I've gotten into his email accounts....

[Goldfish6888]

Okay this is subsequent to previous threads about my long distance relationship. He was staying in my apartment with me Nov 05 and obviously must have been using my laptop to chat on MSN Chat. For when I downloaded MSN Chat last week onto my laptop - it automatically defaulted to the previous user. And hey, presto, it was his username and password! Obviously it had been stored on my hard drive. curiosity got the better of me and now I've discovered, way, way, way too much about my ex. I have done a few things now, using this information, that I am not sure about - like getting into his other mail accounts.....and basically i know all there is to know about the guy. 1) had long term g/f 2) Kept telling her he was going to marry her and have her babies, whilst simultaneously telling me he missed me terribly 3) had numerous other flings with lots of girls 4) his contact list on MSN Chat read like a chatroom 5) He is not the nice tender, thoughtful guy that came accross in his emails - he is a self centred, almost pathological liar, who appears to believe his own lies 6) Tells girls what they want to hear.

 

I feel bad as its not like me to snoop, but it was on my laptop and I accidentally only came accross it. It has been lying in my PC since last Nov. I want to delete it all, But I find myself addicted to the contents....its like watching a reality show.....Help! It has helped me get over him though.

[JJRadical]

Alas...at least the Eifel Tower still stands...what do you need help with sounds like everything is well in hand hmmm?

[RayKay]

I suggest you do get rid of it all, and delete it. You know now the truth, and I think re-reading it is only going to make the pain worse, and prevent the next step (you know, the one where you thank your lucky stars he is out of your life so you have room for someone whom IS truly honest and is whom they say they are!).

 

You don't need that toxicity in your life anymore.

[Caterina]

Even if it was wrong to do it, now you know what kind of person he was. QUickly delete his stuff and run away from any contact with him as fast as you can! Its probably better not to let him know that you know.

[Goldfish6888]

I know. I would like to delete it. but I somehow can't. Luckily my internet connection is now down for a couple of weeks, so I can't go online. But the prob is I now know his passwords - I can get in there anytime I want. Even if I do delete it from my machine. Oh, I can't believe an individual lies so much to others and ultimately to himself. I find it extraordinary and thats why I've been addicted to it. Do you think he will know I've been in there? As far as he is concerned, I live in another country, he stayed with me last year....and deleted all content from my machine......( he had deleted all internet history before he left) That was a red flag I should have spotted. So how is he ever going to know...someone 3500 miles away has been in there?

[stolenshadow]

Oh, that's awful, what a shocking discovery, I hope you don't feel too bad after all you read.

 

So, if you don't want to delete things and passwords then fine, but it can be very difficult to control your impulses, you can end up with a habit of checking his accounts just to see "what else" appears.

 

You already know enough, there might be other things, millions of others, but that info won't change anything in your life, so, just grab everything, including the messenger program(s) and put it all in the same place with a password and outside of your computer.

Remove everything related to him, you don't really need to be reminded of what happened.

 

And I don't think he left that info on purpose, he will surely keep thinking he erased all "evidence", but, what's important now is that you can eventually leave behind your experience with this guy.

[Balbina]

You accidentally came accross it, but you very knowingly snooped through his other things. You knew you very invading his privacy and yet you went the extra steps to snoop some more.

 

Confronting him about it would be a very bad idea as it would totally turn against you. I would try to seriously forget everything you read and consider dumping him - yes, snooping was bad on your part, but you've discovered things that are BIG RED FLAGS.

[crvers]

I suggest you do get rid of it all, and delete it. You know now the truth, and I think re-reading it is only going to make the pain worse, and prevent the next step (you know, the one where you thank your lucky stars he is out of your life so you have room for someone whom IS truly honest and is whom they say they are!).

 

 

Raykay has it on the mark. Now that all the lies have been brought to light, now its time to discard them from your life. Knowing these truths will help moving forward be easier. Your mind won't be able to play the "our life could've been so perfect if we stayed together" since you know parts of it were a lie.

 

Just don't base the result of this relationship on the next.

 

"Because your ex was a bad apple, doesn't mean the whole barrell is rotten"

 

Good Luck.

[robowarrior]

Virtual truth is not always the real truth, Sometimes its definitly true,but i really think you should add a grain of salt to internet content tho. And especially if you already are broken up with this guy, what is it to you? Discard it and move on with your life.

[coollady1957]

I agree with the deleting it and just try to forget about it. You are parted ways now, so keep it that way and just move on .

[Netguy]

I agree with the deleting it and just try to forget about it. You are parted ways now, so keep it that way and just move on .

 

Im also agreeing here. You wanted out before you knew any of this, so it shouldnt change anything. No reason to dwell on it. If you have trouble staying away from it, try running your restore disk. You will have to reinstall whatever you added, but any trace of him will be gone

[saltwatergirl]

Yes, nothing like witnessing blatant lies, and loosing total respect for someone, to push you along the way to getting over them.

 

I disagree with the post above about not putting much stock into internet things. What he did was wrong, and it progresses in all sorts of terrible directions, trust me, you dont want to be around to witness any more of it. ICK. You can find other forms of entertainment. Ones that won't leave you feeling disgusting.

 

LET IT GO.

 

I know it is easier said than done but, the first step is to get away from the computer. And you are the only one who can take that first step. Just delete everything. If it helps, force yourself to stay away from the laptop entirely so that your brain can have time to process what he did and see this as the foolishness that it really is. There is so much more to life, so much more you could be doing with your time. But until you unplug from this you will never get started on what you really need to be doing: MOVING ON.

 

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE WHAT HE IS DOING ONLINE. IT DOES NOT MATTER.

 

Your time is precious, and shouldn't be wasted like this. How much more of your time are you going to waste sitting there at the computer checking up on him? He isn't worth this amount of attention.

 

Leave this fool to his computer and you stop this nonsense.

 

Salt

[Belle]

ew. You dodged a bullet. He sounds like a sociopath like one of my exes.

[rajabah]

The longer you keep on reading it, the longer it will take you to heal.

 

I read a good suggestion on this board: wear a rubberband around your wrist and when you get the urge to check just snap it. Pavlovian conditioning ftw.

[wk75]

was in a similar sitch a few years back. She gave me her email address. Things were going downhill, curiosity got the better of me and I started snooping. Found out a few things.... she had slept with a guy she told me nothing happened with.... and more importantly that she was talking with a new guy. Our relationship ended a few weeks later... but bottom line is that in the end knowing the additional info took me longer to get over her.

 

Its basically theft. Theft of her thoughts. My advice is to walk away. And stop checking.

[vandgsmom]

It is like taking relationship drugs... You know it is bad for you, but you just can't help yourself. I went through the same thing in December. I thought my ex husband and I were going to work things out after these years. We talked, he was so sweet, he had changed.

 

He came to visit the kids and me and stayed overnight in our little boys room. He used my computer to check his email ( I didn't know he even knew how to turn on a computer before ) and when he left, I am such a snoop that I requested a lost password and knew his info to get it.

 

I read his emails to and from his friends, his online matches from link removed, his credit card statement that showed purchases at Fredericks and the Gspot and hotel rooms in places that he told me he hadn't been.

 

IT ATE ME UP. I obsessivly read and reread them. I logged on all the time. It got to the point in late Jan that I realized that I was staying up until 2 or 3 waiting to see what he would get in his email and then checking it first thing in the morning instead of hugging my kids and sitting in the floor watching cartoons....

 

Let it go. Let him go. You know now what curiosity pushed you to find and it is time to take that as the sign that it is time to move on with your life....

 

Delete the accounts delete the passwords, sign in and request a new random changed password be sent and the delete that email before you read it so you can't know it. Do whatever you have to to pull yourself back before you lose MORE time to this loser.

[Goldfish6888]

Thanks guys for all the advice.... Funnily enough providence has stepped in...I've been moving apartments and my internet connection has been discontinued and we have a firewall in work (TBTG none for this site!) but, I have not been able to check his emails for over a week now. I do feel the urge to know what he is going, who he is seeing. This weekend I did start to miss him, not the crappy lies he was telling me, but his voice and the way he would call my name. I find I'm getting soft again, sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I feel I want his heart to be broken too. That email he sent me last week has been burning a hole in my inbox. It's been Sooooo hard to not send a reply. But I'm figuring no closure is all he deserves. Anyway, onwards and upwards. I can't understand how people can be so deceitful all of the time, when our gut knows when someone is telling a lie. Isn't it amazing, how the things we suspect somehow turn out to be true?

[shelly7]

Goldfish, I feel for you. That's how I found out my ex was cheating. My instinct told me something was wrong and finally, I checked his email. What a punch in the stomach that was. There before me in black and white, evidence of him lying and cheating, I felt like such a fool. I admit I have checked his email since then, but those days are over. I'm not proud of what I did by any means, but in retrospect, if I didn't do it, I would still be in the same place I was months ago. Sick every day for months wondering what he's up to, and believing his lies, and always feeling like something wasn't right, my ex was trying to keep me around, knowing that information finally gave me the kick in the behind that I needed to go into NC without hesitation. Life is too short to waste time on those who don't deserve us.

[vandgsmom]

Good for you, Goldfish. Closure is nice, huh? I hope things look up for you now; and when you DO get your net connection back... be strong. We're all pulling for you....

[Goldfish6888]

Thanks a million guys......I really appreciate all the time you spend writing your thoughts to me.

 

I hope I can also give something back to you sometime!

 

I know that he has emailed me last week and i just can't delete the email.....everytime I look at his name...it stirs me up. But I feel strong that I haven't given him true closure. He defo does not deserve it!

 

Btw, I have a new post on about someone new ( I think I like and its not long distance!!) who I've known for about six months...and I think I like him....will someone respond to it!!! Thanks again! You all ROCK!

[Ms Optimism]

Jus read ur posting.....wat a dirty dog ur x (i hope he is now) is..... terrible situation...i can imagine wat it was like.... being sooo happy thinking ur man is perfect.....etc etc and then finding out something with concrete evidence....its like a stab to the heart where no explanations will make things better... terrible.... u feel betrayed and as tho everything u had is a lie............ and i think u go threw the motions of questioning urself and y u didnt see the signs... i had a similar experience.... was going out with an amazing blokeeee....who i thort i knew.... BUT came accross a phone bill.....was littered with many many girls phone numbers... hed been seeing me for x3 years, another girl for x5 years and many other randoms... he was a compulsive liar.... and wen i found out i was stunned.... BUT i kno logic can say hate that person...thats wat ur head says BUT its soooo hard detatching from sum1 u truly luved.... the way i dealt with things was to cut my ties... sumtimes u have to set ur standards and for me infidelity i will never 4give and this was the ultimate betrayal as it was clear that no-one meant anything to him. Relationships r built on trust and if u dont have that, there is nothing left.....things r destined for failure.... ur a beautiful trustworthy person and deserve much better...CUT UR TIES! it will hurt yes.. ul go threw the motions....the pain.... etc etc but its a process u must go threw to move on and cut ur ties.... i kno ur prob curious as to wat hes up2, but it will just hold u bak and im sure u want to move on... its two years on from my experience... n i sumtimes think about things BUT i have moved on. I kno i deserve better and his loss... hes such a dishonest person that my x will never find genuine happiness.... and thats paybak enough. concentrate on u, and finding sum1 who treasures u, treats u like a princess.... lifes to short to mull over the past and try to get answers to things sumtimes there r no answers too...... i have real trust issues now, but i rekn i was too trusting b4, if sum1 truly loves u they wud make ther life an open book to u... hence they wudnt hide emails... have secrecy concerning text messeges in ther phone... if people are not open ....then generally u kno sumthings wrong....

 

i wish u all the best, stay strong, stay true to urself and remember that u always deserve the best. dont settle for anything less

[Goldfish6888]

Okay, guys a further update on this. He has emailed me and told me he needs me in his life - whether I am dating someone else or not. At the very least, he needs me as a friend. He said you have no idea of the impact you have made on me.

 

Oh God its so hard to maintain the NC. I've been fighting myself not to email him yesterday.....I had to keep saving them in my draft inbox......

 

Help me guys, please.......I really do miss him. He has been part of my life for 1.5 years.....Its not in my heart to ignore someone - even people I'm fighting with.....Why, oh why, does he have to play with me. I'm getting over him and looking to greener pastures....but I feel so bad on the NC..........

[Ms Optimism]

Stay strong..... if it was me i wudnt reply... he has been incredibly deceitful... is that the type of person you want in ur life. He is greedy and wants the best of everything...he wants to keep u hooked in soooo that he can lead his sordid life and have u too...but this time legitimately...as he knows that u are on a low and susceptible to be reeled back in... do u want a friend , lover or anything like that in ur life???.... trust me time is precious and u have wasted 1.5 years on this one.... if i wer u i wudnt waste anymore... id cut my ties completely and only then will u b able to move forwards properly..... wen u meet sum1 who treasures u in the future...and u will ....then ul realise wat a waste of time ur x was..... i know its difficult as you wer together 4 1.5 years, but think he was a liar and what u had wasnt true.... do u want to live a fantasy life??? i think not...

 

If u have time read the book " hes not into you" by greg b (cant remember surname, but hes a writer on sex and the city! great book...it will help u see things from a different perspective and appreciate that u deserve better... ur young cease the moemnt and move on... dont waste ur time on people who dont make u

 

gudluck and stay strong!