Me_alone
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And you're not obsessive - just normal. You'd be a robot if you didnt think this way...
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Good luck for today. I know what you mean. I have barely made critical deadlines and am sitting on the computer, thinking of YOU KNOW WHO, when he is probably just relieved I am out of his life. I do feel really ridiculous. I miss him and his presense in my life even though it was pure torment. I was doing well a few days ago - and thought I was over him and the pain, but today, it's back to square one. All I can hope is that this despondency will soon pass. I know there will be highs and lows - when I'm in a low I tell myself the high is coming next... just something to look forward to...!! Hang in there - Ive been told it gets easier....let's keep our fingers crossed!
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That's funny!!!!
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Did I burn my bridges here....
Me_alone replied to chasen54's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Maybe you can unblock her, but refrain from checking up on her to see how she is getting on with New Guy. Never a good idea. -
Hi Female - glad you're feeling better today. I like reading your posts because you reflect exactly how I feel. Sometimes ashamed, sometimes angry, sometimes wistful sometimes positive...and most important, missing deadlines and projects just to think about the man who caused so much grief!! It helps to know I'm not alone! Anyway, I just wanted to say that you're definitely making progress. Just don't be hard on yourself. Some quotes that have helped me keep focus and are good to read when I feel low: 1 - Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. 2 - Be a master of change, not a victim of change 3- There is only one path to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will 4- Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders, some absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. 5- Tell whoever has sorrow, Grief shall not last; Just as joy has no tomorrow, Woe is bound not to last... All the best! Hang in there...
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You can only forgive him when you are ready to do so. And if you are never ready, that's his problem. I wouldn't stress myself out and upset myself to make someone like that feel better.
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Well, it's like this. He was 44 and had had several girlfriends before me. I was 28 when I started seeing him and had only had 1 serious boyfriend before that. So small stuff which was so special to me like calling just to hear his voice, or driving all the way to see him just because I felt like it, he'd just 'been there, done that', if you know what I mean. Even if he responded, it was in a slightly patronising way rather than at my level. Maybe it's different with your guy. I just think that the age gap between you is so HUGE at this point in time that you may miss out on 'growing up' because of this.
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Woah! You sure you want to get involved with a 40-year old when you are only 18? I was involved with a 44 year old, and I'm 30! And still there were moments when I felt that he had already 'done' what I had yet to experience and so didn't share with me at the level I wanted. What attracts you to this guy anyway?
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I'm glad you are feeling stronger today. Yes, get yourself back - be the woman who atracted him in the first place (not to attract him back of course!) because then he will see that in the greater scheme of the universe, he was inconsequential in your life.
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It sounds he wasn't very into you. First, who gives up everything for an on-off relationship? He broke up with you 10 times. You are clearly investing your efforts with the wrong person. You need to let go of him immediately. You are upset because it feels like rejection. And no-one likes that. We just keep trying to prove ourselves worthy, and it just gets worse if you are with the wrong person. Accept that he and you are not meant to be, don't try to rationalise it. There is no rationale. And then give yourself time to heal. The rest with fall in place.
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I know you are hurting. Hell, it's taking me SO MUCH SELF-CONTROL not to call/text the person who HURT me and USED me and MADE A FOOL OUT OF ME for TWO YEARS. Yes, I texted him 9 times the DAY he ended it VERY HORRIBLY and MALICIOUSLY, and then there was ONE FINAL call in which I told him exactly what I thought of his treatment and lies and cheating...And that's it...I know that contacting him will bring me NOTHING but misery, now or later. I still feel the urge to call him. But I just feel sad instead, sometimes I cry, sometimes I watch TV, sometimes I come here. But I don't call him. My point is, when you want to call, you will feel MISERABLE. But that is no reason to call. Feel the misery. It is a miserable situation. This man hasn't cheated on his wife with you, you havent been with him for years (you broke up with someone else only 10 months ago) and by not responding to you, he is clearly showing that he knows where his priorities are. And just be thankful he hasn't flung back accusations at you yet (like mine did). So salvage what you can, cut your losses and forget about contacting him. It should be a no-go zone from now. Just imagine it's impossible. He's migrated to Mars. IT CANNOT HAPPEN. And feel miserable if necessary. That's still better than what this could develop into if you keep emailing.
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If you are sure that you never want to see him again, I guess it's OK. After all, I made one final phonecall in which I told my ex in no uncertain terms what a jerk he was. But never contacted again... NOW if you contact, you realise you will look obsessive, weak and basically a pain. Not to be harsh, but if this email was the final door closing, opening it again will be AWFUL for you. Now just let it go.
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Hi female, I think you are doing really well, but agree with the rest that sending the email is just another way of establishing a 'bond' with him - which he doesnt want and you shouldn't want. And I agree...if you told him you love him and then never contact him again, that will not give HIM closure. He deserves that. But if you write to him coldly saying 'I don't want to be with you', he will probably pat himself on the back for being so righteous and not cheating on his wife and also teling the 'other woman' to back off clearly. I know guys like that. So don't give him closure. Just get on with your life and look and feel great next time you run into him. He'll be like...but wasn't she supposed to be crying, pining away....??? That will raise you sooo much in his eyes, no matter what he makes of you right now
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hello there. I do think that someone who is glorifying a prison inmate would be a morally ambivalent person. We are who we associate with, and if she is looking forward to associating with a criminal, that does reflect her own attitude towards morals and laws. You being a cop, particularly, are best staying away, I would suggest!
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Thanks, Batya and Ixtapa. I don't really know what drew me to him. Yes, it was exciting. I guess there was a challenge of the 'bad guy' wanting you and trying to see if you could keep him. But in the end, the game got really, really tiring. What in my drew me to him? Well, he was alot older, and gave the 'vibe' of being in control and assertive. He had an aura of responsibility and reliability. Actually he is out of control, demanding, crazy and unreliable. I guess because in all other areas of life I am quite a perfectionist and always striving hard and like to be in control, it just felt good to let go to someone who seemed stronger and assertive and that 'everything would still be ok'. I just wanted that feeling, I guess. But is that so bad?
