seems like you're just venting here. Is someone trying to pressure you into marriage when you really just don't want to get married at all?

 

If you really think that married people are a bunch of possessive, untrusting, Neanderthal, shallow, societally trained celibate robots, then you definitely shouldn't get married - but it's not very nice to insult those of us who do.

[arwen]

I think a debate on this has little use in fact. There are people who do not ever want to get married and who have their own reasons for that, and people who do want to get married and also have their reasons for that. That does not entail a right or wrong perspective, it is a personal choice, made by two people, to get married or to continue the relationship without marriage.

 

The only situation in which these two clash is when a relationship consists of one partner who personally does NOT want to get married, and the other DOES.

 

Unless you are in that situation, arguing pro or contra marriage is merely a way to judge people who have an opposite opinion. If you don't see the point of marrying, how does the fact that others do get married affect you?

 

The fact that a relatively high percentage of marriages end in divorce is to be taken as a 'warning' that marrying is something that does not lead TO commitment, but CAN (does not necessarily though) follow FROM a commitment betweent two people (i.e. of course it can be true that not-married couple A is more committed to each other than married couple B, but that is due to the respective choices people made, not due to the definition of marriage).

 

Ilse

[Riggz41510]

This is only an opinion..

 

That's great that your Grandparent stayed together for 65 years. Also keep in mind that they grew up in a totally different era. Things have changed substantially. During that time frame men were primarily the bread winners and women stayed home and cared for the kids and household duties. This day in age you have strong women who work and take care of the kids. Some would say the traditional values aren't the same any more.

 

For example even with alimony: That was created during the era when men worked and women stayed home. So if they divorced the woman was up the creek without a paddle. Which is why alimony was created, to help the woman make the transition.

 

The point is why can't people just be together and be happy. Who is marriage really for? My best friend just spent $36,000 on his wedding. What was the point? Was that for them or the other guests? By the way he totally regrets spend all that money. Between her ring and the wedding it was over $40,000. Why not put that away for the kids? Donate?

 

Keep in mind that fore the first time ever per the Census bureau, unwed couples out number married couples. Why is that? I think people feel that marriage is over-rated. Not love!! Just marriage..

 

If this is the end all tell all of commitment. Why is the divorce rate so high? Why are people on there 3rd and 4th marriages?

[Riggz41510]

Tell me one thing you can do *MARRIED* that you can't do just being *TOGETHER* and being happy?

 

Now don't get me wrong there are occasions when marriages do work. Just like sometimes people survive after jumping 10 stories from a building. I'd rather not take the chance.

 

Why do you think the divorce rate is over 60%?

 

BTW.. Only my personal view. I'm not trying to change or convert anyone. Just thought it was a good subject to debate.

[Riggz41510]

You're correct.

 

 

Any time I have this discussion with friends the only reason they come up with is "because I want too". Which is fine, but at the end of the day are you doing it because you feel like society has put this stigma on it, or because that's what you really want?

[Riggz41510]

It really seems like you're just venting here. Is someone trying to pressure you into marriage when you really just don't want to get married at all?

 

If you really think that married people are a bunch of possessive, untrusting, Neanderthal, shallow, societally trained celibate robots, then you definitely shouldn't get married - but it's not very nice to insult those of us who do.

 

Who did I insult? If I insulted anyone.. My deepest apologies.. That was totally not my intentions.

[annie24]

 

The point is why can't people just be together and be happy. Who is marriage really for? My best friend just spent $36,000 on his wedding. What was the point? Was that for them or the other guests? By the way he totally regrets spend all that money. Between her ring and the wedding it was over $40,000. Why not put that away for the kids? Donate?

 

 

just a question.... how many thousands of dollars in gifts did your buddy receive? I know a lot of couples can break even on the wedding gifts.

[Riggz41510]

My girl just left me for the same reason..

 

We've been together 3 years now. She asked me how did I feel about getting married? I told her that there is no benefit in marriage for men, and if we don't work out that she would be able to give me a nice raping in court. She gave me the oh "well I'm not that kind of girl".. Well I wouldn't know if you are until we are in divorce court.. I would rather not take that chance.

 

She's not a religious buff and neither am I. I then ask her to tell me what the benefits of marriage are, meaning what can we do MARRIED, that we can't do just being TOGETHER? Here is her list:

 

1. someone to grow old with

2. someone to lay with every night

3. its the ultimate level of commitment

4. Security

5. Love

 

All of the above with the exception of "someone to grow old with" can be achieved without marriage. You can still even get that(growing old together) without being married, but for argument sake I will give her that one!! Just because we get married there is no guarantee its going to work and we are going to grow old together, but you know how women are.. They live in fairy tales..

 

Some may say the tax benefit. Well if you make good financial investments, and have great write offs the money you will save from the tax credit will all even itself out anyway..

 

Lets move on to the stupidest thing ever invented "Alimony".. Why in gods name should someone still have to give their ex money after a break up?? Could you imagine your wife waking up saying "oh honey, I'm not in love with you anymore, I have a new guy friend and I want a divorce" but you still have too pay her $$$$$ every month until she remarries. Huh??

 

Well I'm 29 I make close too $150,000. I own a few pieces of property and I'm a pretty well rounded decent guy.

 

She makes $48,000 she has 2 children and lives in a apartment. Who do you think would benefit most? Sure she loves me, but love doesn't pay bills.

 

So she told me that she could no longer be in a relationship with a person who is so fixated on finances. So I suggested well lets sign a prenup, she says "real love shouldn't come with a contract". Well last I checked a marriage license is a form of a contract, isn't it? I asked her if financial security plays no role in you wanting to marry me, why wouldn't you sign a prenup? Its no different than insurance. You get insurance "in case" something happens. All I want to do is protect what I have worked so hard to achieve.. Its so funny how I'm the bad guy because I want to protect my finances.. Why should I have to go broke just in case we don't work out? Statistcally, men make more then women. So if divorce does come up 8 times out of 10 the man is paying alimony, or splitting property etc.. I feel I should leave with what I came with!!

[Riggz41510]

Why is it that whenever a man wants to protect his things, women get upset and say "its not true love", "you must not care about her" etc.. Women always say marriage is about security. So whats wrong with a man securing his financial future?

 

I want to be with her and support her while we were together. I just don't want to get married. I love her dearly, but I simply have more to lose financially *IF* we don't work out. So whats wrong with me wanting to protect what little I have? Its obvious that people get divorces. So why not be protected if that does happen??

 

I will give her my all when we are together, we can share it all, but *WHEN* we or *IF* we split, it should be a clean break. Why should I still have to compensate her at all financially? Granted whatever is accumulated during marriage we can spilt, but if I had it before we got married, I should walk away with it..

 

Most women want us to sign a contract(marriage license)saying we love you and will be committed forever. For security right?

 

So whats wrong with a man wanting a contract saying, that he can leave with what he came with?? Just for our security?

 

In the great words of Chris Rock. "I'm supposed to move back home with my momma, just because you aren't in love no more"?

[Dako]

So don't marry!

 

I did, it ended after a wonderful period of time and at my age, I'll probably never remarry.

My wedding cost 20 bucks, and much of your stereotyping is lost on me. Marriage doesn't have to follow anyone else's rules. For example, I got a vasectomy before marriage. Our gay friends gave us a party. Our honeymoon was on the porch of a mobile home in Palm Springs and after our marriage ended, we still love each other. No cookiecutter marriage here.

 

Marriage is a legal contract to form a business partnership. It has advantages and disadvantages. You can project societal pressures and customs onto anything and pick at it or dismiss it out of hand.

 

If you meet a magnificent lady you want for life, and she wants marriage,

just walk away and find another magnificent lady. Go ahead, discard her.

 

To me, marriage is a trifling detail compared to the relationship.

[justpaisley]

Who did I insult? If I insulted anyone.. My deepest apologies.. That was totally not my intentions.

 

I understand that you may not have meant to, but look at your post. How do you think that would come off to someone who got married for none of the reasons you listed?

 

You basically called us all... well:

 

possessive, untrusting, Neanderthal, shallow, societally trained celibate robots

 

You've got to live and let live, man. I can't really understand people who have children, buy houses together, make investments together, but don't want to get married. But that's for them, not for me. I'm not going to come on here and rant against them, though. If they've thought it through and feel that's the best course of action, that's great for them, more power to them.

[tictactoe2006]

As a recently divorced man, I have to agree: marriage is a great plus for women, but realize that once you say "I do" you have effectively allowed someone to keep a loaded gun pointed at your temple for the rest of your life.

 

all it takes is her ex boyfriend, ex fiancee, etc, to come along with flowers and say "yo baby, let's give it one more try" and your life is ruined.

 

And, every woman at first says "oh I would never do that to you" but in reality, many do. Not all, but enough that marriage is not really all that much more than a suicide note for men.

[Riggz41510]

I understand that you may not have meant to, but look at your post. How do you think that would come off to someone who got married for none of the reasons you listed?

 

You basically called us all... well:

 

 

 

You've got to live and let live, man. I can't really understand people who have children, buy houses together, make investments together, but don't want to get married. But that's for them, not for me. I'm not going to come on here and rant against them, though. If they've thought it through and feel that's the best course of action, that's great for them, more power to them.

 

I re-read his post. I don't see where it was insulting. Its actually a pretty good read. Why can't people just be together and be happy, without a contract.. Now that I don't get?? Why does a piece of paper validate our love for each other..

[annie24]

possessive, untrusting, Neanderthal, shallow, societally trained celibate robots

 

this was the insulting part.

[tictactoe2006]

I re-read his post. I don't see where it was insulting. Its actually a pretty good read. Why can't people just be together and be happy, without a contract.. Now that I don't get?? Why does a piece of paper validate our love for each other..

 

The piece of paper just allows someone to ruin your life financially, is all.

[arwen]

You're correct.

 

 

Any time I have this discussion with friends the only reason they come up with is "because I want too". Which is fine, but at the end of the day are you doing it because you feel like society has put this stigma on it, or because that's what you really want?

 

Well, I can't judge the weight of a possible stigma for where you live, I know that my parents would prefer marriage over living together for me. But in my personal social circle (which is not christian for the biggest part, my parents are though), it's the other way around. Most of my friends start out by living together and then decide to marry (or not).

 

For me that will be a personal choice. And aside from that, also for your friends you cannot decide if their decision is based on stigmatization of the other option- that could be your impression, but that doesn't make it true.

 

Why is this important to you, are you figuring out what YOU want, or do you have a partner with a different opinion?

 

ilse

[Riggz41510]

As a recently divorced man, I have to agree: marriage is a great plus for women, but realize that once you say "I do" you have effectively allowed someone to keep a loaded gun pointed at your temple for the rest of your life.

 

all it takes is her ex boyfriend, ex fiancee, etc, to come along with flowers and say "yo baby, let's give it one more try" and your life is ruined.

 

And, every woman at first says "oh I would never do that to you" but in reality, many do. Not all, but enough that marriage is not really all that much more than a suicide note for men.

 

That's why most women get upset when you denounce marriage. It's mostly a benefit for them.. In MOST cases men make more money than women. Yes there are exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking Men tend to make more.

 

Of course a woman is going to say "Oh I would never do that too you" Because if she said other wise, most guys would probably gracefully bow out of the proceedings.. What do you think she's going to say? "Yeah, if we don't work out, I'm going to take you to the cleaners for every thing you have". Yeah right!!

[annie24]

maybe the men that feel this way should only date women who make more money than them?

[tictactoe2006]

That's why most women get upset when you denounce marriage. It's mostly a benefit for them.. In MOST cases men make more money than women. Yes there are exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking Men tend to make more.

 

true. And don't forget, if you have a child with her, even if she cheats on you and takes all the furniture in your house and it is proven in court that she cheated, you still have to pay HUGE child support. Your ability to pay WILL NOT MATTER, and she will get your money and spend it on her new boyfriend while you get to suffer.

 

Until family law and divorce law are changed to be more equitable, I advise every man I meet to not marry or have kids.

[tictactoe2006]

maybe the men that feel this way should only date women who make more money than them?

 

1) I love your Buddha quote. Have you ever read anything by Thich Nhat Hanh?

 

2) Awesome point.

[Day_Walker]

People marry for different reasons money, love, because their friends got married and because it is the next step. You can comment all you want on marriage but if you feel that there is no need for the "ceremony" then dont get married. As far as marriage is concerned I believe that we hold this idealistic notion that marriage is for love and it will last forever. I would say that is an antiquated idea, because marriage has changed. The roles that men and women have in today's society are different now than it was then. Yet we still have these old ideas of what marriage is.

No one has to get married, but I know that for me, I know that I will not deal with a bridezilla, I will not deal with a girl who believes that the day she gets married is the most important day of her life. If because of those things I dont get married then I dont get married. I dont feel like it is something that I have to do, it is definitely not something I have to do in order to have children. Life can be accomplished and be successful without marriage.

[southerngirl]

Why are so many on this thread bashing woman?

 

 

Just because I have ovaries does not make me a cheating monster. I believe in fidelity and would not cheat on my mate. It simply is not in me to do so.

 

Simply because you have met a cheater doesnt mean that all are cheaters.

 

Do any of you think I should have had children with my husband without marriage??????

 

What if he cheats on me? What if he beats me? What if what if what if...

 

YOu could go on and on with IFs.... point is you dont enter into a marriage expecting it to end.

 

Least I did not. I entered into marriage expecting it to be for my lifetime, and so what if in the end it didnt work out. I would have missed the dance!

 

I married for love. Not for money not for any of these things that seems some on this thread are so paranoid about.

 

Oh and yes, to imply that I only married for his money is insulting to me.

 

My parents were married 8 years till my daddy beat my mom. She remarried five years later, to a wonderful man. They remained married 20 years until my mother died from cancer.

 

If my husband were to beat on me, cheat on me, become a drug addict, I would leave, no way I would live like that....

 

But, all other things would be worked out, I took my vows seriously when I promised to love honor and cherish this man for all the days of my life.