Dilly Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 And I understand ImThatGirl where you are coming from too and can certainly validate your position and appreciate your support for this approach. It's an approach, a noble one if undertaken carefully. SHe said she was going to send a note IN TWO WEEKS though, and then, when she got the first ambiguous words of encouragement, sent it that night. Way too soon! She was thinking rationally and holding back and then, it went down the waterfall. Oh well. Not the end of the world. Make it your last email ever Female. Link to comment
Dilly Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Let us know how you're feeling, Female. We are here for you no matter what. Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 thank u everybody. i havent posted much today as i just wanted to reflect. and actually, i found that it doesn't hurt so much anymore. i hope this feeling lasts. thanks for being there, no matter what. it means a lot. i am over him. not sure i am over it i.e the situation. its been very distressing - thats putting it mildly. i hope i can move on. i am walking on the path that is closure. i do feel that way. it still feels awful. but i have hit reality. i cannot email him again because of what i wrote last night. the email was strong, clear and firm. it was also civil and did not necessarily communicate anger, or hatred. and in fact today we had some indirect communication - that was this morning, i am about 80% sure he must have read it by then as the email was sent last night. and everything seemed, well - normal. he wasn cowering away from me. in fact i feel he was drawing attention to himself which probably means he feels a lot more comfortable with the situation. i know we may never go back to normal. but i dont think i care anymore. its over. it really is. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Hugs to you Female. I think it is possible that he was worried about further stepping on your toes, your already broken toes, when there was any interaction before. Maybe this will get things back to normal and less tense and with time, I promise your pain will heal. I'm really proud of you.... You are doing well! Link to comment
herewegoagain Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Female - you seem to be thinking straight now - I'm proud of you. Remember, please do not send him any more emails, though. If you get the urge to, please refrain from doing so.And by the way, it seems that you are a very attractive woman, and any guy would want to meet and get to know you. Move on so you can find someone. Trust me, you will see someday that all this turmoil from this situation was not worth it. hang in there Link to comment
Dilly Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 No Harm, No Foul If he's cool and you're cool and you commit emotionally to cut the noose he had around your heart, then you made the best decision in sending that last night. Now, no more excuses to communicate with him. You have your peace. You're beautiful, intelligent, and young... go conquer the world! Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 Awwwww....... thanks ladies. I'm smiling! Link to comment
Mystical029 Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 If you don't mind me asking female, how old are you? DO you consider yourself attractive? Smart? successful? If yes, then why wouldn't you be able to find a nice, sweet, single guy who could be available to you 100 percent? I just think if you could get out of the house and spend time with friends maybe going out, that you could meet someone nice. That would be helpful to get your attention off of this married guy. Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 hey... i am 24, soon to be 25. yes i do think i am attractive, smart and i am successful in what i am doing. and thereforeeee this whole thing is stupid. i know i can and will pull through this. i feel better already! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I can tell you feel better. And I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 yes i do feel better. i just need to stay this way now.... i know there will be ups and downs to come, but i CANNOT go back on my last email. that would be nothing other than a stupid, brain dead act. not saying i WILL feel like emailing again, but just in case i ever do.... please please please do not let me. that last email was perfect. and that 'indirect' communication between us was not anything for me to worry about. it was professional. and i feel much better. im actually finding moments during the day where im not thinking about him! and then i'll remember and it'll feel like.... wow.... i actually didn't think about him for the last hour or however long! im on the road to recovery now. i feel it. just need to stay in this direction Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I won't support another email to him, I promise! I supported the last one because I thought it was a note of closure from you rather than a note from your emotions solely. You are right, you will have ups and downs but you will eventually have more ups than downs. IT will all get better!!! Please think of my signature line sometime... I came up with the first one myself when going through a difficult time myself. Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 I won't support another email to him, I promise! I supported the last one because I thought it was a note of closure from you rather than a note from your emotions solely. I want you to know that I am so grateful for the support last night. I have to admit, I am still a little undecided on whether I did the right thing by sending that email last night. But a huge part of me says that it is definitely better that he knows he is really not that great anymore. I even called him a coward! But I did it in a way that he could not disagree. Hey, I have an English Lit award... trust me when I say I put it very cleverly! I am sure he realises that I have seen past the romantic and slushy side of the situation. I'm sure he sees now that I have seen how sordid and hopeless it all was. I do hope it read it properly, but if he didn't... well then at least I know I told him what I now think, rather than leaving it with over the top love. I will always know, for weeks, months, years etc that I said it how it was. I like the idea of that. I didn't - despite what some of you may think - ENJOY simply the process of emailing him... in fact I was quite worried about what would go through his head upon seeing my name in his inbox. But I WOULD have liked to see his face as he read it. I hope it made any feelings of joy/ego/pride deflate. Anyway guys, I'm done with him now. I know I am not emotionally ready for anyone else yet. But I haven't lost hope for my future. I am a young woman, plenty of time and variety left yet! Link to comment
Dilly Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 The leaf hath been turned over and the chapter closed. Begin anew. Link to comment
gumdrops_and_lollipops Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Ive been skimming through all the posts since reading them last night...WOW...so many...I just want to say that I was experiencing the exact same thing that female has been dealing with...No one knows how long it takes to mend a broken heart...No matter what any of us tell her..she is going to see the "good" in this man until she stops caring what he thinks...My affair texted me for the last 3 days..Today he told me that he is "Confused about what I want"..After I told him that I was going to start dating again...OMFG I have been telling him the same thing (that I want to be with him) for the last 6 weeks since he stopped phone conversations with me...I finally told him today that I would like to see him again sometime, but that I am NOT obsessed with him anymore...and that I have stopped overthinking and taking 1 day at a time...Its funny...because he told me that he "Isnt opposed to seeing me again". A great friend of mine told me today that she was glad that I stopped telling him how much he was hurting me...because it would make him think that he didnt matter enough to get to me...I agree ....Telling him in emails that you are hurting, only give him more power because he knows that he is "getting to you" For me...stopping the emails...phone calls and texts gave me back the "Power"...Now he wants me...and I couldnt careless.... You will truly be able to move on...when you stop caring about what he thinks...Not one second before that... A special thanks to Bethany...Its amazing how a person half a world away helped ease my Heartache....She gave it to me straight...No sugar coating....Luv Ya Girlfriend... Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 hi! yeah there were a lot of posts yesterday... sorry for the dramatics everybody, but thank you for the responsiveness. its so nice having people out there that care and understand. gumdrops... i can't tell you how pleased i am for you. you really are in control of the situation, and its obvious that he can't handle that and is now getting desparate himself to get power back! ha ha... let him see how much it hurts! keep the power in your hands this time, do not let ever it go back to how it was! you are right, i will truly be over this once i stop caring what he thinks. i admit i am not there yet as I am still curious about the impact (or perhaps lack of one) from my last email. but i dont feel as bad as before. if we go back one week, or even two, i was still obssessed with being with him, talking to him. but that has changed. now i am more frustrated with myself and the sequence of events that have occurred. i do feel confident that i will not mail him again though so i am glad about that. i want things back to normal, at work, at home and socially as i have not really been myself. people have noticed too. i really liked who i was before all of this. and getting back to who i was is more important than him. Link to comment
Me_alone Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 I'm glad you are feeling stronger today. Yes, get yourself back - be the woman who atracted him in the first place (not to attract him back of course!) because then he will see that in the greater scheme of the universe, he was inconsequential in your life. Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 yeah i feel good today. busy with work. looking great and not thinking about him so much! Link to comment
Dilly Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Isn't it nice to wake up in the morning in your own place, knowing that you have your life in front of you, that you can truly conquer the world? You have it all! Keep up the positive attitude. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Good morning, Ladies! I'm glad you are feeling well today Female! Link to comment
gumdrops_and_lollipops Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Hey Female...Please Please take it from me...It does get better and the "Power" returns...Got a text message from the "boy" at 6 am...Reminded me of I turned into the weak person...crying all the time...making my friends even avoid me...Yikes...Well now Im Beautiful again....I am in a professional job that requires me to deal with the public...At 5'10..being a redhead..people notice you when you look great...but more when you look...a mess....Its odd...I got a text message yesterday from on of my clients (young...and adorable) telling me that it was National Georgous Day!!! so he was sending me something... Said we should get together and have a few drinks...No plans on that...Just going to get back to time with kiddies...and family...Take it one day at a time and know that sometimes it gets worse before it gets way better... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Hey Female, Of course it will take time. These thing don't just go away overnight. We are all human. The important thing is that you recognize that you have control over your actions only and you are now exercising that control and it must feel good to do so. Keep up the good work! Link to comment
Mystical029 Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 gumdrops: Is there a post somewhere about your situation? I'm just curious, reading your brief postings here about it.... Link to comment
female1981 Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 hi everyone. well, i had a fantastic day at work! i really got in to it today, was very busy, chatting with people at work, feeling good about myself! i will probably be up most of tonight finishing a report unfortunately... oh well - such is life. i feel much better. of course i still think of him, of course i still wonder what might have been. but im in a better place. have no urge whatsoever to email him. it feels good! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Wooooohoooooooo!!!!!! Congrats to you for having a great day! Link to comment
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