gumdrops_and_lollipops

WOW...Wanna know what struck me the most at what you just said...You arent counting the days without contact anymore...Good Girl...I got the impression that you are in your early to mid 20's. I just turned 40 and I wanted you to know something about me before this man. I met my "husband" when I was a child of 18. We dated for 7 years...attended a Major University in the US and then got married, and had 2 very well adjusted ..intelligent children..He is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I lost my Dad to cancer just over 4 years ago. My Mom made me the proxy and for almost 3 years, my life was dedicated to him LIVING. In a way I feel like I have failed her and my Dad...Thats what forced me into the arms of another man..Dont feel sad for me...I know that this man loved me and when I said lies...It wasnt in how I felt about his feelings...I think that we both got stuck in loving 2 people..and in all reality..that can never be for anyone...Will I ever see him again...I think that I will..but like I told him..the obsession isnt there anymore...I almost jeopordized my career and life over all of this...Please believe that altho you may think that he "care" about you..Im sure that he did...but not in the way that you cared about him..Like spoken by man intelligent people in this forum..Actions speak so much more that a spoken word...Just remember that we can all tell you to "Move On" but its going to take you not giving a damn what he thinks that is going to let you truly make that step...Talk to me anytime that you feel down..because its going to happen..just be prepared..Good luck Hun!

Hello Again Female. I had to play catchup for the last few days because I have been so busy with work. I quickly read what you posted and the responses to some of your actions. Please let me say one thing. I was in the same situation that you are in but mine lasted over 2 years. I thought that it recently ended after he refused to speak to me for almost 6 weeks. I told you that the last time I saw him was for me to tell him that I was going to take a step back and concentrate on other things I was dealing with in my life. He asked me to not step back to far. Later that night I drove an hour and half one way to see him and tell him that altho I cared about him...we needed space...Out of the blue he pulled me aside and told me that he was leaving his wife and that I was going to be part of his life soon...I was shocked and said Nothing. Well..I was hooked again...Strange thing was after that night he called me a week later...then stopped calling all together...I was like you..Mixed bag of emotions...Why? Frustrated at the silence...Hurt...Angry...Missing him..Hating him...This man had told me from day one that he was "separated" until the night that his wife got my # off his phone and called me...Asking me if I knew him and that she thought he was having an "Affair". I confronted him and he told me that he didnt want to be with her..and knew I wouldnt be with him if he told me that he was married. He asked me to "Wait"...Well honey...that was a year and half ago. So bringing everything up to present. He is talking to me again via Instant Message...Asked me to call him once..first time in 8 weeks. Keep in mind this man called me 10 times a day...Told me that he wants to be with me again...but that his life is so f'ed up that he doesnt want to drag me down with him...I have caught him in alot of LIES, but didnt want to hurt his feelings confronting him about them. Wanna know how I feel now about this man...It sickens me...How can you expect a man to be honest with you when he cant even be honest with his WIFE!...I made a promise to this person that I would never call him wife about what has happened between us. Its not my place to do that. I talked to my Mom about this last night and I have NO RIGHT telling his wife anything. I said that I feel sorry for her, and my Moms response...Keep in mind that she is not accepting of my actions...But she told me that I only feel sorry for her now because I was feeling sorry for MYSELF...If I gave a damn about her feelings I would have walked away long time ago. You know hes married and that he is a cheater...Hes going to end up hanging himself in the end...So take a step back and let that happen. Because someone once told me that if I threatened him...He would react like a trap animal and who knows what would happen... I think that you are obsessing and that you really need to stop. I wish you luck from a person who has been there and lost 2 years of her life, to a game of a married man. Best Of Luck

Hey Female...Please Please take it from me...It does get better and the "Power" returns...Got a text message from the "boy" at 6 am...Reminded me of I turned into the weak person...crying all the time...making my friends even avoid me...Yikes...Well now Im Beautiful again....I am in a professional job that requires me to deal with the public...At 5'10..being a redhead..people notice you when you look great...but more when you look...a mess....Its odd...I got a text message yesterday from on of my clients (young...and adorable) telling me that it was National Georgous Day!!! so he was sending me something... Said we should get together and have a few drinks...No plans on that...Just going to get back to time with kiddies...and family...Take it one day at a time and know that sometimes it gets worse before it gets way better...

Ive been skimming through all the posts since reading them last night...WOW...so many...I just want to say that I was experiencing the exact same thing that female has been dealing with...No one knows how long it takes to mend a broken heart...No matter what any of us tell her..she is going to see the "good" in this man until she stops caring what he thinks...My affair texted me for the last 3 days..Today he told me that he is "Confused about what I want"..After I told him that I was going to start dating again...OMFG I have been telling him the same thing (that I want to be with him) for the last 6 weeks since he stopped phone conversations with me...I finally told him today that I would like to see him again sometime, but that I am NOT obsessed with him anymore...and that I have stopped overthinking and taking 1 day at a time...Its funny...because he told me that he "Isnt opposed to seeing me again". A great friend of mine told me today that she was glad that I stopped telling him how much he was hurting me...because it would make him think that he didnt matter enough to get to me...I agree ....Telling him in emails that you are hurting, only give him more power because he knows that he is "getting to you" For me...stopping the emails...phone calls and texts gave me back the "Power"...Now he wants me...and I couldnt careless.... You will truly be able to move on...when you stop caring about what he thinks...Not one second before that... A special thanks to Bethany...Its amazing how a person half a world away helped ease my Heartache....She gave it to me straight...No sugar coating....Luv Ya Girlfriend...

Hiya Female, Guess what happened to me today...Yep you guessed it...I got a text message from "HIM". It was kinda odd...I had picked my son up at school and decided to stop at the bowling alley to see Grandma....Well..I came out after leaving my phone in the car and it had a message from him..Oooo let me rewind for a minute...I asked him Monday how he weeked was going since he messaged me the night of my birthday...I got a text at 6 am this morning...Anyhow...I sent something back to him and this went on for 4 hours plus...Not continuous but I enough that I thought to myself..hmmmmm...Why all of a sudden is he worrying about me. Well my friend called me and reminded me that it was because the roles had been reversed...I didnt care about what he was doing anymore and he knew it...He told me that he knew that I had "moved on" and that I "deserved" to be happy...He also told me that "why would you want me around when all I did was screw up your life and give you aggrevation"...OMFG...He said that he hadnt moved on...just out of the way because he couldnt leave where he was right now and didnt want to give me false hope...Phew....Im so much stronger now...Dont get me wrong..its been 2 years for us and I do love him..but I am strong enough to let go...My point is that the less you show him any attention...the more its going to make him wonder why...I feel 100% better now that I am in the drivers seat...Wink wink...Good luck! Trust me...I was were you are...10 times worse just a couple of weeks ago...

Hi Heart, Was thinking about you today and glad to see that you are doing better. Things are going better for me as well...Just celebrated my 40th Birthday...and for some reason got a new attitude with it. I have decided too that ending things with my affair is what I want...Not just what I should do....I have spent time talking to many supportive friends who have made me see things that I didnt want to see. My friend just told me first off ... he was cheating on his wife while he was * * * *ing you ... what kind of morals does someone have to do that???? Like everyone keeps telling me....I was lied to, manipulated and made to believe that someone cared about me enough to leave his wife...when if fact it was all a game..I think much more of myself and I am now ANGRY that his person felt he could F with me. Im taking my life back...Thing is that these skuzbag men know how to pull the heart string and pop up at anytime its convenient to them...Be ANGRY!!!! These men only have the "Power" that we allow them to have. Think about it...they cant even be honest with their "wives" what makes you think that they are going to be honest to you. It shouldnt be something that is so debilitating that it affects our lives this much ladies...Because you can bet that they arent being affected in the least. I have an 11 year old who asked me something about love the other day and why someone stays with someone instead of breaking up when they are being treated poorly...Think about it...Shes 11...we are adults...Shouldnt we know better...Shes going to have her heartbroken soon enough...Shes deserves a Mom that is going to be there for her...Not one that is debiliated and depressed over some silly love affair of her own. Take Care and Continue on the road to Mental Health!

Good Evening Ladies, Well first I want everyone to know that I made it through the "Black Birthday"...40 that is...Last night I spent the evening with my Husband...2 Children and my God Child at the movies...Anyone see "Open Season"...Dinner was popcorn and soda because the wait time at Applebees was 35 plus minutes...I have to say that I had an Amazing Night...Gotta tell you that I got a text message from the "Guy" on my way there...Said he was sorry..What a moron he is...For the first time on over 26 months I didnt care what he had to say. When I last left I was on my way out...Female...I know that we all handle heartache differently..Altho, I have handled it exactly as you are now....Constant calls..emails...text messages...Getting nothing back..from a man who called me 10 times a day...Asking me if I didnt answer if he was "being replaced...and telling me that he "felt soooo neglected". I can finally admit that yes, this man had feelings for me...maybe even Loved me...but not like a man is going to love you that is "single" I thought that constant contact was going to make him not forget me and rethink it over...Feeling bad...Nope...He thought that I was some wacko im sure...pathetic and weak...when in fact I am the much stronger person of the two, who in fact can get over this much quicker and have a better life. But Im ramblin here....What my point is Female...is that what you are feeling is normal...I will tell you that I was intimate with this guy on many occasions over the course of 2 years...only because I trusted him...and believed him...So now when he thinks that I am able to move on ...telling him the other day that I am OVER HIM...he messages me...Who is the weak one here? Married men want the EGO BOOST...Like Juliana said...see someone else, and get joy out of him seeing that you are the stronger one...Bethany said once in my post that ...calling and emailing made you look weak and desperate...Thats what finally made me pull myself out of the picture and take a look...Im going to start fresh from here...Altho, there is so much that I want to say to this IDIOT...I have called him Coward and it seems to hit a nerve..Why because if it wasnt the truth ...it wouoldnt bother him...Oh well Ladies...Im going to have pizza and cake with my lil ones...Take Care all and thanks to Bethany...Sad...Doyathink..Annie..and all the other ladies who gave me great advice...Muahzzzzz

Female, As Bethany, Sad and a few other know..you and I are in the same boat. For me tho mine has gone on for over 2 years with alot of broekn promises...I could recap all the events but what is the purpose. Just compounding the problem. For me today is my Birthday and I said that if I didnt hear from him today that I was going to move past him forever. Well...low and behold I got a messenger text message on my phone...It said "just got all your messages when I looked at my phone this morning..happy birthday". I responded back to 2 minutes later and guess what..Got nothing. Please take it from a person who has been through all this... Contact only makes it much worse...I feel like an * * * now thinking about how many times I tried to talk to him and he refused to answer...Dont bring yourself down to that level...Gotta go to dinner...Talk more later!

Well I got an email back from the guy that I have been seeing...He refuses to talk to me in person or on the phone...here is what he wrote back to me when I asked him why he isnt answering me and he said..Because I dont know. As far as I dont know, I meant i dont know if i wanted to say goodbye. I am devoting all my attention where it needs to be. I cared about you which is why it pisses me off so much when you call me a coward, piece of * * * *, etc etc. (Note: never calle him a piece of * * * *) And sorry I took away 2 years from your life. I guess me avoiding you made it so i didnt have to say goodbye or deal with what bothered me. Wrong on my part but my life sucks and i just wish i could crawl in a hole and avoid everyone. Does it want it to be goodbye...So vague and confusing to me .. Let me know what you think

Its ok...you really havent done anything wrong tho. I told you that the guy I was seeing called me Jeckyl and Hyde...But the difference was that for me...a history of 2 years being there for him..never loosing my cool ...It all comes down to him thinking that I am wacko. I have known about his wife for a year and half. I told him that I would never be revengeful and call her. I think that he took that and ran with it...Stupid me...I kept asking him up to last week WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME!!! He still wont and at this point I have stopped trying. Something that you need to know about me is that I am married too. And that I was going to give up everything I had for NOTHING. I know it all sounds so confusing, but as much as you hate to admit it...same as I did...They just didnt care about us like we did about them. Constant email and phone calls is only pushing him away..Oh and I played the I will move on with someone else game...Didnt work...

CanI just ask you something personal. What have you sent in your emails to him and has he responded at all?

Female1981, It so hard to read what you are telling us because I have been there and in some sense I still am. If I was 100% over him I wouldnt be here this morning. But we just need to face the fact that ...they deceived us about being married to benefit themselves. Not taking into consideration who they would be hurting in the process. You have to stop making excuses for him..telling us that he is different...If he was a good person he wouldnt have gotten involved with you on any level outside of the office. You need to STOP thinking that this guy is something so special. If he was a good person he would take you aside and tell you that he has made bad choices and that he is SORRY...and let walk away. Also you arent an idiot for calling him and emailing him. You cared about him and you want answers. All part of being human.

Female1981, Everything that you are feeling and telling us is mirrored of what I have been dealing with. Thanks to Bethany and doyathink I am feeling better about letting go. When you said...." I guess what I want deep down is for him to come to me, say that he wants to talk about things and for him to confess that he has been feeling the same way as me." and "In fact, when I asked him to tell me to stop if thats what he wanted, why did he not do so? Why did he and does he keep ignoring me? That's what I hate. That's what hurts more than anything... to be ignored". I have asked myself that a MILLION times...for me the difference is that this man pretended that he wanted something much more with me. I wanted to walk away a few times and he said NO NO NO..."Wait for me"..Honey...you have to just accept that you arent going to get any answers. When my affair thinks that I am going to move on and find someone else ...he contacts me...Its a control issue...I hate the cliche ..Have your cake and eat it too..Is a BS...LAME...COWARD excuse for these men...Think how you are feeling now...I have NC after 2 years of everyday routine...I know Exactly what you are feeling and honestly until I realized it myself no one could tell me.. I made excuses..And as for the email with all his "problems" When I told mine that he had 5 days to contact me or it was over...I got an email the following day telling me that He was working 2 jobs...Financially broke...his wife had breast cancer...father had lung tumor...How his life SUCKED...Shall I go on...Was he trying to make me feel guilty and not leave him so that he wouldnt loose the Fantasyland? I wish that you find Peace..Just know that its not going to come right away..Dont let him control your life.

Hello Female1981, I have posted on other area in Infidelity about a man that I met in a chat room over 2 YEARS AGO...Listen to what I just said...2 YEARS of being with a man who for the first 9 months told me that he was "separated". Like you, I fell head over heels for. Last month after him telling me "Im leaving my wife, You will be part of my world soon" he started slacking off on the phone calls. But I dont feel its GUILT related. Men love the excitement of "cheating"...they look for the EGO BOOST.... Do yourself a favor and dont get more involved than you already are..Because like Bethany said. It's so easy to fall into this trap i.e. worrying about what you have said or done, then trying to correct it by doing it again but differently, changing your words to make it better for you, explaining this or that and the reason you have done it. It's so so easy. Ive been there just recently trying to get him to tell me that its OVER...For some reason this man wont give me an answer because like friends say...He wants you on the SIDE..hes never leaving his wife...He refuses to answer my calls or emails and said that I was a Jeckyl and Hyde and its to stressing to talk to me...Well when someone IGNORES you...and strings out your emotions its hard not to feel desperate. I wont humilarte myself anymore with all the phone calls and emails. You have to be strong because he is going to call you again...for the "EGO BOOST"...nothing more....I know from experience... Good Luck!

Ive been reading what everyone has to say about NC, and im not sure that its something that works for everyone. What I find so hard to understand is why 2 people that are mature enough to enter into a relationship and are able to talk, just cant sit down and talk things out...no matter what the outcome is going to be. For me I had been seeing someone over 2 years. Granted it was a LD relationship we spoke everyday...sometimes 5 or more times. Then all of a sudden things just changed. Not that we had a fight or anything like that...I mean just changed. I wanted him to just step up to the plate and tell me that it was over. I have asked him a number of times and he wont tell me YES or NO. I dont want to do the NC so that I have to sit home...wondering the reason WHY and not being able to have him give me a reason. Makes you have to sit and stew on it...while they take the easy way out...Cowardly and you have to admit that sitting back and not saying what you really feel to them is down right FrUsTrAtInG!!!!! I didnt have the time to sit through all the posts but I ask a question to everyone...What do you do when he/she calls you? I got the silent treatment for almost a month from him and then one night I get an "Im sorry...just been real busy..havent checked messenger in 2 days" BS this is a man that has 2 phones bolted to his side....with mobile messenger...I didnt answer and got "Ok...guess ur not gonna answer me" Taste of his own med...Grrrr...Cant figure it out anymore....

Just a quick note...I agree with rightfromthestart...For me NC just means sitting home and trying to figure out the whys and whatever elses. I was seeing this guy for over 2 years LD and then one day he decides not to talk to me..No its over...not a phone call...NOTHING. So I think that NC will bug him and make him respond...Nope...Nothing until he was good and ready one night and sent me an Im sorry..been busy message on my phone. I dont want the NC...email text BS ...Grow up and talk like 2 intelligent adults...Say what you need to say and MOVE ON!!!

You wanna know what I hate...When people think its cute to mess with other peoples emotions. I have been seeing this guy for over 2 years...He told me that he was SINGLE...turned out to be wrong. Anyhow...he a COWARD because he wont answer calls or respond to me in anyway when I ask him flatout if its over. He had the nerve to tell me that I am a Jeckyl and Hyde because my messages to him keep changing. Well how is a person suppose to feel when they are being ignored and mistreated by someone. Its frustrating. So I understand where his anger is coming from. Like right said...Grow up and act like adults...If you have no interest in this person...dont even put "friends" out there...Just tell him its over and let it be done.

Human and Helpless, I am in noway qualified to be giving anyone advice but I would like to share my story with you very quickly. I have been with the same man for 20 years ..married 13...I know exactly what you are both going through. But for me I am in a bigger situation that just falling out of love with my husband...who also is the worlds greatest father..partner and MAN. Feelings of not wanting him touching or kissing me is also what I feel. I however met somone on the internet over 2 years ago and its been misery. Yea it first it was HOT and Exciting...but feelings for him developed. Well..here I am 2 years later trying to put some closure on this person who refuses to speak to me as an adult and tell me that its over. Doesnt matter what kind of person he is...What matters is that he lied to me about a future and I bought into it...hook line and sinker...My advice to you...Focus on kids...jobs and other things until your can get back to whats important. For me it was to late and I am left with hurt feelings and a loss of myself to someone who in the end didnt give 2 S***ts about me. Because in the end my husband..knowing that I was with another man...supports me and loves me to the very end. Please read my story in brief...Married Men...Cowardly Lies!

Heart...I have been looking for you and trying to email you...Please get in touch with me when you come on...Thanks Gummy!

Hi Hesinmyheart, I just popped on to see how things are progressing for you. Its strange, but I think about you often. Last week I decided that I needed to just take a break from my affair because it seems to drain me so much mentally. Isnt it Ironic how something that tears us up so much, is something that we cant let go of. Well I tried to stop talking to my "friend". I was successful for 4 days until he messaged me to ask if I was ignoring him. I felt like I needed to reply "Yes I was, but because I felt we needed a break". It was hard because I dont want to let go, I just want a decision because I cant continue in limbo for much longer. It was strange tho that he seemed to turn the tables on me, making it seem like I was letting go for no reason. What does this man want from me?