wk75

I can sympathize. I dreamed of an old girlfriend for years. Remembering the time we had - and how it had ended prematurely. She had gone on to become a lawyer, that's all I knew. I thought I had passed over 'the one' and compared all girls unfairly to this ex. Then, 8 years after we broke up, we ran into each other. It was amazing. She had been thinking of me too. She was single!! We made plans to get together, and spending time with her that night I realized she was 5% of what I had made her out to be in my mind. We never went out again after that night and I was free from the chains of my idealistic memory of her.

Ahhh..... everyone hates the chase, but if you do end up getting together, down the road you'll reminisce about how difficult it was to 'get' each other, and then take comfort in each others' arms.

was in a similar sitch a few years back. She gave me her email address. Things were going downhill, curiosity got the better of me and I started snooping. Found out a few things.... she had slept with a guy she told me nothing happened with.... and more importantly that she was talking with a new guy. Our relationship ended a few weeks later... but bottom line is that in the end knowing the additional info took me longer to get over her. Its basically theft. Theft of her thoughts. My advice is to walk away. And stop checking.

I can relate. Since the ex moved on fast a few months ago, I tried to also find someone fast to replace her. I've dated at least 6 girls since then who had some potential. None of them compare to the ex. Some of them made me miss my ex more. After a bad date it can be especially tempting to call the ex. But I've held strong - despite the frustrations I've maintined NC. Actually lately I've even decided that if the ex contacts me I probably won't respond. But things are getting better. Even though I'm still single - I'm getting energy back and starting to direct it to improve my life. I really feel like I'm about to take off - in many ways. I'm reading, working on home reno's, getting in better shape etc. etc.

Yeah, I'll admit it. In my mind I've run through various schemes and acts of revenge against my ex. Mostly minor stuff, done from afar, but I could never bring myself to do it. I also believe in what comes around goes around - and I don't want both the suffering AND something coming to me for taking out revenge on her. So I've sad by idlely, absorbing the suffering - trying as best as I can to use it as motivation to improve myself. I'd be willing to bet she has some serious pain due to her for what she did to me and her time will come. But as much as I've suffered, I'm not wishing this pain on her. In the long run I hope we both end up happy. Fact is though, suffering can be a disguise for something great... motivation to improve yourself and preparing yourself for who you really need to become. I've had a few bad breakups... the real tragedy is when these aren't used as opportunities for growth. At the end of it all... after e.g. a year... the dumpee might actually owe the ex... for doing them a favor and ending it, prompting the self-improvement.

Yeah, it is hard not to say bad things about them. I did too!! But even though I lost a lot of respect for her, and may never talk to her again, I'll take the high road and try to keep quiet when her name comes up - especially around people that know her. However, its nice to have a confidant or two that you can just unleash your true feeling to once in a while - and your family might serve this purpose.

I commend you on the way you handled it. good job. I would imagine because you handled it so well, it should help with closure. I also congratulation you (big time) for not contacting her during the 5 months. You are an inspiration to everyone. 3 months and counting myself....

I went through something like this a few months ago. At first I couldn't eat, sleep, work or do anything but think of her. It was brutal. What made it worse was that she hooked up with anther guy and was doing GREAT. You can't imagine the pain of knowing they were sleeping together. For what its worth, here's my advice: - you will survive; and if you play your cards right, you will be stronger - Getting over it is a natural process – that begins once you let go. You've got to let go. Resolve that you won't get back with her, and accept that it wasn't meant to be. Take control. This is really hard to do. - For the first few weeks, I did whatever I could to meet other girls and date. I met a few, but none were good enough to replace the ex. The bad ones made me miss my ex even more. However, I did make some friends during that time that I still have today. My advice is to get out there and meet some girls, but have no expectations. Keep things light. - Suffering can be good. Embrace it. Kids suffer through homework and it has a positive quality. You can use this as an opportunity to get stronger - write out a list of non-negotiable qualities that you're looking for in a potential partner. Let's put it this way - 2 years from now, you don't want to be going through this again w/ someone else! Perhaps there was something about her that was high risk for this breakup to happen - go to the library and get some books. You need a mental distraction from thoughts of her. Read self-improvement books, war history or whatever. Just get a distraction - start writing a journal - write out a list of general reasons why she isn't the one for you based on personality, character, behaviour etc. Add to this list whenever you think of something. Currently mine totals more than 100 points. Can you imagine? Reading through the list helps. Reason number one could be that she dumped you. - forget the horoscope stuff. If anything pray or read the bible (e.g. psalms or job for example). - realize that even though her life might be better than yours now, later and perhaps always, it doesn't matter. Focus on you. Focus on your life. Though its nice to think that what comes around goes around. And if she treated you badly, it will catch up to her. The important thing is for you not to treat her, or anyone else badly. - Take the time to work through these issues and regain some confidence - Make a point of doing a few nice things for yourself in the meantime - be friendly to everyone. Cashiers, waitresses etc. - do 2 or 3 things per day that you're looking forward to. - Don't talk badly about your ex