Am I wrong but is she being unreasonable

[Michael555]

Along with the a previous post on eNotAlone, what do you guys think of this email conversation she and I had this morning?

 

Girlfriend: Why are you just getting into work?

 

 

Response: On my way in Peter(my supervisor) called, He asked if I could stop and help one of our older co-workers that just got a flat tire and was stuck on the side of the

road so he asked me to go and help change the tire since he knew I was in the area.

 

Girlfriend: Why are you doing this , that isn’t your job? Do any of these know about AAA? I I wouldn't continue doing that. I know you want to be part of the team at work, but I think this is over the top.

[rmpavlock]

Hmmmm....is it over the top what they are making you do at work? Do they make you do extra things that aren't part of the job often? If not, then what does it matter to her if you decided to help someone? And what's up with her swearing like that? I'm definitely not a fan of that. It's completely unnecessary.

[southerngirl]

If your on company time, and dont have a personal problem with helping out a coworker whats the big deal?

 

It would be a nice thing to do.

[ImThatGirl]

Wow!

 

Why would she be so upset about this?

 

Have you complained about too many expectations at work? If so, maybe she's responding as "support" to your thoughts on it?

[DN]

Having read your previous thread I reiterate my advice given then - I think you should leave her. She has no respect for boundaries and is trying to control you. She hasn't learned anything from your talk before and I doubt she ever will.

[BellaDonna]

Girlfriend: Why are you doing this , that isn’t your job? Do any of these know about AAA? I I wouldn't continue doing that. I know you want to be part of the team at work, but I think this is over the top.

 

That seems like a very heated response to a very neutral topic. You were helping out another person, and that is your decision. What does she care? My first response to someone like that would be "MYOB, and don't give your opinion unless I ask for it".

 

It's not her job to be the AAA police.

 

She also seems to be keeping you on a short leash....

 

This sounds like an unhealthy situation for you.

 

BellaDonna

[Honey Pumpkin]

Don't understand why she's talking to you like that, to be honest; if it's done because you have been complaining, and she's trying to be supportive. But to be honest, it just reads like she's shouting at you - and agree with rmpavlock, what is *with* the swearing?

 

To be honest, if someone spoke to me like that I would be out of there. It's pretty horrible. But is she nice the rest of the time?

[rmpavlock]

Does she talk like that to you a lot?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Wow, thats a pretty trivial thing to blow up over. Does she have control issues? Not like control over you thing, but control of her emotions and anger? There are ways to express yourself withont swearing and being nasty and of all people your partner should respect you enough not to swear at you like a sailor. That would give me serious doubts as to whether I felt comfortable being with this person for an extended time.

[DN]

In a previous thread about her you mentioned that she said:

and in our last argument I am not happy with her telling me that she believes my mother (who has a medical illness history longer than any AMA publication, she is doing better now) is faking her current condition, also she hates my sisters, and if we were married I would not be able to help my family members if needed(just random stuff-moving boxes, simple home repair etc) we even had one argument over the phone because I asked her to let me call her back because I wanted to go back into my mothers hospital room to say good luck to her before the orderly rolled her away to have some test done......her argument was I just saw the woman, why do I need to see her again before she has some "f-ing" test done.

 

I put in bold the more outrageous stuff.

 

Sounds to me as if she is doing exactly the same thing. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

[shes2smart]

Having read your previous thread I reiterate my advice given then - I think you should leave her. She has no respect for boundaries and is trying to control you. She hasn't learned anything from your talk before and I doubt she ever will.

 

I have also read your previous threads and agree with DN.

 

Relationships really don't need to be THAT hard. The words that kept coming to my mind as I read your previous threads were, "controlling shrew." Unless you like constant bickering/arguing, it might be time to move on.

 

But to answer your question, the conversation you posted here is over the top. Whatever concerns she's got for your job duties or what you are being asked to do could've been expressed in a much more respectful, tactful and caring way than what you've posted.

[renaissancewoman101]

This person has no empathy for others and sounds extremely controlling. You know from her attitude if you stay with her, what you are in for. She wont let you out to do anything, even stuff as innocuous as helping your family. She sounds like she wants to have you on a short leash or else keep you in a "prison" of her making.

 

I would not stick around with someone like this, who was so controlling.

[itsallgrand]

Wow. She is coming accross as a very angry person.

I would take her warnings seriously. Lad, you must be exhausted from her!

DN has some strong points there.

 

p.s. Glad to hear your mom is doing better.

[OceanEyes]

I don't see why she found the need to offer her $0.02 about this matter. She's angry about something else and is finding reasons to get upset with you.

[SeaBisquit]

she's jealous that you are doing things to help other people and not spending all your time doing stuff for her.

[MollyElise]

That is a ridiculous response. You deserve someone who would be proud of you for helping a person in need. Especially its not like you got in trouble at work or sumthin. The only way I could see this being slightly appropriate is if you get alot of disrespect at your job and they seem to always be sending you off to do things instead of letting you focus on your job... but even then, not her place.

 

Doesnt' sound like a relationship I would want to be in.

[Michael555]

No, thats not the case at all, My boss is a VP and a friend and I am a senior level........I was just in the area where the co-worker broke down, thats why he called me!

[Bethany]

What are you thnking of, being talked to like that? The very fact she will not allow you to do this or that, especially where your family is concerns, are big red flags. I don't see how a woman like this is going to learn or change until she has had the 'control' of you taken away from her.

 

If someone talked to me in that way or told me what I can and cannot do especially where my famiy are concerned, bad mouthed me, nagged me, treated me with such disrespect, insulted my mother and insulted me etc the way she does you then I would have no option but to walk away.

 

You have allowed her to treat you this way, this has become the norm for you both and nothing will change until you do. Don't put up with this any longer, she is a walking, talking disgrace. Stand up and walk away.

[Michael555]

Her typical response to this would be, 1) It was an email and I was attributing to her a negative tone and that wouldn't have been the way she meant it, or 2) why am I taking someone elses side or 3) I didn't mean anything by it and why am I taking this so seriously.......

[Bethany]

But you know as well as I do that that is just not true and she really did mean it.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who treats you like dirt and then manipulates you?

[need2bme]

That seems like a very heated response to a very neutral topic. You were helping out another person, and that is your decision. What does she care? My first response to someone like that would be "MYOB, and don't give your opinion unless I ask for it".

 

Written by BellaDonna and too true. It is a NEUTRAL topic and who gives a CRAP? I would think she should think more highly of you for it.

 

LOSE HER, DANG IT! You know you SHOULD!