living alone

[hockeyboy]

I guess this post is meant to both help some people and ask a question at the same time.

 

Over two years ago, I was devastated over a breakup. Being alone was the worse thing in the world, this is what brought me to enotalone. I guess some of you may know me, but because I haven't been posting on here a whole lot anymore, a lot of the newer people don't know me at all.

 

Well, eventually I healed from the pain. I ended up moving into the city where I now live with 4 roommates. I would have never met all these friends if I had not broken up with my ex. I'm extremely thankful that I met all these guys, because while I have my friends from home, these newer friends are more like me in a lot of way. Generally, I'm happier doing the things we all do, then I ever was when I lived at home. It's just a whole different world. So when people say that everything happens for a reason….it's true. The breakup that crushed me was actually a blessing in disguise.

 

Now I'm starting to think about my next move. I think I'll stay in the city for another year or so, but I'm starting to think about what I want to do next. I've been thinking about moving into my own place, with no roommates. I'm wondering, for those who live by themselves, how do you like it? Like I said, I live with roommates now and enjoy it, but I think I could also use some time to live on my own. I'm just a little worried that I would move in and realize I hate not having friends around. Any thoughts?

[allein]

Well, except for the lonliness I am reeling in due to a break up, I love living alone. If you are in a healthy state of mind, it's the best. You don't have to compromise. You can be totally selfish for once in your life. It's nice. But when you are not in a healthy mental state, living alone can feed what ails u.

[doyathink]

Living alone can be ...well, lonely! At the same time it's your place to do as you wish without having to think of the needs of others.

[Jayar]

First of all, the fact that your break up was a blessing in disguise is very inspirational to me. I am going through a very difficult situation right now, and I haven't yet had the opportunity to really see the light as you seem to have by now... I keep hoping I will soon.

 

I do live on my own and I LOVE it!!! At times it's a little lonely, and I had actually thought about getting a roomie so that I WOULDN'T be so alone. But then I realized that there will always be social activities, and my family. My suggestion for you is to make sure you have at least a futon for an out of town friend. It can be nice to have people stay over. And perhaps, if you're a pet person at all, get a cat or a dog. It helps take some of the edge off the loneliness.

 

The perks of living completely on your own are numerous.

[RayKay]

I lived alone for about 4ish years, and have to say, it was awesome. I really honestly recommend anyone do so BEFORE they live with a partner, because it really is an experience you can't just "fake" - it really does teach you a lot about independence, self reliance, and about your own "ability" overall. Just as an informal observation, but those people I see whom have experience living on their own first, tend to also have better success in their relationships and so on...of course there are variances either way, but I really think it helps build that healthy independence & individuality.

[renaissancewoman101]

I've lived alone for over 10 years and I love it a lot. Maybe TOO much. I do want to find a guy to share my life with and live with me, maybe, down the road, but I do find it hard to actually think about living with someone. It is great to be able to do what I want, have things the way I want, etc., without having to worry about someone else. It does get lonely sometimes, but that is why one should cultivate friendships so as to be able to go out and do things with friends, or alone even.

 

Also, having pets (guinea pigs) does help in the loneliness dept. It is great to come home to an empty apt and hear the piggies chirping as I come in the door.

[Scout]

Hey Hockeyboy...well, when you have room-mates (especially four!), you probably never have much peace and quiet. When you live by yourself, you can have people over when you want to socialize, or choose not to for the times you want to spend in your own company...or in the company of a boyfriend/girlfriend!

 

You're also inspired to make your place your own "little nest." It's nice, really, it kind of releases your creative outlet a bit to decorate your place the way you want to. You can listen to whatever music you want to, watch whatever movie you want to, walk around in whatever you feel like wearing (or not wearing)...you just have a lot more freedom to be comfortable with your own company.

[Scout]

it really is an experience you can't just "fake" - it really does teach you a lot about independence, self reliance, and about your own "ability" overall.

 

Yeah, it basically helps you get very well-acquainted with yourself. If you don't really know "who you are" - well, living by yourself is a great way to find out.

[NJRon]

I suggest living in every different situation you can while you have the chance... they all teach you different things about yourself.

[shes2smart]

I loved living alone. Living alone affords you a kind of freedom you don't have when you're living with roommates or an SO/spouse or kids.

 

You wanna walk around naked all the time? Fine, no problem

 

You wanna wear the same ratty old stinky t-shirt to bed for the 15th night in a row? Sure.

 

You wanna stay in the shower until all the hot water is gone? No one's complainin'

 

A bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner? Great, that's just one bowl and one spoon to wash.

 

You wanna listen to that Menudo CD for the 12th time in a row? Hit repeat and let's go.

 

You wanna decorate the walls with posters and pictures of kitties and bunnies? Beautiful.

 

I think you get the point. You will NEVER have that kind of freedom once you're living under the same roof with another person. Savor it, treasure it, and enjoy it to the fullest while you have it.

[itsallgrand]

I lived alone for about 4ish years, and have to say, it was awesome. I really honestly recommend anyone do so BEFORE they live with a partner, because it really is an experience you can't just "fake" - it really does teach you a lot about independence, self reliance, and about your own "ability" overall. Just as an informal observation, but those people I see whom have experience living on their own first, tend to also have better success in their relationships and so on...of course there are variances either way, but I really think it helps build that healthy independence & individuality.

 

That's what I was gonna say!

 

It's actually one of my prerequisites in a partner- he has to have lived alone. Why?

Because once you live alone, you truly learn what it means to rely on yourself. You see your own patterns, how you cope with loneliness and solitude.

You're less likely to fall into excuses for not being strong in a relationship: you know you can leave, no 'but it's so expensive, i have to wait for a roomate, what will happen? I don't want to be alone.' How many times have we all seen this - even from grown-ups!

Walking into a man's place (if he lives alone), you can really get a sense about him. If he has roomies: it's not the same.

 

What I like about living alone is not having to comprimise. It's a rare retreat. If I don't want to see people - I don't. When people come over to visit - it is bc I really want to see them. My home is my solace and I set the rules. I've learned how to do things I probably never would have learned if someone else was around.

[WorkNProgress]

WOW! Now you took the words right out of my mouth. I think this is a great indicator on how self reliant a person is. If they have never lived by themself its like they never took that first step into adulthood.

[Wimpy]

Hey Hockeyboy

 

How crazy is that...I was just wondering the other day how you were getting on - I've no idea what prompted the thought but hey ho here you are posting.

 

I don't post much myself but I do keep an eye on things.

 

I am a GREAT fan of living alone. It's absolutely great to have your own place for most of the reasons already stated. If you want friends over you make plans to have them over.

 

Personally I think having no competition for the remote control is brill

 

And hey here it is 11.10pm - I'm just in from the gym where I had a chat with some friends and a good workout - and no-one's complaining about "where have you been"?????

 

I'm also doing a spot of decorating which has become a little more complicated due to some extra work required...no-one's complaining about the mess in the room

 

IMHO everything has it's advantages/disadvantages. Yeah there are downsides but why focus on those? The upside is great.

 

Look after yourself and nice to see you posting and so much moved forward.

[hockeyboy]

There is a lot of reasons why I like living with my friends, we just have a lot of fun in general and we all get along great.

 

However, sometimes I just crave my alone time. Getting home from a long day at work, sometimes I just wish there wasnt other people there already. Hockey has started back up for me too. Sometimes I have to get up around 6am on saturday mornings. I dont mind, but its hard when your friends are up and loud till 2am.

 

Overall, I think I'm happy where I am right now, but the older I get, the calmer I'm getting. Partying thurs thru sun is no longer an option. I still have fun, but I spread it out doing different things. Another year and I think I'll be ready to leave the city. Thanks all for your advice, you all made good points and made me feel better about this decision.

[Chibby33]

I'll tell you this. When you've lived alone then have a partner move in with you, i guarantee that you will miss having the place to yourself. When my fiance left, I felt so alone in a large house - went so close to selling it. But then I realized I dont have to adjust to anyone - it's my domain, every corner of it. Am fortunate to share it with my lil daughter so i'm really not that alone (tired of watching Disney Channel though).