Guys - how long are you prepared to wait?

[Hunny1607307342]

Hey guys, I have a huge dilema - It REALLY bothers me.

I'm turning 17 soon and my boyfriend is 18, we just started going out a couple of weeks ago (but we were really close friends for about 6 months beforehand). I'm really not ready to have sex. I already told him briefly just when he was asking me out but...

 

When we are away from each other he says things like that he's 'sexually frustrated'. This worries me... I can't keep him with me if he's going to get so...'frustrated'!! For how many months can he handle being frustrated!!! I can't keep him in this agitated manner - because we both see this as a serious relationship which is going to last a long time. I can't say anything TO HIM at the time because its really awkard to just mention in a very light-hearted conversation: 'Wait I don't want to have sex'. I'm sure you can understand why that sounds odd...

 

A lot of people say 'I'll feel different later on' and will be ready. They were right in a sense, because I feel a lot ready than before, and last time me and my boyfriend were kissing he even started dry humping me. BUT I'm still 100% sure that I am far far far away from totally ready to have full-on sex until another year. It's not that I don't trust him enough or adore him enough, it is mainly just something just purely to do with ME. Will a guy be willing to wait that long??? GUYS could you handle this? It don't even know how to tell him this...it's extremely embarrasing to say 'hey do you mind waiting a year before we have sex?' I don't want him to think I'm some kind of nun! I really need a guy's opinion.

 

Are mens sexual needs also met by 'other stuff' like kissing grinding and touching? If not, then this is the huge problem I'm referring to! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

 

Thaaaaank you!

[safeplay]

I waited a year and I was 19 at a time so was she, we lasted 6 years all together. What a waist!

[yeawutever]

mention in a very light-hearted conversation: 'Wait I don't want to have sex'. I'm sure you can understand why that sounds odd..

 

Nope, that's not odd, if you don't want too and not prepare, then don't do it. I would say wait till engagement, by then you'll be older. If he respects you enough, he'll wait. Don't ever let yourself get pressur ein doing something against your will. If he doesn't get the message and insist on it, drop him like yesterday's newpaper. Nowadays many young people like you get pressure and do it as to not feel bad about being virgin, when in fact it's something to be proud of, it shows you're waiting for the right moment and right person. 19 here and still virgin.

[safeplay]

Also, men express love through sex. So if you ready do it, if dont dont do it

[yeawutever]

Also, men express love through sex.

 

Is that all in a relation, just sex??

[Mrocza]

I think you should talk to him about it.

 

There is no set rule or time line for most people to gauge when they're ready. If you're not ready, you're not. He can either wait for it, or be with you regardless.

 

Have you openly told him that you're not going to be ready? Maybe you should tell him that him mentioning his sexual frustration bothers you a bit and puts you on the spot?

[Arrowsmith]

You'd be surprised by how long a guy will wait - even when he's intensely frustrated. The only risk is that eventually he'll try to get it from someone else. Kissing and grinding don't mitigate sexual frustration, they increase it! For a guy, making out with a girl becomes frustrating if they don't ejaculate. Are you comfortable with giving him a handjob? That will go a long way towards de-frustrating him.

[Spawn]

Don't tell him it would take a year or so, the way he seems to be expressing his frustration over sex seems he might not take it the way you think he should.

 

hmm...just tell him you are not ready as of yet, if he really loves you he would respect that.

[Cadence308]

I'm not a guy, but from a woman's perspective, I WOULD NOT have sex if I were not ready to do so. If the guy is frustrated then there's always masturbation. Men are probably always really sexually frustrated through the teen years and some of the 20s...it's a hormonal thing. If he can't wait then he's just not worth it. Sex in a relationship is about both people being ready, sharing a commitment and a bond, not just about one person being ready and getting their rocks off at the expense of the other.

 

I don't think that I would sweat it out too much if he hasn't brought it up, yet. I also wouldn't dwell on the thought of making him sexually frustrated. When I dated men, after a make-out session with me they probably always felt sexually frustrated since I'm a virgin and wasn't about to give it up. One guy I saw on and off through high school and 5 years in college and still never gave it up to him. I'm sure he felt pretty sexually frustrated. But, the fact that we were seeing each other very sporadically and only when I came home during holidays and an occasional weekend, I felt like it was not a committed relationship and I didn't want something that was just sex and no strings attached. He never gave me the commitment and emotional security that I was looking for, so he never got sex from me!

 

Take your time and move at a pace that's comfortable for you. If he's into you then he WILL wait. If he brings it up or asks then you just have to be honest.

[Hunny1607307342]

Heey thanks for the advice. Yeah I see what you're saying, and i know that he would never pressure me into it - he's told my friend that he respects me and wouldn't do anything like that, but I'm just worried about the fact that he'll be sexually frustrated. I don't want it to be a burden on our relationship - like safeplay mentioned, the whole needing to express love through sex.

 

I'll probably have to talk to him about it. Its just when he mentions sexual frustration its normally in a very light hearted manner like almost jokey. One thing which i still don't know, could sexual frustration be taken care of by 'other things' and not sex?? (-just read other advice which answers that, thank you !)

[eyeswideopen]

He shouldn't pressure you into anything you don't want to do, on the other hand being sexually frustrated is exactly that, frustrating... but he doesn't have to have "full on sex" to be satisfied. There's oral, handjobs, jerking off, anything really that will make him "release". Figure out what you're comfortable with, if anything, and go from there.

[flower99]

Also, men express love through sex. So if you ready do it, if dont dont do it

 

At times I agree (depending on the man) but not in most cases. Men just like sex.

Don't do anything that you aren't ready for. Sex changes the relationship and adds complications. if you aren't ready don't do it. I agree with Aleic1987. don't do anything against your will & if he doesn't understand & respect you & continues to pressure you...Dump him. If he's don't willing to wait he's not worth it. I waited till I was 19... 2 weeks later was pregnant - Make sure you're really ready when you do.

But tell him how you feel, it's not weird to do that at all. He should understand (:

Being a virgin is something to be proud of.

[eriko]

If your guy isn't a virgin, waiting may be a BIG problem.

 

I waited six months with the first girl that I had sex with. We had been going out for 6 months, and on the anniversary we did it.

NOW....I would never wait anywhere near that amount of time again now that I've already had sex (I have a very willing gf now, so no problem there =)).

 

But what I'm saying is, us guys want to have sex. And even though we may love you, we need to fulfill our desires. Your guy will have to wait until he's 19 years old until he has sex. Have you thought of that?

 

Maybe your just scared, maybe you enjoy the power of controlling whether or not you and your bf have sex, idk. But my advice to you is that what your doing may seem logical, and right. But your guy is going to be suffering worse each and every day you don't have sex.

[Arrowsmith]

 

Maybe your just scared, maybe you enjoy the power of controlling whether or not you and your bf have sex, idk. But my advice to you is that what your doing may seem logical, and right. But your guy is going to be suffering worse each and every day you don't have sex.

 

As a guy I hate to say this, but sometimes a little suffering is exactly what's necessary. I mean, if a girl gives it up too fast the guy will often take her for granted, use her up, and spit her out. If a girl wants to be taken seriously it's in her best interest to hold out for a little while (especially in thelate teens/early 20s). At the very least it's a good filter to weed out the guys who aren't serious. The girls I've been most serious about were the ones I had to "work for" (i.e. the ones that frustrated me a little bit).

[eriko]

So, hypothetically, she could remain in this situation forever.

 

People have to stop thinking about sex as a be all or end all type of thing. It's a wonderful experience that everyone should be able to enjoy. Waiting for the right person is very noble, and mature of her. However, my question for her is; If things don't go the way you plan, how long are YOU willing to wait?

[Hunny1607307342]

I'm so confused LOL but all this advice is really helping open up my mind, so thanks for opinions!

 

I don't think this is really that I'm not with the right person - its more of a personal issue, I'm personally not confident enough. In terms of who its with, I think I could never be more sure that this guy doesn't want me for just sex.

 

My exact dilema is what eriko points out:

 

But your guy is going to be suffering worse each and every day you don't have sex.

 

That's my problem.

[helpme2]

I agree 100%

 

you should NEVER be pressured to do something you don't want to, and if you are you should count it as a red flag in the relationship.

 

tell him straight out (he deserves honest clear information) that you like him but you just aren't ready yet.

[TiredMan]

Longest I ever waited was a couple of months. After that, I would have moved on.

[helpme2]

 

My exact dilema is what eriko points out:

 

But your guy is going to be suffering worse each and every day you don't have sex.

 

That's my problem.

 

people don't "NEED" sex, he just wants it, it's not like he is starving to death or something, it's not something he is going to die from not getting.

 

Don't let guys fool you, even though they really really want it, they don't need it, and they aren't going to be in any pain or anything if they don't get it, tell him to go jack off and grow up.

[InHiding]

I was fortunate enough to find a guy that would wait with me. We were younger, and like in previous posts, he was a virgin too. (We waited until our 1 year) It was a very cool experience to have and I did not regret it whatsoever considering it was completely on my terms. He wanted me to want it just as bad as he did. We did do other things to relieve the frustration, and perhaps that's why he was so willing to wait. So it does happen.

 

However, one of my guy friends is in that situation. His GF has strong religious beliefs and wants to wait until marraige, and she does things to help him out. However, he cheats on her every chance he gets. (they have been together 3 years so far...)

 

I guess my point is it can go either way. It will show his true colors, but don't comprimise yourself no matter what.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My boyfriend waited 5 months. He's 21 and not a virgin.

 

It's cos He Loves Me, Baybeh.

[Daddy Bear]

don't compromise your beliefs. if you're not ready, you're not ready. not to be mean to him, but i'm sure this guy knows how to masturbate. if he can't wait until you're ready to deal with sex, don't feel too bad if he disappears.

[constantine]

Depending on whether he's a virgin or not and how serious he is, "sexually frustrated" doesn't exactly mean he wants to have sex right away. Maybe he's just misses you and he's horny. You guys can do other things besides have sex.

 

If you're not comfortable, hold out. Like a kajillion other people have already said, don't let him pressure you into anything.

 

If you feel awkward saying "Oh, ya know, I don't wanna have sex", don't worry about it right now. That might not even be his intentions depending on how experienced he is and such. When the point comes and he really does want to have sex with you, then it will be completely appropriate for you to say, "I'm not ready."

 

So yeah, communicate with him, have fun, take it slow, good luck, & be safe.

[InaneCathode]

Just a thought, but why dont you wait a year or so without dating so you dont have to put someone who has repetedly told you he's "sexually frustrated"

I'm sure you're a great person and all, but if you're not ready for a full relationship you shouldnt be dating.

 

It seems a bit pretentious to say that every guy should wait for you for an extended period of time. If a woman isnt comfortable with a facet of a relationship they should either A) Not date to that end or B) Tell a guy upfront before he asks her out, her him out etc.

[TiredMan]

Just a thought, but why dont you wait a year or so without dating so you dont have to put someone who has repetedly told you he's "sexually frustrated"

I'm sure you're a great person and all, but if you're not ready for a full relationship you shouldnt be dating.

 

It seems a bit pretentious to say that every guy should wait for you for an extended period of time. If a woman isnt comfortable with a facet of a relationship they should either A) Not date to that end or B) Tell a guy upfront before he asks her out, her him out etc.

 

EXCELLENT POINTS!!!