Alperionce

Unfortunately I won't move on. That is because I care for her, and I wish her to be happy. I will never show her that I stilll care because at this moment she doesn't want my affections, or deserve them. Even if she doesn't care about me, It won't change how I feel about her, but just the way I act toward her. I have done five months of NC, and there is a hole that sucks the life out of me. Some days the hole is less apparent. In my heart I just want peace and reconcilation. I can't get that when she just leaves me. I can't understand what went wrong. Why she couldn't be strong enough to tell me the truth. And why she changed so much. I may never know, and may never rest. I rather deal with the problem, then just cover it up with someone else. I like to tackle the problems head on. To fully learn this lesson in life. I struggle to let go emotionally, and the reason is because I care.

Any thoughts? *sigh* As I write this, I'm on a rollercoaster of emotions. I kept them in check. I was dancing at the bar, didn't know she was there. She was playing pool, I only noticed because I had to go pass the pool area and get some paper tissues because I was so sweaty from dancing all night long. I saw a friend of hers, that I sometimes say hi to. I said hi to him, and notice that she was standing there, but might have turned against my view. She turned toward me, and I did a discreet wave. I didn't want to ignore her, but I didn't want to act like everything was okay between us. I didn't want to appear weak, but not overly full of myself either. I kept walking with a smile after I barely acknowledge her. She didn't say anything, but her facial expression had her lips pressed together, and kinda pulled to the side. I think it means something more thoughtful, sorrowful, or pity. The important thing is I kept my composure. There was a guy next to her with an open cell phone. I'm not sure if shes giving her number. I didn't assume, but I kept notice. Once I got back on the floor, I danced even harder, longer, and tried to have so much fun. I want her to know what a good guy she left behind. I acted like nothing phased me. While I was dancing I caught a glimpse of her, walking on the outskirts of the dance floor. She was looking at me, cause my head snapped to where she was located before I even knew she was there. She had her hands positioned where her left are was straight, and her right was holding where her elbow would be located. This position means from previous observations that she is thoughtful, and feeling me out, trying to gauge me. She was walking in to the other room. If there wasn't anyone in there than she was trying to approach me. I didn't assume then, that she wanted to talk to me, for emotional reasons, I assumed that there were people in the other room. I checked later, and saw no one. I saw her, and she saw me, we looked at eachother for a brief period. And I turned, because I don't want to appear to be easily lured. I kept dancing till we stopped. I said hi to my friends, not affiliated with my ex, but other friends and left. I passed by where she was. I didn't try to look at her. Thats it. Background of my ex in short terms. She gave me the "its not you, its me", and she could handle a relationship. She said that she cares for me, but needed time, when I went back to school she called me once, after that I was hurting too much, and I gave her a month of space and contacted her. She still was wishy washy, she put the away sign up on me, and I was like. I don't need that treatment. Said other things, but she blocked me for no apparent reason. And five months of time has gone by since I last contacted her. Obviously, I was a good guy, my mom said I was needy. I'll be blunt. I don't know if I agree, but I don't like playing "the game" by playing hard to get, and not being always there. I was really good to her, if someone was good to me, I don't think in terms of wow, I'm all set, I feel too stable, I must leave. I want her back, however, I will never ask her out. Thats not my job. I assume that shes been seeing someone, and that she hates me so I don't get myself down. To protect myself.

I'm not exactly sure where you want me to elaborate. After we broke up, I was on break from school during my winterim. She dumped me and I had to go back to work where I had be in the same building as her. I was there for about two months. I had to deal with her and I apart and her hanging out with other people. It was torture. I left work and went back to school. All of this was between december 23 to feb 1st of 2006. She called me around beginning of school and I was rather cold. She never made an attempt to call me again. I wasn't rude, but I was distant.She said she cared about me, but I wanted more. She didn't bother to contact me anymore, and for a month I didn't contact her. And the first form of contact was on my part because I was ready to handle talking to her again. I wrote her a long email that said I hope that you are okay, and I don't care if you are seeing anyone. I wanted to let her know that that I was okay to make her feel better. I told her that if she didn't want to email me back, or had nothing for me then don't reply. I was looking for a yes or no, and no meant that she didn't reply. She aimed me that she was thinking about me. She told me that she did get my msg, and after a week later I became impatient. She really ruffled my feathers when she put an away msg up on me. I guess I pressured her, but what does it take to get someone to answer something after giving me mixed messages back when I worked with her. I wanted closure.Thats all I asked for... I still care for her, and I want to get back with her because she told me that when she was ready for a relationship then i would be the first to know. She told me so much, but I come to realize that people change. I don't know if theres truth to such words. It doesn't look good at all, when someone blocks me on aim. That action alone says a lot of things. When she blocked me I wanted to lash out in revenge, but I didn't, I actually wished her a happy belated birthday, and said good bye. That was march 9th, and its may17th..... I care about her, I want to be with her again, but I dont want to be too somber, or appear to easy. I want her to find the person she fell in love with. I'm waiting to go back to work to see what happens. If she wants go to dinner, or lunch, should I decline knowing that I want to be with her? I'm very confused. Thank you everyone that has given me advice, I will take that in to consideration.

Hey Everyone, I'm in need of some advice, My ex girlfriend broke up with me a while ago on december 23rd of 05. She said that she needed "me time". Obviously I was deeply hurt as a result of her actions. She of course has the right to leave a relationship, and I guess didn't do anything wrong. The last time she contacted me was Jan 20th....and I don't understand why she wouldn't contact me. I even tried to let her go, by saying its okay that you left me and asked if she had feelings for me still. I needed closure. I pressured her too much, and she totally blocked me. That hurt alot, I didn't deserve that action. Four months have passed, and I will be going back from college to work where my ex works. I still care for her, and my feelings won't go away. I feel when I go back to work, she will approach me.I think shes going to want to catch up with me. 1)Should I play it neutral, and distantly protective?Ex. You should email me instead of actual lunch. or 2)Should I be like nothing affected me? SUre...lets be like old times?

Dear ReadyorNot, You are an important thinking being. You are individually rare. Something special to behold. You have all the strength that you will ever need located right inside of yourself. Your ability to choose is something so special: few use it. What do you fear? Why do you fear? Stop the fear. Fear keeps us dependent, depressed, oppressed, and supressed. Fear are the demons trying to jump in to our bodies, they hijack our feelings, our thoughts, our actions. Force them out. What can cause you to stop the fear is a very important question you can answer that. Family? Friends? Activities? Look in that mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful, divine, and deserving of a better life, and a better companion. friscodj was obvious with his comments, I will try with a different approach. Your ex is telling you quietly that he doesn't deserve you. In a sense, his actions are telling you everything that you need to know. Don't pay attention to a thing that he says. Only his actions. Life has away of telling people things, and I believe that your ex is telling you that he isn't worthy, and that you need to move on. I know that it is hard to hear when your emotions are screaming in your ears. It makes you want to see an illusion. Personally speaking, when I feared it was because my ex-girlfriend broke it off . I feared that I would never be with anyone again. You may have this fear. "He/She was the one" has been said many times on this forum. They hold such high hopes, because they can see no significant other beyond the one that they desire back. The demons, or emotional bias disrupts our reasoning. In order to see the truth, you must rid the demons that cloud your judgments. Detox yourself, use whatever means in order to achieve clarity. I know you can do it. You are strong, and individally rare. Your strength knows no bounds, your ability to take control of your mind will be key in order to know what corrective measures should be done in your life. I still struggle....join me in the battle. So that we can win the war. ~Alperionce El Omegeron Qulight.

Yes, that is pretty good advice. I had one month of NC from her completely. One day I felt really good, and accepted that I could go on with out her, and I was okay if she was with another guy. I felt inner peace in my mind, and body. Getting to the point. I broke NC because I no longer thought I needed to heal. To use NC as a way to manipulate her to coming back wasn't something I was comfortable with, so I no longer needed NC if I'm healed. I gave her a long email, and she told me she would reply. She said that she was thinking about me, and that she loved to talk to me. I made a few crucial mistakes. I rushed her, and I gave her another email when I was emotional, not overly, but enough to make her irritated and annoyed. She eventually put an away msg on me, which i didn't do too much, I just asked her how she was. The final straw was when she blocked me on aim. I didn't deserve that, or anything close to that. She was the one that gave me mixed msgs,however; blocking me from aim is as clear as you can get. And then I say to myself that if it was meant to be, then this wouldn't have happened, whether I waited a month, or a year. I was sad, but, I wasn't devastate, just disapointed because I thought my ex was something different than what I'm seeing here at enotalone. That she wouldn't treat me that way. At least i gave her a chance. It was her birthday, and I wished her a very good one and haven't contacted her yet. I guess I dont' regret contacting her. Just be stable when contacting the ex. I almost achieved that, but not to the fullest extent that I would've liked to. I know in my heart that I have done nothing critically wrong in the relationship. I did all I could. I'm starting to date now. So I'm moving on Finally. I have learned a lot!

The unwritten video was pretty cool. Thanks Anyway, there is an update. Well, I was asking her how she was. She didn't reply, so I asked her something else about us totally moving on or not. She was going to reply to my long email that I sent her. I told her that I was ready to move on, and told her basically, but not in this literal form: getting on the train, or missing it? She hasn't responded to the email, that she said she would. I don't really care. She put an away msg on me. So I told her that I still cared for her, and respected her, but I also said that quoted her on that she wanted me not to move on, she just needed time. And told her that I didn't need to be treated like this, and that I'm done trying to reach out to her. I also told her to have a goodnight. Really....I don't care to the point where I would have used to. My guts aren't twisting,and I'm not losing sleep. I'm going NC again, not for me, but for her. I know that I'm over and moving on. I'm going to date. The reason why I stayed around so long, even when people told me to forget her was because if there is some doubt about moving on, then I want to fully make sure that I did what I could to make it work. Obviously, if you care for your ex and they haven't significiantly wronged you in the relationship, I wanted to be understanding. I gave myself space, and her space. But its clear to me that she doesn't want anything to do with me, because if you care about someone you don't treat them like that. A simple I'm not in the mood, or I can't talk right now would be cool. Even though I broke NC, I don't immediately regrett it, and I have my final closure. Where are the women now? hehehe.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share somethings with you. I was in a relationship for six months with someone that I really cared about. Didn't we all? She broke it up and gave the "Its me, not you" reason, or excuse depending on how I choose to view it. I was so bitter, so jealous, and so angry. The pain hit me in the stomach, unexpectant agony that lasted for 2 weeks. I couldn't really sleep, or eat that much. I even had to work with her, and watch her hang with other people. What did I do to deserve such treatment? Did I do something wrong? No, I didn't, but it felt that I wronged the world to receive such treatment. One month of enduring this, I even got a little obsessive, not to the point of pushing my ex away further. That is why I actually cut myself off, because I knew that it wasn't healthy. I did what I could for a month and a couple of weeks. Things had changed when I went to school, I wasn't constantly reminded how much I got ignored by her, which was very good for my health. I did a one month NC on top of a month of little to no contact with my ex during the times I worked with her. So basically I had almost 2 months of NC. The two month marker, on that day specifically: I was changed. I felt light in the chest, I didn't dramatically care, and I wanted my ex to be happy. I didn't care if she was with someone else. Its not to say that I wouldn't be hurt if she was with someone else, I probably would be a bit. Things were much easier for me to endure. That day I decided to contact my ex. I wanted to tell her that I hope she was well. I didn't grudge her anymore for hurting me by leaving me, I didn't hold on to that anymore. I didn't make her come to me, I broke NC on my own accordance.I smashed my pride because since I was ok, the only reason why I would be doing NC was for her to come to me. I won't have pride run my life. I gave her a long email explaining to her that I felt better and I didn't want her to have negative feelings of leaving me. She didn't deserve to live with those kind've feelings, if any, who knows maybe shes having the fun of her life. I don't know. I want her to have her truth, and not be pressured by obligations from me. I told her that I'm going to be going my own way. That I'd waited long enough for her, because shes the one that wanted time to get herself together. If she didn't reply by a set time, the I was going to assume that she was okay, and wanted to move on. She has replied and told me that she would love to talk to me, and that she was thinking of me. I didn't take what she said as a omen of goodwill. I wasn't excited, I want answers from her. She will be emailing me a long email in to reply of my letter if she wanted me or not. I told her that its okay if we went our separates ways totally, because there are other people out there. I know that I love her because I don't have emotional attachments from her, but I still care for her more than a friend. Its a calm feeling of love. I'm okay either way. Some of my friends tell me to forget about her, I wonder if there truly right? I went on my gut feelings when I contacted her because I didn't want her to be hurting. I wanted be able to fully move on knowing that I did everything in my power to not leave anything behind worth checking. As long as I know I did what I could, then moving on is that much easier. What my girlfriend doesn't know is that if she chooses not to be with me as before we broke up. That I will cease our relationship totally. At first this may appear to be an ultimatum;downright selfish, but in a sense its a must. She doesn't know about it, because I realized that I still, and will always love her even when I move on. So being her friend, and not having her love will not go well. I can't have one with out the other because it will cause pain for myself. I don't deserve to be in pain. Thats my say, I hope you enjoy.

Hey guys, Another update. I wanted to tell you that I thank everyone one of you that has been there for me by replying. I did something and defied everyone's advice, including everyone in my family, my friends, and this forum. I have broken NC. I went for the gut feeling. I did it on my own terms. Today was the first day that I'm no longer heart sick. I think I'm over this,hopefully; And my pride was vanquished, and I made the first step even though she pushed me away. I feel different, I feel serene, I feel like I'm in control. I guess that I still care for her, but I don't have emotional attachments like I used to have. Emotional attachments are the rollercoasters in the breakup. I would hesistantly say that I no longer feel any of this, but I feel a calmness in me. I still love her. Dare I say? I aimed her. I told her that I hope that she was okay. I hope things are eased up a bit. She idled and didn't reply. I wasn't affected at all. I told her that she didn't reply, and that I wasn't mad. I told her that I had an email for her. Yes. In the email I have given her, which was lenghthy, I have told her that I wanted to know how she was, I hope she was doing okay. I told her that if she was feeling guilty, sad, or felt in someone way obligated to me. That she didn't have to have those feelings. I told her that it was okay. I told her that it was okay if you were seeing other people and to move on totally if she wasn't interested. I told her that I email because I wanted to give her the benefit of a doubt. I wanted to know that truth of what shes says. I gave her no pressure. I even told her that if you didn't reply then that will be okay and I will take this as shes moved on. I told her that if shes seeing someone that it will be okay also, and i said that if I could know also, then that we help me move on. I need to know who it is, or else I will keep thinking about it. ANd then that will sharpen my blades to finally end the last string. Its really weird. I hope that I don't relapse. I don't thinks its impossible, but you never know. Thats why I'm taking it really slow. I'm really thoughtful at this point. I told her much more than I'm telling you guys, my fears, and the reaons why I haven't contacted her for a month. I needed to heal. I admitted to her that I used it to lure her back. THat is my proof that I can accept what happens, and that I'm hopefully over this heart brake. I care if I got her back, but at the same times....I'm ready to move on with no regrets. 6months of relationships...one month of partial NC and 1 month with out contact at all. I genuinely know that she holds things in . I'm stable enough to be considerate of her, even when she wasn't with me. I know that shes stubborn and holds things in when is not mentally healthy. I know. That is why I did this. I'm glad. I know it is possible for me to regret this. I will be fine. Its all about experience. The one thing I didn't tell her was that if she didn't want to be my friend and lover == companion then I would entirely move on because I will always lover her. It would conflict with my desires and will hurt me. I don't want a girlfriend that I can't be friends with, or a friend that once had the lover aspect to. It wouldn't feel complete. I didn't tell her because I didn't want to put her in a corner. I will update soon enough. What happens, happens. Fare well, Alperionce El Omegeron Qulight I gave her a date to reply if she was still interested in me. I told her that I can't, wont' ask her out becausae it was her trials that broke up our relationship.

Yeah.....I guess I'm kinda weird since no one replies to my questions. I desperately want to stop the no contact with my ex since two months ago. She has called me a while ago......2 weeks ago. Should I inniate contact? Is she waiting for me to, or should I stay no contact? I want to know if she still wants a relationship, since she said she needed time. What should I do?

well.... update I was dumped on the 23rd of december 2005. It has been around 56 days since our break up. Its very hard for me to go on, and not get any phone calls from me. I Only got one which would be a little over 2 weeks ago from this posting date. I think its really cruel that she doesn't really care. I have been going out with her for six months. I obviously I still care about her, and even more obviously people in my life tell me to forget about her. Bottom line she dumped me because she couldn't handle the relationship, which hurt me, but I still care for her. She wasn't nasty, but totally inconsiderate. There are times that I want to break my two week No contact. How do I know that I'm making the right decision on going no contact. She called the fourth or fifth day of going to school. Should I have taken that as a gesture of good will, and I'm supposed to return it in favor? I told her that I needed a one way contact because I needed to heal, I didn't mind if she called or email, but i needed to find away to see if she really cared for me. According to my own setup and stippulations, she doesn't care about me because she doesn't call me that much, email, nor aim me. When she called me that time, I put my guard up, and I sounded distant. She said that I hope that I feel better. And I replied with good bye. I wasn't that nice, but I also know that I was being civil. And I didn't bring up anything about the relationship. I felt bad, and I still do. 6 months of relationship meant a lot to me, and she doesn't take the time for me. Is this the obvious sign that she doesn't care about me? Thanks guys for posting. I appreciate your feedback.

Relationship Coach, Thanks for the reply, even if you are the only one. I made it clear that I would help her, but I wouldn't contact her because I needed time to adjust to myself and heal. So she knows that I'm there, but I think she can definitely tell that I'm still hurt and she doesn't want to be reminded of it. So thats why I get the distance. She needed time. I feel bad, sometimes, but I guess she didn't really care when she dumped me. Or at least her actions showed it. I did what I could. It just sometimes I wonder if I could help her, but she doesn't want my help...she just needs a friend. So I guess I'm better of NC unless she contacts me. Shes her own worst enemy. Some nights I think positive thoughts toward her. Some nights I don't have that luxery to her. Anyway thanks for the reply I appreciated.

Just wanted to know some thoughts on when not to go for NC. Lets say that the person that broke up didn't do because they were cheated on, or anything really bad. What if the person couldn't handle the relationship. I'm holding on to NC, because in my situation she needed time to better herself. She felt overwhelmed by not being good enough, college, and full time work and family. She needed time to stop feeling so different, so agitated at everything. I know that I need space, so I'm doing NC. If this is true, then is using NC is a little bit selfish? Is it saying that If you don't want me, then you can't talk to me or be friends which is kinda childish? Agree? However, for reasons that I want my ex back. I don't want to do anything stupid by being there for her, or trying to be, and then she would feel way too rushed, and then only think me as a friend. I could understand NC for Abusive partner, cheating, nastyness, and others. I would appreciate your thoughts. I know that this is sorta of a goodcase scenario dumping, but just would like some thoughts.

Hey guys and gals Quick question. Has there ever been a breakup, and then successfully gotten back together using NC, and with out rebounding to someone else? My gf broke up with me two days after my birthday, she said that she forced herself to fall out of love for me because she couldn't give as much as I gave to her, making her feel guilty. She said she needed space, and "me time". She felt as if she couldn't handle the relationship with work, school, and her family life. Since I worked with her, it was difficult to give her NC, so I gave her Partial No Contact which meant that it went one way, meaning she had to come to me. It allowed me to heal, and at the same time be a limited friend. She felt that she wasnt good enough for me. She said that she doesnt feel good, and that if she pushed her self she would brake. I will say that she has so much. Its just I was hurt because i would have reduced the expectancy of the relationship if she just had asked.When she called us off, I asked her if she was sure. I told her, you do know that if I find someone else, that you might regret, or vice versa. I told her that I didn't want her to regret, cause it would make me feel bad that she made a mistake. She said that she would probably regret it, but it was something she had to do. It has probably been 5 days of NC because I went on to college leaving her behind. She gave me emails saying that she missed me, and asked me to dinner. I declinded because I didn't feel like it would help our relationship getting back together because I was still hurt, and would probably start an argument of sorts. So I told her that I made plans already. The question is, how do I really know that she really is genuine about me, and just simply couldn't do it at this time? Or the other possiblity that she is just using me subconsciously as a comfort toy? I actually went to the bars, she found out that I was dancing with another girl. She found and asked who the girl was. She said that she felt like a fool, and was hurt if I moved on too fast. She tells me sometimes she just doesn't know whats going on with her. I feel for her, so we left the relationship on a sad note, not angry, but just sad. We argued, but never name called. We were always civil with eachother. I'm still sticking with no contact, she did push me away. So I feel if she would evenr be ready, then she would let me know. And if not, then I will be healed. Ya know?

Well.... I guess that I must explain myself more clearly. She did hurt me a lot, you see, she ended the relationship, she said that she need "me time". She felt overwhelmed with work, school, and other things. At that I felt really bad, angry, and bitter. I was insulted because she put up a emotional blockage on me. She needed space from me. She treated me like everyone else. I was hurt because I cared for her a lot. I know she is hurting. I don't know why shes doing this, but she came to me saying she needed more time to be "ME". She let me go, but she would hurt if I moved on. But she won't let me back in. I forgave her because she caused the hurt in me, and I didn't want to hold on to such negative feelings. And yes, being a virgin, or not doesn't need forgiveness, because there is nothing wrong with it. I dunno, if I'm mistaken, I think I wrote that if you love someone you just accept. Love is acceptance. She felt tarnished because she holds a lot of stuff in, she doesn't like to talk about things. The words tarnished came out of her mouth, which was a result of telling her how I felt. I was just being honest. I didn't degrade her. So it ate her bit by bit...I think. So I wasn't a absolute jerk, just relative....I guess. I best thing that I could do, was reassure her that it wasn't her, but myself that had the problem. I said that from the get go....I don't even know why I'm like that. I'm not religious. I don't care about dominating. I dunno... I don't know if I owe her an apology on how I feel. I can't help how I felt in the past. I thought I was very good about it. She was hurt at first, but i DO owe her closure for herself that even her ex-boyfriend thinks nothing is wrong with her. And that I loved her, and accepted ALL of her in the end. So that she could maybe get closure. I owe her that. Forgiving for me, is not pointing the finger and say Its your fault. Its just letting go. I explained this to her, my words aren't exactly perfect. I do the best I can in this circumstance. I let go, of her, and the anger. By giving her space.